we are an example of why not to fall in love » oneshot.

[saranghaekiss]

We are an Example of Why not to Fall in Love.
Yunho/Jaejoong.
Angst, Romance.
His love is an addiction and Jaejoong can't bear to be with him but can't bear to be without him.

{awful summary. but what can ya do?}

Thud. The car door wasn't the one to blame for Jaejoong's nervousness or part-fury, yet it still paid for it, slamming against it's frame and making the whole vehicle shake. The blonde didn't really take into account the rather harsh action that he'd taken out on his beloved car, he just exhaled whilst leaning against the red Ferrari.

"This is all your fault, Yunho." he said under his breath, massaging his temples as he begun crossing the road to where his best friend currently lived.

He waited at the door, hesitating to knock or ring the doorbell, worrying whether to even bother. Stephanie hated him anyway and if she answered the door, he'd immediately be turned away, especially if Yunho didn't come to see who it was. Stephanie would just end up making some lie about the postman or leaflet guy.

Sometimes Jaejoong wondered whether she actually knew what the two males got up to when she wasn't there or when Yunho went out for the night. It was more likely that she did, yet she wouldn't give him up without a fight. Well, Jaejoong knew that Yunho would always crawl back to her after they'd been together anyway. He just knew that he loved her after all.

Jaejoong lifted his knuckles to the door, and gently tapped it, barely making a sound. However, despite the lack of noise, the door opened almost immediately revealing the tall dark haired male that Jaejoong recognised straight away and would always recognise. No other face could take Jaejoong's breath away, nor could make him tremble with nervousness.

"Jaejoong-ah." Yunho said with a gentle smile as he eyed his best friend standing in the threshold of his home.

"Hello, I, um, I'm here to see Soo Jin... and the others of course! It's just, it w-" Jaejoong tried to say before being cut off by a finger against his lips.

"It's okay Jae." Yunho said, "Stephanie isn't here, you can stay for as long as you like." he continued with a grin and a wink.

Jaejoong frowned, "Yunho, I'm not here to play kinky games with you. Obviously you're aware it was your daughter's birthday yesterday and I'm here to give her the present I bought for her." he stated.

It was weird rejecting the suggestive offer, when in fact, 'playing kinky games' was almost what he wanted most right now. However, doing that would just ruin his plan to let him go. He didn't want to be Yunho's plaything anymore, despite his desire, lust and love for the other male, it was just getting silly now. He'd changed. And Jaejoong didn't like what had become of their relationship.

He hated being the 'mistress' in a relationship that should've been his anyway.

Yunho had been his best friend since they were five and his boyfriend since, well, was his boyfriend between the ages of thirteen and nineteen. Actually, it it wasn't for Yunho's mother and father, he'd still be his boyfriend, lover and possibly 'husband' now, seven years later.

"Jae..."

The named male tightened his grip on the fingers in the spaces of his own and lifted his face up, level with the other's, doe eyes gleaming like this moment would never be ruined and he'd never be happier in his entire life. Yunho sensed the other's joy and offered Jaejoong a small smile before being cut off by the raven haired male's sharp words.

"Don't smile at me like that Yunho. I know you, what's the bad news this time?" Jaejoong asked, shuffling around in Yunho's lapt, turning so that his full body faced the other man, who was buckling under the pressure of his boyfriend's loving, believeing, piercing stare.

Jaejoong was clever. That, or he had just gotten used to Yunho's obvious actions over the last fourteen years. The last time Yunho had given him that uneasy smile, the dark haired male had told him that he wasn't able to go to Japan with him because of his failed grades in over half of his classes. Although Jaejoong hadn't been as furious as Yunho expected him to be about it, the other still managed to make him feel uncomfortable about blowing him off, even though he never really showed any visible signs about it in the eyes of anyone else.

"Well, the thing is, um..."

"Spit it out, Yunho. It probably isn't as bad as you're making it look like." The raven haired male said with a slight laugh that made Yunho's blood run cold. That was his scared laugh. He knew Jaejoong was expecting the worst. Well, at laest he wasn't going to be disappointed in that area.

"I... uh..."

"Yunho!"

"I'm getting married."

Jaejoong's playful grin was immediately wiped off of his face, the moment the words left Yunho's lips as if the man himself had ripped it off. He blinked a couple of times, attempting to figure out what had just happened and when his eyes met Yunho's, they looked completely different than they had when he was looking at him before. Now... now they looked sad. Not depressed, not disppointed, not like he felt like he was going to punch the other in the face. Just... just sad.

"To..." the cracked and whispery voice of the other made the bearer of bad news feel even worse than he already did. The mono-syllabic word managed to strike a nerve inside of the tall, betrothed male and he had to gulp down his feelings before he was able to put together words that could be classed as some kind of answer.

"K-Kim Stephanie, from our H-History c-class."

Then, the tears came.

