clarification
I felt I should clarify my last entry. I shouldn't write entries while I feel like that, it turns my journal into that of a 14-year-old over-dramatic girl. But... I was going crazy yesterday. Let me explain why, starting with events of Sunday afternoon.
*going back in time music*
Sunday was great... excellent in fact. I made cookies with Beth, then the two of us went to the MIT museum. Afterwards, Elliot and I sat on the grass in the sun in the median of Mem Drive and smoked and ate Haymarket fruit. So far so good. Until I returned inside, and found out that someone had thrown a fucking egg at my door. I was minorly pissed until I realized that the impact was in the center of the door (not the side, as I originally thought), and so a lot of my most favorite memories and pictures were ruined. I was mad but a small part of me got really anxious, as I thought, well maybe someone in the house really hates me that much, wants me to leave. The anxiety took hold somewhat strong, so I didn't really socialize that much that evening as I was caught in this spiral of thinking that no one wants to be around me. But this happens from time to time, so I knew I would get over it.
I couldn't fall asleep until about 4 AM on Sunday. At 5 AM, I woke up for some strange reason... and saw a person standing over me. Mind you, I am naked at this point. At first, I assumed it was Gene so I kind of smiled and tried to focus on him... and as I did I realized it sure as hell wasn't Gene. He turned and ran out of my room before I could scream or get any sort of good look at him. I ran up and down the halls, checking the bathrooms but I have no idea who he was whatsoever. Needless to say, I was really fucking freaked out, not to mention exceedingly sleep deprived. So I stayed awake, too much adrenaline to fall back asleep. I ended up at the aquarium an hour early, so they let me leave early; the people at the Whitehead were really understanding and said I could leave whenever I wanted, so I stayed until my anxiety was too much to bear. Then I went home, took some atavan, and passed out. Beth was explaining to me that the effects of atavan last longer than the drug does, and I completely understand what she's talking about. I still feel really calm about the whole thing, and fairly social (unlike yesterday, when I was clearly hysterical). Plus, right after I woke up Gene got back from south carolina... just having him back, and falling into his arms, and not having to sleep in my room alone anymore... makes me feel about 8,563 times better. mmmmm.
*going back in time music*
Sunday was great... excellent in fact. I made cookies with Beth, then the two of us went to the MIT museum. Afterwards, Elliot and I sat on the grass in the sun in the median of Mem Drive and smoked and ate Haymarket fruit. So far so good. Until I returned inside, and found out that someone had thrown a fucking egg at my door. I was minorly pissed until I realized that the impact was in the center of the door (not the side, as I originally thought), and so a lot of my most favorite memories and pictures were ruined. I was mad but a small part of me got really anxious, as I thought, well maybe someone in the house really hates me that much, wants me to leave. The anxiety took hold somewhat strong, so I didn't really socialize that much that evening as I was caught in this spiral of thinking that no one wants to be around me. But this happens from time to time, so I knew I would get over it.
I couldn't fall asleep until about 4 AM on Sunday. At 5 AM, I woke up for some strange reason... and saw a person standing over me. Mind you, I am naked at this point. At first, I assumed it was Gene so I kind of smiled and tried to focus on him... and as I did I realized it sure as hell wasn't Gene. He turned and ran out of my room before I could scream or get any sort of good look at him. I ran up and down the halls, checking the bathrooms but I have no idea who he was whatsoever. Needless to say, I was really fucking freaked out, not to mention exceedingly sleep deprived. So I stayed awake, too much adrenaline to fall back asleep. I ended up at the aquarium an hour early, so they let me leave early; the people at the Whitehead were really understanding and said I could leave whenever I wanted, so I stayed until my anxiety was too much to bear. Then I went home, took some atavan, and passed out. Beth was explaining to me that the effects of atavan last longer than the drug does, and I completely understand what she's talking about. I still feel really calm about the whole thing, and fairly social (unlike yesterday, when I was clearly hysterical). Plus, right after I woke up Gene got back from south carolina... just having him back, and falling into his arms, and not having to sleep in my room alone anymore... makes me feel about 8,563 times better. mmmmm.