deeper conversation: chapter 8
deeper conversation: chapter 8
yunho ♥ jaejoong
chaptered | AU | nc-17
a/n: sorry this took quite some time to update. got sidetracked by real life. eh. ^^;; enjoy?
--
Someone should probably hold a red sign in front of me now because I think I’ve just gotten myself into a dangerous ground. This was happening way too fast for me, way too fast for my sanity and blood pressure to endure. Here I was, standing inside the lift and going up to the 17th floor, a half-dozen pack of beer in my right hand, anxiously anticipating the dinner with my very hot supervisor Kim Jaejoong in his apartment. God give me strength because my knees were turning to jellies as the numbers hike up, the light going yellow every time we passed a floor.
The lift opened to reveal a seemingly familiar corridor, and I realized I’ve already came to his place so there’s nothing to be worried about. I did realize though that the last time I was here I was slightly drunk, so maybe that didn’t count as a visit. Urgh. Why did my stomach decide to morph into tentacle-y sea creatures now, rumbling with nervousness and anxiety I’ve never felt before.
Chill Jung Yunho, you’ve had lovers and clandestine affairs before. You went to guys’ apartments all the time (okay not all the time, but who cares? Lies are acceptable in self-pep-talk) and Kim Jaejoong is just one of those guys, okay? Alright, maybe you’re more than a little in love with the amazing man (who wouldn’t? He gives A++++ blowjob, and don’t you see his pretty pout? It is made out of pure, liquid sex. Gahh. Shit. That wasn’t the best way to calm the fuck down you horny fucker)
Before I knew it, my itchy impatient finger had already pressed the buzzer on the intercom.
“Err, hello…it’s me, Yunho.”, I spoke into the machine, and a second later Jaejoong replied with a cheery, “You’re here! Wait, I’m coming!”
I grinned as I heard Jaejoong’s feet pitter-pattering towards the door. The cherrywood barrier opened up in a flash and there was Jaejoong, all smiles in black jeans and white short-sleeved t-shirt with a black apron tied around his waist, hair clipped up to reveal a smooth forehead, and black-rimmed glasses perched on top of his strong nose. God he looked so cute and sexy I don’t mind eating him for dinner!
“Hey Yunhoya…”, Jaejoong greeted, grinning shyly at me. Oh heart please don’t stop functioning now.
“Hey…y-you look g-good, Jaejoong.”, I stammered, almost dumbfounded and a little too happy in the pants to think properly. He probably thought I was a very hormonal (translated: horny) young man who can’t think of anything else but sex, and the sad thing was he’s almost right. Cries. Yunho, patience is virtue!
“Really?”, Jaejoong flirted back, hand coyly touching my wrist before he snapped a look at me from under his lidded eyes. I gulped openly and nodded, handing him the pack of beers with a shaky hand - the one he’s giving too much attention to. How can a man be so fucking jealous with his own wrist?
“Aw, I thought I said you don’t need to bring anything…”, Jaejoong said as he ushered me in. The instant I stepped into the spacious apartment, the smell of fish stew just crept up my nose and my tummy grumbled, responsive to the delicious aroma.
“I just think…it’s good manner. You’re cooking me dinner after all, and these are just cheap beers. Wine would be better, but I…err…haven’t received my pay and allowance yet, so I’m really sorry.”, I turned around to face Jaejoong, toeing my shoes nervously and bending to put them on the shoe rack. Thank you so much to the heavenly creature in care of me that made me remember to wear my clean socks for the night - smelly feet are just a turn-off and act like a spell that wards you off sexual favors.
“Hey don’t worry. Beers are good, that way we won’t get drunk so easily, eh?”, he smiled cheekily, cocking a head to the side while sticking out a tongue at me. I smiled widely back, aware that he was being considerate about my scant budget yet didn’t want to slight my ego as a man. I felt my heart grew twice as big at this, he’s so fucking adorable and kind and I was just…in love.
“Since I made a wise purchase of our beverage for tonight…can I kiss you now?”
Woah where did that come from?
“Yes, you can.”
Jaejoong took a large single step towards me and tilted his head up, closing his eyes and offering me his smiling, gorgeous pink lips. I gasped a little, nearly swooning from the prompt reaction yet a smarter part of my brain (or my cock, which one I can’t tell) urged me to just fucking hurry kiss Kim Jaejoong and ravish those sexy mouth with a long, wet smooch.
I leaned in, and gave him a small peck on his lips, withdrawing timidly as he opened his eyes and stared at me with a pair of glorious, curious eyes.
Oh. My. God. Jung. Yunho. What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Just. Do?
He offered me his lips and I gave him a peck? Stupid dumb dumb argh!
“Well…umm. Let’s go to the kitchen then.”, Jaejoong said awkwardly, brushing passed me and at that exact moment, I just wanted to run to the nearest window and jump from this 17th floor apartment and kill my stupid, chicken self. Cries. Why can’t I do anything right?
