private conversation
private conversation
jaejoong ♥ yunho | side!yoosu | past!jaechun
oneshot | AU | romance | fluff | wee bit of angst | nc-17 | ~7, 300 words
a/n: Jaejoong and Yunho are together, happily and sweetly in love. While life is full of bliss, Yunho thinks it’s not yet enough and wants to show Jaejoong just how far he’s willing to go for the man. In simple terms, it’s JaeHo sexy time, people. /grins
and oh, beware the overloads of cheese. Heh. I was feeling hormonal and got a bit carried away. ^^;;
This was written for readers of Deeper Conversation. New readers don’t need to read the series to understand this one, but it would certainly help in explaining the dynamic of the characters’ relationship. But of course, fluff!smut is fluff!smut so you can still enjoy it as it is. I’m definitely rambling here. Err. So umm, yeah, off you go to the fic. /munches on cookies =^^=
--
Private Conversation;
When we make love I lose track of time
I can't count all the colors I see in your eyes
And while your heart beats in mine, it's true
I can't ever get enough of you
- I Can’t Ever Get Enough of You, Darren Hayes
*
It was exam time. Cue groaning students all around, banging their heads against the desks in frustration. Tsk tsk. Pity the lot.
I was smiling though, happy and full of relief. This was going to be the first year I did not have any exam to sit on - and what a great feeling it was! No more burning the midnight oil just to get through the pile of notes and textbooks, no more living solely on coffee and bread because there was no time to cook a decent meal. I can dedicate all my time to giving tender, loving care towards my partner without having to worry about failing a paper. I can indulge in his sweet, sexy body and not feel guilty for spending hours just licking him from one end to the other and back again, and finally, oh yes finally, we will fall asleep tangled in each other’s warmth knowing that morning will come for everything to start again, our cycle of love and sexy love-making.
Oh mighty heaven how I love thee!
A finger poked my cheek, nearly making me fell off the couch from the shock. I looked to the side to see Jaejoong peering close with narrowed eyes and pouting lips, clearly curious with what I was thinking.
“What?”
“You’re smiling like a Cheshire cat. Hmmm. Jung Yunho, what are you planning inside that cunning head of yours?” he accused, plopping down on the couch’s arm. He nudged my shoulder with his elbow, impatiently wanting answer for his question. ‘Nothing’ certainly wouldn’t cut it this time, what with him being all serious and nosy.
And utterly adorable and extremely cute. Unff.
I wrapped an arm around his waist, drawing him close until his weight settled fully on my lap, his back to my chest. He didn’t protest as I hugged him close, smiling against his neck.
“I’m thinking about you, baby. Exam time’s nearing, and you know what that means?”
“What?”
“I won’t have any lesson plans to work on.”
“And?”
“And that means, my sweetheart, I will have more time to spend worshiping you on our bed,” I whispered lasciviously, licking Jaejoong’s nape and blowing upon the wet skin. He laughed aloud, wiggling and twisting on my lap.
“You’re so cheesy.”
“It’s one of my better qualities. You love me for it,” I answered confidently, missing no beat. Jaejoong giggled again, soft sweet sounds that reminded me of his loving personality. Nearly a year and a half had passed since we started going out, and Jaejoong had proved to be the best partner anyone could ever have. He was patient and forgiving, caring and never selfish. He gave me all his faith when I had none, he made me see that the stars were there when all I can see was a dark sky. He gave me hope and he gave me love; something no one aside from Changmin had ever managed to do. He warmed my heart with gentle affection, and burned my insides with want and lust. He showed me what it was to forgive and what it meant to be accepted. And the best thing out of everything he had done for me, Jaejoong had given me a family.
I sighed contentedly and smiled, letting my head rest on his strong shoulder. Jaejoong smelt of sweat and spices, remnants of his earlier activity in the kitchen. I could hear the sound of spicy fish stew boiling on the stove, and felt as if my heart had been squeezed with the poignant thought of ‘home’. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? The comfort seemed to have no rival. I could swear that if I die right this second, I wouldn’t have any regret except not getting one last kiss from my dearest partner.
I grabbed his chin and moved his face to the side so I could claim the kiss. The moment our lips touched, I was convinced that I had been absolutely right. Jaejoong was, without a doubt, my ‘home’.
“I don’t mind worshiping you on the couch either…” I whispered, wanton and plain horny.
“Yunhoya…” Jaejoong moaned into my lips, his body twisting as he leaned fully into our kiss. Legs bracketing each side of my body, he pulled me closer to him and I held him tighter, my hands sneaking inside his shirt and clawing along the plane of his back. I loved how Jaejoong’s skin felt against my palm, warm and soft like velvet. I traced his spine and felt him jerk on my knees, his body arching forward until our fronts were rubbing with delicious frictions.
Fuck.
I couldn’t say who moaned the loudest. Sane, coherent thoughts seemed to leave me at record speed as blood rushed from my head to my groin. The kiss got more frantic, more urgent. Tongues warred and teeth nipped, lips swollen and breaths shortened. Frenzied with delirious need, I pulled away slightly from the kiss to rid Jaejoong of his tee. He groaned impatiently, tugging on the hem of my polo shirt. I lifted both hands and let him do as he pleased, grateful when his lips descended on mine again as we kissed, deeper and longer this time.
Our hands just wouldn’t stop touching each other’s body. I heard myself growl when Jaejoong’s fingers found their way to the front of my short, pulling the elastic waist band and slipping into my brief, gripping my straining cock. Oh fuck fuck fuck.
And then the most unfortunate thing happened. I groaned in disappointment as Jaejoong sat up straight, his hand out of my short when we heard the ominous beep from the timer he left in the kitchen. If it wasn’t for the fact that Jaejoong had slaved over preparing the meal, I would have damn that pot of stew to the hell and beyond.
Patting my cheek gently to placate my souring mood, Jaejoong stood up, smiling in amusement when I pouted like a fish. He bended down and kissed my forehead, grinning wide when I sighed and gave him a reluctant smile.
“I think your stew is Jinjoo-reincarnate. It knows just the time to creep on us when we were having a good, sexy time.”
Jaejoong chuckled, offering his hand to me. I took it and let him pull me to my feet, my knees buckling slightly from the receding numb.
“It probably is. Dinner first, yeah? I’ll let you eat me later if you’re still hungry,” Jaejoong offered, winking mischievously over his shoulder as he sashayed to the kitchen. I growled, eyeing his ass in his tight, white-washed blue jeans. I followed close, hands itching and couldn’t resist pinching the soft mound. He yelped, slapping my hands away.
“Oh just you wait. When it comes to you, my Jaejoong, I have an endless and insatiable appetite. I’ll chew right through you, eat you from head to toe. I won’t leave even a single bone.” I warned, pulling the chair from under the kitchen island. Jaejoong snickered and stuck out his tongue at me, not taking me seriously at all as he ladled the stew into the serving bowl. I loved it when he got all domestic like this, obviously not a wife but certainly giving me the same kind of feel. The way he moved around our small kitchen with comfortable ease, and the serious determination on his face as he scooped the assorted ingredients and placed them carefully atop of my bowl of rice - it made me fell deeper in love with him, if possible. He was just all kind of amazing, and oh, he was mine.
I smiled stupidly, and that was when Jaejoong caught me staring at him. He shook his head and snorted, sitting on the stool next to mine.
“Dig in, you beast,” he said in mock seriousness, a hint of a smirk lingering on his red lips. I grinned wide and obeyed, eating with gusto. Jaejoong’s cooking was delicious as always. While it was unusual for either of us to prepare dinner, it certainly was rare that we had the time to eat together like this, just the two of us. Thankfully, Jaejoong had just handed in his final research theses, and I was just about to start with exam preparation time at school. Jinjoo was with his other set of parents, and Changmin was busy with his many assignments. Life was certainly full of bliss.
But despite everything, a nagging thought screamed at me from the back of my mind. Did Jaejoong feel the same way?
*
Saturday rolled in, and yet again, I was plagued by worry that didn’t cease since dinner on Thursday night. I woke up with a start, breathing heavily from the nightmare I had. In it, Jaejoong left me for another man, citing the reason to be our unfulfilling relationship. We fought like never before, and it ended with me begging him not to go and clinging pathetically to his feet as he tried to walk away, his faceless new boyfriend waiting at the door.
There was no way I would let that happen in real life! No fucking way!
Eying Jaejoong who was still asleep, I slipped out of the duvet, walking quietly towards the bathroom. I needed to shower this dread off. I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake I had done before, questioning Jaejoong’s loyalty when I was the one who was insanely insecure.
I felt the warm water hit my back in steady torrents. Shifting my body fully under the spigot, I closed my eyes and let the pressure massage away the tense in my muscles and the fear in my mind. While my body began to rejuvenate from the soothing warmth, the insecurity latched on stubbornly like a fucking leech. I shouldn’t think about it - Jaejoong had told me time and time again that he loved me and will love no one else but me. I was the only one for him, he had said, and he wanted no other man to hold him but me. Kim Jaejoong had sworn he was in love with me, Jung Yunho, and nobody else.