They came like a river, like a waterfall, like the rain in a thunder and lightening storm. No one, not even his lover, not even himself could stop them. It felt like forever before he could even think straight or remember where he was or what had just been confessed to him.

"Jae? Please stop crying, you're going to make me cry." Yunho said, running soothing circles on Jaejoong's back and continuously wiping showers from the flawless, cream-coloured cheeks with his sleeve.

"And you're telling me you don't feel like crying? Do you want to get married?" Jaejoong asked. Was he just getting in the way? He knew perfectly well that Yunho wanted a big family with hundreds of children and a huge house and a loving partner that'd guide him, lead him, love him. Did that mean that Jaejoong was just a petty boy that he used to fill the space between his childhood and when he finds the perfect woman?

"Yes. To you, only you, Jae. It's just..."

"Just what, Yunho? Just what?"

"Just that my parents would never approve Jaejoong! Just that they're the ones forcing me into this because they're already suspicous of us! This isn't my choice, it's anything but! I can't do anything though, they've already planned most of it out, storyboard and fucking everything! Stephanie's coming 'round tomorrow, to pick her stupid dress out with my Umma and I can't do anything, even though I just want to stay here, with you."

Yunho covered his mouth and ran the same hand up his face and through his hair, letting out sounds of discomfort and stress.

The charcol haired boy sat with his head in his hands, listening to everything that his 'beloved' confessed. His body completely shut down and despite the attempt from Yunho's cradling arms to shift him a little, he was dead weight and refused to work or move. Well, everything except his mouth.

"Tomorrow." he repeated, to which Yunho only replied with a simple 'Mhmm' in agreement.

"Just one thing, Yunho, one thing." The taller, but younger of the two knew exactly what was coming next. He knew the exact tone Jaejoong would ask it in, he knew the exact look that he'd have on his face yet he had no idea how he was going to answer.

"Do you love her?"

"Uncle Jaejoong!" the three children exclaimed in pure excitement at their beloved blonde family friend, who had stepped through the door to their living room, arms opened wide, expectant of hugs.

"Hey kids!" Jaejoong greeted in a manner that could've been honest joy to see the three adorable faces staring up at him or just a faked happiness to hide his broken heart behind his tone. Yet, he still ruffled six-year-old Moonbin's hair, held five-year-old Eun Mi's hand and scooped Soo Jin up into his welcoming arms.

He felt the presence of someone behind him and heard a low chuckle, "Be careful, Soo Jin! Stop tugging Uncle Jaejoong's hair. He knows you turned three yesterday, why do you think he's here?"

Putting Soo Jin down, he told her to go with Eun Mi out to his car and see what's in the back seat, entrusting the elder of the two with his car keys.

"Why don't you pick me up like that anymore, Uncle Jaejoong?" Moonbin asked with pleading eyes.

This was Yunho's turn to ruffle his son's hair, "You're a big boy now. You don't need picking up."

The young boy pouted and Jaejoong cringed. Yunho's genes had definately rubbed off on Moonbin. He pouted almost exactly how Yunho had all those years ago when Jaejoong didn't want to share his crayons with him.

"Hey. No one's too old for picking-up hugs. I can give you one if you like, Yunho." Jaejoong offered, wearing a grin as a mask in front of the children.

"See! Uncle Jaejoong should be an Appa because he would be a nicer Appa than you, Appa!" Moonbin teased, hugging said Uncle around the waist. Yunho coughed uncomfortably and Jaejoong bit his lip, both remembering the conversations about adoption they'd had once before.

"Haha. Thank you, Binnie. But your Appa's a good Appa. You look just like him."

"Why don't you go and see what's taking Eun Mi and Soo Jin so long, Moonbin?" Yunho suggested and watched his son nod and rush outside to Jaejoong's 'amazing red car'.

"Jaejoong... I..."

"Save it."

Yunho was surprised by Jaejoong's harsh tone. Just two days ago, he'd been writing under him in pleasure, screaming his name and telling him how much he loved him. What had changed? Yunho still loved him. Had always loved him.

"What's wrong with you today?" Yunho asked tenderly, reaching for the blonde's waist to pull him closer. The little things like that had always made Jaejoong melt. Possessiveness. But he wasn't his now.

"Don't Yunho, please." Jaejoong sighed, taking a step backwards and running a hand through his hair.

"Jaejoong-ah?"

"Look. This needs to stop." Jaejoong confessed, biting his index finger as he spoke.

Yunho looked confused, potentially horrified, "Huh? What's... I don't understand."

He took two steps closer to his beloved, grabbing his wrist as the other turned away. He didn't get it. Sure, he was married. But he'd been married for years and Jaejoong had stuck by his side - even when Stephanie had smugly announced she was pregnant with Moonbin. Why the sudden change of heart?

"Are you seeing someone else, is that it? I swear... if it's true I'll rip them to shreds." Yunho threatened, jerking Jaejoong to look at him.