He was two steps in front of me when my smarter self took over again and I grabbed his shoulder, stopping him just as we were about to enter the kitchen. He turned around, forehead slightly creasing, and I took my chance as I stepped in closer, kissing him soundly on the lips and stealing his next breath before he could say anything.
“What was…that?”, he asked, panting heavily when I finished, his lips aptly swollen and eyes becoming hooded again. I grinned devilishly, and kissed him once more to seal the deal.
“For freezing up and not giving you a proper kiss just now. I was stunned by your cuteness, so don’t blame me.” Ah, too bad my smarter side came with grease as well. Well, life’s unfair and that’s that.
“Oh stop you big cheese. I’m too old to be cute!”
Jaejoong blushed and giggled, and I knew men aren’t supposed to blush and giggle but he did and it was just the single most adorable blush and giggle combo I’ve ever witnessed in my entire 23 years of life. He pushed me off him, his smile as happy as the Teletubbies’ sun. A pat on my back for a job well done.
“You’re old?! Pfft. I bet if you didn’t tell me you’re 33 I’d totally guess we’re of the same age. Okay maybe you’re slightly older because you have gray hairs- ouch!”, he pinched my upper arm, giving me a mock snarl, teeth bared in this adorable, angry kitten way. I gave him a sad pout with puppy eyes as a reply, rubbing my abused arm like it hurt so damn much when I didn’t really feel a thing. Gah I love this flirting game.
“Never mention about gray hairs to a man over thirty, don’t you know that?”
“You’re the one mentioning it when we last went out! I just utilized the information to support my point.”
“Ah practicing what I preached eh?”
“Always, always listen to your teacher. It’s what takes me this far after all.”
He nodded seriously, playing along, “Good to hear you’re a good student. Good students are my favorite kind of students.”
“Heh. Pedo much?”, I stuck out a tongue, and he hissed back, throwing a napkin my way,
“Want to die young much?”
“Hah, touché. Old men really are more sensitive.”
“Whatever. I’m still handsomer and hotter than you.”
“Ouch, that was.”
“Truth hurts, baby.”, he laughed loudly, and my heart did a double summersault with a full twist at the ‘baby’. Damn it I was turning into a bucket of disgusting goo and I haven’t even had full-on sex with him yet.
Jaejoong turned around the counter to stand in front of the cooker to ladle the rice into the prepared bowls, professional and comfortable in his kitchen. There were already other side dishes laid out on the kitchen island - a plate full of pork stir-fry with green beans and mushrooms, a big bowl of spicy fish stew, and small plate of chopped radish and baby carrots. I took a seat at the high-raised stool, watching him going all domestic with an infatuated fanboy look on my face and wishing he wasn’t aware of it. I can’t help the face muscles, I swear they have a brain of their own!
I took the chance to study his body, taking time to inspect his profile from behind in leisure. His back is strong and wide, sloping nicely to tuck at his tiny waist and a not-so-fluffy bottom but who cares I’m not into big butts anyways. His arms are not so buff yet not so thin either, but I could see that he’s all muscles and zero fat. His legs are thin and long, not as long as mine but still long enough that they’d be just perfect to wrap around my waist when we are…you know. I can’t see his ankles but I bet they are sexy as hell, pale and slightly boney, and curving sweetly to his round heels and cute twinkie toes. Mmmm~
“Like what you see?”, Jaejoong teased, and I blinked stupidly when I realized he had already turned to face me with two bowls of rice in his hands, his smirk making a group of cells inside my brain committed instant suicide.
“Very, very much.”, I made a show to smirk back, lifting my eyebrows to add on the grease. He grinned, clearly amused.
“Pftt, typical men. The instant you turn your back, they start ogling at you like you’re a piece of meat.”
“Ah so that means if I turn my back to you now, you’ll start ogling at me like I’m a piece of meat?”
He nodded, puffing his cheeks and squinting his eyes, God he’s so fucking adorable, “You’d be a very delicious piece of meat.”
“Then, you should eat me, yes?”, I flirted back, and he burst out laughing; warm, familiar and comforting. I was aware that something was probably very wrong with this picture since he was technically my teacher and I was technically his student and we were technically not supposed to be on such friendly term yet we were and suddenly everything became all so very right again. Jaejoong is a good company, kind and fun, and just the best verbal sparring partner you’d ever want to have. He takes my flirtation and twists it, and serves the ball back with gusto and it’s just the way I like my men to do. And he’s oh-so-intelligent too, and when he starts spewing all those academic jargons and quoting this academician and that educationalist I swear it’s the sexiest thing ever. He pouts and giggles like a prim, high school girl; and curses and seduces like a high-class whore. I know it wasn’t so nice to think of him these ways, but hey, a man’s thought is often a one-way street to his groin, so go figure.