But what if he was still, as Jaejoong from the nightmare had suggest, ‘unfulfilled’? I groaned, banging my head against the shower stall. It didn’t hurt as much as this ache in my heart at the thought of not giving Jaejoong a fulfilling relationship. I wanted him to feel as blissful as I did, as contented and as blessed.
An idea flitted through my mind and I jerked my head up. That was it! That must be it!
Twisting the shower knob off, I stepped out of the stall with renewed vigor. Why hadn’t I thought about this earlier...stupid, brainless ape-man ego! I wrapped the towel around my hips, grinning in excitement. Jaejoong was going to be so happy, so fulfilled.
And then I saw my face in the mirror, and a shudder of nervousness rumbled through my whole body. I felt dizzy all of a sudden as my mind was assaulted by what this meant. I gripped the tiled counter, my knuckles turning white.
I had never been fucked before. In other words, I was an ass-virgin. Oh shit.
It was going to be alright, I coaxed myself. There was no way it could go wrong, Jaejoong had plenty of experience and he will know how to handle everything. He will make sure I feel good while doing it, he wouldn’t hurt me like I wouldn’t hurt him.
But the pain - there certainly will be pain. Oh shit. Double, triple shit.
I thumped my fist against the counter, squeezing the ridiculous fear out of my system. A little pain wouldn’t kill a man! Jaejoong had bottomed since we had been together and I can see him enjoying every moment of our lovemaking as much as I did, so it must have felt really good.
But then, my partner had nipple and navel piercings, two tattoos on his upper and lower back and another piercing on his penis, an apadravya he had gotten done last five months when he went on a supposed ‘for-research trip’ to Japan with Yoochun. It was meant as a surprise gift for me, and surprised I was. Actually, surprised was an understatement. I was so shocked when I saw the golden bar slinging across his penis head I refused to touch it and make love to him for a month, fearing I would somehow hurt him while he was still healing. Jaejoong took it all in a stride though, and within the first few weeks after he got his cock pierced, we were masturbating together on the bed, facing each other and hands moving in rapid strokes on our own hard meat. No one could blame me for having a suspicion that my lover had a borderline crazy fetish for pain. Jaejoong was a masochist, in shorter term.
I shivered, but not from the cold. Maybe I was more of a coward than I would ever dare admit. I needed to talk someone, preferably one with enough experience to tell me I was being stupid and completely irrational.
Junsu. We were close enough for me to bring this thing up, and he was not too chummy with Jaejoong as Yoochun was to spill the secret to him the second after I told him about it. He might mouth off to Yoochun accidentally (or not) though, but then as far as desperation went, I was up there teetering at the edge and he was my best option. Plus, Junsu was a certified doctor and he could make it all sounded medical and professional and less embarrassing.
Hopefully. Psychiatrists can be considered doctors, right? They got medical degrees and all.
Yeah. Alright. Shit.
*
“W-what?!”
Junsu spluttered, nearly spraying tea all over his desk as he began to laugh. I fidgeted in my seat, my face nearly red with embarrassment. Pfft. So much for medical and professionalism. They apparently ran out the door of Junsu’s room like chickens out of their pens the moment I stepped inside.
“You said you won’t laugh!” I said indignantly, trying to salvage my ruined ego. Junsu was still laughing, though much quieter this time. He wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes, his body shaking with mirth.
“Sorry, Yunho, I’m really sorry. I can’t help it. When you mentioned Jaejoong having masochistic tendencies because he got his genital pierced, I lost it. God that was funny,” Junsu explained, laughter trailing his words in soft chuckles. Yet, I failed to see what was so funny with what I had said.
“It’s not. You don’t understand how hard it is for me to come and tell you this…” I moaned, face falling in despair. Junsu smiled his gentle, empathetic smile - which I dubbed as his money-making smile. He reached out a hand and squeezed mine, trying to comfort.
“I do actually. It’s going to be hard on anyone who’s in the same situation as you are, Yunho. I’ve been there with questions and fears as well, once upon a time. You want reassurance and a vote of confidence, you want someone to tell you you are going to be okay and it wouldn’t hurt. You come here to find a friend who can ease the worries out of your mind, because you want to take that next step, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to satisfy your partner, physically and emotionally,” Junsu said softly, and I jerked up at his accurate diagnosis. No wonder he was a successful psychiatrist; it was like he could read my mind!
I stuttered out a shy ‘yes’ and nodded. Junsu squeezed my hand once again before letting go, sitting back in his seat.
“So go on, tell me. I’m all ears.”
My hands were wrestling each other as I nervously told him what I was thinking and feeling. The fear, the insecurity, my concern over Jaejoong’s satisfaction, the scary thought of pain…everything. Junsu listened on carefully, stopping me a few times to ask questions as means of getting all the info out, his face full of understanding and empathy. I had certainly come to the right person.
“Okay, Yunho, I think I got it now. Since we both knew the mechanics of sex between men, I don’t think I need to elaborate anymore on that. In my opinion, it seems that you find it difficult to relinquish control over your own body, in fear that your partner would use it against you and hurt you. We both know Jaejoong will not do something like that, he loves you and I can assure you he will not put you through pain just to get himself sexually satisfied. If not, he would have pressed for it long ago, not caring whether you wanted it or not. But he didn’t, and that was a proof he loves you no matter where he is when you two make love,” Junsu suggested kindly. I looked down, shame filling my inside.
He continued, “But you weren’t wrong for feeling a bit worried at the prospect of being at the receiving end. Many homosexual men feel the same way, even when they know they want to be there. When love is added into the equation, it becomes all the more important and serious because we want to give our partner not only physical gratification, but also emotional release. The complexity of our feelings makes it all scarier to the heart and mind. It is normal to feel that way, Yunho. I felt it too once, when I wanted Yoochun to make love to me for the first time. He wasn’t my first dominant lover, but even then I was still scared whether he would love it because he means so much to me and I wanted to be better than Jaejoong was. I was also worried whether I would love it, I was afraid if it didn’t go well it would mean Yoochun and I were not supposed to be together.”
I looked up in surprise, eyes wide at the realization. Junsu smiled at me in a shared moment of understanding and we both knew then that was my deepest fear, the one that had been holding me back all this while. I was scared to know if we were really meant to be. What if we were not? What if I wasn’t as good as Yoochun was? What if Jaejoong hated it and I hated it and the nightmare came true? My eyes instantly misted, so I looked away and blinked the tears away.
If Junsu had seen them he certainly didn’t show it, and continued on gently, “Have faith in yourself, Yunho, and have faith in Jaejoong. That’s the best advice I could give to you as a friend. I once said to Jaejoong that love doesn’t exist just because it is, you struggle with it and you make it happen, make it work for you and your partner. To fall in love takes only a second, but to be in love with the same person for years and years, it takes a whole lot of efforts and patience. It doesn’t mean your love is less genuine or true, whoever said it was probably never been in love themselves. It is true that a lover who can match us in bed is a strong signal of a lasting relationship, but for two persons to fit perfectly together, it takes more than just a good romp in bed. I believe that when you have the other person’s needs and wants in mind, there is no way the sex could be bad. Knowing you and Jaejoong, I’m sure that wouldn’t be a problem.”
I smiled, my heart almost at ease. I agreed with all the things Junsu had said, but without him pointing them out for me, I would probably never realize the truths. We talked some more after that, and Junsu gave me some pointers on what to do if I feel pain when it happens. I blushed red, but took note of the tips. I may need them, just in case of emergency.
Clear-headed and more confident than I ever was before, I left Junsu’s private practice after thanking him profusely, and making him swore on secrecy. Junsu had laughed when I asked him to promise not to let even Yoochun know about this, and he joked saying I should have more trust in him as my doctor.
Junsu refused to take the payment for the one hour of consultation, despite his claim to be my psychiatrist. Because of this, I took it he was only half-serious in his promise to not tell Yoochun. Oh well, something’s got to give.
*
The plan for Mission: Fulfillment was on. Classes were off for the rest of the week, giving way to self-study time and I was allowed to leave school earlier than I usually did. It would be about 7.30 in the evening by the time I reach home, and I would have plenty of time to set up a nice, romantic dinner for the two of us, followed by a soothing soak in the bath tub. I made a mental note to check whether we still had Jaejoong’s favorite bath salt stocked up, if not I would have to make a run for The Body Shop to get the Satsuma grains.
I grinned widely, sorting the papers and files on my desk. It was somewhat messy since I hadn’t had the time to organize things prior to exam week - and I wasn’t the tidiest person around. A student passed my cubicle and bowed his greeting, and I nodded to him as he made his way towards the Math department at the end of the corridor.
