secret conversation
secret conversation
changmin/hyori | changmin/sooyoung | side!yunjae | side!yoosu | past!jaechun
AU | pg-13 | oneshot | romance | fluff | attempted crack | wee bit of angst | ~9, 600 words
Summary: Min had a crush on his Professor Lee. A secret from her past opened up his chance to be her knight in shining armor, and Min found himself digging up old history, searching for a lost child.
Related: Deeper Conversation | Private Conversation
a/n: This can be read on its own without reading the related fics. It is mainly Min-centered, written in his pov. And oh, this is half-het and half-slash, just in case you missed the pairings. Heh. unbeta-ed. :]
--
Secret Conversation;
Who's that man? His code name is X
When I go 'bang bang bang', he said 'Nobody can control me'
No one can break this mechanism
Tell me tell me the reason why there's a mission file of the destruction of evidence
Party's on, then eye to eye... let's slip away secretly!
- TRICK, Tohoshinki
*
It had to be the most excruciating and cock-teasing day of my third year law student’s life. I woke up that morning feeling fine, all around wonderful. Functioning water heater in the shower. New leather jacket my brother’s boyfriend bought for my birthday. Good black coffee and a breakfast of meat buns I bought from the café across the apartment. Extra money in my wallet from my library job. The bus even arrived on time. Just magical.
It was supposed to be the perfect start to a perfect year, but oh no, the Gods just hated me enough to make me suffer by sending his fallen angel to haunt my life.
The devil was five feet five inches tall, with long, wavy brown hair sweeping past her shoulders and a curvaceous body that fit just nice in a fitted black suit. Her name was Miss Lee Hyori, my Business Law professor and she was just my type.
I groaned, headdesking for a good few seconds. I can already imagine Sooyoung laughing and teasing me all year round, making rude gestures that girls weren’t supposed to know and/or do and driving me insane. It was so typical of my screwed up life, to have a best friend who knew my deepest, stupidest weaknesses and knew how to manipulate them for her own sick amusement.
Professor Lee was explaining something, but her words were lost to my ears. She could have sung a song about firemen for all I care, and the only thing that reached beyond my clouded mind was how hot she looked, how pretty and intelligent and perfect and gorgeous and sexy she was.
I bet she’s a screamer.
Fuck.
I could already foretell I was going to fail Business Law this semester. I wouldn’t be able to absorb anything she teaches without turning it into pornographic materials.
Stupid hormonal young adult brain.
(I was a law student and we all know lawyers exaggerate. Deal with it. So did teachers. My brother was from that species so I knew what I was talking about.
Or maybe it had nothing to do with lawyers or teachers. Well, I can still blame my fucked-up genetics.)
I felt the chair beside me creaked and groaned again, not lifting my head from where it was perched on the desk. I heard the annoying giggles first, then came the nasty fingers probing my ribs. I squirmed and slapped the fingers away, growling my warning.
“You’re so doomed.” The voice was as clear as the headache that was starting to pound. I knew that voice, been accustomed to its nasal quality and ability to irritate for nearly three years now.
Sooyoung poked me harder. I ignored her, chanting peace inwardly. Then she slapped my thick textbook against my back as revenge. I shot up from pain, yelling at her to stop pissing me off only to find the whole one hundred twelve students plus a hot lecturer looking at me like I was a three-headed alien from Planet Zargus.
Great, just great. Sooyoung chuckled and inched away, dunking low under the desk to her original place a good few meters away from mine.
Just you wait, Choi Sooyoung. I’ll get you and get you good, and break your neck like twigs.
“Jung Changmin, isn’t it?” I heard my name called out, snapping me away from the thought of snapping Sooyoung. I straightened up and nodded stupidly, looking guiltily at the devil wearing Gucci, not Prada.
Praise the power that be because she smiled instead of scolding me blue. Rapping her knuckle against the white board, she said gently but firmly,
“I would really appreciate it if you can refrain from making unnecessary noise in my class. I don’t mind you falling asleep, but please don’t bother your other friends who want to learn. It is both rude and unacceptable,” I blushed hot to the sound of discreet chuckles. She waved her hand once, and like a magic wand of a fairy, the class went hush.
“And that goes to you too, Miss Choi.” She continued, giving Sooyoung the ‘I-know-what-you-did-last-minute’ look. I boogied inwardly, celebrating the little show of justice. Sooyoung just stuck out her tongue at me when Miss Lee turned back to face the board.
Sore loser.
Perhaps I should have taken back my earlier words. This seemed to be an amazing start to my third year law student’s life. I had a crush, and she went by the name of Lee Hyori the Wonder Justice Woman.
I was so going to ace Business Law.
*
Fucking hell.
A C+ for my essay, the one where I had slaved over for four days and three sleepless nights? You’ve got to be kidding me.
I slumped down on the bench, scrunching up a corner of the goddamn paper. Professor Lee was hard to impress. I had done everything I can, researching the mundane law library archives to investigate the impact of industrial action and the laws that relate to it and she gave me a simple comment of ‘don’t regurgitate facts’ for my efforts.
Sooyoung patted my shoulder, offering me her cup of frappucino. Whipped cream, yuck. I shook my head and said thanks, and put the slightly crumpled assignment into my bag.
“Chill, babe.”
I huffed moodily, channeling my emo self.
“You’ve tried your best.” She tried again, scooting close and patting my knee this time. But like I said, I was emoing and we all know wallowing in my shortcoming was the key to achieve the best effect of emoness.
“Obviously not ‘best’ enough. C+. Crapshit. Hell, even you can get an A-.”
Sooyoung’s pat morphed into a stinging slap. “Don’t offend me, goth kid.”
“I’m not gothic.”
“You’re certainly emo enough to be one.”
“Just shut up, Sooyoung. You don’t know how I feel.”
She groaned and rolled her eyes, falling back against the bench. “And I’m the woman here. Damn it Min, I thought you’re better than this. Getting heartbroken over a C+ is so 90s, my friend.”
I pouted and leaned back, shoulder bumping against hers. She was quite tall for a girl, and as thin as stick figures. Her hair was cut short into a boyish bob and she wore jeans and hoodies all the time, with sneakers or boots but never high heels. She smelt of cheeseburgers and Starbucks coffee instead of Elizabeth Arden perfumes. And she didn’t have boobs. I mean, of course she had a pair being a girl and all, but I didn’t consider them as boobs, just bumps.
Totally the exact opposite of my dream woman.
“So much for impressing wonder lady. She’s going to think I’m an idiot now.”
Sooyoung snorted, “You are an idiot. That’s old news.”
“If you’re not going to help, then can you be quiet and let me stew by myself?”
“Jeepers fries, can you be more of a jerk than you already are? What do you think I’m doing here if not helping? I’m helping you…by not helping you,” I gave her a confused stare and she rolled her eyes like I was dumb for not getting it, before continuing in her I-know-it-all-so-just-listen-to-me-you-dimwit-doodledoo voice,
“I know it sounds rather cryptic, but I have my logic. I’m not going to sit here watching you drown yourself in your emo tears and say nothing about it. Face it, Min, wallowing in self-pity will get you nowhere.”
I hated to admit it but she was right for once. Or maybe more than once. Whatever. It wasn’t like I didn’t know about it, I just…I had never been so besotted with a woman like this before.
I used ‘besotted’. Fuck, this was serious situation, people.
“I really like her, Sooyoung. Really, really, really like her.” I whined, looking up at the clear spring sky. There were no birds or bees or rainbows but then I wasn’t really looking, just all out staring and getting lost in my own world. In it, Hyori thought I was kind of awesome.
Sooyoung bumped against me, slinking an arm over my shoulder. She leaned closer, her grinning face totally invading my personal space. I could even see streak of chocolate sauce and cream on her lower front teeth. Yuck.
“Plead your case then. Go and beg for her to let you rewrite that essay. Make her see you in a new light, as someone who is willing to do everything just to get things right. You’re a lawyer-to-be, Min, you must know how to save your own ass before you go save others.”
“But that will make me look so desperate!”
She raised a brow up, smirking, “Aren’t you?”
I sighed aloud and wiped my face with my palm. There was no denying the truth, and I wasn’t going to start arguing with my own best friend who can guess my every thoughts like a stalker fan would to their idols.
Damn creepy but scarily accurate.
*
Hyori’s office was relatively easy to find, it was the only office with its door closed and at the end of the hallway. I could feel eyes burning into my back as I walked the short corridor of Law Department. Freaking busybodies. I knocked on her door twice and waited, musing in those short seconds how shiny her golden nameplate was. Glamorous and pretty, just like the owner.
She called me in, and I opened and closed the door as silently as I can.
“What’s the matter, Changmin?”
I bowed once, trying hard not to forget my manners and my mind while gawking at her youthful smile. God, she’s really beautiful.
“It’s about my paper,” I started, gulping my stutters down, “I’m hoping you could let me re-do the assignment.”
She looked at me above her spectacles, before gesturing to the seat. I sat down without a complaint.
“Tell me why I should let you do that.”
I took a deep breath and started, as confidently as I could, “You commented on the paper that I regurgitated the information, so I want to rectify that. I’m not asking you to change the mark you’ve given, I know it’s not fair for others if I ask you to do that, but I just want to get it right.” And impress you in the process and maybe make you fall in love with me even just a little bit, but of course I didn’t say that out loud.
Hyori chuckled as if she could listen to my thoughts.
“Alright, I’ll let you rewrite the essay,” she said finally, reaching forward to wave well-manicured fingers in front of my face, “Stop looking so scared. I don’t eat my students, at least not the well-mannered ones.”
I laughed nervously as something under my belt twitched. She didn’t know how not well-mannered I was. Heh. Cue improper thoughts here, good people.
“Get it on my desk this Friday by five. I’ll look at it over the weekend and get it back to you with comments in the class on Monday. That’s okay with you?”
I nodded, “Yeah. Thank you for your consideration, Miss Lee,” and bowed again, moving to stand. She stood up as well, even when she didn’t have to.
Awwww.
*
It was finally Friday, and I was standing in front of Miss Lee’s office again, my re-written essay in my hands. I was confident this time, I even had Sooyoung proofread my essay although she was like a Nazi when it came to getting the structure, coherence and grammar right.
I knocked twice and waited for her to call me in. Seconds turned to a minute and I got antsy, so I called out her name softly. No one answered. It was 4.45 p.m. now, and I had to get this in by 5.
Cold sweat dripped down my temple and into my shirt.
I knocked again five minutes later, and still no answer. I had to do it, despite the code of manners I was going to break. Thinking that she was probably out, I looked around the perimeter to check if anyone was looking and opened the door gently, slipping in like a ninja.
I heard her first before I saw her.
Slumped over her desk, she was sobbing into her folded arms. I gulped. Fuck. I should probably leave now. This was outright invading personal space and time - and absolutely not what someone who wanted to impress someone would do.
She stirred, lifting her head slowly up. I stood rooted to the floor, one hand on the doorknob. Fucking fuck.
“Changmin?” she muttered softly, her voice hitching. I nodded stiffly, like a kid caught with porn magazine in hand.
She straightened up, wiping her wet face with her sleeve and combing her fingers through her gorgeous, mussed up hair.
“I’m sorry you had to see me like this. I don’t know what got into me..,” she apologized, voice still thick with tears. My heart felt squeezed, and I let go of the brass knob and stepped forward, closing the gap.
“Miss Lee, please don’t apologize. If anyone should apologize it should have been me. I was the one who came in without your permission.”
She shook her head, smiling a little. “It’s okay, Changmin, it’s not your fault.” Then she saw the papers in my hand, “Is that your essay?”
I nodded, and stepped closer to her desk. There was a picture of a baby on her desk, looking slightly wet. My eyes widened automatically. Her baby?