Jaejoong put a bowl in front of me, flicking my nose with a finger to snap me out of my little mind detour.
“Eat up growing boy.”, he said affectionately, moving to the fridge to take out a chilled bowl of salads and a small bottle of sour pickles.
“I want us to eat together~”, I half-whined, making grabbing motion at him. Jaejoong snorted, before taking a seat next to me.
“You’re such a big baby.” He muttered softly and again my heart leapt to my throat at the ‘baby’. I looked down, too embarrassed and happy to say anything back. Jaejoong didn’t seem to notice this, happily spooning the stew and blowing on the soup before gulping it all in.
We ate in silence for a while, steadily finishing the feast in front of us. Jaejoong then told me to eat more, words muffled in his munching, and I joyfully nodded, slurping noisily at my stew. He giggled, and when I glanced at him I saw sparkles in his eyes, so very pretty and suddenly I was so happy I was the one putting the laughter there. He was so beautiful, cheeks moving as he savoured his food with utmost appreciation, and I never thought I could fall harder in love with him than I was at that moment.
*
The television was airing rerun of a popular teenage drama, and both me and Jaejoong were watching in rapture as the second hero pulled the heroin who’s supposed to be his best friend’s girl into a deep kiss.
“Woah that’s a jerk there. Kissing your best friend’s girlfriend, what could be more worse than that? I hate men like him.”, Jaejoong remarked, his pout becoming more prominent as he frowned at the screen. He was sitting next to me and sideways on the couch, both his feet up on the couch and toes nearly digging to the side of my thigh. I chuckled, dismissing his comment with a mocking evil smirk.
“Hey, he knows what he wants. At least he’s not like the hero who couldn’t make up his mind and act like a jerk because he can’t confess. Gah. Useless men like that irk me more.”
“Friendship is more important than love, right? Plus, they’re like…what, 18? What can you know about love when you’re 18? I remember I was only thinking where to get some when I was that age…”, Jaejoong grumbled in reply, shoving his feet underneath my leg. I was distinctly aware of this, my heartbeat accelerating steadily as I bravely massaged his ankles, boney and pale and just like I had imagined them to be. Jaejoong moaned in reflex, his head falling back in appreciation and I took that as an encouragement, pulling his feet from underneath my thigh and putting them on my lap. This was getting very nice, yet I didn’t want us to go there yet, not when I had this urge of talking and getting to know this man more. Surprise? Me too.
“Can you tell me more about your childhood, Jaejoong?”, I asked as softly I can, and Jaejoong looked up, staring at me behind his glasses. He took a deep breath and exhaled aloud, and I got this nagging feeling that I probably had just asked him something I shouldn’t.
“…you don’t need to tell me of you don’t want to. Sorry…I was just-“
“No, it’s alright, it’s okay, nothing to worry about…”, Jaejoong cut in, reaching a hand to rub my arm slightly, “…I just never talk about it with anyone before. I was surprised you’d want to know about that.”
“I want to know all about you if you let me.” I mumbled, looking down at my own hands that were kneading Jaejoong’s calves.
Jaejoong scooted closer, moving his feet off my lap and with two fingers, lifted my chin up so he could see directly into my eyes. I looked at him as bravely as I can, matching his gaze with my own. There was no animosity there, just slight hesitation and a galaxy full of adoration. I was effectively blown away.
“You’re so sweet, Yunhoya…”, Jaejoong mouthed against my lips, his warm breath ghosting and I swear I could taste him up against my palate and at the back of my throat. His nose brushed with mine, and my eyes instinctively closed, surrendering to whatever he had in mind for me. I heard him groan a little before he kissed me, slow and tantalizing, his tongue sweeping roughly along my lower lips, suckling it like it was holding honey for him. He pulled back after what seemed like a decade later and my eyes fluttered open, still very much dizzy from his amazing kiss.
He breathed deep, before plopping back against the back of the couch, his head lolling to rest on my shoulder.
“My childhood was full of nothing but mundane, cheesy stuffs, so if you get bored halfway, just remember you’re the one who asked about it.”, he warned jokingly and I nodded, linking my fingers into his and felt my heart clenched a little when he squeezed them back.
“From when do you want me to start?”, he implored, looking up at me. I thought for a second, and then decided.
“You’ve told me about your Cambridge years when we talked on the phone before, so maybe some time before that or after that? Your choice.”
He seemed to be giving it a thought, before he took a deep breath and started, confident and almost detached, “Well, my childhood wasn’t the best that’s what I can tell you. I was the youngest in my family, I have eight elder sisters and they were all so very nasty to me when I was a kid, always bullying me. I thought because I was the odd one out, but then I found out that I was adopted when I was 10, and everything made sense. Why I look so different compared to my sisters, and why my father never care so much about what I did, although I tried so hard at impressing him. My adopted mother was an angel though, she loved me and she tried to make it so I wouldn’t feel so left out, so out of place. But I still felt that, of course, it’s hard to pretend you belong when you knew the truth. I felt so deceived, I was thinking how dare these people lied to me about where I came from and treated me like shit. I got rebellious, mixed with the wrong crowd, and started getting into troubles for the sake of getting into troubles.”, Jaejoong laughed sadly at this, and I squeezed his hand harder, encouraging him.
