Sensual Red Lights- fan fiction- gazette/ alice nine/ d'espairsray-8/?

[sarcasm_chan]

Title:  Sensual Red Lights
author: Me..? Sarcasm_chan
warning: well, ...yaoi and vulgar language sometimes... english is not my mother-tongue..not beta-read
pairings: ShouxHiroto, SagaxShou, ToraxHiroto , UruhaxReita, ReitaxUruha, RukixUruha, AoixUruha (beware of the one-sided ones)
disclaimers: unfortunately, their manager didn't want to sell them to me ;_; the meanie wants them for his own use -_-; so, i don't own them....
rating: - dunno NC17 is a bit overdone I think???
genre: manxman (a lot), drama
  Summary:
Uruha is a porn-star in the yaoi scene, his biggest rival is Ruki.

previous:

9

‘Three months.
Three months have passed since the first day of the shootings of the movie. My biggest part up till now.
I remember how Kai handed me the script saying: “Sensual Red Lights.”
It’s the name of the movie, and I am the star of it.
Three months of working for my escape, three months of…stress.
Even three months of slight fear.
He didn’t stop Shou. He didn’t stop.
I still get the notes. I still get wine.
He gets more personal every time there’s a new letter.

”Oh my, I think I never felt so deeply involved with someone.”

”I think you’ve changed my life.”
And that wasn’t everything. It gets worse and worse.
The person who writes them Shou…It almost seems like he really loves me.
I am scared Shou. The person seems to be really close.
Really, really close.
Please Shou, I wouldn’t ask this if it wasn’t urgent, cause I don’t want to disturb your deserved vacation…
Come back Shou.
I need you.

Love,
Uruha.”

’Dear Uruha,

I am sorry for taking such a long time; as soon as I can I’ll come home! I took long enough to think about everything, it’s time to face my problems and be there for my friend.
Meanwhile Uruha: Try to continue acting like nothing is wrong. Call Tsukasa! He’ll help Uru.
Take care, I’ll be back within a week!
Love,

Shou.’

“What?” Ruki asks grumpy as he opens the door.
”Finally! WHY didn’t you let me in?” Zero asks indignant.
”Cause this is my day off, and I don’t want to spend my day off with you. That’s why it’s a day off.”
Ruki looks very different when he doesn’t have to be in the studios.
His short, blonde hair is not gelled, and just hangs amongst his face. His clothes are a normal t-shirt and normal jeans, with normal sneakers.
Nothing of the arrogant porn-star is left in his looks. The only thing that reminds you of his job in his time off is his manager standing at his doorstep right now.

”How polite Ruki.” Zero says threatening.
”Sorry. But isn’t it enough to just have some time for myself? You already took all my time at work and almost my entire life, can I just be free for once in a month?!”
”You can Ruki. But not today.” Zero says decisive.
”And why not?! It’s in my contract! I don’t have to work today! I WON’T work today!” Ruki shouts.
”You also don’t have to work. I am not here for work. I am here to tell you to STOP it.”
”…Stop what?” Ruki asks perplexed.
”Let me in Ruki.”
”Can’t you just tell me what the hell you’re talking abou-“
”TAKANORI! LET ME IN!” Zero shouts.
Shocked, Ruki opens the door further and lets Zero pass.

”Won’t you offer me some tea?” Zero asks, while sitting down on Ruki’s couch.
”No. You’re leaving soon.” Ruki says.
”Really?” Zero says innocently. “I don’t think so Ruki. Better sit down.”
”You can’t tell me what to do in my own house!”
”I can. Sit.”
And Ruki sits down, though a bit scared.

”And now,” Zero says soft and threatening. “You are going to tell me what the hell you’re thinking.”
”Thinking what?” Ruki says, his hands are starting to shake.
”One word Ruki. Or better said: A name:” Zero continues with the same threatening tone. “Uruha.”

Ruki swallows. “I h-have no idea what you’re talking about.”
”No?” Zero says indignant. “I don’t think so Ruki. You know exactly what I am talking about. I watched it for months now.
The way you’re looking at him, disgusting Ruki.
HOW COULD YOU?!”
Ruki now really is shaking. “I…I-“
”SPARE ME YOUR EXCUSES!” Zero shouts. “I don’t want to hear them. But this Ruki, is UNBELIEVABLE, really…This is the stupidest thing you’ve ever done.”