I took a deep breath, feeling contented. I was where I wanted to be; doing something I loved. I finally managed to get a placement in this small middle school in the suburb, an hour away from Jaejoong’s place. It seemed too good to be true in the beginning, but I didn’t want to question my blessings. Perhaps this was what God had designed for me, to make up for the lost time.
My phone vibrated inside my pants’ pocket. Fishing the device out, I smiled wider when I saw Jaejoong’s name on the screen.
“Hello baby, what’s up?”
“Yunho, you are still at school? I have something to tell you. The thing is…I won’t be coming home tonight…”
“What? Why?”
“There are some literacy professors coming to visit the university next Friday and I had to stay at the office overnight to help sort out the preparation and other stuff. It was a last minute notice, my advisor just told me about it this morning and I couldn’t refuse since he had begged and all. I’m really sorry, baby, I know you said you’re going to cook us dinner and rent a DVD…” Jaejoong said, sounding tired and apologetic. My heart went down to my guts in disappointment, the smile I had on my face diminishing within seconds.
I took a deep breath and sighed, inwardly cheering myself up. It wasn’t his fault, and we still have the rest of the week and the next two for my plan. Think positive, Yunho, think positive!
“It’s okay, Jae. Don’t worry about me, yeah? We’ll take a rain check on that candlelight dinner I promise you.”
“Thank you, Yunhoyah. I got to go now, so bye. Love you.”
“Love you too, sweet.”
The call ended there. I spent the night watching CSI reruns and sleeping on the couch. Tuesday came, with another phone call. Jaejoong got back early that morning and rushed back to the university while I was already on my way to school. He wouldn’t be coming home tonight either. Come Wednesday and Jaejoong still couldn’t come home, there had been a problem with the presentation he had prepared and he had to redo it all over again. Thursday passed by lamely and then it was Friday, and I was all out gloomy and fully dejected by then.
The excitement had worn off, replaced by a general feeling of failure. I was a loser, and someone up there obviously hated me for letting something like this happened.
It was midnight when I heard the front door opened and shut. Sitting up in alarm on the lonesome king-sized bed, I felt my heart pounding so fast, my eyes wide opened in realization that my partner had just come home. True enough, the door of our room creaked open and there was my Jaejoong, looking fatigued and almost like a zombie. I shot up from the bed and rushed to his side, holding him as he fell against me.
“Dead…tired…” he mouthed, eyes already closing. Definitely a zombie.
“Come, let me get you to bed. You want to take a shower first, baby?”
Jaejoong shook his head weakly in reply and I nodded, understanding his dire need of sleep. I helped him to our bed, holding his waist tight as he began to doze in my arms. Pulling his socks, pants, and shirt off, I let him sleep with his brief on, and pulled the duvet to cover his body up to his chin. He snuggled deeper under the blanket, warmed and comfortable. I couldn’t help but chuckle as faint snores came out from his slightly opened mouth and fought the urge to snap the image with my camera. Attractive, Jaejoong, real attractive.
Collecting his strewn clothes and putting them in the laundry basket, I walked out to the living room, letting Jaejoong have his much-needed sleep. I wanted to snuggle against him so bad, but I couldn’t. I was distracted, horny and couldn’t keep still, and I was afraid if I stayed in the room, I would jump him even if he couldn’t respond to my touch. I certainly didn’t want to add fucking dead body into my list of past time activities.
I decided to watch old DVDs instead, selecting between the horror ones that I loved and the action ones that were Jaejoong’s favorites. Grudging ghost seemed to be a good thing to chase the morbid horniness out of my system, so I put on the dvd on the player and switched on all the lights, just in case.
The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was broken-boned ghost crawling on all four and chasing a screaming woman along a deserted corridor.
*
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a black mop of hair, so close to my face and a pair of big brown orbs peering into mine. I jumped, shouting for help at the top of my lungs. Jaejoong fell back to the floor laughing, gasping and doubling over himself in absolute amusement.
“Oh my God, oh my God Yunho, you should have seen your face! You went all white like you saw a ghost or something! Hahaha!”
I wiped my sleep-encrusted eyes with my palms, sitting upright on the couch and pouting at him. He was still laughing, his face red and eyes teary. Haha yeah it was so funny. Cue rolling eyes here, folks.
“That wasn’t so nice of you. I was seriously spooked, you know. I watched Ju-On last night.”
Jaejoong crawled near, smirking devilishly as he imitated Kayako. I kicked him away and he moved to the side to avoid my foot, climbing up the couch to hug me sideways in one fluid motion.
“But you have to admit it was funny. The screaming for help, at least. That one was a definite win,” he said, grinning as he pecked my cheek.
I couldn’t bit back the chuckle that rumbled at the back of my throat. When I thought back, it was quite funny. Heh.
“When did you get up?”
I settled back into his embrace, snuggling against his chest. He brushed my hair with his fingers, combing the stubborn straying strands into place.
“About an hour ago. I already made breakfast for us. Anyway, why didn’t you sleep with me last night?”
I smiled to myself, enjoying the soft thump thump thump of his heart.
“I was afraid I would jump you. You have no idea what undressing you and seeing your near-naked body after days did to me. I was seriously debating whether I should just fuck you while you’re asleep but then I decided it wouldn’t be as nice as fucking you when you’re fully awake and screaming.”
Jaejoong shoved me away playfully and scrunched up his face in distaste, one nasty hand leaving a crabby claw pinch on my upper arm. Ouch!
“You’re so violent!”
“I don’t scream in bed!”
“Yes, yes, you don’t. You just scream when I’m in you.”
“Yunhoya!”
I laughed and looked at him, holding his face between my palms as I gave a closed mouth kiss to his pouting lips. Jaejoong sighed like a happy cat when I dragged my lips across his, nipping his chin and trailing small kisses up to his eye. He was so pretty, so perfect, so much mine.
I pulled away and made him look at me.
“I have something to ask you,” I started, stroking my thumb lazily across his jaw. Jaejoong leaned into my touch and nodded, smiling.
“Ask away.”
“I need something from you, and I want to know if you can give it to me.”
His interest was definitely piqued by the curious look he had on his face.
“What is it, Yunho?”
I took a deep breath, looking straight into his dark brown eyes. God he was so handsome like this, so precious and there was nothing more that I wanted than…
“I want you inside of me,” I said simply, and Jaejoong gasped in surprise. His face suddenly colored, blushing pink with the words I had just said.
“You mean…”
I smiled at him, nodding as if to say he had heard me right - I did ask him to fuck me and there was no doubt about that.
“We’ve been together for almost two years now, don’t you think it is time for me to feel how it’s like to be fucked by you? And I want to give you something special too…something of me that I’ve never given to anyone else.”
Jaejoong held my hand that was holding his face, his expression serious but visibly touched.
“You don’t have to do this for me, Yunho. I’m happy to be where I am when we have sex. My love for you isn’t going to change no matter where you are and where I am when we make love.”
“But I want to, Jaejoong. That’s why I’m asking this from you. I want to try to be where you are, to experience what you’ve experienced. I want to know how it feels like to be held by someone I love, to be fully filled by someone I need. I know it’s going to be difficult since I’m a, err, virgin in that matter, but I’m willing to do everything you want me to. I have no doubt you will make me feel good. You know when it comes to you, baby, there is nothing short of everything I would do for you.”
“Oh Yunho…” Jaejoong rasped, pulling me closer and kissing me breathless. I felt a slight dampness on his cheek, and I knew I had made the right decision. Both of us needed this - a significant step as we track down the years of our life. While the nightmare I had was admittedly too far-fetched and ridiculous to be real, the notion in it was true. Fulfillment came from trust soldered from two souls, and the best way to test it was to give yourself to your lover wholly and selflessly. I wanted to give him that.
Jaejoong stood and pulled me up, threading his fingers in mine as he led me to the bedroom. It seemed like breakfast would have to wait, there was a more important agenda to attend to.
My heart danced inside my chest, salsa-ing to the techno beats of my love-drugged blood. Scared, nervous, thrilled and excited all jumbled up in one, as I squeezed Jaejoong’s hand tight.
My bladder suddenly screamed suicide when we stepped over the threshold, so I excused myself to the bathroom to take care of the necessary ‘business’, washing thrice for extra confidence. I finished my morning routine as quickly as I can, washing my face, brushing my teeth and gargling mouthwash at racing car speed. When I came out of the toilet about five minutes later, Jaejoong had pulled the duvet to the foot of the bed, fluffing out the pillow for what we had in mind.
He looked at me, clearly concerned.
“We can do something else…if you’ve changed your mind.”
I shook my head and walked towards him. I draped my arms around his waist, grinding against him and nuzzling his neck. He smelled so fucking good. He smelled like love and sex.
“I want you,” I managed to croak out. My chest felt so tight with the feelings inside. Jaejoong groaned darkly, fingers gripping my hair and pulling my face up to him.
