In between point A and B
After reading Craig's post I decided to come out of my self induced solitude to let you all know that I am still alive... Although sometimes, when I wake up in the mornings, I still feel like I am in a dream.
The last few months have also been a transition period for me. Perhaps its the age we're all at that seems to provoke this evolution. The last little while has been a period of contradiction; although I feel like I am progressing in some areas of my life, I still have this sinking feeling that I am stepping backwards in others. I think it might take some time for me to figure out where I stand in all facets of my life. On the positive side, I have been promoted at work. Although its still the usual peanut wage retail job, being moved one notch up the ladder still holds some satisfaction for me. Now I get to boss around some of the other cashiers (yes, I am becoming drunk with pseudo power, haha) with a slight pay raise. Any little bit helps. I am still slogging through my co-op prep, and my unfortunate procrastination may mean that I will try to get a job in spring and go part time to school in the fall. I haven't quite made up my mind yet, but either way I still feel like I am slowly crawling towards my goal of graduation. The light at the end of the tunnel is nothing more than a pin prick at this point, but I can see it there.
As for my personal life, I feel quite torn. The ending with Screen Door finally came. In May I decided to pull back on our relationship, and declared that I wanted to just casually date him. Then, a few weeks ago he counteracted by dumping me. Yes, that was a bit humiliating-- but what made it worse (and what most of you have heard already) was that I, Sarah Hall, was dumped by a hard core atheist boy for THE FUCKING VIRGIN MARY. She's some cute girl he works with who goes to Trinity and skips along after parents to church every Sunday. I have no issue with him dating this girl. However, I have issue with the fact that Sean is a hypocrite. He always made fun of me for being spiritual and superstitious, and then he decides to go and fawn over some girl who believes in a trinity OF OMNIPOTENT SPIRITS who rule every facet of her life. Ummm, okay. I'm sure he'll change his mind when she doesn't put out, or when she does and he ends up an ensnared man with a young Christian wife and a beautifully brainwashed child. I think what is making feel the most bitter (more bitter than my usual, day to day cynical bitterness) is the fact that I was told that our relationship was an "airport waiting room": it was nice and comfortable to be in, but he was only there, cooling his heels until the right one came along. Yeah, I wasted time with this guy. Two years, to be exact. Yes, everyone told me I could do better, to move on and not waste my time.
You were right. I feel like such a fool for wasting my time on someone not worth it. Oh well, at least I came through it learning some things. It wasn't all completely in vain. When I give him back his things, I think he'll finally get the piece of my mind I was too meek to dish up so long ago. Then this cathartic bitching will finally be over, and the end of this relationship will be completely resolved.
***END RANT***
OK, post break up: it's been good. I have seen many friends I haven't spent time with in a long time. I have decided to be more picky (no more high maintenance men, that means Tyler is out! haha) and life seems a little more relaxed and free. I have a new routine, and I quite like it. I am going to be volunteering for the Fort Langley museum soon, and taking some pilates classes to further whip myself into shape. I think this time of upheaval will render me a better person overall. To me, that's all I can hope for. To emerge from a time of flux and have something to show for it.
The last few months have also been a transition period for me. Perhaps its the age we're all at that seems to provoke this evolution. The last little while has been a period of contradiction; although I feel like I am progressing in some areas of my life, I still have this sinking feeling that I am stepping backwards in others. I think it might take some time for me to figure out where I stand in all facets of my life. On the positive side, I have been promoted at work. Although its still the usual peanut wage retail job, being moved one notch up the ladder still holds some satisfaction for me. Now I get to boss around some of the other cashiers (yes, I am becoming drunk with pseudo power, haha) with a slight pay raise. Any little bit helps. I am still slogging through my co-op prep, and my unfortunate procrastination may mean that I will try to get a job in spring and go part time to school in the fall. I haven't quite made up my mind yet, but either way I still feel like I am slowly crawling towards my goal of graduation. The light at the end of the tunnel is nothing more than a pin prick at this point, but I can see it there.
As for my personal life, I feel quite torn. The ending with Screen Door finally came. In May I decided to pull back on our relationship, and declared that I wanted to just casually date him. Then, a few weeks ago he counteracted by dumping me. Yes, that was a bit humiliating-- but what made it worse (and what most of you have heard already) was that I, Sarah Hall, was dumped by a hard core atheist boy for THE FUCKING VIRGIN MARY. She's some cute girl he works with who goes to Trinity and skips along after parents to church every Sunday. I have no issue with him dating this girl. However, I have issue with the fact that Sean is a hypocrite. He always made fun of me for being spiritual and superstitious, and then he decides to go and fawn over some girl who believes in a trinity OF OMNIPOTENT SPIRITS who rule every facet of her life. Ummm, okay. I'm sure he'll change his mind when she doesn't put out, or when she does and he ends up an ensnared man with a young Christian wife and a beautifully brainwashed child. I think what is making feel the most bitter (more bitter than my usual, day to day cynical bitterness) is the fact that I was told that our relationship was an "airport waiting room": it was nice and comfortable to be in, but he was only there, cooling his heels until the right one came along. Yeah, I wasted time with this guy. Two years, to be exact. Yes, everyone told me I could do better, to move on and not waste my time.
You were right. I feel like such a fool for wasting my time on someone not worth it. Oh well, at least I came through it learning some things. It wasn't all completely in vain. When I give him back his things, I think he'll finally get the piece of my mind I was too meek to dish up so long ago. Then this cathartic bitching will finally be over, and the end of this relationship will be completely resolved.
***END RANT***
OK, post break up: it's been good. I have seen many friends I haven't spent time with in a long time. I have decided to be more picky (no more high maintenance men, that means Tyler is out! haha) and life seems a little more relaxed and free. I have a new routine, and I quite like it. I am going to be volunteering for the Fort Langley museum soon, and taking some pilates classes to further whip myself into shape. I think this time of upheaval will render me a better person overall. To me, that's all I can hope for. To emerge from a time of flux and have something to show for it.