Now Ruki feels how angry he gets. He is not allowed to do anything…Anything. Nothing he may do, apart from beating Uruha probably. So Zero will beat Karyu.
But from all things Zero forbade Ruki, this is the worst: He isn’t even allowed to fall in love.
Ruki starts shouting before he realises:
”BUT HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO STOP THIS? I JUST FELL IN LOVE WITH HIM, AND I KNOW THAT YOU ARE ONLY ANGRY ABOUT THAT CAUSE OF YOUR LOVE FOR KARYU-“
Ruki feels how Zero’s fist contacts his cheek.
”Shut up.” Zero whispers. “SHUT UP! You’re crossing the line again Ruki. AGAIN. You were doing so well, I thought we made it Ruki. I thought you’ve changed. You didn’t.”
Ruki swallows.
”You can’t change the person I am!” Ruki whispers loud.
”No. You can.” Zero says. “And you will. Otherwise…You know what will happen.”
Again Ruki starts shaking.
”Exactly. Be happy with what I did for you Ruki. I helped you; I am your only friend. I picked you up from the street and I didn’t give you in when you robbed me. I paid all your victims back, you didn’t get charged for robbery and dealing.
A cocaine-junk, is what you were. I made you into a star.
Be thankful. Because I am the only one you have left.”
Ruki feels how tears start burning as Zero reminds him of those times…
”So, don’t do stupid things, Ruki. And stop loving him.”
 “You’re not my friend.” Ruki had whispered softly, as Zero left the room and the apartment.

’That’s when it started. It is all me to blame, but my frustrations grew till their highest.
Not even being allowed to love the one I love, is what makes me feel so bad. I had to pretend I hate him, had to be a complete ass.
I had to beat him, while I know I couldn’t. Because deeply inside: I didn’t want to beat him.
But then…He came.
And I saw their meeting; I saw how Uruha looked at him. And I felt horrible. I couldn’t feel worse…
It was like something in me awoke an urge to hurt that damn man.
He came to replace me, because I wasn’t good enough myself, not good enough according to Uruha, and according to Zero.
He came to replace me, that idea already hurt. But he really is better than I’ll ever be.
I saw how Uruha looked at him…
And he didn’t even want to know.
That is why I hate him; he is not worth Uruha’s love.

But I saw how he could bring Uruha pleasure like I never will, I saw how Uruha started to desire for him.
From their first meeting, I knew this was a useless battle, I had lost already.
That is why I started hurting him; I wanted to make him feel the same pain as I do.
Not being allowed to come near to a person, and getting punished when he does, like Zero always did to me.
I still don’t know why I can’t control myself…But he is the victim of all my frustrations.
And still I hate him, though I am sorry.
But I can’t stop it.
And why should he be allowed to love my Uruha, while I am not?
Why should he be able to be around him, while I can’t?
Why…Why can he love him, while I am not allowed to?
It is unfair.
It doesn’t make sense.
It hurts.
It is why I am doing these things…It is why I want to punish of Reita.
Though it is not Reita’s fault, but I hate him. I will never accept he will take everything I had left.

My status and my love for Uruha.
Zero took everything else.
Now Reita took both of my last possessions, my last reasons to live.
That is why I hate him.
That is why I make him endure the same pain as I have to endure.’

Ruki lies in his dark bedroom, he is staring at the ceiling.
Cold tears stream amongst his cheeks.
One tear for Uruha.
One tear for Zero.
One tear for Reita.
One for Takanori Matsumoto, the person he hurt most from all persons he once hurt. The schoolboy with the urge to mean something, and that got involved with the wrong people. The boy that changed from an innocent student, into a junk. A boy without a name, background and home. A boy without money.
That boy, was even happier than Ruki is now.

“Hello?” Uruha’s voice sounds through the intercom.
”SURPRISE!” Shou shouts cheerful.
”Shou!” Uruha feels how he smiles. “Come on up!”

”I came as fast as I could, really.” Shou says worried, as Uruha opens the door for him. “But there wasn’t a train going back in the weekend so it took me a few days- What happened here?!”
Shou stands in the middle of Uruha’s living room, and it isn’t the stylish, tidy room Shou is used to.
It is a complete chaos.
Everywhere is junk; papers, clothes, spots on the carpet. Weird spots. Stings that look a lot like-
”It isn’t blood, don’t worry.” Uruha softly says.
“Then what the hell is this?! What happened here?!” Shou is shocked.
Uruha doesn’t answer, he just looks ashamed.

Shou kneels next to one of the spots, it’s deep red and spread all over the floor.
He caresses it with his finger-tops and smells at them.
”It smells like…Alcohol. Wine?” Shou asks softly, and he looks up to Uruha again.
Uruha nods.
”How many bottles..?”
”How many spots do you see?” Uruha answers with a rough voice.
Shou looks around; he counts at least 5 spots in the living room, on the furniture, the walls, and the carpet, everywhere.
Some last rests of glass lie around the couch too. The typical green colour of wine-bottles.