We kissed; deep, desperate and wanton. He pushed me down onto the bed and straddled my hip, his body undulating against mine. The friction was heavenly, and I realized with the bits of my mind that were still sane that we were too much clothed and we needed to get naked as soon as possible.
That was taken care of in a matter of seconds. Jaejoong humped me, his hard cock sliding along with my own. The cool, golden bead on his cock head brushed against my sensitive gland and I shouted his name into his mouth, telling him to stop.
“Jae…baby…slow down…don’t want…to come…yet…” I was reduced to a blubbering mess, my tongue raspy and leaden against my dry palate. Jaejoong moaned and ground one last time, before he pulled away and slinked across the bed to reach our bedside table, taking the necessity out from the top drawer.
He breathed deep, looking down at me seriously. Hands on my chest, he touched me softly, as if feeling me for the first time. I let him explore my body, knowing that he was trying to put himself in a role and take control.
His fingers trailed lower, into the sparse hair down my navel. He didn’t touch my weeping cock but instead he stared at it, eyes dark and lips parted as he moaned lustfully. My heartbeat was an all out drum fest by now. Then he pulled on the coarse strands slightly making me gasp, arching upwards into his hand. Smirking, Jaejoong leaned down and kissed my lips, his tongue pushing inside and fucking my mouth.
Fuck he tasted so good, so so good. I swore I could have reach orgasm from his kisses alone, but then it wouldn’t be as much fun as finding nirvana when he finally fucked me.
The thought made me impatient and I began to beg, clawing dull nails against his skin and leaving red marks across his tattooed back. I didn’t care, I just wanted more, wanted him. God the sweet torture!
I heard a flick of the lube lid, and then there was a heady aroma of almost-sex in the air. Jaejoong warmed the viscous liquid in his hand, kissing my neck as he busied his other hand with my nipples, twisting and pulling and perking. My eyes blurred, body trashing underneath him.
Then I felt his wet fingers along my crack, light touches circling the entrance and pushing against the soft underside of my balls. A shudder crept up my spine and I moaned harder, lifting slightly from the bed. Jaejoong took this chance to kiss my lips briefly and told me to flip side.
I obeyed, laying on my stomach and propped on my knees, my butt thrusting up in the air. I knew I looked like a lusty slut begging to be fucked, and to be perfectly honest, I was feeling like one. I heard my lover growled deep and felt his fingers against my ass a second after, kneading and splaying them open for him. I blushed, but got more excited. I wanted him so bad oh lord.
“Jaejoong please…”
“Fuck you’re so hot, baby…so fucking beautiful. Been waiting to see you like this…want you like this so bad…fuck baby I want to fuck you so fucking bad..,” Jaejoong mumbled darkly, his voice low and demanding. Goddamn sexy. I whimpered pathetically in reply, trembling and passive. He nipped my shoulders, biting kisses along my spine down to the cheeks, and then I felt his soft lips against my opening, his tongue wet and warm.
Holy shit!
I had to keep myself from thrashing away as he lapped against the wrinkled skin, pushing and circling and suckling. I had done this to him so many times before and I loved to taste him raw on my tongue, but I never knew it would feel this good to have him taste me.
He could have eaten me up alive and I wouldn’t have a chance to protest. Hell, I wouldn’t even try.
Jaejoong probed deeper with his tongue, and I keened higher, the sound tinny and unlike mine. He added a finger next, crooking it into a hook and the stars behind my eyes exploded into a universe, my body buckling as if I had been electrocuted.
I came all over the sheet, spraying white on crimson silk. Somehow I didn’t think Jaejoong mind it at all that I had stained his favorite bed cover, not when he was making these weird sounds and fucking me deep and slow with two thick fingers. Damn damn damn! I hadn’t had the chance to climb down from the heaven yet.
I felt Jaejoong shift behind me, his cock bumping against my hip. The cold feel of his piercing bar’s round bead was a delightful deviation from the hotness of his hard meat, and I heard him louder now, more beastly and barbaric. He was losing control by the seconds now, I was sure of it.
“Jae…not enough…need you…inside…” I croaked out, my breaths snagging at my throat as raw lust wrapped around us. Jaejoong groaned and said something lost to my ears, grabbing one of the latex and tearing the packet open with his teeth. It felt like forever waiting for him to finish gloving his penis, even though I knew he had to be more careful than usual because of his goddamn piercing.
The first push was scary and I bit my lips hard. His cock was definitely thicker than his two stubby fingers, and the bead caught slightly at my anus as he pushed the head in. The sting was almost unbearable, not quite pain but not exactly pleasure either. It was breathe in, relax, breathe out, relax time for me. I felt Jaejoong’s right hand splayed on my hip, holding me in place and rubbing the tension out of my muscles.
“Yes, that’s right baby…breathe easy, hold still…let me do this…I got you, baby, I got you…” Jaejoong coaxed, pushing in at a snail's pace. The sting became all out pain by now and I shivered, clamping tight around his cock. Jaejoong cussed out of shock and huffed, but he kept his pace, in a bit then out a little.
His voice was raspy as he whispered sweet nothings to me, his lips brushing softly against my shoulder. He was trying to be as gentle as he can and it showed in his every labored breath, every controlled move. The thought touched my soul and made my body relax. I gave in, letting the pain transcend into the realm of pleasure.
I thought about how Jaejoong look making love to me, sweat beading his soft skin and muscles straining down his back and thighs and fuck, I thought it was super hot. I forgot all about the initial pain, my body and mind fully loaded with Jaejoong and Jaejoong and Jaejoong and oh my sweet, sexy, sweaty Kim Jaejoong.
Jaejoong seemed to notice the change, as he kissed my neck and whispered sugary gibberish into my ears. I groaned, appreciating but definitely not getting enough. His breadth was intimidating yet I wanted it all, so I rocked my hips up and out, getting him further in. He moaned aloud, gripping my hip tight and warning me to go slow.
“Yunho…”
“Too slow…want more…” I growled greedily, my fingers milking the sheet for what it’s worth. Jaejoong thrust in faster but still stop-gapping his movement, out of consideration for my first anal sex. I couldn’t take it, the heat was so hot and I was burning, enflamed, blazed from head to toe. Just-
“Fuck me Jaejoong please!” I grunted, pushing back towards him. He slapped my upper thigh once till the skin buzzed, and thrust forward in one strong move, grunting hard.
He was in me now, all of him. We stilled, waiting and breathing hard like animals in heat. And then Jaejoong moved infinitesimally, and I felt him brush against something inside, something untouched. I gasped, heartbeat skipping.
Fuck oh fuck oh fuck. This was beyond fulfilling, beyond amazing, beyond anything I had ever imagined and dreamed of. Tears sprang to my eyes in a rush of emotional flood. I had given him me, I had given him all of me. This was it - my all. He found and gave it to me so I could give it back to him.
The circle was finally complete.
Jaejoong slowly rocked inside, setting a steady yet quickening pace. The bead on his cock head grazed my prostate rhythmically, acting like a little magic finger that pushed all the right buttons along my tender inside, turning me into boneless goo and taking me closer to the edge. I gripped my own cock, hard and pearled with pre-cum. Stroking it in time with Jaejoong’s thrusts, we raced towards the finale together, Jaejoong’s arms around my chest and his heart against my back. We were breathing as one, we were moving as one.
I felt him shudder first, and then he pushed deeper into me until he could go no further and let go, rasping my name. The trembling of his body sent waves of sensation along his cock and straight to my core, and I succumbed at last, sighing my release into my own hand.
The world was splashed with white and nirvana was made of Jaejoong’s harsh post-orgasm breathing and mine.
We stayed that way for a while, me on my stomach and Jaejoong plastered on my back, still physically connected. He had gone soft now, but I was reluctant to let him go from where he was resting inside of me. I needed him there, just a while longer.
“Thank you, baby, thank you so much..,” Jaejoong whispered against my shoulder, leaving a gentle kiss there. I entwined our hands under my chest, pulling him tighter around me. My body ached all over from the early morning strenuous activity, but being held this way felt so nice that I didn’t want either of us to move. His weight on me felt so good, so warm, so secure.
“I love you, my Jaejoong,” I said to him for the umpteenth time, but somehow I felt like the phrase would never grow old. Jaejoong’s hands squeezed mine, and he replied back, voice full of what I knew he felt inside,
“Love you too, my Yunho. No one else for me but you.”
I sighed happily, slipping into great-sex-induced bliss. I felt Jaejoong pull away to dispose the rubber, this time much quicker than when he was putting it on, before climbing back in and snuggling against my back, his limp cock brushing against my hips.
“Next time, we’re doing it bareback,” he whispered sleepily and pulled the duvet over us, just as I was about to step into dream land.
Oh fuck.
