(no subject)
yah, i know i said that was my last entry. but i had to get one last in. plus i havent gone to bed in 2 days. walked to east today at 6 to watch the sunrise.
i have this constant feeling in the bottom of my gut. i feel so numb that i feel as though i will never be able to function correctly ever again. my heart has been ripped out, thrown on the ground, ripped into pieces and left there. noone even bothered to put it back.
i went back and read the first 7 conversations me and erik ever had on the internet. my god am i glad that i kept those things. i cried so hard just reading them. i could just feel the excitement that i had, having erik tell me that he really cared for me and he wanted to take our friendship further. how i wish so fucking much that i could have thsoe days back.
anything would feel better than this. i swear to god, i dont think ive ever felt this hurt in my whole life. the thing that got me that he said was that we would never work ever again. he says this to me when it hasnt even occoured to me that i will never again kiss this boy. i tried like 3 times. and all 3 times he said he couldnt do it.
i have never loved anyone this much in my small 16 years of life. i dont know how im going to pick myself up and be able to live each day fully without my love. hes the other part of me. my god, i just feel like im missing so much of me. erik just meant that fucking much to me. and i guess i dont mean shit to him anymore. i could never just be his friend. it would be tourture every single fucking day.
God, will you just please help me. I really really need it. I need You to be with me and prove to me that life goes on.
erik, I hope that you know how much you mean to me and how much you hurt me. i would do anything you and i hope i never ever forget you. i love you with all my heart and soul. and nothing will ever change that.
i cried so hard i puked today.
i love you. so fucking much.
youre still all that matters to me.
<3 jessica
i have this constant feeling in the bottom of my gut. i feel so numb that i feel as though i will never be able to function correctly ever again. my heart has been ripped out, thrown on the ground, ripped into pieces and left there. noone even bothered to put it back.
i went back and read the first 7 conversations me and erik ever had on the internet. my god am i glad that i kept those things. i cried so hard just reading them. i could just feel the excitement that i had, having erik tell me that he really cared for me and he wanted to take our friendship further. how i wish so fucking much that i could have thsoe days back.
anything would feel better than this. i swear to god, i dont think ive ever felt this hurt in my whole life. the thing that got me that he said was that we would never work ever again. he says this to me when it hasnt even occoured to me that i will never again kiss this boy. i tried like 3 times. and all 3 times he said he couldnt do it.
i have never loved anyone this much in my small 16 years of life. i dont know how im going to pick myself up and be able to live each day fully without my love. hes the other part of me. my god, i just feel like im missing so much of me. erik just meant that fucking much to me. and i guess i dont mean shit to him anymore. i could never just be his friend. it would be tourture every single fucking day.
God, will you just please help me. I really really need it. I need You to be with me and prove to me that life goes on.
erik, I hope that you know how much you mean to me and how much you hurt me. i would do anything you and i hope i never ever forget you. i love you with all my heart and soul. and nothing will ever change that.
i cried so hard i puked today.
i love you. so fucking much.
youre still all that matters to me.
<3 jessica