Now Shou really looks more carefully at Uruha, he sees how tired he is.
he didn’t shave today, he has circles underneath his eyes, his hair his messed up, he didn’t get dressed properly and walks around in a shirt he definitely sleeps in, and some jogging pants, he’s not wearing any shoe’s or socks.
This is breaking him, Shou can see it.
”Uruha…” he softly says.
Uruha stares at Shou, his eyes look tired, he’s near a breakdown, and Shou can see it.
Together with the pressure of the movie, this is too much for Uruha.

”This really must stop Uru-kun.” Shou slowly mumbles.
”Really? Too bad, I was just getting used to it.” Uruha tries to fake a grin.
’He’s trying to keep strong, to pretend he can handle it…’ Shou thinks.
”Uru, when did you get your last bottle?”
”The day before yesterday…” Uruha softly answers.
”And when did you do this?” Shou asks soft and concerned.
”…The day before yesterday.”
”What the hell did that letter say, Uruha?” Shou says shocked.

Uruha turns around and starts walking through the room, slowly, with a sad expression. He stops walking when he reached the wall, then he starts speaking.
”That letter…It was different from others. All letters became more and more intense every time again…But this one…
It really scared me.
It said something about the passion he feels when he reaches victory, but no victory up till now could be compared with the victory he would feel when he…Reached his goals.
That goal is me Shou!
I can feel it!
This man won’t rest ‘till he has me!” Uruha shouts.
He sounds so desperate, so painful. He really is scared.
Shou slowly walks over to Uruha, and puts his hand on his shoulder.
Uruha’s shoulders are shaking, he is crying.
”It will be alright!” Shou softly says. “We’ll catch him…I’ll find him for you. He’ll pay for this, I swear Uruha!”

”Hello, I want to speak with the one in charge over the investigation according to the stalker of a man named Uruha.”
The police-officer behind the cabinet looks a bit weird. “Eh, I am sorry sir, but I have no idea who that’s supposed to be…I have no sense about a case according to a stalker, and I never heard of someone named Uruha.”

Tsukasa watched this conversation, he saw the man entering the building while he was getting his coffee out of the machine.
He listened carefully, and now completely forgot about the brown caffeine-shot, he immediately ran to the two men at the counter.
”Matsumoto-san, it’s okay!” Tsukasa smiles. “I’ll take care of this man. Will you please follow me sir?” He friendly asks to the young man standing next to him.
The guy looks perplexed, but nods and follows Tsukasa to his office.

”I wonder how come you know about this.” Tsukasa says to him, as the man sat down in front of his desk.
”What do you mean?” He asks surprised.
”This case is small, I am the only one working on it, and the intention was to keep it secret. So either Uruha told you about this, or you are involved.”
”I am not a stalker!” the man shouts indignant. “I came here because I think I have some information…”
”Information?” Tsukasa says interested, though he sounds a bit suspicious. “Sounds helpful. But first, tell me who the hell you actually are!?”

Reita walks out of the man’s bathroom, Ruki has some shootings to do, but he’s not needed in the next hours.
Reita looked everywhere, but he couldn’t find him. Why he is looking for him he also doesn’t know…He just wants to talk to him.
What if he’ll tell Uruha everything?
What if…If he’ll ask Uruha to protect him? Maybe he could help…
If he can, Reita is sure Uruha will help. He promised.
And Reita trusts him. Even if they don’t know each other well…For months now they’ve worked together, and for months now Reita gets tortured by Ruki for even looking at Uruha…
But Reita can’t help it.
Even if he would have tried to stay away from Uruha and do as Ruki said, to see if Ruki would keep his promise and help him out of here, Reita would have been drawn to Uruha anyway.
’…What is it…’ Reita thinks. ‘That makes him so special? Why can’t I get him out of my mind..? Why do I like it to see him?
How come…I sometimes enjoy my work when I work with him..?
I can’t be-
I won’t be…
I may not be in love with him! NO! I can’t!’
Reita slumps against the wall, and buries his head in his hands; he rubs his cheeck-bones, and his eyes.
Then he hears footsteps: The corridor that borders at the corridor he sits in, someone is walking there.
Reita recognizes the face of the guy; that schoolboy Uruha always takes with him!
And even before he notices, Reita shouted: “OI! YOU!”
He turns around and faces the stand-in. He seems surprised. “Eh, can I help you?” He asks hesitating.
”Eh well,” Reita mumbles. “Yes. You’re a friend of Uruha, right?”
The boy slowly nods.
”Can you please…Give him this?”
And Reita hands the boy a small piece of paper.
”Tell him that…I want him to call, ok?” Reita says hesitating.
The boy seems perplexed, but takes the note. Then he smiles. “Of course!” he says friendly and suddenly he bows his head. “Thank you!”
”EH?!” Reita says surprised. “I didn’t do any-“
”No, I mean…This will cheer him up! Really!” the boy seems glad. “So thank you! You helped him, and me! I’ll make sure to give it to him as soon as I see Uruha!”
Reita nods, turns around and walks away, wondering why Uruha needs to be cheered up…