“My mother got very worried about me, yet I didn’t take heed of her concern and just went about doing things in my way. It took me awhile to realize I was doing nothing but damage to myself, and the huge blow came when my mother died when I was 16. I stopped talking for about a month, too guilty to utter a single word…I was convinced I was the cause of her death. But weirdly, after her death things got better between me and my adopted father. We kind of patched up, though my eight sisters were still bitter at me, they also made effort to make me feel welcome again. I got serious with school, and studied hard so I won’t become a disappointment to my mother and family. They might not be my real family, but they are there and I learned to appreciate what they did for me. I got scholarship to Cambridge and after that, you know the rest.”, Jaejoong finished with a relief sigh, a shaky small smile creeping on his lips.
I blinked and suddenly realized tears were forking down my cheeks. Jaejoong’s eyes widened as I quickly wiped them off, embarrassed at getting caught crying.
“Baby, why are you crying?”, Jaejoong asked, cupping my face and forcing me to look at him. I probably looked a lot like a failure at that moment, nose red and eyes more than teary. Jaejoong’s face softened and he kissed both of my eyes, just the gentlest pressing of lips against my eyelids.
I pulled him close and hugged him, my heart fully warm in his embrace, “I was just overwhelmed. I always thought that other people experience happy childhood and I remember when I was a kid I hated other kids because of that. I never thought someone as wonderful as you would have such a dark history. I’m sorry I asked, Jaejoong, you must have felt bad having to reminisce all of that again.”
“No, Yunhoya, please don’t feel sorry. We both have our dark pasts, but what’s important we learn to move on and take positive things from it, right?”, Jaejoong said quickly, moving to clasp me to his body.
“You’re such a forgiving person, Jaejoong-ah…I wish I can be like you and learn to forgive. I have a lot of hate in me that I ignore.”, I confessed, and my tears came pouring out like rain, wetting Jaejoong’s shirt. He held me close still, not budging a bit even when I was sobbing and being a big mess.
“It takes time to accept, Yunhoya, and no one blames you if you can’t forgive. No one knows what you feel more than you yourself, and I could only imagine how tough it was for you and Changmin. It’s different for everybody…this forgiving and forgetting thing. Give it time, Yunhoya. I remember taking so long to forgive myself for what I’ve done in my teenage years, for what happened to my mother.”
“But you did it. You forgave your family, you forgave yourself.”
“And that took time, Yunho. I didn’t do it in a span of a day, not even a year. Honestly, I think I was still beating myself about it when I was married to my ex. I suspected he got tired of my self-blaming and self-torturing…and went to find himself a happier, much more cheerful man.”, Jaejoong smiled wistfully at this, pulling our bodies slightly apart so he could look into my eyes, “I’m sure what happened to you has taught you a lot of things, Yunho, a lot of things that made you the man you are today. Maybe if things were different, you wouldn’t have been such a good brother to Changmin, a really dedicated student and a passionate, wonderful young man.”, Jaejoong consoled me, rubbing my arms soothingly.
I nodded weakly, accepting Jaejoong’s words and tucking it close to my heart. It felt better telling him about this, being honest with my feelings. And I was so glad Jaejoong didn’t mind sharing his story with me, because I knew then it was something very personal to Jaejoong and he didn’t just share it with anyone.
“Thank you so much, Jaejoong-ah, for telling me about your past and for being…all around amazing. I’m so grateful I met you.”, I spoke my thoughts out, needing to let him know what I really felt. Jaejoong smiled sweetly back, swiping his thumbs under my wet eyes.
“Now stop crying okay? You don’t look so good when you’re crying.”, he teased, and I chuckled weakly, emotions still running high. Jaejoong stood up and stretched, and his skin peeked from the uplifted t-shirt. I looked away, ashamed because I was easily seduced and sidetracked by a glimpse of his smooth, toned torso.
“All that crying made you shy now.”, Jaejoong laughed and I swear I turned a deep shade of red. He held out his hand and I took it somewhat awkwardly and stood up. I braved myself to look at his face, and when I saw his beautiful, warm smile, all thoughts of sorrow flew out of my mind and suddenly I was too aware of this lovely man standing in front of me.
“Jaejoong-ah.”
“Hmm?”
“I…I…”
“Yes, you?”, his eyes were the color of midnight, honest and beseeching, and I got sucked deeper into them, deeper into love. The next thing I knew, I’ve blurted everything out in a rush of breath,
“I think I’m in love with you!”
