life goes on... even after your gone
well... i dont quite know what to say... its been... an odd few weeks
sure life goes on but how do you stop the heart ache? how do i stop the pictures in my head? memories... :(
i'm really worried about myself and i dont quite know what to do... i'm gonna try to write out what i think is going on so maybe i can at least know whats going on in my head
obviously i've been not around since my grandma died... after the first few days where i didnt stop crying i was numb... i've been numb for almost two weeks... no feeling, no emotion it sucks. Plus... i'm really quiet... and for those of you that know me, its really not me. am i dying inside?
now this isnt really whats bugging me because i know its part of the mourning process... its more the pictures and thoughts that have been coming into my mind lately
i'm not so much suicidal but i dont not want to die... i keep seeing myself dying and when i do... i feel free, seeing it makes me smile
this sounds so twisted and so wrong but its a subconscious thing i think i really need help
at the moment i'm debating making this diary or friends... i dont know... i want to make this private but i just keep hearing about suicidal people - no one ever sees it coming - i've not told anyone about all of this
i can't stop this, i see it happening in everything i do
i had this as private but i decided to put it in...
love you guys - everyone that has access to this
please...dont judge me
sure life goes on but how do you stop the heart ache? how do i stop the pictures in my head? memories... :(
i'm really worried about myself and i dont quite know what to do... i'm gonna try to write out what i think is going on so maybe i can at least know whats going on in my head
obviously i've been not around since my grandma died... after the first few days where i didnt stop crying i was numb... i've been numb for almost two weeks... no feeling, no emotion it sucks. Plus... i'm really quiet... and for those of you that know me, its really not me. am i dying inside?
now this isnt really whats bugging me because i know its part of the mourning process... its more the pictures and thoughts that have been coming into my mind lately
i'm not so much suicidal but i dont not want to die... i keep seeing myself dying and when i do... i feel free, seeing it makes me smile
this sounds so twisted and so wrong but its a subconscious thing i think i really need help
at the moment i'm debating making this diary or friends... i dont know... i want to make this private but i just keep hearing about suicidal people - no one ever sees it coming - i've not told anyone about all of this
i can't stop this, i see it happening in everything i do
i had this as private but i decided to put it in...
love you guys - everyone that has access to this
please...dont judge me