She must have seen my reaction, as she took the picture and wiped its surface. I put my essay down on her desk carefully, curious and itching to ask what had happened and who was that pink-faced baby I saw.
I didn’t have to ask.
“This is my son. The picture was taken when he was ten days’ old. It was the only picture of him I have…the only thing of him I have,” I gasped as she continued, fresh tears lining her cheeks, “…my parents took him away from me…took him away without my consent. I didn’t know, I didn’t know they would do something as cruel as that just because they hated who I chose as my lover. If not, I’d have stopped them, I’d have run away with my baby as fast as I could, as far as the oceans allowed…but my baby, oh my baby…they got him. They got him while I wasn’t looking…”
My heart clenched at her tortured ramble. Her parents took her baby away from her? What kind of parents would do something so heartless and inhumane like that?
“Miss Lee…” I didn’t know what to say to console her. Hell I was bad at stuffs like this. The only time I ever came close to a crying person was when my brother royally fucked his boyfriend up (oooooookay that didn’t come out right) I mean, when he got Jaejoong-hyung shit mad because he was stupid like that. He was bawling like a cat in labour then and I only had to shove beer his way to shut him up. I didn’t think shoving a bottle of Cass to her face at this moment in time would make her feel better though.
She was sobbing, clutching the picture to her heaving chest, “I miss him, miss him so bad. Not a day goes by that I didn’t think of my baby, what he looks like now, what he’s doing and who he’s with…People told me to move on and forget, but how could I? He’s such a pretty baby, Changmin, skin so soft and face so sweet you would smile just looking at him…I named him Youngwoong, Lee Youngwoong…because he’s like a little hero…my little hero…”
I swallowed, feeling tears biting at the back of my eyes, “You didn’t try to search for him?”
She wiped her tears angrily, her lips tightening into a grim line, “I tried! I tried every way I can, I looked everywhere for him. I visited each and every orphanage in Korea, and you know how many there are? Nearly a thousand! I spent years looking for him, Changmin, but I never lose that hope. Even when people said he could have been adopted by foreigners, I still hope I will find him one day. I will find him, no matter what I will!”
I was struck by awe at her determination, and tears sprang to my eyes. She was a great mother. That kind of women didn’t come in bunch. I knew - my own mother couldn’t be more different to her than the Earth was to the Sun.
“I’ll help you.” I said, determined to make her wish come true. She looked up at me in shock, before she smiled gently, sniffling,
“You don’t have to, Changmin. I’m not telling you this to ask for your-”
I cut her short, “I want to. This is important to you…he is important to you. And because of that I want to help you find him. I’m sure wherever he is, whatever he is doing and who he is with, he’s longing for his mother too…the one who gave birth to him and loves him with every bit of her heart.”
She sniveled, smiling as she looked at me with hope in her eyes.
“Thank you, Changmin. That was the sweetest thing any man ever said to me.”
To say I was happy was an understatement. I was beyond elated.
Jung Changmin, Private Investigator.
It got a nice ring to it.
*
“What?? Are you fucking crazy??” Sooyoung shouted, loud as fuck. I shut her up with my hand, dragging her to the side of the building and away from prying ears and nosy eyes.
“What’s the matter with you?” I hissed, letting her go when she tried to kick my groin. She stared at me sharply, huffing like a moody bitch in heat.
“I can’t believe this.”
“Believe what?”
“You! Do you know what you’re asking me to do is considered a crime? Do you? Huh? Huh?” She poked my chest with every word spoken. I winced and moved a good distance away from her crazy fingers.
“Aww, come on, Sooyoung. You’re the only one I can think of. That says something, right?”
She sighed aloud, linking her arms over her chest, “Yeah, it says you have no friend.”
“Ouch.” I clutched my heart, feigning hurt. She groaned, pulling me close to her roughly and mumbled her sorry. I smiled.
“Just this once, please?” I was begging. I hated the thought that I was, but then this was serious matter and I was sort of desperate, and my ego wasn’t that big to ignore the importance of a mother looking for her lost son.
Sooyoung seemed to contemplate this for a good few seconds before she looked up at me, her eyes filled with worry. I looked back at her, puppy eyes at full blast. She sighed, resigned.
“Okay, but just this once. I’m not going to get my ass kicked from college just because you made me an unwilling accomplice in your crime. I pledge ignorance over the planning and the execution of the act. You understand me, Jung Changmin?”
I nodded happily.
“So, what do I have to do again?” she asked, shifting her weight from foot to foot. I linked an arm around her shoulders, bringing her close to me so I could whisper into her ear. She scrunched up her face and wriggled away, but stayed close enough so she could hear.
“Okay, listen. All you have to do is get the key to the Registrar Department’s archive and give it to me. You’re temping in the Registrar’s office, right? I’ll slip my way in before the building close and do my investigation there, and slip back out in the morning before the workers come in. I’ll meet you in front of the building and pass the key back to you, and you return it to where it belongs. Simple, right?”
I grinned, but she still looked somewhat unconvinced.
“What if you get caught by the patrolling guards?”
I snorted, bumping her shoulder with mine, “I’ll be so ninja no one would even know I’m there. Don’t worry.”
She glared at me, hands propped on her waist in a good imitation of a scowling wife, “What if you still get caught, Ninja-san?”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Why do you have to ask so many questions? I won’t mouth your name off, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll say I steal the key or something. I’ll figure things out. Geez, Sooyoung, are you going to help me or what?”
She looked away and grunted, “Do I even have a choice?”
*
Thursday night. I got the key and I was in.
Seven hours of frantic, adrenaline-rushing, heart-thumping search. Three times the guards came and stopped in front of the door and I nearly piss in my pants from fear of getting caught.
It all went just as planned, except that I wasn’t alone. Sooyoung had decided that she wanted a piece of the action herself. That bosy twerp, though to be honest her presence there did help.
Too bad there was no record on Lee Youngwoong.
Sigh.
First try went down the drain. Time to think of a new plan.
*
Yunho-hyung came by on Saturday, as I was cooking lunch. Great timing, this fucker. I grumbled as I went to open the door. I wasn’t going to share my hard-earned gujang. Nu-uh.
“What do you want?” I greeted in lieu of hello. He socked my head with his knuckle, pushing his way into the apartment uninvited.
“I’m not going to say anything about your lack, no, absence of manners to your older brother. I just come to tell you that we’re going to celebrate Jinjoo’s party tomorrow night at Yoochun and Junsu’s place, and you have to go with me to the mall to get his present, which of course, will be from you since he expects his Changmin-hyung to give him something other than candies for his eleventh birthday.” He rambled, hands on his hips and looking every bit the flaming queen. Woah, déjà vu. Didn’t someone do exactly that before?
I shrugged, walking back to the kitchen, “Whatever, as long as I’m not paying for the gift.”
I could feel rather than see hyung rolling his eyes at me. Fucking queen.
“That’s why I’m here, cheapskate. I’m offering you my money to pretend like it’s yours…so that you can buy present for my future stepson and make him happy…which of course, will make his father happy and make me happy in return.”
Excuse me?
I turned to look at him, narrowed eyes and all, “So you’re using me as Kim Jaejoong-bait?”
He grinned sheepishly, turning his back on me as he went to lie on the couch. Avoidance huh? Wimp.
“I’m not using you. Not so much, anyway. You’ve got to help your brother a bit here,” he whined, out of my glare way. I huffed, getting back to my dog soup. Yum yum.
“Hey, I thought you adore Jinjoo too?” he piped out again, the top of his head noticeable over the side of the couch.
I threw him a glance over my shoulder, snorting, “Yeah, as much as I adore little puppies. And I have one in my pot right now, cooking nicely. Go figure.”
“You did not just compare my stepson to your puppy soup!” he yelled angrily. I chuckled, finding my mad brother highly amusing.
“Not ‘stepson’ yet, brother, ‘future stepson’. I’ll adore him after he becomes your stepson, alright?” I gave in a bit, laughing when hyung groaned aloud.
I continued, smiling as I thought of the aforementioned boy, “Jinjoo’s a nice kid, kind of smart and a good sport. A bit shy and spoiled though, but that’s not really his fault. His three fathers and one very hopeful future stepfather obviously had too much motherly instinct to make that kid vulnerable to hugs and kisses.”
“He’s the cutest and most charming eleven year-old I’ve ever met,” hyung gushed, voice dreamy and sort of faraway. I snorted.
“Are you sure you’re talking about the son, not the father?”
I swore I could hear hyung pouting from the distance.
“They’re both cute and charming, so what? I have the right to gloat about my boyfriend and his son. And can you please stop cooking, Min? We’re going to have lunch outside anyway…” He grumbled, moving to stand. I switched off the stove, turning to glare and throw the dirty rag at him.
“You should have told me that earlier before anything. Jeepers, you teachers really don’t know how to prioritize.”
*
I hated parties. All through my three years of law degree, I had been to two parties. One was when I had to take a very drunken Sooyoung home after she emptied the bowl of soju-mixed punch and puked most of it on my favorite Star Wars t-shirt. I still begrudged her and parties in general for that incident to this day.
The second party I went to wasn’t worth mentioning. It was related to a certain person named Inshil, and that certain person wasn’t the best person to be thinking of especially when that person nearly made me lose my life.
Shit, I mentioned her name, didn’t I? Fucking shit.
So yeah, parties and I didn’t mix. We went our own way and lived our peaceful life without one another. Capish.
But of course, like all great hate stories, fateful meeting was due. We met again, this time in the form of a birthday party for a boy named Jinjoo. Hell. Why couldn’t hyung find someone without a son and a ridiculous amount of extended family, twice removed, and thrice I didn’t give a fuck about?
I estimated there were about 50 people there, and probably more lurking around I didn’t notice. Yunho-hyung introduced me to Jaejoong-hyung’s sisters and their husbands and of course, their hordes of offspring whose names I didn’t bother to remember. And then Yoochun-hyung came and stole me away, which I was temporarily grateful of until he started to introduce me to his parents and his side of family.
When I saw Junsu-hyung calling out my name, I sneaked into an unoccupied room, hiding away in silence. I was hoping I could ninja my way all through the party without ever shaking another pair of hands and explaining my relation to Jaejoong/Yoochun/Junsu to anyone again. Please.
I looked about my hideout. The room was sufficiently insulated, and I saw the moonlight streaming from the high window on the end wall which explained why I could see in the dark. The space was stuffed with neatly packed boxes and various things, so I guessed I was in the storeroom. Which was great, because no one will come looking for things in the storeroom while the party was on.
I hoped there wasn’t any cockroach or rat. Not that I was scared, I was just, umm, squirmish. And vermin pose a health risk, which was the main reason why I hated them by sight or sound.
I saw a movement on my left and jumped, trying not to squeal. A box got knocked to the floor, spilling its fill and I stood still, waiting with closed eyes for someone to come and catch me.
Ten seconds passed by without a sound. I exhaled my breath out, not realizing I had been holding it in the first place. Phew, that was a close call.
I knelt down, eyes wary of the dark corners and ready for anything to come scurrying at me, and picked the scattered stuffs up to put back in the box. There were baby paraphernalia; rattle and chew toys, bibs and baby clothes. I shook my head as I picked the many pairs of mittens and booties, packed and labeled by the months Jinjoo the baby had worn them. How could these men be so sentimental?
Then something caught my eyes - a baby journal. I smiled as I took the blue cover book from the floor, snorting as I read the title.
‘Our angel Park-Kim Jinjoo’
Yeah right. Wait till he is sixteen and smuggling pots and girls (or guys, who knows?) into his room and see if you can still call him your ‘angel’. Pfft, I guess not.
The first page was filled with the mundane details. I noticed they had erased the word ‘Mommy’ and replaced with ‘Daddy No. 2’, with Jaejoong-hyung’s name on the dotted line. Instead of birthplace, they put in the orphanage name where I guessed they had adopted him from - Rainbow House.