--[THE END]
a/n: told ya. "8P
jaejoong ♥ yunho | side!yoosu | past!jaechun
oneshot | AU | romance | fluff | wee bit of angst | nc-17 | ~7, 300 words
a/n: Jaejoong and Yunho are together, happily and sweetly in love. While life is full of bliss, Yunho thinks it’s not yet enough and wants to show Jaejoong just how far he’s willing to go for the man. In simple terms, it’s JaeHo sexy time, people. /grins
and oh, beware the overloads of cheese. Heh. I was feeling hormonal and got a bit carried away. ^^;;
This was written for readers of Deeper Conversation. New readers don’t need to read the series to understand this one, but it would certainly help in explaining the dynamic of the characters’ relationship. But of course, fluff!smut is fluff!smut so you can still enjoy it as it is. I’m definitely rambling here. Err. So umm, yeah, off you go to the fic. /munches on cookies =^^=
--
Private Conversation;
When we make love I lose track of time
I can't count all the colors I see in your eyes
And while your heart beats in mine, it's true
I can't ever get enough of you
- I Can’t Ever Get Enough of You, Darren Hayes
*
It was exam time. Cue groaning students all around, banging their heads against the desks in frustration. Tsk tsk. Pity the lot.
I was smiling though, happy and full of relief. This was going to be the first year I did not have any exam to sit on - and what a great feeling it was! No more burning the midnight oil just to get through the pile of notes and textbooks, no more living solely on coffee and bread because there was no time to cook a decent meal. I can dedicate all my time to giving tender, loving care towards my partner without having to worry about failing a paper. I can indulge in his sweet, sexy body and not feel guilty for spending hours just licking him from one end to the other and back again, and finally, oh yes finally, we will fall asleep tangled in each other’s warmth knowing that morning will come for everything to start again, our cycle of love and sexy love-making.
Oh mighty heaven how I love thee!
A finger poked my cheek, nearly making me fell off the couch from the shock. I looked to the side to see Jaejoong peering close with narrowed eyes and pouting lips, clearly curious with what I was thinking.
“What?”
“You’re smiling like a Cheshire cat. Hmmm. Jung Yunho, what are you planning inside that cunning head of yours?” he accused, plopping down on the couch’s arm. He nudged my shoulder with his elbow, impatiently wanting answer for his question. ‘Nothing’ certainly wouldn’t cut it this time, what with him being all serious and nosy.
And utterly adorable and extremely cute. Unff.
I wrapped an arm around his waist, drawing him close until his weight settled fully on my lap, his back to my chest. He didn’t protest as I hugged him close, smiling against his neck.
“I’m thinking about you, baby. Exam time’s nearing, and you know what that means?”
“What?”
“I won’t have any lesson plans to work on.”
“And?”
“And that means, my sweetheart, I will have more time to spend worshiping you on our bed,” I whispered lasciviously, licking Jaejoong’s nape and blowing upon the wet skin. He laughed aloud, wiggling and twisting on my lap.
“You’re so cheesy.”
“It’s one of my better qualities. You love me for it,” I answered confidently, missing no beat. Jaejoong giggled again, soft sweet sounds that reminded me of his loving personality. Nearly a year and a half had passed since we started going out, and Jaejoong had proved to be the best partner anyone could ever have. He was patient and forgiving, caring and never selfish. He gave me all his faith when I had none, he made me see that the stars were there when all I can see was a dark sky. He gave me hope and he gave me love; something no one aside from Changmin had ever managed to do. He warmed my heart with gentle affection, and burned my insides with want and lust. He showed me what it was to forgive and what it meant to be accepted. And the best thing out of everything he had done for me, Jaejoong had given me a family.
I sighed contentedly and smiled, letting my head rest on his strong shoulder. Jaejoong smelt of sweat and spices, remnants of his earlier activity in the kitchen. I could hear the sound of spicy fish stew boiling on the stove, and felt as if my heart had been squeezed with the poignant thought of ‘home’. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? The comfort seemed to have no rival. I could swear that if I die right this second, I wouldn’t have any regret except not getting one last kiss from my dearest partner.
I grabbed his chin and moved his face to the side so I could claim the kiss. The moment our lips touched, I was convinced that I had been absolutely right. Jaejoong was, without a doubt, my ‘home’.
“I don’t mind worshiping you on the couch either…” I whispered, wanton and plain horny.
“Yunhoya…” Jaejoong moaned into my lips, his body twisting as he leaned fully into our kiss. Legs bracketing each side of my body, he pulled me closer to him and I held him tighter, my hands sneaking inside his shirt and clawing along the plane of his back. I loved how Jaejoong’s skin felt against my palm, warm and soft like velvet. I traced his spine and felt him jerk on my knees, his body arching forward until our fronts were rubbing with delicious frictions.
Fuck.
I couldn’t say who moaned the loudest. Sane, coherent thoughts seemed to leave me at record speed as blood rushed from my head to my groin. The kiss got more frantic, more urgent. Tongues warred and teeth nipped, lips swollen and breaths shortened. Frenzied with delirious need, I pulled away slightly from the kiss to rid Jaejoong of his tee. He groaned impatiently, tugging on the hem of my polo shirt. I lifted both hands and let him do as he pleased, grateful when his lips descended on mine again as we kissed, deeper and longer this time.
Our hands just wouldn’t stop touching each other’s body. I heard myself growl when Jaejoong’s fingers found their way to the front of my short, pulling the elastic waist band and slipping into my brief, gripping my straining cock. Oh fuck fuck fuck.
And then the most unfortunate thing happened. I groaned in disappointment as Jaejoong sat up straight, his hand out of my short when we heard the ominous beep from the timer he left in the kitchen. If it wasn’t for the fact that Jaejoong had slaved over preparing the meal, I would have damn that pot of stew to the hell and beyond.
Patting my cheek gently to placate my souring mood, Jaejoong stood up, smiling in amusement when I pouted like a fish. He bended down and kissed my forehead, grinning wide when I sighed and gave him a reluctant smile.
“I think your stew is Jinjoo-reincarnate. It knows just the time to creep on us when we were having a good, sexy time.”
Jaejoong chuckled, offering his hand to me. I took it and let him pull me to my feet, my knees buckling slightly from the receding numb.
“It probably is. Dinner first, yeah? I’ll let you eat me later if you’re still hungry,” Jaejoong offered, winking mischievously over his shoulder as he sashayed to the kitchen. I growled, eyeing his ass in his tight, white-washed blue jeans. I followed close, hands itching and couldn’t resist pinching the soft mound. He yelped, slapping my hands away.
“Oh just you wait. When it comes to you, my Jaejoong, I have an endless and insatiable appetite. I’ll chew right through you, eat you from head to toe. I won’t leave even a single bone.” I warned, pulling the chair from under the kitchen island. Jaejoong snickered and stuck out his tongue at me, not taking me seriously at all as he ladled the stew into the serving bowl. I loved it when he got all domestic like this, obviously not a wife but certainly giving me the same kind of feel. The way he moved around our small kitchen with comfortable ease, and the serious determination on his face as he scooped the assorted ingredients and placed them carefully atop of my bowl of rice - it made me fell deeper in love with him, if possible. He was just all kind of amazing, and oh, he was mine.
I smiled stupidly, and that was when Jaejoong caught me staring at him. He shook his head and snorted, sitting on the stool next to mine.
“Dig in, you beast,” he said in mock seriousness, a hint of a smirk lingering on his red lips. I grinned wide and obeyed, eating with gusto. Jaejoong’s cooking was delicious as always. While it was unusual for either of us to prepare dinner, it certainly was rare that we had the time to eat together like this, just the two of us. Thankfully, Jaejoong had just handed in his final research theses, and I was just about to start with exam preparation time at school. Jinjoo was with his other set of parents, and Changmin was busy with his many assignments. Life was certainly full of bliss.
But despite everything, a nagging thought screamed at me from the back of my mind. Did Jaejoong feel the same way?
*
Saturday rolled in, and yet again, I was plagued by worry that didn’t cease since dinner on Thursday night. I woke up with a start, breathing heavily from the nightmare I had. In it, Jaejoong left me for another man, citing the reason to be our unfulfilling relationship. We fought like never before, and it ended with me begging him not to go and clinging pathetically to his feet as he tried to walk away, his faceless new boyfriend waiting at the door.
There was no way I would let that happen in real life! No fucking way!
Eying Jaejoong who was still asleep, I slipped out of the duvet, walking quietly towards the bathroom. I needed to shower this dread off. I didn’t want to repeat the same mistake I had done before, questioning Jaejoong’s loyalty when I was the one who was insanely insecure.
I felt the warm water hit my back in steady torrents. Shifting my body fully under the spigot, I closed my eyes and let the pressure massage away the tense in my muscles and the fear in my mind. While my body began to rejuvenate from the soothing warmth, the insecurity latched on stubbornly like a fucking leech. I shouldn’t think about it - Jaejoong had told me time and time again that he loved me and will love no one else but me. I was the only one for him, he had said, and he wanted no other man to hold him but me. Kim Jaejoong had sworn he was in love with me, Jung Yunho, and nobody else.
