And The Desperate Search Began (I Just Knew I'd Find You Here)
Title: And The Desperate Search Began (I Just Knew I'd Find You Here)
Author:sarcasticweathe
Rating: Pg
Pairings: Good question erm I 'spose Ryan/Spencer, Ryan/Brendon and Ryan/Jon (I dunno you decide :P)
Warnings: Abandoment and selective mutism I guess. Oh and Panic divorce is mentioned (does that even need to be a warning?)
POV: 3rd but following Ryan's story
Summary: The story of Ryan's search for his voice.
Disclaimer: Fictional, fake, fun. I have done no research what so ever so..
Author's Note: I've been strangely hesitant to type this up, but here goes :) Title's from The Hush Sound's "Lion's Roar"
Ryan was seven when his mother left him. All she left- apart from the heartbreak, the memories and the trust issues that would continuously spring up well into Ryan's adult life- was a puppet. Not the creepy sort of marionette ripped straight out of a horror movie, but a cutesy dog, with a mouth you could make open and close, a ventriloquist dummy, if you will, without all the sinister connotations.
Now little George Ryan Ross immediately became quite attatched to this creature, it being the only physical memory of his mother he had left, as his father, in possibly a drunken rage, destroyed all the photos and possessions his mother had left behind. It became Ryan's chosen method of communication for three years, and so began the desperate search for Ryan's voice.
A ten year old boy with darkish brown hair, honey brown eyes and a wry smile, sat on the grass in front of his house engrossed in a staring match with a well loved, once white, toy dog. Better known to him and those close to him, so him again, as Ryan's voice.
"Hey! Cool puppet you've got" A chestnut brown haired boy, wearing his mum's oversized pink t-shirt.
"Thanks" said the puppet. The puppet looked him over, with a burning intensity "Nice t-shirt"
"Um.. thanks, it's my mum's, I don't usually wear pink or anything" An awkward, disbelieving silence continued until the boy asked "What's your friend's name?" gesturing towards the 'silent' boy.
"He's George, but he likes to be called Ryan" The second boy nodded "You?"
"I'm Spencer.. and I like to be called Spencer" he finished, laughing.
"Spencer dear, come help unload!" A women called from down the street.
"Oh that's my mum, I'd better go"
Ryan had an almost unreadable look on his face, that seemed to Spencer like a mixture of envy and fear.
"But I'll see you again later right?"
Fear left the boy's face as the puppet nodded it's head violently, Spencer assumed he'd said something right.
Three days later Spencer became Ryan's voice and the puppet became another fprgotten memory.
A 17 year old brown haired, honey-brown eyed boy sat calmily tuning his guitar, while his opposite paced the room, wearing- this time- his own pink t-shirt.
"You lied" Ryan said off-handedly, still tuning.
"You were my first potential friend here, like I was going to admit I liked wearing pink t-shirts" Spencer argued
"I played with a doll" He shot back.
"Correction, you used a ventil-"
"It was a toy dog"
"Well.. you don't anymore"
"I've replaced it" He sighed, wearing his ever present, knowning smirk.
"How do they do that?" Asked a new, bewildered voice.
"Mind reading" Another voice assured.
"Hey Brent and..?" Ryan asked, cocking his head to the side.
"Brendon, er Brent said you were looking for another member?" He replied, uncertain.
"Yes we are, I'm Spencer, and that's Ryan" he said kindly " What do you do?"
"Um.. Gollum impressions?"
Ryan snorted with laughter, Spencer gave his joke a drum 'babumcha' ending and Brent murmed "He can" in agreement before disappearing off to find his bass.
"So you can play guitar?" Spencer asked, as Ryan resumed tuning his guitar.
"Um.. yeah, and bass, and piano.. and the trumpet, a bit. Oh and I guess I can sing"
"Oh yeah, crap has he got a voice" Brent yelled from the other room.
Ryan perked up at this, his attention recaught. Brendon was pleased with the sudden interest, albeit confused, Spencer was amused and Brent was completely ignorant to the whole development.
"Um.. yeah I guess I can sing a bit, but haven't you already got--" Brendon stumbled through the words, egar to say something, but unsure of what to.
"Sing something" Ryan encouraged, finally giving him his full attention and that was enough for Brendon.
"Um.. okay, You say you want a revolution well you know.."
Brendon sang the whole verse and chorus, unaware of Spencer and Ryan's impressed looks and silent exchanges. When he finished Spencer asked "Ryan does this mean I have to sit on the shelf with Oscar?" With all the mock fear he could muster.
Brendon thought it sounded like the ending of something or the beginning of a journey. He didn't voice this though.
Instead he said "Dude that sounds so kinky!"
And so Spencer, like the little toy dog, lost the burden of being Ryan's voice.
"Okay so I've written some lyrics, they're just rough but I've shown Jon and he likes them so..?"
There was a time when it was Brendon who Ryan first showed his lyrics to. But Brendon pushed that thought down.
"They're very.." Brendon struggled for the right words as Ryan got visibly anxious.
"Pretty. Odd. -esq" Spencer finished for him.
There was a time when Ryan would Brendon's sentences for him. But Ryan, in turn, pushed that thought down, out and away.
"What's happening to us?" Brendon asked fearfully.
"We're growing apart" Jon replied at the same time Spncer whispered
"Ryan's finally found his own voice"
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