(no subject)
I finally remembered what I wanted to say yesterday. Of course it's the night immediately after I say "I'm done with WoW" that I have a dream about transferring my priest over to the new server with the old guild (and I thought "WHAT AM I DOING WASTING MONEY LIKE THAT AND ABANDONING HIM THEM WITHOUT DISCUSSION??"). @_o; I suppose I can't get rid of it that easily.
I also remembered a perfect way to describe Hinoe the way I wanted: the player might think they're going for the Hinoe ending, but Hinoe is going for Miko ending. ^^
Days off are never long enough, are they. :)
In that vein of thought -- most people do jobs that they don't out and out love, but how you do that virtually every day for the rest of your lives, even if you're paid sufficiently, without going crazy :( My job is by no means bad, but it's disorganized and understaffed, and I have to do a lot of talking and interacting with people, and making/taking phone calls. I couldn't imagine doing this for the rest of the summer, much less the rest of my life. I'm awful at talking to people. I feel like I lack the ability to respond appropriately in a prompt manner, and the ability to maintain small talk, much less initiate it, often escapes me. Like everything else in my life, where I feel awkward with it until I get a lot of experience (which means repeating said awkward whatever A LOT), I may just need to get used to it -- and sure, even the first phone calls were definitely not as bad (nor was I as bad at it) as I had *thought* they were going to be.
I've come to think that I am an antisocial creature ("antisocial" in the meaning of "shunning contact with others", not the clinical condition of "against society/societal norms", mind you :P). It is an effort to make and maintain contact with other people. Forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone is a constant and everyday thing -- but its result still manages to register as absolutely nothing on most people's interaction scale. I like to believe that I was properly socialized, so why do I avoid the phone like the plague, and find myself unable to stay on AIM or have extended conversations for long periods of time anymore, even with people who I've grown up with or are supposed to be my dearest friends? Has college made me unpracticed and uncomfortable? I think so, but that's obviously my own fault as well as due to any inherent nature of mine. BECAUSE I AM ABOVE SIMPLE NATURE ARGH.
It led to a lot of thinking: do I not need people in the immediate person-to-person sense?? Do I just need a lot less of it than most people? Will I eventually find myself back in need of a normal amount of it? Why do I feel obligated to keep contact with so many people, rather than wanting to keep contact -- what does that mean about the type of person I am/am becoming/have become? It doesn't mean that I love these people any less, right?! I don't want to care less!!! But do I actually hate people inside??? Wah. DX
I ought to be a more grateful for the situation (but don't think I'm not!!) because if I had had a normal family or normal friends (which means haha on aLL oF yoU!), I'd be someone with zero patience for anything because I'd be nagged constantly to be social and to go out and play and hang out and do whatever and have no time to myself, whatsoever, ever, and I'd be insane and short-tempered, all the time. I'm glad that it isn't the case. I'm just insane (:D), and only really short-tempered when annoyed or I haven't eaten. That is, not to make myself sound like a glutton (whether that is true or not), but it is true to fact that if I am actually hungry, having not eaten for some period of time, it for whatever reason puts me in a subtle but distinctly foul mood that I'm not conscious of unless I know I need to be watching out for it and curb it. DX But, back to the topic of being antisocial. The truth is, I like to be on my own. Probably not all the time, but lately I can't get enough of it.
I obviously still need some kind of outside validation, or I don't think I'd have motivation to continue posting such things publicly. e_e; Ehehe. Closet attention whore, perhaps? Is that oldest child syndrome, the whole spotlight thing? I thought I hated to be pointed out. I suppose positive reinforcement and validation is something everyone craves to some degree... I guess I also avoid it when it becomes a regular occurrence and starts entailing responsibility, whether that be in upholding an image, or in providing some function or another. i r tomomasa?
I also remembered a perfect way to describe Hinoe the way I wanted: the player might think they're going for the Hinoe ending, but Hinoe is going for Miko ending. ^^
Days off are never long enough, are they. :)
In that vein of thought -- most people do jobs that they don't out and out love, but how you do that virtually every day for the rest of your lives, even if you're paid sufficiently, without going crazy :( My job is by no means bad, but it's disorganized and understaffed, and I have to do a lot of talking and interacting with people, and making/taking phone calls. I couldn't imagine doing this for the rest of the summer, much less the rest of my life. I'm awful at talking to people. I feel like I lack the ability to respond appropriately in a prompt manner, and the ability to maintain small talk, much less initiate it, often escapes me. Like everything else in my life, where I feel awkward with it until I get a lot of experience (which means repeating said awkward whatever A LOT), I may just need to get used to it -- and sure, even the first phone calls were definitely not as bad (nor was I as bad at it) as I had *thought* they were going to be.
I've come to think that I am an antisocial creature ("antisocial" in the meaning of "shunning contact with others", not the clinical condition of "against society/societal norms", mind you :P). It is an effort to make and maintain contact with other people. Forcing myself to step out of my comfort zone is a constant and everyday thing -- but its result still manages to register as absolutely nothing on most people's interaction scale. I like to believe that I was properly socialized, so why do I avoid the phone like the plague, and find myself unable to stay on AIM or have extended conversations for long periods of time anymore, even with people who I've grown up with or are supposed to be my dearest friends? Has college made me unpracticed and uncomfortable? I think so, but that's obviously my own fault as well as due to any inherent nature of mine. BECAUSE I AM ABOVE SIMPLE NATURE ARGH.
It led to a lot of thinking: do I not need people in the immediate person-to-person sense?? Do I just need a lot less of it than most people? Will I eventually find myself back in need of a normal amount of it? Why do I feel obligated to keep contact with so many people, rather than wanting to keep contact -- what does that mean about the type of person I am/am becoming/have become? It doesn't mean that I love these people any less, right?! I don't want to care less!!! But do I actually hate people inside??? Wah. DX
I ought to be a more grateful for the situation (but don't think I'm not!!) because if I had had a normal family or normal friends (which means haha on aLL oF yoU!), I'd be someone with zero patience for anything because I'd be nagged constantly to be social and to go out and play and hang out and do whatever and have no time to myself, whatsoever, ever, and I'd be insane and short-tempered, all the time. I'm glad that it isn't the case. I'm just insane (:D), and only really short-tempered when annoyed or I haven't eaten. That is, not to make myself sound like a glutton (whether that is true or not), but it is true to fact that if I am actually hungry, having not eaten for some period of time, it for whatever reason puts me in a subtle but distinctly foul mood that I'm not conscious of unless I know I need to be watching out for it and curb it. DX But, back to the topic of being antisocial. The truth is, I like to be on my own. Probably not all the time, but lately I can't get enough of it.
I obviously still need some kind of outside validation, or I don't think I'd have motivation to continue posting such things publicly. e_e; Ehehe. Closet attention whore, perhaps? Is that oldest child syndrome, the whole spotlight thing? I thought I hated to be pointed out. I suppose positive reinforcement and validation is something everyone craves to some degree... I guess I also avoid it when it becomes a regular occurrence and starts entailing responsibility, whether that be in upholding an image, or in providing some function or another. i r tomomasa?