I chuckled, just because.
I turned the page. There was a picture of the three of them, baby Jinjoo in Jaejoong-hyung’s arms and Yoochun-hyung looking from the side, one hand around Jaejoong-hyung’s shoulders. They looked so happy, so proud. I couldn’t help but smile a little bit wider.
What I saw on the next page made my smile falter and my hands tremble. Sweet son of a fucking gun.
It was a picture of Jinjoo in his crib, pink-faced and wrapped in blue blanket, a sweet mole on his left cheek.
It was the same picture as the one I saw in Miss Lee’s office.
Park-Kim Jinjoo was Lee Youngwoong.
The lost child.
*
“You’re so doomed.” Sooyoung said, but this time without the humor interlacing her favorite phrase for me. We were drinking coffee by the water fountain in front of Engineering Faculty, feeling not only out of place but also out of sorts.
Fuck. I was still shaking like I had Parkinson’s disease.
“So you’re going to tell Miss Lee about your finding?” she asked me when I didn’t say anything. I closed my eyes, I didn’t want to think. Fuck I didn’t expect any of this, didn’t expect this turn of event to creep up on me like this.
Professor Lee wanted to find her lost son, Lee Youngwoong. Lee Youngwoong was Park-Kim Jinjoo. Park-Kim Jinjoo was the adopted son of Park Yoochun and Kim Jaejoong. Kim Jaejoong was Jung Yunho’s boyfriend. And Jung Yunho was my older brother.
Complicated? You go figure it out. I was done here.
I felt Sooyoung nudge my side gently. I peeked at her, saw her grim expression and groaned. Obviously, she was not done yet.
“I’m going to do nothing, and say nothing, okay? Let’s just pretend this was one whole big fucking nightmare and wake up from it.”
Sooyoung looked down to her hands, fiddling with her coffee cup. A lengthy pause went unfilled between us. She looked up at me after long seconds and I could guess what she wanted to say even before she said it,
“But it’s not. We both know it, Changmin. It’s not fair to hide the truth from Miss Lee. You promised her you’d help her, didn’t you? Are you backing out from your promise now?”
What’s with girls and their ability to guilt-trip?
I sighed, grumbling as I tossed the half-empty coffee cup into the bin nearby. I wasn’t in the mood for caffeine anyway.
“Min-“
“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know! Damn it, this isn’t fair for anyone, Sooyoung. Can you imagine the pain I would cause if Miss Lee takes Jinjoo away from his current parents? They love him, Sooyoung, they love him and care for him like they would their own son. Jinjoo is their life.”
“Jinjoo, no, Youngwoong is Miss Lee’s life, too. You know that.”
I groaned loudly, standing up and walking away. The headache had started nailing their existence into my temples, pounding pain mercilessly until I felt my skin throbbed.
Sooyoung stood up and caught up with me easily. She grabbed my arm and turned me around, forcing me to look at her in the eyes.
“Changmin, please think about this! Didn’t you say you want Miss Lee to fall in love with you? This is your chance to be her knight in shining armor. You can make her wish come true!”
I blinked, and tears streaked down my face. Sooyoung gasped in shock. I was surprised too, so I looked away in reflex, shrugging her hand off my arm.
“I’m not that selfish to sacrifice four people’s happiness for my own. This is my decision, and if you still want to tell Miss Lee about it, then you go tell her and leave me out of it. But don’t ever talk to me again if you do, because I will not have someone who ruins my family as a friend.”
*
I didn’t go to class for one whole week. This was definitely going to stain an ugly mark in my record, but I was beyond caring about it. I was depressed, not clinically but I was sure the doctors would have had me strapped and locked up if they were to diagnose me.
I could not get my mind off the matter. The sleep ran away as the truth kept haunting my night, and no amount of warm milk could ease my stress. I wasn’t going to start on the pill, the last time I was depressed and had downed the pills, I ended up on a real hospital bed hovering between life and death. No, definitely no more drugs. I was past that shit.
Sooyoung called me on the phone numerous times, but I didn’t pick up. I knew what she was going to say, she was going to blame me for dragging her into this mess and chickening out when the truth was found. But I had no choice, did I? How was I supposed to know in the beginning that Jinjoo was Hyori’s long lost son? Fuck, I wasn’t even sure I could really find him in the first place.
But I did. I found the lost baby. My sucky, son of a bitch fate made sure of that. I didn’t want to be Miss Lee’s knight in shining armor, as Sooyoung had put it, like this. I didn’t want to ruin a family just because I had a crush on my very beautiful professor. She was perfect, but my brother and his boyfriend’s happiness were more important to me than anything else.
I lied to Yunho-hyung. The truth was, I did love Jinjoo. Not like puppies as I had said, but like a nephew. He was my family.
*
Someone knocked on my door hard on day sixth of my act of self-isolation. Fearing that whoever that was would knock the door off the hinges and ultimately get me in trouble with the landlord, I dragged my feet to open it up, and saw Yunho-hyung with a very serious expression on his face. I groaned, knowing the nagging was going to start any second soon.
Until I saw Jaejoong-hyung behind him, looking kind of dejected.
“Sooyoung told us.” Yunho-hyung started, stepping inside the apartment. His boyfriend followed from behind, eyes straying away from looking at me. Shit.
That bitch. I was so going to kill someone after this.
“Why didn’t you tell us, Min?” hyung began again, coming nearer. I stood rooted to the floor, not answering because I had no answer. What should I say? I didn’t know, and I didn’t expect to know like this.
I really felt like crying there and then.
“If you have a problem, come to us, Min. Sooyoung said you haven’t been to classes for a week, and you aren’t answering her calls and texts. She came to us asking for help. She said you need me, need both of us…your family with you. What happened, Min? Tell us, please…”
I started to cry, knees melting under me until I was in the floor. Sooyoung didn’t tell them about it, didn’t tell them the secret. But it was what she wanted me to do. Calling them both to see me like this, she knew it would give me the final push to open up.
Both of my hyung came rushing towards me. In seconds, I was held in two pairs of strong arms, Yunho-hyung on my left and Jaejoong-hyung on my right. I was going to ruin their life and here they were, holding me close to their chests so I could feel better. I was truly the greatest jerk alive.
“Hyung…” I sobbed, shaking and confused. The truth pressed at my throat, trying to crawl its way out. I couldn’t, no, please no!
“Min…just tell us. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it one step at a time. We are here for you, Changminah…” it was Jaejoong-hyung’s voice. I sobbed harder, thinking how ironic those words will be if I told them the truth.
“Forgive me, hyung…I’m sorry, I’m really sorry..,” I apologized repeatedly, because that was all I could say. Jaejoong-hyung hushed me as Yunho-hyung patted my hair, calming me down. They loved me.
Will they still love me after I told them what I knew?
“I know Jinjoo’s real mother!” I blurted out, and I felt both of them still. There, I said it, it was out. I bit my lips, tasting something coppery.
“Min?” Yunho-hyung said, hand gripping my shoulder slightly, “What are you saying, namdongseng?”
I looked up at him, then at Jaejoong-hyung, before I stood up and distanced myself away from them. If I were about to hurt them, I better be doing it at a distance where I couldn’t hear their hearts break. That was what I was thinking.
“It’s…she’s my professor at the university. She lost her baby eleven years ago. Her parents took him away from her, because they were not happy with her choice of boyfriend. She had been looking for him for years, but she still didn’t find him because she was searching for Lee Youngwoong. Her parents had registered her baby with other name…Lee Jinjoo.”
I heard Yunho-hyung gasp and saw Jaejoong-hyung turn pale white. My breath hitched, but I had to continue on. I had come this far.
“I promised her I would help find her baby. I didn’t know I would succeed, hell no, I didn’t know that. And I didn’t know Jinjoo was going to be Youngwoong. I seriously didn’t know…please, I didn’t know it would turn this way…” I begged, kneeling down in front of my brother and his boyfriend.
Yunho-hyung looked at me with a pained expression as he held Jaejoong-hyung close.
“Min, this is a serious allegation you’re making. Think carefully, you could have made a mistake.”
I looked back at him, blinking tears away.
“I wish it was a mistake. But it’s the truth. I saw the picture in Jinjoo’s baby journal, the night of his birthday party. I didn’t mean to be snooping around, but I was hiding in the storeroom and I accidentally knocked the box with the journal down. I had seen similar picture before…Miss Lee had one just like it. I couldn’t have missed the blue blanket and the baby with a mole on his cheek…”
Yunho-hyung frowned, “What were you doing hiding in the storeroom?”
Oh. Umm. I didn’t expect I would have to explain that one. Thankfully, Jaejoong-hyung cut me before I could make up a plausible excuse,
“Did you tell the professor about this?” his voice was hoarse. I shook my head signaling a ‘no’.
“Unless of course, Sooyoung told her about it. But I guess she hasn’t, if not Miss Lee would have come find you,” I explained, before a thought struck my mind and my eyes widened in fear, “You didn’t hear anything from Yoochun-hyung or Junsu-hyung, did you?”
They both shook their heads, and I breathed a little easier. Damn. I was on tenterhooks every other second because of this shit.
Jaejoong-hyung sighed, holding his head in his hands.
“Yoochun and Junsu are going to go ballistic if they know about this, especially Yoochun. He’s going to be so paranoid…”
“Then let’s not tell him! We’ll keep this to ourselves and I will ask Sooyoung to shut the hell up about this!” I blurted without thinking. Yunho-hyung frowned at me and Jaejoong-hyung looked at me with dead eyes, shaking his head.
“No, we can’t do that. They have the right to know about this, they are Jinjoo’s parents too. Damn, I still couldn’t believe it myself. We were told that Jinjoo’s real parents were dead...if we had known, we could have…I don’t know what we could have done. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing Jinjoo…I love him so much…”
I saw the tears pooling in Jaejoong-hyung’s eyes and gritted my teeth, hatred filling my whole being at the thought of Miss Lee’s parents, who had started all this shit in the first place,
“Those wretched fuckers! I swear I will fucking kill them myself if they weren’t already dead!”
“Changmin!” my brother reprimanded before he turned to his boyfriend, coaxing the shaking man gently,
“We’ll sort this mess out. Changmin and I will protect you and your family. We will not let her take Jinjoo away from you, okay baby?”
Jaejoong-hyung nodded, collapsing into Yunho-hyung’s arms. I looked at my brother and he looked back at me, his face grim but full of understanding.
I couldn’t ask for more.
*
I went back to uni, but I decided to drop out of Business Law. It was a stupid decision considering it was a required paper and I would have to take it again next semester, with the same lecturer teaching, but the thought of a semester not having to see her gave me some peace.
I couldn’t see her and not feel guilt choking me from inside and out.
Sooyoung didn’t come to find me until day two of my return to class. I was walking down the pathway to get to my English tutorials when I saw her waiting for me, leaning against the back of the bench with two coffee cups in her hands. She smiled first, gesturing to the coffee and I smiled back, a reflex.
“Black, one packet of sugar. No cream, don’t worry.” Sooyoung said to me as she handed me my coffee. I half-smiled at her remark, a memory of her putting whipped cream in my coffee just to piss me off surfacing on my mind.
“Thank you,” I said as I leaned against the bench beside her, thanking her for more than just the coffee. She waved her hand to play it cool before she looked me up and down, smiling into her own cup.
“What?” I asked, annoyed and curious. Sooyoung simply shrugged.
“You look fine. I was half-expecting you to look like shit, after a week of intense emoing.”
I snorted, “Who’s emoing? I was just taking a sabbatical from school.”
She snorted back, “Sabbatical? My ass.”
“Nonexistent.”