--[TBC]
yunho ♥ jaejoong
chaptered | AU | nc-17
a/n: sorry this took quite some time to update. got sidetracked by real life. eh. ^^;; enjoy?
--
Someone should probably hold a red sign in front of me now because I think I’ve just gotten myself into a dangerous ground. This was happening way too fast for me, way too fast for my sanity and blood pressure to endure. Here I was, standing inside the lift and going up to the 17th floor, a half-dozen pack of beer in my right hand, anxiously anticipating the dinner with my very hot supervisor Kim Jaejoong in his apartment. God give me strength because my knees were turning to jellies as the numbers hike up, the light going yellow every time we passed a floor.
The lift opened to reveal a seemingly familiar corridor, and I realized I’ve already came to his place so there’s nothing to be worried about. I did realize though that the last time I was here I was slightly drunk, so maybe that didn’t count as a visit. Urgh. Why did my stomach decide to morph into tentacle-y sea creatures now, rumbling with nervousness and anxiety I’ve never felt before.
Chill Jung Yunho, you’ve had lovers and clandestine affairs before. You went to guys’ apartments all the time (okay not all the time, but who cares? Lies are acceptable in self-pep-talk) and Kim Jaejoong is just one of those guys, okay? Alright, maybe you’re more than a little in love with the amazing man (who wouldn’t? He gives A++++ blowjob, and don’t you see his pretty pout? It is made out of pure, liquid sex. Gahh. Shit. That wasn’t the best way to calm the fuck down you horny fucker)
Before I knew it, my itchy impatient finger had already pressed the buzzer on the intercom.
“Err, hello…it’s me, Yunho.”, I spoke into the machine, and a second later Jaejoong replied with a cheery, “You’re here! Wait, I’m coming!”
I grinned as I heard Jaejoong’s feet pitter-pattering towards the door. The cherrywood barrier opened up in a flash and there was Jaejoong, all smiles in black jeans and white short-sleeved t-shirt with a black apron tied around his waist, hair clipped up to reveal a smooth forehead, and black-rimmed glasses perched on top of his strong nose. God he looked so cute and sexy I don’t mind eating him for dinner!
“Hey Yunhoya…”, Jaejoong greeted, grinning shyly at me. Oh heart please don’t stop functioning now.
“Hey…y-you look g-good, Jaejoong.”, I stammered, almost dumbfounded and a little too happy in the pants to think properly. He probably thought I was a very hormonal (translated: horny) young man who can’t think of anything else but sex, and the sad thing was he’s almost right. Cries. Yunho, patience is virtue!
“Really?”, Jaejoong flirted back, hand coyly touching my wrist before he snapped a look at me from under his lidded eyes. I gulped openly and nodded, handing him the pack of beers with a shaky hand - the one he’s giving too much attention to. How can a man be so fucking jealous with his own wrist?
“Aw, I thought I said you don’t need to bring anything…”, Jaejoong said as he ushered me in. The instant I stepped into the spacious apartment, the smell of fish stew just crept up my nose and my tummy grumbled, responsive to the delicious aroma.
“I just think…it’s good manner. You’re cooking me dinner after all, and these are just cheap beers. Wine would be better, but I…err…haven’t received my pay and allowance yet, so I’m really sorry.”, I turned around to face Jaejoong, toeing my shoes nervously and bending to put them on the shoe rack. Thank you so much to the heavenly creature in care of me that made me remember to wear my clean socks for the night - smelly feet are just a turn-off and act like a spell that wards you off sexual favors.
“Hey don’t worry. Beers are good, that way we won’t get drunk so easily, eh?”, he smiled cheekily, cocking a head to the side while sticking out a tongue at me. I smiled widely back, aware that he was being considerate about my scant budget yet didn’t want to slight my ego as a man. I felt my heart grew twice as big at this, he’s so fucking adorable and kind and I was just…in love.
“Since I made a wise purchase of our beverage for tonight…can I kiss you now?”
Woah where did that come from?
“Yes, you can.”
Jaejoong took a large single step towards me and tilted his head up, closing his eyes and offering me his smiling, gorgeous pink lips. I gasped a little, nearly swooning from the prompt reaction yet a smarter part of my brain (or my cock, which one I can’t tell) urged me to just fucking hurry kiss Kim Jaejoong and ravish those sexy mouth with a long, wet smooch.
I leaned in, and gave him a small peck on his lips, withdrawing timidly as he opened his eyes and stared at me with a pair of glorious, curious eyes.
Oh. My. God. Jung. Yunho. What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Just. Do?
He offered me his lips and I gave him a peck? Stupid dumb dumb argh!
“Well…umm. Let’s go to the kitchen then.”, Jaejoong said awkwardly, brushing passed me and at that exact moment, I just wanted to run to the nearest window and jump from this 17th floor apartment and kill my stupid, chicken self. Cries. Why can’t I do anything right?