But what if he was still, as Jaejoong from the nightmare had suggest, ‘unfulfilled’? I groaned, banging my head against the shower stall. It didn’t hurt as much as this ache in my heart at the thought of not giving Jaejoong a fulfilling relationship. I wanted him to feel as blissful as I did, as contented and as blessed.
An idea flitted through my mind and I jerked my head up. That was it! That must be it!
Twisting the shower knob off, I stepped out of the stall with renewed vigor. Why hadn’t I thought about this earlier...stupid, brainless ape-man ego! I wrapped the towel around my hips, grinning in excitement. Jaejoong was going to be so happy, so fulfilled.
And then I saw my face in the mirror, and a shudder of nervousness rumbled through my whole body. I felt dizzy all of a sudden as my mind was assaulted by what this meant. I gripped the tiled counter, my knuckles turning white.
I had never been fucked before. In other words, I was an ass-virgin. Oh shit.
It was going to be alright, I coaxed myself. There was no way it could go wrong, Jaejoong had plenty of experience and he will know how to handle everything. He will make sure I feel good while doing it, he wouldn’t hurt me like I wouldn’t hurt him.
But the pain - there certainly will be pain. Oh shit. Double, triple shit.
I thumped my fist against the counter, squeezing the ridiculous fear out of my system. A little pain wouldn’t kill a man! Jaejoong had bottomed since we had been together and I can see him enjoying every moment of our lovemaking as much as I did, so it must have felt really good.
But then, my partner had nipple and navel piercings, two tattoos on his upper and lower back and another piercing on his penis, an apadravya he had gotten done last five months when he went on a supposed ‘for-research trip’ to Japan with Yoochun. It was meant as a surprise gift for me, and surprised I was. Actually, surprised was an understatement. I was so shocked when I saw the golden bar slinging across his penis head I refused to touch it and make love to him for a month, fearing I would somehow hurt him while he was still healing. Jaejoong took it all in a stride though, and within the first few weeks after he got his cock pierced, we were masturbating together on the bed, facing each other and hands moving in rapid strokes on our own hard meat. No one could blame me for having a suspicion that my lover had a borderline crazy fetish for pain. Jaejoong was a masochist, in shorter term.
I shivered, but not from the cold. Maybe I was more of a coward than I would ever dare admit. I needed to talk someone, preferably one with enough experience to tell me I was being stupid and completely irrational.
Junsu. We were close enough for me to bring this thing up, and he was not too chummy with Jaejoong as Yoochun was to spill the secret to him the second after I told him about it. He might mouth off to Yoochun accidentally (or not) though, but then as far as desperation went, I was up there teetering at the edge and he was my best option. Plus, Junsu was a certified doctor and he could make it all sounded medical and professional and less embarrassing.
Hopefully. Psychiatrists can be considered doctors, right? They got medical degrees and all.
Yeah. Alright. Shit.
*
“W-what?!”
Junsu spluttered, nearly spraying tea all over his desk as he began to laugh. I fidgeted in my seat, my face nearly red with embarrassment. Pfft. So much for medical and professionalism. They apparently ran out the door of Junsu’s room like chickens out of their pens the moment I stepped inside.
“You said you won’t laugh!” I said indignantly, trying to salvage my ruined ego. Junsu was still laughing, though much quieter this time. He wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes, his body shaking with mirth.
“Sorry, Yunho, I’m really sorry. I can’t help it. When you mentioned Jaejoong having masochistic tendencies because he got his genital pierced, I lost it. God that was funny,” Junsu explained, laughter trailing his words in soft chuckles. Yet, I failed to see what was so funny with what I had said.
“It’s not. You don’t understand how hard it is for me to come and tell you this…” I moaned, face falling in despair. Junsu smiled his gentle, empathetic smile - which I dubbed as his money-making smile. He reached out a hand and squeezed mine, trying to comfort.
“I do actually. It’s going to be hard on anyone who’s in the same situation as you are, Yunho. I’ve been there with questions and fears as well, once upon a time. You want reassurance and a vote of confidence, you want someone to tell you you are going to be okay and it wouldn’t hurt. You come here to find a friend who can ease the worries out of your mind, because you want to take that next step, and you are willing to do whatever it takes to satisfy your partner, physically and emotionally,” Junsu said softly, and I jerked up at his accurate diagnosis. No wonder he was a successful psychiatrist; it was like he could read my mind!
I stuttered out a shy ‘yes’ and nodded. Junsu squeezed my hand once again before letting go, sitting back in his seat.
“So go on, tell me. I’m all ears.”
My hands were wrestling each other as I nervously told him what I was thinking and feeling. The fear, the insecurity, my concern over Jaejoong’s satisfaction, the scary thought of pain…everything. Junsu listened on carefully, stopping me a few times to ask questions as means of getting all the info out, his face full of understanding and empathy. I had certainly come to the right person.
“Okay, Yunho, I think I got it now. Since we both knew the mechanics of sex between men, I don’t think I need to elaborate anymore on that. In my opinion, it seems that you find it difficult to relinquish control over your own body, in fear that your partner would use it against you and hurt you. We both know Jaejoong will not do something like that, he loves you and I can assure you he will not put you through pain just to get himself sexually satisfied. If not, he would have pressed for it long ago, not caring whether you wanted it or not. But he didn’t, and that was a proof he loves you no matter where he is when you two make love,” Junsu suggested kindly. I looked down, shame filling my inside.
He continued, “But you weren’t wrong for feeling a bit worried at the prospect of being at the receiving end. Many homosexual men feel the same way, even when they know they want to be there. When love is added into the equation, it becomes all the more important and serious because we want to give our partner not only physical gratification, but also emotional release. The complexity of our feelings makes it all scarier to the heart and mind. It is normal to feel that way, Yunho. I felt it too once, when I wanted Yoochun to make love to me for the first time. He wasn’t my first dominant lover, but even then I was still scared whether he would love it because he means so much to me and I wanted to be better than Jaejoong was. I was also worried whether I would love it, I was afraid if it didn’t go well it would mean Yoochun and I were not supposed to be together.”
I looked up in surprise, eyes wide at the realization. Junsu smiled at me in a shared moment of understanding and we both knew then that was my deepest fear, the one that had been holding me back all this while. I was scared to know if we were really meant to be. What if we were not? What if I wasn’t as good as Yoochun was? What if Jaejoong hated it and I hated it and the nightmare came true? My eyes instantly misted, so I looked away and blinked the tears away.
If Junsu had seen them he certainly didn’t show it, and continued on gently, “Have faith in yourself, Yunho, and have faith in Jaejoong. That’s the best advice I could give to you as a friend. I once said to Jaejoong that love doesn’t exist just because it is, you struggle with it and you make it happen, make it work for you and your partner. To fall in love takes only a second, but to be in love with the same person for years and years, it takes a whole lot of efforts and patience. It doesn’t mean your love is less genuine or true, whoever said it was probably never been in love themselves. It is true that a lover who can match us in bed is a strong signal of a lasting relationship, but for two persons to fit perfectly together, it takes more than just a good romp in bed. I believe that when you have the other person’s needs and wants in mind, there is no way the sex could be bad. Knowing you and Jaejoong, I’m sure that wouldn’t be a problem.”
I smiled, my heart almost at ease. I agreed with all the things Junsu had said, but without him pointing them out for me, I would probably never realize the truths. We talked some more after that, and Junsu gave me some pointers on what to do if I feel pain when it happens. I blushed red, but took note of the tips. I may need them, just in case of emergency.
Clear-headed and more confident than I ever was before, I left Junsu’s private practice after thanking him profusely, and making him swore on secrecy. Junsu had laughed when I asked him to promise not to let even Yoochun know about this, and he joked saying I should have more trust in him as my doctor.
Junsu refused to take the payment for the one hour of consultation, despite his claim to be my psychiatrist. Because of this, I took it he was only half-serious in his promise to not tell Yoochun. Oh well, something’s got to give.
*
The plan for Mission: Fulfillment was on. Classes were off for the rest of the week, giving way to self-study time and I was allowed to leave school earlier than I usually did. It would be about 7.30 in the evening by the time I reach home, and I would have plenty of time to set up a nice, romantic dinner for the two of us, followed by a soothing soak in the bath tub. I made a mental note to check whether we still had Jaejoong’s favorite bath salt stocked up, if not I would have to make a run for The Body Shop to get the Satsuma grains.
I grinned widely, sorting the papers and files on my desk. It was somewhat messy since I hadn’t had the time to organize things prior to exam week - and I wasn’t the tidiest person around. A student passed my cubicle and bowed his greeting, and I nodded to him as he made his way towards the Math department at the end of the corridor.