She frowned at me, “Excuse me?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged, walking towards class. I was five minutes late, but I didn’t care. My best friend was back.
*
I wished things would stay as peachy as they were but of course they wouldn’t, not in my life anyway. Miss Lee sent me an email requesting my presence in her room on Thursday afternoon, obviously wanting to know why I had dropped off from her class and probably what had happened to my investigation of her lost child. I guessed I just have to blow her off and cry in my heart later because I just lost my chance to be with her forever.
It was a great sacrifice on my part. But it was worth it. My family was my number one priority, after all.
Jaejoong-hyung came to my apartment on Wednesday, exactly four days after his last visit with Yunho-hyung. This time, instead of Yunho-hyung, he brought his friends with him.
His friends; Park Yoochun and Kim Junsu. Jeepers fuck.
“Hi Changmin. Sorry for the surprise visit,” Jaejoong-hyung greeted when I opened the door. I glanced over his shoulder at the two men standing behind him, and invited them in with a heavy heart.
I didn’t even have enough beer to get shit drunk after all of this was over.
“Where’s hyung?” I asked as a start. Jaejoong-hyung turned to me and smiled thinly, somewhat guilty,
“He took Jinjoo out to the cinema. To buy us some time to…you know.”
I nodded, half-smiling and half-apologetic. Oh well.
We sat down, Yoochun-hyung and Junsu-hyung on the couch, and Jaejoong-hyung and I on the edge of the bed. I fidgeted, uncomfortable. It was a small studio apartment, not much space for running away. The kitchen was an option, but there was no different between hiding there and sneaking under the coffee table. Which meant it wasn’t possible.
“I told them,” Jaejoong-hyung said suddenly, voice barely audible. I looked at him then at the forlorn couple on the couch, and sighed deeply. Shit had obviously hit the fan and scattered them all over the place.
“We’ve discussed the matter between the three of us. It’s a hard decision to make, but we’ve made them,” Jaejoong-hyung spoke again, and I watched Yoochun-hyung and Junsu-hyung’s faces for their reactions. I saw Yoochun-hyung’s lips tremble, and Junsu-hyung gripping his husband’s hand tight. My heart felt like it had just been wrung dry.
“We want to meet your professor.”
I gasped, surprised at Junsu-hyung’s remark. Jaejoong-hyung inched closer and hugged me from the side.
“We’re not going to get you in trouble, Min. You had done everything you can to protect us and Jinjoo, and we will not forget that. But we also can’t let you handle our problem for us. Jinjoo is our son and we are his fathers, and no one can change that. Not even his birth mother,” he said gently, rubbing my arm as a form of reassurance. I saw the couple smile slightly.
“That’s right. I was afraid that she’s going to take Jinjoo away from us, but after discussing about it with Jaejoong and Junsu, I’ve began to accept the fact that I couldn’t keep him away from his mother, if she’s still alive. It’s his right to know his birth mom, and vice versa,” Yoochun-hyung piped up, voice and expression in contrast with each other. He looked like he was about to die from worry, but he sounded determined to make things right.
I nodded, my heart and mind made, “Alright, if that’s what you guys have decided. I am expected at her office tomorrow at noon, and it would be best for all of you to join us in the meeting.”
*
To say Miss Lee was surprised was an understatement. She was thoroughly shocked, eyes going as wide as saucers when I stepped into her office with Jinjoo/Youngwoong’s three fathers in tow.
This was going to top any soap opera moment that ever happened in my life, I could tell.
“Y-you…you found my baby?” she gasped, tears leaking from her eyes. I looked at the three men asking for permission to speak on their behalf, and they nodded their consent.
“Professor Lee, these three men…they are Jinjoo, umm, Youngwoong’s fathers. Well, two of them, Kim Jaejoong and Park Yoochun had legally adopted your son from an orphanage when he was two months’ old, and Kim Junsu became the third father by marriage. He’s living with Yoochun-hyung and Junsu-hyung now, but he does stay at Jaejoong-hyung’s house from time to time. They are all very much involved in his life, and they have come here to discuss with you regarding the matter of your son.”
Hyori looked at me, before eying the three men curiously, “You said ‘by marriage’. You guys are…homosexuals?”
Crapstick in a dipshit. Didn’t think that would matter.
I saw Junsu-hyung stepped forward, his face serious as he held Yoochun-hyung’s hand tight.
“Yes we are. I’m married to Park Yoochun, your son’s foster father and he was once married to Kim Jaejoong, your son’s other foster father. But I don’t think who we are as individuals have anything to do with our ability to care for Jinjoo. He grew up like all the other children, with much love and affection. Where he lacked a mother, he has three fathers to make up for it. He’s an excellent student at school, ranked top in his class. He has doting grandparents who adore him greatly and he has friends, boys and girls. He goes to sleepovers sometimes, and went camping with his scout troop twice. We never let the fact that we are homosexual affects his preference or view on gender or relationship. He has a crush on a girl in his class, just so you should know.”
I smiled as Junsu-hyung explained, knowing this was as important to him as it was to the other two men who had adopted Jinjoo.
Miss Lee gawked at Junsu as if he had just spoke Kenyan. I saw Jaejoong-hyung about to say something, but she cut him off with a nervous laugh,
“God, my parents are surely tossing and turning in their graves! Three gay men looking after their only grandchildren…who would have guess!”
Err, excuse me, can someone please tell me why my perfect woman suddenly went loony?
It was obvious that I wasn’t the only one spooked by this turn of event. The three fathers glanced at each other, questions furrowing their brows.
Miss Lee wiped the tears off her eyes, sniffling while still chuckling, “Changmin, I told you my parents took my baby away because they weren’t pleased with my choice of life partner. But I didn’t tell you why they weren’t pleased,” She looked up straight at me at this point, and I felt my heart drummed the suspense tune,
“To be perfectly honest, I’m a lesbian.”
What?
My jaw went slack, mind going berserk as the wheels of thoughts ran over each other, collided with a bang and went kaboom papow!
“You’re what?” That was Yoochun-hyung talking. Miss Lee turned to look at him, a gentle smile on her face,
“I’m a homosexual too, like the three of you. I came out to my parents, but they didn’t accept it all too kindly. They threatened to disown me if I don’t leave my girlfriend. We thought getting pregnant would make them see how serious we were with each other, so we went to the sperm bank and got me pregnant. We were young then, and didn’t think much about the consequences.”
I could picture young Miss Lee prancing around with rounded belly, her girlfriend holding her hand as they smiled at each other. Sobs. Why…why?
Sigh. I was like a goddamn gay-magnet. The rainbows and fairies all clamored to me looking for fuck knows what. I thanked the heaven for the little mercy that Sooyoung wasn’t here. I could already imagine her boogying to my suffering and discomfort. Damn twerp.
“I had complications during labour and had to be hospitalized. I didn’t know that my parents had plotted to take my baby away during that time. My girlfriend and I were told that our baby had breathing problem, and he needed to stay at the hospital after I was released.”
Tears dripped from her eyes again, but she was smiling, strong and determined, “I managed to see him for a while, and during that time I saw how my precious baby, fighting to live like the little hero he was. That’s why I named him Youngwoong, a hero. My hero.”
I bit my lips trying to harden my melting heart. I looked around the room and saw Yoochun-hyung already tearful, his husband coming in close second with the sniffles. Jaejoong-hyung was surprisingly stout, lips only trembling slightly.
“My parents told me my baby died in the hospital. They wouldn’t even let me see his supposedly dead body. My partner and I grew apart after the ordeal, she couldn’t accept the death of our son on top of my parents’ rejection and so moved to America. My parents succeeded in their scheme and I followed their wishes, getting my law degree as they had wanted me to do before I came out. Until they got into an accident and my mother confessed to me on her dying bed that she had given my baby away. I didn’t manage to ask for details because she passed away before I could press for more, but I got the picture from her diary. Apparently my father had destroyed all evidence of Youngwoong’s existence, except the picture my mother had secretly saved. It was my only link to my son.”
I cried, tears flooding down my face. It was seriously the saddest story I had ever heard in my life, not even my own weepie could surpass how heartbreaking this had been. My parents were abusive towards each other, but they didn’t try to kill anyone else. Looking at it from this perspective, I could say my parents were hundredth times better than Miss Lee’s parents who falsified a baby’s death and took him away from his mother.
Wretched, crazy old dead bastards.
“Professor Lee…if it’s any consolation, our hearts are with you. We understand how much you have suffered, and we are glad to have you back in Jinjoo’s life. He’ll be happy to know that he has a mother. He has always wanted one, although he always said his Appa is already like an Omma,” Jaejoong-hyung said, teasing Yoochun-hyung a bit. The four of them laughed amidst their tears, before they turned their attention to me.
I was still crying like a pansy. And I was the straight one in the room. So much for holding the flag up for the team.
“Oh Changmin…” they chorused to my horror and stepped closer.
Ever been glomped by four homosexual adults? I had, and I live to tell the tale.
*
A week and a half later found me in Business Law lecture hall again, listening in rapt attention as Professor Lee Hyori wrote on the board and explained the term ‘slave contract’. My request to drop out from the course was denied, and I was really glad it didn’t go through because now that the Jinjoo/Youngwoong drama was over, I was extremely pleased to have Miss Lee the Incredible as my lecturer. Her beautiful smile really provided some sort of soothing relief to my sore, tired eyes.
Being a lesbian didn’t make her any less desirable. In fact, it made her more alluring somehow, because fuck, I could imagine her and another woman going at it like wild bunnies. Or a group of women, going at like raunchy raging rabbits.
Oh yeahhhhhhh, welcome to my kind of heaven, people.
I was half-way into a very improper daydream when Sooyoung poked my side, peering close until I saw three of her instead of one.
“What?” I put my palm on her face and shoved her away to a safe distance. She stared at me curiously, eyes narrowed and face scrunched up.
“You’re thinking dirty again, aren’t you?” She accused, poking her pen onto my arm. I hushed her with a finger on my lips, but couldn’t help smirking. She rolled her eyes in reply, leaning back into her seat.
“She’s hot.” I whispered as way of explanation. She kicked my shin.
“She’s a lesbian. She’s not interested in dicks like you.”
I shrugged, “But she’s still hot.”
Sooyoung groaned, not having the chance to complain as Miss Lee started giving out instructions for our next assignment. When I had finished writing up my notes and packing up my stuffs, Sooyoung was nowhere in sight. Huh.
I found her at our usual bench, but no coffee cup in her hands. There was a faraway gaze in her eyes.
“Hey.”
She jolted upright, surprised by my appearance. Weird.
“Hey.”
“You didn’t wait for me.”
“Yeah.”
“Want some coffee?”
She shook her head and put her hands in her hoodies’ pockets, her expression unfathomable. She was making me worry.
“What’s wrong?”
She didn’t answer, nor did she react in any way. I watched her expression closely, and realized for the first time how long her eyelashes were. They weren’t covered in mascara, but they were long and curly and thick. She had a pair of big, black brown eyes. Her nose was small and sharp, just like her chin. Her cheekbones were high and round, and she had a soft looking skin and naturally pink lips.
She was sort of pretty, when I looked at her like this.
Sooyoung frowned, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Huh?” I was dazed. Fuck, how could I not realize it before?
“Why. Are. You. Staring. At. Me. You. Shit. Face?” she spat out word by word, as her cheeks went red. She was blushing! How cute!
I grinned, snaking an arm around her shoulders. She squealed and pushed me away, standing up and huffing moodily.
“Psycho bastard. Creepy as fuck. Don’t know why I hang around this kind of person. Must be crazy.” She was mumbling to herself as she walked away.
I laughed, blowing raspberries towards her back. I didn’t worry. Not a bit. I already had her phone number and address anyway.