He was two steps in front of me when my smarter self took over again and I grabbed his shoulder, stopping him just as we were about to enter the kitchen. He turned around, forehead slightly creasing, and I took my chance as I stepped in closer, kissing him soundly on the lips and stealing his next breath before he could say anything.
“What was…that?”, he asked, panting heavily when I finished, his lips aptly swollen and eyes becoming hooded again. I grinned devilishly, and kissed him once more to seal the deal.
“For freezing up and not giving you a proper kiss just now. I was stunned by your cuteness, so don’t blame me.” Ah, too bad my smarter side came with grease as well. Well, life’s unfair and that’s that.
“Oh stop you big cheese. I’m too old to be cute!”
Jaejoong blushed and giggled, and I knew men aren’t supposed to blush and giggle but he did and it was just the single most adorable blush and giggle combo I’ve ever witnessed in my entire 23 years of life. He pushed me off him, his smile as happy as the Teletubbies’ sun. A pat on my back for a job well done.
“You’re old?! Pfft. I bet if you didn’t tell me you’re 33 I’d totally guess we’re of the same age. Okay maybe you’re slightly older because you have gray hairs- ouch!”, he pinched my upper arm, giving me a mock snarl, teeth bared in this adorable, angry kitten way. I gave him a sad pout with puppy eyes as a reply, rubbing my abused arm like it hurt so damn much when I didn’t really feel a thing. Gah I love this flirting game.
“Never mention about gray hairs to a man over thirty, don’t you know that?”
“You’re the one mentioning it when we last went out! I just utilized the information to support my point.”
“Ah practicing what I preached eh?”
“Always, always listen to your teacher. It’s what takes me this far after all.”
He nodded seriously, playing along, “Good to hear you’re a good student. Good students are my favorite kind of students.”
“Heh. Pedo much?”, I stuck out a tongue, and he hissed back, throwing a napkin my way,
“Want to die young much?”
“Hah, touché. Old men really are more sensitive.”
“Whatever. I’m still handsomer and hotter than you.”
“Ouch, that was.”
“Truth hurts, baby.”, he laughed loudly, and my heart did a double summersault with a full twist at the ‘baby’. Damn it I was turning into a bucket of disgusting goo and I haven’t even had full-on sex with him yet.
Jaejoong turned around the counter to stand in front of the cooker to ladle the rice into the prepared bowls, professional and comfortable in his kitchen. There were already other side dishes laid out on the kitchen island - a plate full of pork stir-fry with green beans and mushrooms, a big bowl of spicy fish stew, and small plate of chopped radish and baby carrots. I took a seat at the high-raised stool, watching him going all domestic with an infatuated fanboy look on my face and wishing he wasn’t aware of it. I can’t help the face muscles, I swear they have a brain of their own!
I took the chance to study his body, taking time to inspect his profile from behind in leisure. His back is strong and wide, sloping nicely to tuck at his tiny waist and a not-so-fluffy bottom but who cares I’m not into big butts anyways. His arms are not so buff yet not so thin either, but I could see that he’s all muscles and zero fat. His legs are thin and long, not as long as mine but still long enough that they’d be just perfect to wrap around my waist when we are…you know. I can’t see his ankles but I bet they are sexy as hell, pale and slightly boney, and curving sweetly to his round heels and cute twinkie toes. Mmmm~
“Like what you see?”, Jaejoong teased, and I blinked stupidly when I realized he had already turned to face me with two bowls of rice in his hands, his smirk making a group of cells inside my brain committed instant suicide.
“Very, very much.”, I made a show to smirk back, lifting my eyebrows to add on the grease. He grinned, clearly amused.
“Pftt, typical men. The instant you turn your back, they start ogling at you like you’re a piece of meat.”
“Ah so that means if I turn my back to you now, you’ll start ogling at me like I’m a piece of meat?”
He nodded, puffing his cheeks and squinting his eyes, God he’s so fucking adorable, “You’d be a very delicious piece of meat.”
“Then, you should eat me, yes?”, I flirted back, and he burst out laughing; warm, familiar and comforting. I was aware that something was probably very wrong with this picture since he was technically my teacher and I was technically his student and we were technically not supposed to be on such friendly term yet we were and suddenly everything became all so very right again. Jaejoong is a good company, kind and fun, and just the best verbal sparring partner you’d ever want to have. He takes my flirtation and twists it, and serves the ball back with gusto and it’s just the way I like my men to do. And he’s oh-so-intelligent too, and when he starts spewing all those academic jargons and quoting this academician and that educationalist I swear it’s the sexiest thing ever. He pouts and giggles like a prim, high school girl; and curses and seduces like a high-class whore. I know it wasn’t so nice to think of him these ways, but hey, a man’s thought is often a one-way street to his groin, so go figure.
