jfdakls.
life is starting to suck again.
insomnia is slowly creeping up on me. stealthy bastard.
why is it that when i feel like this year is going to be great, it just comes crashing down harder than ever?
i thought i was going to be invincible.
i guess some things just never change.
he's been gone for a few days. nothing to look forward to anymore.
jedd isn't returning my texts or getting on aim or anything. my life is kind of at a standstill. i need him now more than ever before. i'm sorry we've drifted. i miss you so much. i just need help.
only a year and a half until she finally moves out. i've been waiting for this for 2 whole years now. it's insane how badly i wish i was an only child.
why isn't he letting me in? when i am finally ready to go back to how things were in elementary school, he's moved on. apparently, i'm too much of a loser. he's got all these new friends who will totally fuck up his life. i don't want anything to happen to him, but i really need him to see what he's getting himself into.
someone help me. it's like, everywhere i turn all i see are lies and full blown deception. i haven't been able to stand on solid ground for quite some time now. i thought i would get past all this but it's just gotten worse. maybe i should just be the same as last year. that awkwardly quiet kid that sits in class and takes notes but still manages to get B's. the one with the nerdy friends and outbursts of happiness.
maybe that's who i need back. my friends. they're still my friends, but we just aren't as close. maily, especially. i have one class with her. it's not enough. she got me through way too much crap last year, and now it feels like we can't really be there for eachother anymore. does she know what's been going on in my life? does she know my ambitions anymore? does she remember how we used to swap poems and stories, how she used to shove art in my face and i would oogle? does she remember when i trusted her with all my writing, how i told her what was going on at my house that one night? how i was discovered? how i used to bitch to her about my sister? how she used to laugh when i'd describe the screaming in my house? fuck. fuck it all. fuck everything. i need those days back.
sorry for the angst. ignore everything.
goodnight.
insomnia is slowly creeping up on me. stealthy bastard.
why is it that when i feel like this year is going to be great, it just comes crashing down harder than ever?
i thought i was going to be invincible.
i guess some things just never change.
he's been gone for a few days. nothing to look forward to anymore.
jedd isn't returning my texts or getting on aim or anything. my life is kind of at a standstill. i need him now more than ever before. i'm sorry we've drifted. i miss you so much. i just need help.
only a year and a half until she finally moves out. i've been waiting for this for 2 whole years now. it's insane how badly i wish i was an only child.
why isn't he letting me in? when i am finally ready to go back to how things were in elementary school, he's moved on. apparently, i'm too much of a loser. he's got all these new friends who will totally fuck up his life. i don't want anything to happen to him, but i really need him to see what he's getting himself into.
someone help me. it's like, everywhere i turn all i see are lies and full blown deception. i haven't been able to stand on solid ground for quite some time now. i thought i would get past all this but it's just gotten worse. maybe i should just be the same as last year. that awkwardly quiet kid that sits in class and takes notes but still manages to get B's. the one with the nerdy friends and outbursts of happiness.
maybe that's who i need back. my friends. they're still my friends, but we just aren't as close. maily, especially. i have one class with her. it's not enough. she got me through way too much crap last year, and now it feels like we can't really be there for eachother anymore. does she know what's been going on in my life? does she know my ambitions anymore? does she remember how we used to swap poems and stories, how she used to shove art in my face and i would oogle? does she remember when i trusted her with all my writing, how i told her what was going on at my house that one night? how i was discovered? how i used to bitch to her about my sister? how she used to laugh when i'd describe the screaming in my house? fuck. fuck it all. fuck everything. i need those days back.
sorry for the angst. ignore everything.
goodnight.