--[THE END]
note: gujang - dog soup
changmin/hyori | changmin/sooyoung | side!yunjae | side!yoosu | past!jaechun
AU | pg-13 | oneshot | romance | fluff | attempted crack | wee bit of angst | ~9, 600 words
Summary: Min had a crush on his Professor Lee. A secret from her past opened up his chance to be her knight in shining armor, and Min found himself digging up old history, searching for a lost child.
Related: Deeper Conversation | Private Conversation
a/n: This can be read on its own without reading the related fics. It is mainly Min-centered, written in his pov. And oh, this is half-het and half-slash, just in case you missed the pairings. Heh. unbeta-ed. :]
--
Secret Conversation;
Who's that man? His code name is X
When I go 'bang bang bang', he said 'Nobody can control me'
No one can break this mechanism
Tell me tell me the reason why there's a mission file of the destruction of evidence
Party's on, then eye to eye... let's slip away secretly!
- TRICK, Tohoshinki
*
It had to be the most excruciating and cock-teasing day of my third year law student’s life. I woke up that morning feeling fine, all around wonderful. Functioning water heater in the shower. New leather jacket my brother’s boyfriend bought for my birthday. Good black coffee and a breakfast of meat buns I bought from the café across the apartment. Extra money in my wallet from my library job. The bus even arrived on time. Just magical.
It was supposed to be the perfect start to a perfect year, but oh no, the Gods just hated me enough to make me suffer by sending his fallen angel to haunt my life.
The devil was five feet five inches tall, with long, wavy brown hair sweeping past her shoulders and a curvaceous body that fit just nice in a fitted black suit. Her name was Miss Lee Hyori, my Business Law professor and she was just my type.
I groaned, headdesking for a good few seconds. I can already imagine Sooyoung laughing and teasing me all year round, making rude gestures that girls weren’t supposed to know and/or do and driving me insane. It was so typical of my screwed up life, to have a best friend who knew my deepest, stupidest weaknesses and knew how to manipulate them for her own sick amusement.
Professor Lee was explaining something, but her words were lost to my ears. She could have sung a song about firemen for all I care, and the only thing that reached beyond my clouded mind was how hot she looked, how pretty and intelligent and perfect and gorgeous and sexy she was.
I bet she’s a screamer.
Fuck.
I could already foretell I was going to fail Business Law this semester. I wouldn’t be able to absorb anything she teaches without turning it into pornographic materials.
Stupid hormonal young adult brain.
(I was a law student and we all know lawyers exaggerate. Deal with it. So did teachers. My brother was from that species so I knew what I was talking about.
Or maybe it had nothing to do with lawyers or teachers. Well, I can still blame my fucked-up genetics.)
I felt the chair beside me creaked and groaned again, not lifting my head from where it was perched on the desk. I heard the annoying giggles first, then came the nasty fingers probing my ribs. I squirmed and slapped the fingers away, growling my warning.
“You’re so doomed.” The voice was as clear as the headache that was starting to pound. I knew that voice, been accustomed to its nasal quality and ability to irritate for nearly three years now.
Sooyoung poked me harder. I ignored her, chanting peace inwardly. Then she slapped my thick textbook against my back as revenge. I shot up from pain, yelling at her to stop pissing me off only to find the whole one hundred twelve students plus a hot lecturer looking at me like I was a three-headed alien from Planet Zargus.
Great, just great. Sooyoung chuckled and inched away, dunking low under the desk to her original place a good few meters away from mine.
Just you wait, Choi Sooyoung. I’ll get you and get you good, and break your neck like twigs.
“Jung Changmin, isn’t it?” I heard my name called out, snapping me away from the thought of snapping Sooyoung. I straightened up and nodded stupidly, looking guiltily at the devil wearing Gucci, not Prada.
Praise the power that be because she smiled instead of scolding me blue. Rapping her knuckle against the white board, she said gently but firmly,
“I would really appreciate it if you can refrain from making unnecessary noise in my class. I don’t mind you falling asleep, but please don’t bother your other friends who want to learn. It is both rude and unacceptable,” I blushed hot to the sound of discreet chuckles. She waved her hand once, and like a magic wand of a fairy, the class went hush.
“And that goes to you too, Miss Choi.” She continued, giving Sooyoung the ‘I-know-what-you-did-last-minute’ look. I boogied inwardly, celebrating the little show of justice. Sooyoung just stuck out her tongue at me when Miss Lee turned back to face the board.
Sore loser.
Perhaps I should have taken back my earlier words. This seemed to be an amazing start to my third year law student’s life. I had a crush, and she went by the name of Lee Hyori the Wonder Justice Woman.
I was so going to ace Business Law.
*
Fucking hell.
A C+ for my essay, the one where I had slaved over for four days and three sleepless nights? You’ve got to be kidding me.
I slumped down on the bench, scrunching up a corner of the goddamn paper. Professor Lee was hard to impress. I had done everything I can, researching the mundane law library archives to investigate the impact of industrial action and the laws that relate to it and she gave me a simple comment of ‘don’t regurgitate facts’ for my efforts.
Sooyoung patted my shoulder, offering me her cup of frappucino. Whipped cream, yuck. I shook my head and said thanks, and put the slightly crumpled assignment into my bag.
“Chill, babe.”
I huffed moodily, channeling my emo self.
“You’ve tried your best.” She tried again, scooting close and patting my knee this time. But like I said, I was emoing and we all know wallowing in my shortcoming was the key to achieve the best effect of emoness.
“Obviously not ‘best’ enough. C+. Crapshit. Hell, even you can get an A-.”
Sooyoung’s pat morphed into a stinging slap. “Don’t offend me, goth kid.”
“I’m not gothic.”
“You’re certainly emo enough to be one.”
“Just shut up, Sooyoung. You don’t know how I feel.”
She groaned and rolled her eyes, falling back against the bench. “And I’m the woman here. Damn it Min, I thought you’re better than this. Getting heartbroken over a C+ is so 90s, my friend.”
I pouted and leaned back, shoulder bumping against hers. She was quite tall for a girl, and as thin as stick figures. Her hair was cut short into a boyish bob and she wore jeans and hoodies all the time, with sneakers or boots but never high heels. She smelt of cheeseburgers and Starbucks coffee instead of Elizabeth Arden perfumes. And she didn’t have boobs. I mean, of course she had a pair being a girl and all, but I didn’t consider them as boobs, just bumps.
Totally the exact opposite of my dream woman.
“So much for impressing wonder lady. She’s going to think I’m an idiot now.”
Sooyoung snorted, “You are an idiot. That’s old news.”
“If you’re not going to help, then can you be quiet and let me stew by myself?”
“Jeepers fries, can you be more of a jerk than you already are? What do you think I’m doing here if not helping? I’m helping you…by not helping you,” I gave her a confused stare and she rolled her eyes like I was dumb for not getting it, before continuing in her I-know-it-all-so-just-listen-to-me-you-dimwit-doodledoo voice,
“I know it sounds rather cryptic, but I have my logic. I’m not going to sit here watching you drown yourself in your emo tears and say nothing about it. Face it, Min, wallowing in self-pity will get you nowhere.”
I hated to admit it but she was right for once. Or maybe more than once. Whatever. It wasn’t like I didn’t know about it, I just…I had never been so besotted with a woman like this before.
I used ‘besotted’. Fuck, this was serious situation, people.
“I really like her, Sooyoung. Really, really, really like her.” I whined, looking up at the clear spring sky. There were no birds or bees or rainbows but then I wasn’t really looking, just all out staring and getting lost in my own world. In it, Hyori thought I was kind of awesome.
Sooyoung bumped against me, slinking an arm over my shoulder. She leaned closer, her grinning face totally invading my personal space. I could even see streak of chocolate sauce and cream on her lower front teeth. Yuck.
“Plead your case then. Go and beg for her to let you rewrite that essay. Make her see you in a new light, as someone who is willing to do everything just to get things right. You’re a lawyer-to-be, Min, you must know how to save your own ass before you go save others.”
“But that will make me look so desperate!”
She raised a brow up, smirking, “Aren’t you?”
I sighed aloud and wiped my face with my palm. There was no denying the truth, and I wasn’t going to start arguing with my own best friend who can guess my every thoughts like a stalker fan would to their idols.
Damn creepy but scarily accurate.
*
Hyori’s office was relatively easy to find, it was the only office with its door closed and at the end of the hallway. I could feel eyes burning into my back as I walked the short corridor of Law Department. Freaking busybodies. I knocked on her door twice and waited, musing in those short seconds how shiny her golden nameplate was. Glamorous and pretty, just like the owner.
She called me in, and I opened and closed the door as silently as I can.
“What’s the matter, Changmin?”
I bowed once, trying hard not to forget my manners and my mind while gawking at her youthful smile. God, she’s really beautiful.
“It’s about my paper,” I started, gulping my stutters down, “I’m hoping you could let me re-do the assignment.”
She looked at me above her spectacles, before gesturing to the seat. I sat down without a complaint.
“Tell me why I should let you do that.”
I took a deep breath and started, as confidently as I could, “You commented on the paper that I regurgitated the information, so I want to rectify that. I’m not asking you to change the mark you’ve given, I know it’s not fair for others if I ask you to do that, but I just want to get it right.” And impress you in the process and maybe make you fall in love with me even just a little bit, but of course I didn’t say that out loud.
Hyori chuckled as if she could listen to my thoughts.
“Alright, I’ll let you rewrite the essay,” she said finally, reaching forward to wave well-manicured fingers in front of my face, “Stop looking so scared. I don’t eat my students, at least not the well-mannered ones.”
I laughed nervously as something under my belt twitched. She didn’t know how not well-mannered I was. Heh. Cue improper thoughts here, good people.
“Get it on my desk this Friday by five. I’ll look at it over the weekend and get it back to you with comments in the class on Monday. That’s okay with you?”
I nodded, “Yeah. Thank you for your consideration, Miss Lee,” and bowed again, moving to stand. She stood up as well, even when she didn’t have to.
Awwww.
*
It was finally Friday, and I was standing in front of Miss Lee’s office again, my re-written essay in my hands. I was confident this time, I even had Sooyoung proofread my essay although she was like a Nazi when it came to getting the structure, coherence and grammar right.
I knocked twice and waited for her to call me in. Seconds turned to a minute and I got antsy, so I called out her name softly. No one answered. It was 4.45 p.m. now, and I had to get this in by 5.
Cold sweat dripped down my temple and into my shirt.
I knocked again five minutes later, and still no answer. I had to do it, despite the code of manners I was going to break. Thinking that she was probably out, I looked around the perimeter to check if anyone was looking and opened the door gently, slipping in like a ninja.
I heard her first before I saw her.
Slumped over her desk, she was sobbing into her folded arms. I gulped. Fuck. I should probably leave now. This was outright invading personal space and time - and absolutely not what someone who wanted to impress someone would do.
She stirred, lifting her head slowly up. I stood rooted to the floor, one hand on the doorknob. Fucking fuck.
“Changmin?” she muttered softly, her voice hitching. I nodded stiffly, like a kid caught with porn magazine in hand.
She straightened up, wiping her wet face with her sleeve and combing her fingers through her gorgeous, mussed up hair.
“I’m sorry you had to see me like this. I don’t know what got into me..,” she apologized, voice still thick with tears. My heart felt squeezed, and I let go of the brass knob and stepped forward, closing the gap.
“Miss Lee, please don’t apologize. If anyone should apologize it should have been me. I was the one who came in without your permission.”
She shook her head, smiling a little. “It’s okay, Changmin, it’s not your fault.” Then she saw the papers in my hand, “Is that your essay?”
I nodded, and stepped closer to her desk. There was a picture of a baby on her desk, looking slightly wet. My eyes widened automatically. Her baby?
She must have seen my reaction, as she took the picture and wiped its surface. I put my essay down on her desk carefully, curious and itching to ask what had happened and who was that pink-faced baby I saw.