Jaejoong put a bowl in front of me, flicking my nose with a finger to snap me out of my little mind detour.
“Eat up growing boy.”, he said affectionately, moving to the fridge to take out a chilled bowl of salads and a small bottle of sour pickles.
“I want us to eat together~”, I half-whined, making grabbing motion at him. Jaejoong snorted, before taking a seat next to me.
“You’re such a big baby.” He muttered softly and again my heart leapt to my throat at the ‘baby’. I looked down, too embarrassed and happy to say anything back. Jaejoong didn’t seem to notice this, happily spooning the stew and blowing on the soup before gulping it all in.
We ate in silence for a while, steadily finishing the feast in front of us. Jaejoong then told me to eat more, words muffled in his munching, and I joyfully nodded, slurping noisily at my stew. He giggled, and when I glanced at him I saw sparkles in his eyes, so very pretty and suddenly I was so happy I was the one putting the laughter there. He was so beautiful, cheeks moving as he savoured his food with utmost appreciation, and I never thought I could fall harder in love with him than I was at that moment.
*
The television was airing rerun of a popular teenage drama, and both me and Jaejoong were watching in rapture as the second hero pulled the heroin who’s supposed to be his best friend’s girl into a deep kiss.
“Woah that’s a jerk there. Kissing your best friend’s girlfriend, what could be more worse than that? I hate men like him.”, Jaejoong remarked, his pout becoming more prominent as he frowned at the screen. He was sitting next to me and sideways on the couch, both his feet up on the couch and toes nearly digging to the side of my thigh. I chuckled, dismissing his comment with a mocking evil smirk.
“Hey, he knows what he wants. At least he’s not like the hero who couldn’t make up his mind and act like a jerk because he can’t confess. Gah. Useless men like that irk me more.”
“Friendship is more important than love, right? Plus, they’re like…what, 18? What can you know about love when you’re 18? I remember I was only thinking where to get some when I was that age…”, Jaejoong grumbled in reply, shoving his feet underneath my leg. I was distinctly aware of this, my heartbeat accelerating steadily as I bravely massaged his ankles, boney and pale and just like I had imagined them to be. Jaejoong moaned in reflex, his head falling back in appreciation and I took that as an encouragement, pulling his feet from underneath my thigh and putting them on my lap. This was getting very nice, yet I didn’t want us to go there yet, not when I had this urge of talking and getting to know this man more. Surprise? Me too.
“Can you tell me more about your childhood, Jaejoong?”, I asked as softly I can, and Jaejoong looked up, staring at me behind his glasses. He took a deep breath and exhaled aloud, and I got this nagging feeling that I probably had just asked him something I shouldn’t.
“…you don’t need to tell me of you don’t want to. Sorry…I was just-“
“No, it’s alright, it’s okay, nothing to worry about…”, Jaejoong cut in, reaching a hand to rub my arm slightly, “…I just never talk about it with anyone before. I was surprised you’d want to know about that.”
“I want to know all about you if you let me.” I mumbled, looking down at my own hands that were kneading Jaejoong’s calves.
Jaejoong scooted closer, moving his feet off my lap and with two fingers, lifted my chin up so he could see directly into my eyes. I looked at him as bravely as I can, matching his gaze with my own. There was no animosity there, just slight hesitation and a galaxy full of adoration. I was effectively blown away.
“You’re so sweet, Yunhoya…”, Jaejoong mouthed against my lips, his warm breath ghosting and I swear I could taste him up against my palate and at the back of my throat. His nose brushed with mine, and my eyes instinctively closed, surrendering to whatever he had in mind for me. I heard him groan a little before he kissed me, slow and tantalizing, his tongue sweeping roughly along my lower lips, suckling it like it was holding honey for him. He pulled back after what seemed like a decade later and my eyes fluttered open, still very much dizzy from his amazing kiss.
He breathed deep, before plopping back against the back of the couch, his head lolling to rest on my shoulder.
“My childhood was full of nothing but mundane, cheesy stuffs, so if you get bored halfway, just remember you’re the one who asked about it.”, he warned jokingly and I nodded, linking my fingers into his and felt my heart clenched a little when he squeezed them back.
“From when do you want me to start?”, he implored, looking up at me. I thought for a second, and then decided.
“You’ve told me about your Cambridge years when we talked on the phone before, so maybe some time before that or after that? Your choice.”
He seemed to be giving it a thought, before he took a deep breath and started, confident and almost detached, “Well, my childhood wasn’t the best that’s what I can tell you. I was the youngest in my family, I have eight elder sisters and they were all so very nasty to me when I was a kid, always bullying me. I thought because I was the odd one out, but then I found out that I was adopted when I was 10, and everything made sense. Why I look so different compared to my sisters, and why my father never care so much about what I did, although I tried so hard at impressing him. My adopted mother was an angel though, she loved me and she tried to make it so I wouldn’t feel so left out, so out of place. But I still felt that, of course, it’s hard to pretend you belong when you knew the truth. I felt so deceived, I was thinking how dare these people lied to me about where I came from and treated me like shit. I got rebellious, mixed with the wrong crowd, and started getting into troubles for the sake of getting into troubles.”, Jaejoong laughed sadly at this, and I squeezed his hand harder, encouraging him.