But the blonde just laughed, "Oh the irony, Yunho! You're perfectly allowed to wander off and get married, fuck her until the sun don't shine, have three beautiful kids but if I'm possibly seeing someone else in this dismal excuse of my life, then it's suddenly a crime?!" he said menacingly, moisture threatening to collect on his eyelashes, "Can you not see how this is for me? It might all be fine and dandy from your point of view, but you're the one with the wife, the kids, the perfect family. Someone to go home to when you're finished with me. I don't have that. You're the one I was supposed to stay with. You're the one I should be cooking meals for and welcoming home and sharing a bed with. Instead you have her for that and I'm left with no one. Yeah, no one. I'm not seeing anyone, if that makes your heart feel a little better."

Amongst all the truth in the accusations, Jaejoong hadn't realised he'd started crying. Red hot tears streaked his cheeks, and he laughed. Because what can you do if you can't laugh?

"Funny, isn't it? A lovesick twenty four year old, crying over a childhood sweetheart?" Jaejoong's voice cracked with each new set of tears that fell, but he carried on laughing, covering his mouth and throwing his head back like a madman. He was embarrassed, of course he was. He was supposed to break it cleanly, not make scars for both of them to suffer with. But what's done is done.

Yunho watched Jaejoong break down before his eyes. In so many ways he wanted to know what he could do to make him feel better, to make everything okay, to make sure he knew that he was loved - but it seemed that all those things were far out of reach. He couldn't turn back time. That'd be the only solution.

His mind was clogged with so many stupid things and he matched it by saying something equally stupid, "A childhood sweetheart? Is that all I am to you?"

Jaejoong fell silent, the laughing ceased and a serious looked washing over his face, "Tell me, Yunho. What am I to you?"

"You're my lover. If I weren't married, you'd be my boyfriend, fiance, husband. You're my world because I love you." Yunho said, a tear rolling down his cheek and dripping to the floor.

"It doesn't feel like that, Yunho. I feel like your convenient fuck buddy. We used to make love. Now it's just sex. It feels like you still meet with me beceause I'm desperate or I'm just some hole for your release because you're still homosexual and don't like fucking your wife." Jaejoong sobbed, rubbing his eyes.

Yunho pulled at his hair, "Don't say that! I'm not like that, I'm not! I love you! I haven't changed! I'm just married now. I have kids, yeah. I adore my children dearly, but I still love you, not her! Stop making me sound like a monster! Please! I'm not a monster. I'm not!"

"Prove to me that you aren't. Show me. I love you too, but not like this. I can't carry on being your bit on the side when I know that you belong to someone else by marriage. You were mine first." Jaejoong sniffed, stepping forwards and entwining Yunho's fingers with his own. This is wrong, his mind kept saying. He knew he shouldn't be getting closer where he came to break apart. But it was hard to keep from being close to him - his love is an addiction.

"Umma! Look what Uncle Jaejoong got Soo Jin!" They heard Eun Mi squeal in delight.

"Jaejoong's here?" Stephanie's voice was heard then, obviously worried and uneasy as the sound of her high heels became apparent on the steps. Jaejoong himself, was torn. He couldn't do certain things that would make Yunho's kids hate him or their Appa. Yet desperate times called for desperate measures, and for sure, Jaejoong was desperate for Yunho's undivided love once again.

"Yeah! Uncle Jaejoong is so cool! Can I have one of these for Christmas, Umma? It's the biggest bear I've seen in my life!" Moonbin said and the men inside practically heard the smile on his face.

Stephanie hummed in an uncommited agreement, and Jaejoong heard the door open and four pairs of footsteps on the laminate. He panicked. He needed to prove who Yunho actually belonged to.

He leant forwards, his lips pressing against Yunho's own. He thought maybe Yunho would push him away, call him an idiot for trying something with his kids and wife in the house (not that they hadn't done it before), but Yunho just responded with a moan and opened his mouth to accommodate Jaejoong's tongue. His hand ran through Jaejoong's blonde locks and the latter smiled into the kiss as he heard the squeak of the living room door hinges.

"What's going on?!" Stephanie asked, disturbed at the sight before her as Moonbin, Eun Mi and Soo Jin stood behind her at the door and giggled at the sight.

"It's because Appa loves Uncle Jaejoong! We love Uncle Jaejoong too!" Eun Mi laughed and the other two nodded their heads up at their Umma.

Seperating from each other's mouths, Yunho looked into Jaejoong's eyes, ignoring his flushed cheeks and red, puffy eyes, and smiled, "You're right, Eun Mi-yah. Appa loves Uncle Jaejoong a lot."

___________

Okay, I said I'd write something happy. This is half happy. The happy is hidden? I don't know.
Well, hopefully you like it nonetheless! Happy or sad...
Oh, and the title... that's a lyric in Liquid Confidence by YouMeAtSix...
Thanks for reading~