I didn’t have to ask.
“This is my son. The picture was taken when he was ten days’ old. It was the only picture of him I have…the only thing of him I have,” I gasped as she continued, fresh tears lining her cheeks, “…my parents took him away from me…took him away without my consent. I didn’t know, I didn’t know they would do something as cruel as that just because they hated who I chose as my lover. If not, I’d have stopped them, I’d have run away with my baby as fast as I could, as far as the oceans allowed…but my baby, oh my baby…they got him. They got him while I wasn’t looking…”
My heart clenched at her tortured ramble. Her parents took her baby away from her? What kind of parents would do something so heartless and inhumane like that?
“Miss Lee…” I didn’t know what to say to console her. Hell I was bad at stuffs like this. The only time I ever came close to a crying person was when my brother royally fucked his boyfriend up (oooooookay that didn’t come out right) I mean, when he got Jaejoong-hyung shit mad because he was stupid like that. He was bawling like a cat in labour then and I only had to shove beer his way to shut him up. I didn’t think shoving a bottle of Cass to her face at this moment in time would make her feel better though.
She was sobbing, clutching the picture to her heaving chest, “I miss him, miss him so bad. Not a day goes by that I didn’t think of my baby, what he looks like now, what he’s doing and who he’s with…People told me to move on and forget, but how could I? He’s such a pretty baby, Changmin, skin so soft and face so sweet you would smile just looking at him…I named him Youngwoong, Lee Youngwoong…because he’s like a little hero…my little hero…”
I swallowed, feeling tears biting at the back of my eyes, “You didn’t try to search for him?”
She wiped her tears angrily, her lips tightening into a grim line, “I tried! I tried every way I can, I looked everywhere for him. I visited each and every orphanage in Korea, and you know how many there are? Nearly a thousand! I spent years looking for him, Changmin, but I never lose that hope. Even when people said he could have been adopted by foreigners, I still hope I will find him one day. I will find him, no matter what I will!”
I was struck by awe at her determination, and tears sprang to my eyes. She was a great mother. That kind of women didn’t come in bunch. I knew - my own mother couldn’t be more different to her than the Earth was to the Sun.
“I’ll help you.” I said, determined to make her wish come true. She looked up at me in shock, before she smiled gently, sniffling,
“You don’t have to, Changmin. I’m not telling you this to ask for your-”
I cut her short, “I want to. This is important to you…he is important to you. And because of that I want to help you find him. I’m sure wherever he is, whatever he is doing and who he is with, he’s longing for his mother too…the one who gave birth to him and loves him with every bit of her heart.”
She sniveled, smiling as she looked at me with hope in her eyes.
“Thank you, Changmin. That was the sweetest thing any man ever said to me.”
To say I was happy was an understatement. I was beyond elated.
Jung Changmin, Private Investigator.
It got a nice ring to it.
*
“What?? Are you fucking crazy??” Sooyoung shouted, loud as fuck. I shut her up with my hand, dragging her to the side of the building and away from prying ears and nosy eyes.
“What’s the matter with you?” I hissed, letting her go when she tried to kick my groin. She stared at me sharply, huffing like a moody bitch in heat.
“I can’t believe this.”
“Believe what?”
“You! Do you know what you’re asking me to do is considered a crime? Do you? Huh? Huh?” She poked my chest with every word spoken. I winced and moved a good distance away from her crazy fingers.
“Aww, come on, Sooyoung. You’re the only one I can think of. That says something, right?”
She sighed aloud, linking her arms over her chest, “Yeah, it says you have no friend.”
“Ouch.” I clutched my heart, feigning hurt. She groaned, pulling me close to her roughly and mumbled her sorry. I smiled.
“Just this once, please?” I was begging. I hated the thought that I was, but then this was serious matter and I was sort of desperate, and my ego wasn’t that big to ignore the importance of a mother looking for her lost son.
Sooyoung seemed to contemplate this for a good few seconds before she looked up at me, her eyes filled with worry. I looked back at her, puppy eyes at full blast. She sighed, resigned.
“Okay, but just this once. I’m not going to get my ass kicked from college just because you made me an unwilling accomplice in your crime. I pledge ignorance over the planning and the execution of the act. You understand me, Jung Changmin?”
I nodded happily.
“So, what do I have to do again?” she asked, shifting her weight from foot to foot. I linked an arm around her shoulders, bringing her close to me so I could whisper into her ear. She scrunched up her face and wriggled away, but stayed close enough so she could hear.
“Okay, listen. All you have to do is get the key to the Registrar Department’s archive and give it to me. You’re temping in the Registrar’s office, right? I’ll slip my way in before the building close and do my investigation there, and slip back out in the morning before the workers come in. I’ll meet you in front of the building and pass the key back to you, and you return it to where it belongs. Simple, right?”
I grinned, but she still looked somewhat unconvinced.
“What if you get caught by the patrolling guards?”
I snorted, bumping her shoulder with mine, “I’ll be so ninja no one would even know I’m there. Don’t worry.”
She glared at me, hands propped on her waist in a good imitation of a scowling wife, “What if you still get caught, Ninja-san?”
I sighed, rolling my eyes. “Why do you have to ask so many questions? I won’t mouth your name off, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll say I steal the key or something. I’ll figure things out. Geez, Sooyoung, are you going to help me or what?”
She looked away and grunted, “Do I even have a choice?”
*
Thursday night. I got the key and I was in.
Seven hours of frantic, adrenaline-rushing, heart-thumping search. Three times the guards came and stopped in front of the door and I nearly piss in my pants from fear of getting caught.
It all went just as planned, except that I wasn’t alone. Sooyoung had decided that she wanted a piece of the action herself. That bosy twerp, though to be honest her presence there did help.
Too bad there was no record on Lee Youngwoong.
Sigh.
First try went down the drain. Time to think of a new plan.
*
Yunho-hyung came by on Saturday, as I was cooking lunch. Great timing, this fucker. I grumbled as I went to open the door. I wasn’t going to share my hard-earned gujang. Nu-uh.
“What do you want?” I greeted in lieu of hello. He socked my head with his knuckle, pushing his way into the apartment uninvited.
“I’m not going to say anything about your lack, no, absence of manners to your older brother. I just come to tell you that we’re going to celebrate Jinjoo’s party tomorrow night at Yoochun and Junsu’s place, and you have to go with me to the mall to get his present, which of course, will be from you since he expects his Changmin-hyung to give him something other than candies for his eleventh birthday.” He rambled, hands on his hips and looking every bit the flaming queen. Woah, déjà vu. Didn’t someone do exactly that before?
I shrugged, walking back to the kitchen, “Whatever, as long as I’m not paying for the gift.”
I could feel rather than see hyung rolling his eyes at me. Fucking queen.
“That’s why I’m here, cheapskate. I’m offering you my money to pretend like it’s yours…so that you can buy present for my future stepson and make him happy…which of course, will make his father happy and make me happy in return.”
Excuse me?
I turned to look at him, narrowed eyes and all, “So you’re using me as Kim Jaejoong-bait?”
He grinned sheepishly, turning his back on me as he went to lie on the couch. Avoidance huh? Wimp.
“I’m not using you. Not so much, anyway. You’ve got to help your brother a bit here,” he whined, out of my glare way. I huffed, getting back to my dog soup. Yum yum.
“Hey, I thought you adore Jinjoo too?” he piped out again, the top of his head noticeable over the side of the couch.
I threw him a glance over my shoulder, snorting, “Yeah, as much as I adore little puppies. And I have one in my pot right now, cooking nicely. Go figure.”
“You did not just compare my stepson to your puppy soup!” he yelled angrily. I chuckled, finding my mad brother highly amusing.
“Not ‘stepson’ yet, brother, ‘future stepson’. I’ll adore him after he becomes your stepson, alright?” I gave in a bit, laughing when hyung groaned aloud.
I continued, smiling as I thought of the aforementioned boy, “Jinjoo’s a nice kid, kind of smart and a good sport. A bit shy and spoiled though, but that’s not really his fault. His three fathers and one very hopeful future stepfather obviously had too much motherly instinct to make that kid vulnerable to hugs and kisses.”
“He’s the cutest and most charming eleven year-old I’ve ever met,” hyung gushed, voice dreamy and sort of faraway. I snorted.
“Are you sure you’re talking about the son, not the father?”
I swore I could hear hyung pouting from the distance.
“They’re both cute and charming, so what? I have the right to gloat about my boyfriend and his son. And can you please stop cooking, Min? We’re going to have lunch outside anyway…” He grumbled, moving to stand. I switched off the stove, turning to glare and throw the dirty rag at him.
“You should have told me that earlier before anything. Jeepers, you teachers really don’t know how to prioritize.”
*
I hated parties. All through my three years of law degree, I had been to two parties. One was when I had to take a very drunken Sooyoung home after she emptied the bowl of soju-mixed punch and puked most of it on my favorite Star Wars t-shirt. I still begrudged her and parties in general for that incident to this day.
The second party I went to wasn’t worth mentioning. It was related to a certain person named Inshil, and that certain person wasn’t the best person to be thinking of especially when that person nearly made me lose my life.
Shit, I mentioned her name, didn’t I? Fucking shit.
So yeah, parties and I didn’t mix. We went our own way and lived our peaceful life without one another. Capish.
But of course, like all great hate stories, fateful meeting was due. We met again, this time in the form of a birthday party for a boy named Jinjoo. Hell. Why couldn’t hyung find someone without a son and a ridiculous amount of extended family, twice removed, and thrice I didn’t give a fuck about?
I estimated there were about 50 people there, and probably more lurking around I didn’t notice. Yunho-hyung introduced me to Jaejoong-hyung’s sisters and their husbands and of course, their hordes of offspring whose names I didn’t bother to remember. And then Yoochun-hyung came and stole me away, which I was temporarily grateful of until he started to introduce me to his parents and his side of family.
When I saw Junsu-hyung calling out my name, I sneaked into an unoccupied room, hiding away in silence. I was hoping I could ninja my way all through the party without ever shaking another pair of hands and explaining my relation to Jaejoong/Yoochun/Junsu to anyone again. Please.
I looked about my hideout. The room was sufficiently insulated, and I saw the moonlight streaming from the high window on the end wall which explained why I could see in the dark. The space was stuffed with neatly packed boxes and various things, so I guessed I was in the storeroom. Which was great, because no one will come looking for things in the storeroom while the party was on.
I hoped there wasn’t any cockroach or rat. Not that I was scared, I was just, umm, squirmish. And vermin pose a health risk, which was the main reason why I hated them by sight or sound.
I saw a movement on my left and jumped, trying not to squeal. A box got knocked to the floor, spilling its fill and I stood still, waiting with closed eyes for someone to come and catch me.
Ten seconds passed by without a sound. I exhaled my breath out, not realizing I had been holding it in the first place. Phew, that was a close call.
I knelt down, eyes wary of the dark corners and ready for anything to come scurrying at me, and picked the scattered stuffs up to put back in the box. There were baby paraphernalia; rattle and chew toys, bibs and baby clothes. I shook my head as I picked the many pairs of mittens and booties, packed and labeled by the months Jinjoo the baby had worn them. How could these men be so sentimental?
Then something caught my eyes - a baby journal. I smiled as I took the blue cover book from the floor, snorting as I read the title.
‘Our angel Park-Kim Jinjoo’
Yeah right. Wait till he is sixteen and smuggling pots and girls (or guys, who knows?) into his room and see if you can still call him your ‘angel’. Pfft, I guess not.
The first page was filled with the mundane details. I noticed they had erased the word ‘Mommy’ and replaced with ‘Daddy No. 2’, with Jaejoong-hyung’s name on the dotted line. Instead of birthplace, they put in the orphanage name where I guessed they had adopted him from - Rainbow House.