I took a deep breath, feeling contented. I was where I wanted to be; doing something I loved. I finally managed to get a placement in this small middle school in the suburb, an hour away from Jaejoong’s place. It seemed too good to be true in the beginning, but I didn’t want to question my blessings. Perhaps this was what God had designed for me, to make up for the lost time.
My phone vibrated inside my pants’ pocket. Fishing the device out, I smiled wider when I saw Jaejoong’s name on the screen.
“Hello baby, what’s up?”
“Yunho, you are still at school? I have something to tell you. The thing is…I won’t be coming home tonight…”
“What? Why?”
“There are some literacy professors coming to visit the university next Friday and I had to stay at the office overnight to help sort out the preparation and other stuff. It was a last minute notice, my advisor just told me about it this morning and I couldn’t refuse since he had begged and all. I’m really sorry, baby, I know you said you’re going to cook us dinner and rent a DVD…” Jaejoong said, sounding tired and apologetic. My heart went down to my guts in disappointment, the smile I had on my face diminishing within seconds.
I took a deep breath and sighed, inwardly cheering myself up. It wasn’t his fault, and we still have the rest of the week and the next two for my plan. Think positive, Yunho, think positive!
“It’s okay, Jae. Don’t worry about me, yeah? We’ll take a rain check on that candlelight dinner I promise you.”
“Thank you, Yunhoyah. I got to go now, so bye. Love you.”
“Love you too, sweet.”
The call ended there. I spent the night watching CSI reruns and sleeping on the couch. Tuesday came, with another phone call. Jaejoong got back early that morning and rushed back to the university while I was already on my way to school. He wouldn’t be coming home tonight either. Come Wednesday and Jaejoong still couldn’t come home, there had been a problem with the presentation he had prepared and he had to redo it all over again. Thursday passed by lamely and then it was Friday, and I was all out gloomy and fully dejected by then.
The excitement had worn off, replaced by a general feeling of failure. I was a loser, and someone up there obviously hated me for letting something like this happened.
It was midnight when I heard the front door opened and shut. Sitting up in alarm on the lonesome king-sized bed, I felt my heart pounding so fast, my eyes wide opened in realization that my partner had just come home. True enough, the door of our room creaked open and there was my Jaejoong, looking fatigued and almost like a zombie. I shot up from the bed and rushed to his side, holding him as he fell against me.
“Dead…tired…” he mouthed, eyes already closing. Definitely a zombie.
“Come, let me get you to bed. You want to take a shower first, baby?”
Jaejoong shook his head weakly in reply and I nodded, understanding his dire need of sleep. I helped him to our bed, holding his waist tight as he began to doze in my arms. Pulling his socks, pants, and shirt off, I let him sleep with his brief on, and pulled the duvet to cover his body up to his chin. He snuggled deeper under the blanket, warmed and comfortable. I couldn’t help but chuckle as faint snores came out from his slightly opened mouth and fought the urge to snap the image with my camera. Attractive, Jaejoong, real attractive.
Collecting his strewn clothes and putting them in the laundry basket, I walked out to the living room, letting Jaejoong have his much-needed sleep. I wanted to snuggle against him so bad, but I couldn’t. I was distracted, horny and couldn’t keep still, and I was afraid if I stayed in the room, I would jump him even if he couldn’t respond to my touch. I certainly didn’t want to add fucking dead body into my list of past time activities.
I decided to watch old DVDs instead, selecting between the horror ones that I loved and the action ones that were Jaejoong’s favorites. Grudging ghost seemed to be a good thing to chase the morbid horniness out of my system, so I put on the dvd on the player and switched on all the lights, just in case.
The last thing I saw before I closed my eyes was broken-boned ghost crawling on all four and chasing a screaming woman along a deserted corridor.
*
The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was a black mop of hair, so close to my face and a pair of big brown orbs peering into mine. I jumped, shouting for help at the top of my lungs. Jaejoong fell back to the floor laughing, gasping and doubling over himself in absolute amusement.
“Oh my God, oh my God Yunho, you should have seen your face! You went all white like you saw a ghost or something! Hahaha!”
I wiped my sleep-encrusted eyes with my palms, sitting upright on the couch and pouting at him. He was still laughing, his face red and eyes teary. Haha yeah it was so funny. Cue rolling eyes here, folks.
“That wasn’t so nice of you. I was seriously spooked, you know. I watched Ju-On last night.”
Jaejoong crawled near, smirking devilishly as he imitated Kayako. I kicked him away and he moved to the side to avoid my foot, climbing up the couch to hug me sideways in one fluid motion.
“But you have to admit it was funny. The screaming for help, at least. That one was a definite win,” he said, grinning as he pecked my cheek.
I couldn’t bit back the chuckle that rumbled at the back of my throat. When I thought back, it was quite funny. Heh.
“When did you get up?”
I settled back into his embrace, snuggling against his chest. He brushed my hair with his fingers, combing the stubborn straying strands into place.
“About an hour ago. I already made breakfast for us. Anyway, why didn’t you sleep with me last night?”
I smiled to myself, enjoying the soft thump thump thump of his heart.
“I was afraid I would jump you. You have no idea what undressing you and seeing your near-naked body after days did to me. I was seriously debating whether I should just fuck you while you’re asleep but then I decided it wouldn’t be as nice as fucking you when you’re fully awake and screaming.”
Jaejoong shoved me away playfully and scrunched up his face in distaste, one nasty hand leaving a crabby claw pinch on my upper arm. Ouch!
“You’re so violent!”
“I don’t scream in bed!”
“Yes, yes, you don’t. You just scream when I’m in you.”
“Yunhoya!”
I laughed and looked at him, holding his face between my palms as I gave a closed mouth kiss to his pouting lips. Jaejoong sighed like a happy cat when I dragged my lips across his, nipping his chin and trailing small kisses up to his eye. He was so pretty, so perfect, so much mine.
I pulled away and made him look at me.
“I have something to ask you,” I started, stroking my thumb lazily across his jaw. Jaejoong leaned into my touch and nodded, smiling.
“Ask away.”
“I need something from you, and I want to know if you can give it to me.”
His interest was definitely piqued by the curious look he had on his face.
“What is it, Yunho?”
I took a deep breath, looking straight into his dark brown eyes. God he was so handsome like this, so precious and there was nothing more that I wanted than…
“I want you inside of me,” I said simply, and Jaejoong gasped in surprise. His face suddenly colored, blushing pink with the words I had just said.
“You mean…”
I smiled at him, nodding as if to say he had heard me right - I did ask him to fuck me and there was no doubt about that.
“We’ve been together for almost two years now, don’t you think it is time for me to feel how it’s like to be fucked by you? And I want to give you something special too…something of me that I’ve never given to anyone else.”
Jaejoong held my hand that was holding his face, his expression serious but visibly touched.
“You don’t have to do this for me, Yunho. I’m happy to be where I am when we have sex. My love for you isn’t going to change no matter where you are and where I am when we make love.”
“But I want to, Jaejoong. That’s why I’m asking this from you. I want to try to be where you are, to experience what you’ve experienced. I want to know how it feels like to be held by someone I love, to be fully filled by someone I need. I know it’s going to be difficult since I’m a, err, virgin in that matter, but I’m willing to do everything you want me to. I have no doubt you will make me feel good. You know when it comes to you, baby, there is nothing short of everything I would do for you.”
“Oh Yunho…” Jaejoong rasped, pulling me closer and kissing me breathless. I felt a slight dampness on his cheek, and I knew I had made the right decision. Both of us needed this - a significant step as we track down the years of our life. While the nightmare I had was admittedly too far-fetched and ridiculous to be real, the notion in it was true. Fulfillment came from trust soldered from two souls, and the best way to test it was to give yourself to your lover wholly and selflessly. I wanted to give him that.
Jaejoong stood and pulled me up, threading his fingers in mine as he led me to the bedroom. It seemed like breakfast would have to wait, there was a more important agenda to attend to.
My heart danced inside my chest, salsa-ing to the techno beats of my love-drugged blood. Scared, nervous, thrilled and excited all jumbled up in one, as I squeezed Jaejoong’s hand tight.
My bladder suddenly screamed suicide when we stepped over the threshold, so I excused myself to the bathroom to take care of the necessary ‘business’, washing thrice for extra confidence. I finished my morning routine as quickly as I can, washing my face, brushing my teeth and gargling mouthwash at racing car speed. When I came out of the toilet about five minutes later, Jaejoong had pulled the duvet to the foot of the bed, fluffing out the pillow for what we had in mind.
He looked at me, clearly concerned.
“We can do something else…if you’ve changed your mind.”
I shook my head and walked towards him. I draped my arms around his waist, grinding against him and nuzzling his neck. He smelled so fucking good. He smelled like love and sex.
“I want you,” I managed to croak out. My chest felt so tight with the feelings inside. Jaejoong groaned darkly, fingers gripping my hair and pulling my face up to him.
