FUUUUUCK!!!
as shafer said in a journal entry a few days ago - it's tiring hearing people complain about stuff that they can change. well...i'm one of those people, and i'm tired of complaining.
i'm in a relationship right now that is stuck. bobby doesn't seem to think that anything is wrong. he doesn't realize how much he hurts my feelings sometimes...just recently i grew some balls, so maybe he's starting to realize it. i am so in love with him that it hurts. i wish i could just say GOODBYE - but something is holding me back. i honestly don't know why i'm with him (besides the fact that i love him). he doesn't have any goals...well, besides being a daddy. he doesn't want to do a lot of
things that i want to do. we don't communicate - which i noted to him tonight that that HAS to change. i don't feel like i have much a life with him. i don't hang out with my friends a lot - well, barely ever. i feel like he wants me stuck up his butt, and when i'm not he gets pissy.
BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH!! that's all i do anymore. FUUUUUUCK!!!
on an interesting note, i think i saw mike yesterday. i was talking to my mom on the phone, and as i was hanging up, someone said "hi sara" and i turned to look at them but i only saw his back. i have no idea if it was him or not - but it was strange.
if anyone prays, please pray for me. if anyone does anything that asks some sort of power to help, please do it for me. i am stuck in such a rut and i can't help but just sit there and drown myself in my own retardation. what the fuck is wrong with my brain? i don't want to be in love anymore. i don't want to be in love for a VERY LONG TIME.
my soul is dying. i hate myself for that.
i'm in a relationship right now that is stuck. bobby doesn't seem to think that anything is wrong. he doesn't realize how much he hurts my feelings sometimes...just recently i grew some balls, so maybe he's starting to realize it. i am so in love with him that it hurts. i wish i could just say GOODBYE - but something is holding me back. i honestly don't know why i'm with him (besides the fact that i love him). he doesn't have any goals...well, besides being a daddy. he doesn't want to do a lot of
things that i want to do. we don't communicate - which i noted to him tonight that that HAS to change. i don't feel like i have much a life with him. i don't hang out with my friends a lot - well, barely ever. i feel like he wants me stuck up his butt, and when i'm not he gets pissy.
BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH BITCH!! that's all i do anymore. FUUUUUUCK!!!
on an interesting note, i think i saw mike yesterday. i was talking to my mom on the phone, and as i was hanging up, someone said "hi sara" and i turned to look at them but i only saw his back. i have no idea if it was him or not - but it was strange.
if anyone prays, please pray for me. if anyone does anything that asks some sort of power to help, please do it for me. i am stuck in such a rut and i can't help but just sit there and drown myself in my own retardation. what the fuck is wrong with my brain? i don't want to be in love anymore. i don't want to be in love for a VERY LONG TIME.
my soul is dying. i hate myself for that.