I chuckled, just because.
I turned the page. There was a picture of the three of them, baby Jinjoo in Jaejoong-hyung’s arms and Yoochun-hyung looking from the side, one hand around Jaejoong-hyung’s shoulders. They looked so happy, so proud. I couldn’t help but smile a little bit wider.
What I saw on the next page made my smile falter and my hands tremble. Sweet son of a fucking gun.
It was a picture of Jinjoo in his crib, pink-faced and wrapped in blue blanket, a sweet mole on his left cheek.
It was the same picture as the one I saw in Miss Lee’s office.
Park-Kim Jinjoo was Lee Youngwoong.
The lost child.
*
“You’re so doomed.” Sooyoung said, but this time without the humor interlacing her favorite phrase for me. We were drinking coffee by the water fountain in front of Engineering Faculty, feeling not only out of place but also out of sorts.
Fuck. I was still shaking like I had Parkinson’s disease.
“So you’re going to tell Miss Lee about your finding?” she asked me when I didn’t say anything. I closed my eyes, I didn’t want to think. Fuck I didn’t expect any of this, didn’t expect this turn of event to creep up on me like this.
Professor Lee wanted to find her lost son, Lee Youngwoong. Lee Youngwoong was Park-Kim Jinjoo. Park-Kim Jinjoo was the adopted son of Park Yoochun and Kim Jaejoong. Kim Jaejoong was Jung Yunho’s boyfriend. And Jung Yunho was my older brother.
Complicated? You go figure it out. I was done here.
I felt Sooyoung nudge my side gently. I peeked at her, saw her grim expression and groaned. Obviously, she was not done yet.
“I’m going to do nothing, and say nothing, okay? Let’s just pretend this was one whole big fucking nightmare and wake up from it.”
Sooyoung looked down to her hands, fiddling with her coffee cup. A lengthy pause went unfilled between us. She looked up at me after long seconds and I could guess what she wanted to say even before she said it,
“But it’s not. We both know it, Changmin. It’s not fair to hide the truth from Miss Lee. You promised her you’d help her, didn’t you? Are you backing out from your promise now?”
What’s with girls and their ability to guilt-trip?
I sighed, grumbling as I tossed the half-empty coffee cup into the bin nearby. I wasn’t in the mood for caffeine anyway.
“Min-“
“I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know! Damn it, this isn’t fair for anyone, Sooyoung. Can you imagine the pain I would cause if Miss Lee takes Jinjoo away from his current parents? They love him, Sooyoung, they love him and care for him like they would their own son. Jinjoo is their life.”
“Jinjoo, no, Youngwoong is Miss Lee’s life, too. You know that.”
I groaned loudly, standing up and walking away. The headache had started nailing their existence into my temples, pounding pain mercilessly until I felt my skin throbbed.
Sooyoung stood up and caught up with me easily. She grabbed my arm and turned me around, forcing me to look at her in the eyes.
“Changmin, please think about this! Didn’t you say you want Miss Lee to fall in love with you? This is your chance to be her knight in shining armor. You can make her wish come true!”
I blinked, and tears streaked down my face. Sooyoung gasped in shock. I was surprised too, so I looked away in reflex, shrugging her hand off my arm.
“I’m not that selfish to sacrifice four people’s happiness for my own. This is my decision, and if you still want to tell Miss Lee about it, then you go tell her and leave me out of it. But don’t ever talk to me again if you do, because I will not have someone who ruins my family as a friend.”
*
I didn’t go to class for one whole week. This was definitely going to stain an ugly mark in my record, but I was beyond caring about it. I was depressed, not clinically but I was sure the doctors would have had me strapped and locked up if they were to diagnose me.
I could not get my mind off the matter. The sleep ran away as the truth kept haunting my night, and no amount of warm milk could ease my stress. I wasn’t going to start on the pill, the last time I was depressed and had downed the pills, I ended up on a real hospital bed hovering between life and death. No, definitely no more drugs. I was past that shit.
Sooyoung called me on the phone numerous times, but I didn’t pick up. I knew what she was going to say, she was going to blame me for dragging her into this mess and chickening out when the truth was found. But I had no choice, did I? How was I supposed to know in the beginning that Jinjoo was Hyori’s long lost son? Fuck, I wasn’t even sure I could really find him in the first place.
But I did. I found the lost baby. My sucky, son of a bitch fate made sure of that. I didn’t want to be Miss Lee’s knight in shining armor, as Sooyoung had put it, like this. I didn’t want to ruin a family just because I had a crush on my very beautiful professor. She was perfect, but my brother and his boyfriend’s happiness were more important to me than anything else.
I lied to Yunho-hyung. The truth was, I did love Jinjoo. Not like puppies as I had said, but like a nephew. He was my family.
*
Someone knocked on my door hard on day sixth of my act of self-isolation. Fearing that whoever that was would knock the door off the hinges and ultimately get me in trouble with the landlord, I dragged my feet to open it up, and saw Yunho-hyung with a very serious expression on his face. I groaned, knowing the nagging was going to start any second soon.
Until I saw Jaejoong-hyung behind him, looking kind of dejected.
“Sooyoung told us.” Yunho-hyung started, stepping inside the apartment. His boyfriend followed from behind, eyes straying away from looking at me. Shit.
That bitch. I was so going to kill someone after this.
“Why didn’t you tell us, Min?” hyung began again, coming nearer. I stood rooted to the floor, not answering because I had no answer. What should I say? I didn’t know, and I didn’t expect to know like this.
I really felt like crying there and then.
“If you have a problem, come to us, Min. Sooyoung said you haven’t been to classes for a week, and you aren’t answering her calls and texts. She came to us asking for help. She said you need me, need both of us…your family with you. What happened, Min? Tell us, please…”
I started to cry, knees melting under me until I was in the floor. Sooyoung didn’t tell them about it, didn’t tell them the secret. But it was what she wanted me to do. Calling them both to see me like this, she knew it would give me the final push to open up.
Both of my hyung came rushing towards me. In seconds, I was held in two pairs of strong arms, Yunho-hyung on my left and Jaejoong-hyung on my right. I was going to ruin their life and here they were, holding me close to their chests so I could feel better. I was truly the greatest jerk alive.
“Hyung…” I sobbed, shaking and confused. The truth pressed at my throat, trying to crawl its way out. I couldn’t, no, please no!
“Min…just tell us. Whatever it is, we’ll deal with it one step at a time. We are here for you, Changminah…” it was Jaejoong-hyung’s voice. I sobbed harder, thinking how ironic those words will be if I told them the truth.
“Forgive me, hyung…I’m sorry, I’m really sorry..,” I apologized repeatedly, because that was all I could say. Jaejoong-hyung hushed me as Yunho-hyung patted my hair, calming me down. They loved me.
Will they still love me after I told them what I knew?
“I know Jinjoo’s real mother!” I blurted out, and I felt both of them still. There, I said it, it was out. I bit my lips, tasting something coppery.
“Min?” Yunho-hyung said, hand gripping my shoulder slightly, “What are you saying, namdongseng?”
I looked up at him, then at Jaejoong-hyung, before I stood up and distanced myself away from them. If I were about to hurt them, I better be doing it at a distance where I couldn’t hear their hearts break. That was what I was thinking.
“It’s…she’s my professor at the university. She lost her baby eleven years ago. Her parents took him away from her, because they were not happy with her choice of boyfriend. She had been looking for him for years, but she still didn’t find him because she was searching for Lee Youngwoong. Her parents had registered her baby with other name…Lee Jinjoo.”
I heard Yunho-hyung gasp and saw Jaejoong-hyung turn pale white. My breath hitched, but I had to continue on. I had come this far.
“I promised her I would help find her baby. I didn’t know I would succeed, hell no, I didn’t know that. And I didn’t know Jinjoo was going to be Youngwoong. I seriously didn’t know…please, I didn’t know it would turn this way…” I begged, kneeling down in front of my brother and his boyfriend.
Yunho-hyung looked at me with a pained expression as he held Jaejoong-hyung close.
“Min, this is a serious allegation you’re making. Think carefully, you could have made a mistake.”
I looked back at him, blinking tears away.
“I wish it was a mistake. But it’s the truth. I saw the picture in Jinjoo’s baby journal, the night of his birthday party. I didn’t mean to be snooping around, but I was hiding in the storeroom and I accidentally knocked the box with the journal down. I had seen similar picture before…Miss Lee had one just like it. I couldn’t have missed the blue blanket and the baby with a mole on his cheek…”
Yunho-hyung frowned, “What were you doing hiding in the storeroom?”
Oh. Umm. I didn’t expect I would have to explain that one. Thankfully, Jaejoong-hyung cut me before I could make up a plausible excuse,
“Did you tell the professor about this?” his voice was hoarse. I shook my head signaling a ‘no’.
“Unless of course, Sooyoung told her about it. But I guess she hasn’t, if not Miss Lee would have come find you,” I explained, before a thought struck my mind and my eyes widened in fear, “You didn’t hear anything from Yoochun-hyung or Junsu-hyung, did you?”
They both shook their heads, and I breathed a little easier. Damn. I was on tenterhooks every other second because of this shit.
Jaejoong-hyung sighed, holding his head in his hands.
“Yoochun and Junsu are going to go ballistic if they know about this, especially Yoochun. He’s going to be so paranoid…”
“Then let’s not tell him! We’ll keep this to ourselves and I will ask Sooyoung to shut the hell up about this!” I blurted without thinking. Yunho-hyung frowned at me and Jaejoong-hyung looked at me with dead eyes, shaking his head.
“No, we can’t do that. They have the right to know about this, they are Jinjoo’s parents too. Damn, I still couldn’t believe it myself. We were told that Jinjoo’s real parents were dead...if we had known, we could have…I don’t know what we could have done. I couldn’t bear the thought of losing Jinjoo…I love him so much…”
I saw the tears pooling in Jaejoong-hyung’s eyes and gritted my teeth, hatred filling my whole being at the thought of Miss Lee’s parents, who had started all this shit in the first place,
“Those wretched fuckers! I swear I will fucking kill them myself if they weren’t already dead!”
“Changmin!” my brother reprimanded before he turned to his boyfriend, coaxing the shaking man gently,
“We’ll sort this mess out. Changmin and I will protect you and your family. We will not let her take Jinjoo away from you, okay baby?”
Jaejoong-hyung nodded, collapsing into Yunho-hyung’s arms. I looked at my brother and he looked back at me, his face grim but full of understanding.
I couldn’t ask for more.
*
I went back to uni, but I decided to drop out of Business Law. It was a stupid decision considering it was a required paper and I would have to take it again next semester, with the same lecturer teaching, but the thought of a semester not having to see her gave me some peace.
I couldn’t see her and not feel guilt choking me from inside and out.
Sooyoung didn’t come to find me until day two of my return to class. I was walking down the pathway to get to my English tutorials when I saw her waiting for me, leaning against the back of the bench with two coffee cups in her hands. She smiled first, gesturing to the coffee and I smiled back, a reflex.
“Black, one packet of sugar. No cream, don’t worry.” Sooyoung said to me as she handed me my coffee. I half-smiled at her remark, a memory of her putting whipped cream in my coffee just to piss me off surfacing on my mind.
“Thank you,” I said as I leaned against the bench beside her, thanking her for more than just the coffee. She waved her hand to play it cool before she looked me up and down, smiling into her own cup.
“What?” I asked, annoyed and curious. Sooyoung simply shrugged.
“You look fine. I was half-expecting you to look like shit, after a week of intense emoing.”
I snorted, “Who’s emoing? I was just taking a sabbatical from school.”
She snorted back, “Sabbatical? My ass.”
“Nonexistent.”
She frowned at me, “Excuse me?”