“My mother got very worried about me, yet I didn’t take heed of her concern and just went about doing things in my way. It took me awhile to realize I was doing nothing but damage to myself, and the huge blow came when my mother died when I was 16. I stopped talking for about a month, too guilty to utter a single word…I was convinced I was the cause of her death. But weirdly, after her death things got better between me and my adopted father. We kind of patched up, though my eight sisters were still bitter at me, they also made effort to make me feel welcome again. I got serious with school, and studied hard so I won’t become a disappointment to my mother and family. They might not be my real family, but they are there and I learned to appreciate what they did for me. I got scholarship to Cambridge and after that, you know the rest.”, Jaejoong finished with a relief sigh, a shaky small smile creeping on his lips.
I blinked and suddenly realized tears were forking down my cheeks. Jaejoong’s eyes widened as I quickly wiped them off, embarrassed at getting caught crying.
“Baby, why are you crying?”, Jaejoong asked, cupping my face and forcing me to look at him. I probably looked a lot like a failure at that moment, nose red and eyes more than teary. Jaejoong’s face softened and he kissed both of my eyes, just the gentlest pressing of lips against my eyelids.
I pulled him close and hugged him, my heart fully warm in his embrace, “I was just overwhelmed. I always thought that other people experience happy childhood and I remember when I was a kid I hated other kids because of that. I never thought someone as wonderful as you would have such a dark history. I’m sorry I asked, Jaejoong, you must have felt bad having to reminisce all of that again.”
“No, Yunhoya, please don’t feel sorry. We both have our dark pasts, but what’s important we learn to move on and take positive things from it, right?”, Jaejoong said quickly, moving to clasp me to his body.
“You’re such a forgiving person, Jaejoong-ah…I wish I can be like you and learn to forgive. I have a lot of hate in me that I ignore.”, I confessed, and my tears came pouring out like rain, wetting Jaejoong’s shirt. He held me close still, not budging a bit even when I was sobbing and being a big mess.
“It takes time to accept, Yunhoya, and no one blames you if you can’t forgive. No one knows what you feel more than you yourself, and I could only imagine how tough it was for you and Changmin. It’s different for everybody…this forgiving and forgetting thing. Give it time, Yunhoya. I remember taking so long to forgive myself for what I’ve done in my teenage years, for what happened to my mother.”
“But you did it. You forgave your family, you forgave yourself.”
“And that took time, Yunho. I didn’t do it in a span of a day, not even a year. Honestly, I think I was still beating myself about it when I was married to my ex. I suspected he got tired of my self-blaming and self-torturing…and went to find himself a happier, much more cheerful man.”, Jaejoong smiled wistfully at this, pulling our bodies slightly apart so he could look into my eyes, “I’m sure what happened to you has taught you a lot of things, Yunho, a lot of things that made you the man you are today. Maybe if things were different, you wouldn’t have been such a good brother to Changmin, a really dedicated student and a passionate, wonderful young man.”, Jaejoong consoled me, rubbing my arms soothingly.
I nodded weakly, accepting Jaejoong’s words and tucking it close to my heart. It felt better telling him about this, being honest with my feelings. And I was so glad Jaejoong didn’t mind sharing his story with me, because I knew then it was something very personal to Jaejoong and he didn’t just share it with anyone.
“Thank you so much, Jaejoong-ah, for telling me about your past and for being…all around amazing. I’m so grateful I met you.”, I spoke my thoughts out, needing to let him know what I really felt. Jaejoong smiled sweetly back, swiping his thumbs under my wet eyes.
“Now stop crying okay? You don’t look so good when you’re crying.”, he teased, and I chuckled weakly, emotions still running high. Jaejoong stood up and stretched, and his skin peeked from the uplifted t-shirt. I looked away, ashamed because I was easily seduced and sidetracked by a glimpse of his smooth, toned torso.
“All that crying made you shy now.”, Jaejoong laughed and I swear I turned a deep shade of red. He held out his hand and I took it somewhat awkwardly and stood up. I braved myself to look at his face, and when I saw his beautiful, warm smile, all thoughts of sorrow flew out of my mind and suddenly I was too aware of this lovely man standing in front of me.
“Jaejoong-ah.”
“Hmm?”
“I…I…”
“Yes, you?”, his eyes were the color of midnight, honest and beseeching, and I got sucked deeper into them, deeper into love. The next thing I knew, I’ve blurted everything out in a rush of breath,
“I think I’m in love with you!”
--[TBC]