Shou walks through the studios, heading for the exit. His thoughts are with Uruha, he really is worried about his friend. The stand-in really had a great timing! Though it was unexpected…
Shou took a break for a few weeks to put the thoughts in his head straight, plus he was so tired of his job lately, he just needed a break.
He only had a bad timing with getting tired…

Not minding his feet, Shou walks around a corner and-
”AUCH!” A voice shouts.

Shou looks up; he recognised the voice, his heart froze when his shoulder contacted the other man’s, even if he didn’t realize who it was at that moment.
Saga stares at Shou, and Shou stares back.
”Well,” Saga says with a cold voice. “It’s you.”
”Y-yes.” Shou stutters. It’s been three months since their fight, three months! But Saga still seems angry; he still seems hurt by seeing Shou.
“I thought you were gone.” Saga still sounds so cold.
”I-I was, for a wh-while.”
”Oh.” Saga answers uninterested.
”But now I am back.” Shou says, more confident.
”Really?” Saga acts like he really doesn’t care.
”…Don’t you…Want to know where I’ve been?” Shou asks, his voice sounds hesitating.
Saga looks up, straight into Shou’s eyes; his look is just as cold as his voice. But in those sources of ice, there’s a burst shown. Saga’s pain is showed in his eyes, if you look carefully…
But Shou isn’t sure of what he sees.
”I don’t care a damn.” Saga says, as cold as a blizzard, that’s the way his voice sounds. “I just hoped you wouldn’t come back. That’s all. I don’t care a fuck about you. You’re a sore in the eye!”
The last words, Saga shouted at Shou.

Shou feels how tears burn, he feels how his heart hurts inside. He took a break, a break of three months, to get over him.
And it didn’t work.
His words still hurt; his appearance still makes Shou nervous.
He still wants to be with him.
Shou wants to open his mouth but instead of his own voice he hears someone else talking, a third person;

”Now, now Saga-san. That wasn’t very friendly.” Another cold voice says.
Shou shuddered when hearing that voice.
It can’t be, it won’t be…
”Hiroto…” Shou softly whispers as he sees how the shorter man walks next to him and stands in front of Saga, he looks angry.

”What do you want Hiroto? This is none of your business!” Saga says aggressive.
”It are my business.” Hiroto answers short and decisive.
”No, this is something between me and HIM,” Saga points at Shou. “And it has nothing to do with you!”
”Oh, I think it has.” Hiroto smiles. “Since he,” Hiroto holds Shou at his hand. “Is a very close friend of mine.”
Saga stares at Hiroto and Shou holding hands, then he stares at Hiroto’s face. He swallows.
”I see.” He only says, softly.
”So, Saga-san. I suggest you stop insulting Shou.” Hiroto smiles.
Saga now looks aggressive again: “And WHY should I do so?”
”Well, you just said you don’t care for Shou at all. Well, not a fuck were the exact words.” Hiroto says, with a tone as if he explains a little kid how to count till 10. “So why should you spill time on insulting him? Since you don’t care for him, you can better just ignore him ne? Or do you care for Shou, Saga-san?” That last sentence sounded…threatening.

Shou just stands there, completely perplexed: ‘What the hell is going on? Why is Hiroto doing this? Why is he holding my hand? And Saga, what about Saga? Does he really not care for me...? ’ Shou thinks. ‘Please Saga; tell Hiroto now that you do care…’
But Saga swallowed again, and then started laughing.
A humourless laugh.
”Of course I don’t care for him, what are you thinking?” Saga says mugging.
“Good! The please excuse us Saga, I am taking Shou out for dinner!” Hiroto says cheerful, and he takes Shou with him at his hand, even before Shou can react.
While Hiroto pulls him outside, Shou looks over his shoulder to Saga…

He sees how Saga slumps against the wall, how he rests his head in his hands and how his shoulders are shocking.
Then, while Hiroto opens the door, Saga looks up at Shou.
For a few seconds they stare in each others eyes, Shou sees how a tear falls from Saga’s cheek…
Then the door falls close.