“Nothing.” I shrugged, walking towards class. I was five minutes late, but I didn’t care. My best friend was back.
*
I wished things would stay as peachy as they were but of course they wouldn’t, not in my life anyway. Miss Lee sent me an email requesting my presence in her room on Thursday afternoon, obviously wanting to know why I had dropped off from her class and probably what had happened to my investigation of her lost child. I guessed I just have to blow her off and cry in my heart later because I just lost my chance to be with her forever.
It was a great sacrifice on my part. But it was worth it. My family was my number one priority, after all.
Jaejoong-hyung came to my apartment on Wednesday, exactly four days after his last visit with Yunho-hyung. This time, instead of Yunho-hyung, he brought his friends with him.
His friends; Park Yoochun and Kim Junsu. Jeepers fuck.
“Hi Changmin. Sorry for the surprise visit,” Jaejoong-hyung greeted when I opened the door. I glanced over his shoulder at the two men standing behind him, and invited them in with a heavy heart.
I didn’t even have enough beer to get shit drunk after all of this was over.
“Where’s hyung?” I asked as a start. Jaejoong-hyung turned to me and smiled thinly, somewhat guilty,
“He took Jinjoo out to the cinema. To buy us some time to…you know.”
I nodded, half-smiling and half-apologetic. Oh well.
We sat down, Yoochun-hyung and Junsu-hyung on the couch, and Jaejoong-hyung and I on the edge of the bed. I fidgeted, uncomfortable. It was a small studio apartment, not much space for running away. The kitchen was an option, but there was no different between hiding there and sneaking under the coffee table. Which meant it wasn’t possible.
“I told them,” Jaejoong-hyung said suddenly, voice barely audible. I looked at him then at the forlorn couple on the couch, and sighed deeply. Shit had obviously hit the fan and scattered them all over the place.
“We’ve discussed the matter between the three of us. It’s a hard decision to make, but we’ve made them,” Jaejoong-hyung spoke again, and I watched Yoochun-hyung and Junsu-hyung’s faces for their reactions. I saw Yoochun-hyung’s lips tremble, and Junsu-hyung gripping his husband’s hand tight. My heart felt like it had just been wrung dry.
“We want to meet your professor.”
I gasped, surprised at Junsu-hyung’s remark. Jaejoong-hyung inched closer and hugged me from the side.
“We’re not going to get you in trouble, Min. You had done everything you can to protect us and Jinjoo, and we will not forget that. But we also can’t let you handle our problem for us. Jinjoo is our son and we are his fathers, and no one can change that. Not even his birth mother,” he said gently, rubbing my arm as a form of reassurance. I saw the couple smile slightly.
“That’s right. I was afraid that she’s going to take Jinjoo away from us, but after discussing about it with Jaejoong and Junsu, I’ve began to accept the fact that I couldn’t keep him away from his mother, if she’s still alive. It’s his right to know his birth mom, and vice versa,” Yoochun-hyung piped up, voice and expression in contrast with each other. He looked like he was about to die from worry, but he sounded determined to make things right.
I nodded, my heart and mind made, “Alright, if that’s what you guys have decided. I am expected at her office tomorrow at noon, and it would be best for all of you to join us in the meeting.”
*
To say Miss Lee was surprised was an understatement. She was thoroughly shocked, eyes going as wide as saucers when I stepped into her office with Jinjoo/Youngwoong’s three fathers in tow.
This was going to top any soap opera moment that ever happened in my life, I could tell.
“Y-you…you found my baby?” she gasped, tears leaking from her eyes. I looked at the three men asking for permission to speak on their behalf, and they nodded their consent.
“Professor Lee, these three men…they are Jinjoo, umm, Youngwoong’s fathers. Well, two of them, Kim Jaejoong and Park Yoochun had legally adopted your son from an orphanage when he was two months’ old, and Kim Junsu became the third father by marriage. He’s living with Yoochun-hyung and Junsu-hyung now, but he does stay at Jaejoong-hyung’s house from time to time. They are all very much involved in his life, and they have come here to discuss with you regarding the matter of your son.”
Hyori looked at me, before eying the three men curiously, “You said ‘by marriage’. You guys are…homosexuals?”
Crapstick in a dipshit. Didn’t think that would matter.
I saw Junsu-hyung stepped forward, his face serious as he held Yoochun-hyung’s hand tight.
“Yes we are. I’m married to Park Yoochun, your son’s foster father and he was once married to Kim Jaejoong, your son’s other foster father. But I don’t think who we are as individuals have anything to do with our ability to care for Jinjoo. He grew up like all the other children, with much love and affection. Where he lacked a mother, he has three fathers to make up for it. He’s an excellent student at school, ranked top in his class. He has doting grandparents who adore him greatly and he has friends, boys and girls. He goes to sleepovers sometimes, and went camping with his scout troop twice. We never let the fact that we are homosexual affects his preference or view on gender or relationship. He has a crush on a girl in his class, just so you should know.”
I smiled as Junsu-hyung explained, knowing this was as important to him as it was to the other two men who had adopted Jinjoo.
Miss Lee gawked at Junsu as if he had just spoke Kenyan. I saw Jaejoong-hyung about to say something, but she cut him off with a nervous laugh,
“God, my parents are surely tossing and turning in their graves! Three gay men looking after their only grandchildren…who would have guess!”
Err, excuse me, can someone please tell me why my perfect woman suddenly went loony?
It was obvious that I wasn’t the only one spooked by this turn of event. The three fathers glanced at each other, questions furrowing their brows.
Miss Lee wiped the tears off her eyes, sniffling while still chuckling, “Changmin, I told you my parents took my baby away because they weren’t pleased with my choice of life partner. But I didn’t tell you why they weren’t pleased,” She looked up straight at me at this point, and I felt my heart drummed the suspense tune,
“To be perfectly honest, I’m a lesbian.”
What?
My jaw went slack, mind going berserk as the wheels of thoughts ran over each other, collided with a bang and went kaboom papow!
“You’re what?” That was Yoochun-hyung talking. Miss Lee turned to look at him, a gentle smile on her face,
“I’m a homosexual too, like the three of you. I came out to my parents, but they didn’t accept it all too kindly. They threatened to disown me if I don’t leave my girlfriend. We thought getting pregnant would make them see how serious we were with each other, so we went to the sperm bank and got me pregnant. We were young then, and didn’t think much about the consequences.”
I could picture young Miss Lee prancing around with rounded belly, her girlfriend holding her hand as they smiled at each other. Sobs. Why…why?
Sigh. I was like a goddamn gay-magnet. The rainbows and fairies all clamored to me looking for fuck knows what. I thanked the heaven for the little mercy that Sooyoung wasn’t here. I could already imagine her boogying to my suffering and discomfort. Damn twerp.
“I had complications during labour and had to be hospitalized. I didn’t know that my parents had plotted to take my baby away during that time. My girlfriend and I were told that our baby had breathing problem, and he needed to stay at the hospital after I was released.”
Tears dripped from her eyes again, but she was smiling, strong and determined, “I managed to see him for a while, and during that time I saw how my precious baby, fighting to live like the little hero he was. That’s why I named him Youngwoong, a hero. My hero.”
I bit my lips trying to harden my melting heart. I looked around the room and saw Yoochun-hyung already tearful, his husband coming in close second with the sniffles. Jaejoong-hyung was surprisingly stout, lips only trembling slightly.
“My parents told me my baby died in the hospital. They wouldn’t even let me see his supposedly dead body. My partner and I grew apart after the ordeal, she couldn’t accept the death of our son on top of my parents’ rejection and so moved to America. My parents succeeded in their scheme and I followed their wishes, getting my law degree as they had wanted me to do before I came out. Until they got into an accident and my mother confessed to me on her dying bed that she had given my baby away. I didn’t manage to ask for details because she passed away before I could press for more, but I got the picture from her diary. Apparently my father had destroyed all evidence of Youngwoong’s existence, except the picture my mother had secretly saved. It was my only link to my son.”
I cried, tears flooding down my face. It was seriously the saddest story I had ever heard in my life, not even my own weepie could surpass how heartbreaking this had been. My parents were abusive towards each other, but they didn’t try to kill anyone else. Looking at it from this perspective, I could say my parents were hundredth times better than Miss Lee’s parents who falsified a baby’s death and took him away from his mother.
Wretched, crazy old dead bastards.
“Professor Lee…if it’s any consolation, our hearts are with you. We understand how much you have suffered, and we are glad to have you back in Jinjoo’s life. He’ll be happy to know that he has a mother. He has always wanted one, although he always said his Appa is already like an Omma,” Jaejoong-hyung said, teasing Yoochun-hyung a bit. The four of them laughed amidst their tears, before they turned their attention to me.
I was still crying like a pansy. And I was the straight one in the room. So much for holding the flag up for the team.
“Oh Changmin…” they chorused to my horror and stepped closer.
Ever been glomped by four homosexual adults? I had, and I live to tell the tale.
*
A week and a half later found me in Business Law lecture hall again, listening in rapt attention as Professor Lee Hyori wrote on the board and explained the term ‘slave contract’. My request to drop out from the course was denied, and I was really glad it didn’t go through because now that the Jinjoo/Youngwoong drama was over, I was extremely pleased to have Miss Lee the Incredible as my lecturer. Her beautiful smile really provided some sort of soothing relief to my sore, tired eyes.
Being a lesbian didn’t make her any less desirable. In fact, it made her more alluring somehow, because fuck, I could imagine her and another woman going at it like wild bunnies. Or a group of women, going at like raunchy raging rabbits.
Oh yeahhhhhhh, welcome to my kind of heaven, people.
I was half-way into a very improper daydream when Sooyoung poked my side, peering close until I saw three of her instead of one.
“What?” I put my palm on her face and shoved her away to a safe distance. She stared at me curiously, eyes narrowed and face scrunched up.
“You’re thinking dirty again, aren’t you?” She accused, poking her pen onto my arm. I hushed her with a finger on my lips, but couldn’t help smirking. She rolled her eyes in reply, leaning back into her seat.
“She’s hot.” I whispered as way of explanation. She kicked my shin.
“She’s a lesbian. She’s not interested in dicks like you.”
I shrugged, “But she’s still hot.”
Sooyoung groaned, not having the chance to complain as Miss Lee started giving out instructions for our next assignment. When I had finished writing up my notes and packing up my stuffs, Sooyoung was nowhere in sight. Huh.
I found her at our usual bench, but no coffee cup in her hands. There was a faraway gaze in her eyes.
“Hey.”
She jolted upright, surprised by my appearance. Weird.
“Hey.”
“You didn’t wait for me.”
“Yeah.”
“Want some coffee?”
She shook her head and put her hands in her hoodies’ pockets, her expression unfathomable. She was making me worry.
“What’s wrong?”
She didn’t answer, nor did she react in any way. I watched her expression closely, and realized for the first time how long her eyelashes were. They weren’t covered in mascara, but they were long and curly and thick. She had a pair of big, black brown eyes. Her nose was small and sharp, just like her chin. Her cheekbones were high and round, and she had a soft looking skin and naturally pink lips.
She was sort of pretty, when I looked at her like this.
Sooyoung frowned, “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Huh?” I was dazed. Fuck, how could I not realize it before?
“Why. Are. You. Staring. At. Me. You. Shit. Face?” she spat out word by word, as her cheeks went red. She was blushing! How cute!
I grinned, snaking an arm around her shoulders. She squealed and pushed me away, standing up and huffing moodily.
“Psycho bastard. Creepy as fuck. Don’t know why I hang around this kind of person. Must be crazy.” She was mumbling to herself as she walked away.
I laughed, blowing raspberries towards her back. I didn’t worry. Not a bit. I already had her phone number and address anyway.
--[THE END]
note: gujang - dog soup