We kissed; deep, desperate and wanton. He pushed me down onto the bed and straddled my hip, his body undulating against mine. The friction was heavenly, and I realized with the bits of my mind that were still sane that we were too much clothed and we needed to get naked as soon as possible.
That was taken care of in a matter of seconds. Jaejoong humped me, his hard cock sliding along with my own. The cool, golden bead on his cock head brushed against my sensitive gland and I shouted his name into his mouth, telling him to stop.
“Jae…baby…slow down…don’t want…to come…yet…” I was reduced to a blubbering mess, my tongue raspy and leaden against my dry palate. Jaejoong moaned and ground one last time, before he pulled away and slinked across the bed to reach our bedside table, taking the necessity out from the top drawer.
He breathed deep, looking down at me seriously. Hands on my chest, he touched me softly, as if feeling me for the first time. I let him explore my body, knowing that he was trying to put himself in a role and take control.
His fingers trailed lower, into the sparse hair down my navel. He didn’t touch my weeping cock but instead he stared at it, eyes dark and lips parted as he moaned lustfully. My heartbeat was an all out drum fest by now. Then he pulled on the coarse strands slightly making me gasp, arching upwards into his hand. Smirking, Jaejoong leaned down and kissed my lips, his tongue pushing inside and fucking my mouth.
Fuck he tasted so good, so so good. I swore I could have reach orgasm from his kisses alone, but then it wouldn’t be as much fun as finding nirvana when he finally fucked me.
The thought made me impatient and I began to beg, clawing dull nails against his skin and leaving red marks across his tattooed back. I didn’t care, I just wanted more, wanted him. God the sweet torture!
I heard a flick of the lube lid, and then there was a heady aroma of almost-sex in the air. Jaejoong warmed the viscous liquid in his hand, kissing my neck as he busied his other hand with my nipples, twisting and pulling and perking. My eyes blurred, body trashing underneath him.
Then I felt his wet fingers along my crack, light touches circling the entrance and pushing against the soft underside of my balls. A shudder crept up my spine and I moaned harder, lifting slightly from the bed. Jaejoong took this chance to kiss my lips briefly and told me to flip side.
I obeyed, laying on my stomach and propped on my knees, my butt thrusting up in the air. I knew I looked like a lusty slut begging to be fucked, and to be perfectly honest, I was feeling like one. I heard my lover growled deep and felt his fingers against my ass a second after, kneading and splaying them open for him. I blushed, but got more excited. I wanted him so bad oh lord.
“Jaejoong please…”
“Fuck you’re so hot, baby…so fucking beautiful. Been waiting to see you like this…want you like this so bad…fuck baby I want to fuck you so fucking bad..,” Jaejoong mumbled darkly, his voice low and demanding. Goddamn sexy. I whimpered pathetically in reply, trembling and passive. He nipped my shoulders, biting kisses along my spine down to the cheeks, and then I felt his soft lips against my opening, his tongue wet and warm.
Holy shit!
I had to keep myself from thrashing away as he lapped against the wrinkled skin, pushing and circling and suckling. I had done this to him so many times before and I loved to taste him raw on my tongue, but I never knew it would feel this good to have him taste me.
He could have eaten me up alive and I wouldn’t have a chance to protest. Hell, I wouldn’t even try.
Jaejoong probed deeper with his tongue, and I keened higher, the sound tinny and unlike mine. He added a finger next, crooking it into a hook and the stars behind my eyes exploded into a universe, my body buckling as if I had been electrocuted.
I came all over the sheet, spraying white on crimson silk. Somehow I didn’t think Jaejoong mind it at all that I had stained his favorite bed cover, not when he was making these weird sounds and fucking me deep and slow with two thick fingers. Damn damn damn! I hadn’t had the chance to climb down from the heaven yet.
I felt Jaejoong shift behind me, his cock bumping against my hip. The cold feel of his piercing bar’s round bead was a delightful deviation from the hotness of his hard meat, and I heard him louder now, more beastly and barbaric. He was losing control by the seconds now, I was sure of it.
“Jae…not enough…need you…inside…” I croaked out, my breaths snagging at my throat as raw lust wrapped around us. Jaejoong groaned and said something lost to my ears, grabbing one of the latex and tearing the packet open with his teeth. It felt like forever waiting for him to finish gloving his penis, even though I knew he had to be more careful than usual because of his goddamn piercing.
The first push was scary and I bit my lips hard. His cock was definitely thicker than his two stubby fingers, and the bead caught slightly at my anus as he pushed the head in. The sting was almost unbearable, not quite pain but not exactly pleasure either. It was breathe in, relax, breathe out, relax time for me. I felt Jaejoong’s right hand splayed on my hip, holding me in place and rubbing the tension out of my muscles.
“Yes, that’s right baby…breathe easy, hold still…let me do this…I got you, baby, I got you…” Jaejoong coaxed, pushing in at a snail's pace. The sting became all out pain by now and I shivered, clamping tight around his cock. Jaejoong cussed out of shock and huffed, but he kept his pace, in a bit then out a little.
His voice was raspy as he whispered sweet nothings to me, his lips brushing softly against my shoulder. He was trying to be as gentle as he can and it showed in his every labored breath, every controlled move. The thought touched my soul and made my body relax. I gave in, letting the pain transcend into the realm of pleasure.
I thought about how Jaejoong look making love to me, sweat beading his soft skin and muscles straining down his back and thighs and fuck, I thought it was super hot. I forgot all about the initial pain, my body and mind fully loaded with Jaejoong and Jaejoong and Jaejoong and oh my sweet, sexy, sweaty Kim Jaejoong.
Jaejoong seemed to notice the change, as he kissed my neck and whispered sugary gibberish into my ears. I groaned, appreciating but definitely not getting enough. His breadth was intimidating yet I wanted it all, so I rocked my hips up and out, getting him further in. He moaned aloud, gripping my hip tight and warning me to go slow.
“Yunho…”
“Too slow…want more…” I growled greedily, my fingers milking the sheet for what it’s worth. Jaejoong thrust in faster but still stop-gapping his movement, out of consideration for my first anal sex. I couldn’t take it, the heat was so hot and I was burning, enflamed, blazed from head to toe. Just-
“Fuck me Jaejoong please!” I grunted, pushing back towards him. He slapped my upper thigh once till the skin buzzed, and thrust forward in one strong move, grunting hard.
He was in me now, all of him. We stilled, waiting and breathing hard like animals in heat. And then Jaejoong moved infinitesimally, and I felt him brush against something inside, something untouched. I gasped, heartbeat skipping.
Fuck oh fuck oh fuck. This was beyond fulfilling, beyond amazing, beyond anything I had ever imagined and dreamed of. Tears sprang to my eyes in a rush of emotional flood. I had given him me, I had given him all of me. This was it - my all. He found and gave it to me so I could give it back to him.
The circle was finally complete.
Jaejoong slowly rocked inside, setting a steady yet quickening pace. The bead on his cock head grazed my prostate rhythmically, acting like a little magic finger that pushed all the right buttons along my tender inside, turning me into boneless goo and taking me closer to the edge. I gripped my own cock, hard and pearled with pre-cum. Stroking it in time with Jaejoong’s thrusts, we raced towards the finale together, Jaejoong’s arms around my chest and his heart against my back. We were breathing as one, we were moving as one.
I felt him shudder first, and then he pushed deeper into me until he could go no further and let go, rasping my name. The trembling of his body sent waves of sensation along his cock and straight to my core, and I succumbed at last, sighing my release into my own hand.
The world was splashed with white and nirvana was made of Jaejoong’s harsh post-orgasm breathing and mine.
We stayed that way for a while, me on my stomach and Jaejoong plastered on my back, still physically connected. He had gone soft now, but I was reluctant to let him go from where he was resting inside of me. I needed him there, just a while longer.
“Thank you, baby, thank you so much..,” Jaejoong whispered against my shoulder, leaving a gentle kiss there. I entwined our hands under my chest, pulling him tighter around me. My body ached all over from the early morning strenuous activity, but being held this way felt so nice that I didn’t want either of us to move. His weight on me felt so good, so warm, so secure.
“I love you, my Jaejoong,” I said to him for the umpteenth time, but somehow I felt like the phrase would never grow old. Jaejoong’s hands squeezed mine, and he replied back, voice full of what I knew he felt inside,
“Love you too, my Yunho. No one else for me but you.”
I sighed happily, slipping into great-sex-induced bliss. I felt Jaejoong pull away to dispose the rubber, this time much quicker than when he was putting it on, before climbing back in and snuggling against my back, his limp cock brushing against my hips.
“Next time, we’re doing it bareback,” he whispered sleepily and pulled the duvet over us, just as I was about to step into dream land.
Oh fuck.
--[THE END]
a/n: told ya. "8P