Long Month

[sarahkimmy]

Wow what a long month it's been. I still can't believe he's actally gone. Its so surreal. I'm at home right now at our computer across from his room and it's just weird to know that he's not in there. It's definitely been hard today. It's the first time I've been home since the funeral, you know "everything back to normal". But its not, it will never be normal again. What sucks the most is the sudden realization or sudden memory that pops into my head at all times of the day and makes me start crying. Like driving home today I just started crying for no reason! I try not to think about it this way, but I'm probably going to live until I'm 80, give or take a few years. I won't see Papa again for 60 years. That just sucks so bad! I really miss him a lot and I just wish he was here. Whenever I would come home from school he would always be happy to see me, sometimes he would even say, "Hey I haven't seen you in a while!" I am really glad the last time I saw him before he went into the hospital was my mom and I tucking him into bed and he was looking at me and smiling at me and said "Aww". Then he motioned for me to lean down, so I did and he kissed me on the cheek. That was so awesome. I really wish I could stop crying.. just remembering all this has me crying.
Things have sucked really bad at school. I don't really want to get into it, but I guess now I realize that maybe this week at home will be good, I need to get away from GR for a little bit. It seems like every week something new happens that sucks for me and I feel like I keep getting punched in the stomach. I just need things to not hurt so bad and things to get better. Ok well on that note, I'm out.. later.. I love and miss you, Papa.