Give me a tall man with an addictive personality and loooooong memory.

[sarahjade]

I have little to no luck when it comes to love and while it bothers me it doesn’t bother me to the point where I have ever let my standards slip. I grew up in a household with two very angry people, who at a moment of weakness both allowed their standards to slip and they married each other. Now I was born out of wed lock and the person who brought me up did not supply the sperm that busted its move in on the egg that my mother just happened to ovulate. No the person who brought me up was a deeply emotionally destroyed man, who I must say has improved with age and I have no doubt will turn out fine, he did father a child with my mother who has turned out to be one of the most remarkable people I’ve ever had the chance to grow up with, people say you can choose your friends but not your family, I don’t think that’s correct, I have friends who I hang out with and think “fuck I hate you, you bring out the very worst in me, but fuck I love you as well” I don’t think any relationship is a choice, it’s a chemical mind field and they all want to destroy you, but just hang on because its things like this that make life interesting. When I was younger I was scared my sister was an idiot, she would only eat chips and the crust of meat pies, leaving a pile of meat on the side of her plate every night. She approached eleven with out grasping how to tie a shoelace, and would refuse to read or write, she loved fashion. It scared me deeply, I would watch my broken mess of a family, Dad, Mum and my sister interact happily on the lounge room three seater while I sat all in black my face powdered white wearing the biggest grimace my face could muster, and wonder “I am I really the problem, why can’t I relate to these people, she’s an idiot(I was referring to my sister), he is an alcoholic who beats me then buys we something the next day to ease his guilt, and she(I am now referring to my mother) is the most emotionally crippling person that I have ever dealt with, yet I’m the one sitting on this couch looking into my family being happy with the frown, they should all be frowning and looking at me, I’m the well adjusted one damn it look at me!!! The black is for my individuality!!! Damn you!” *. Anyway time wore on and she became a little weirder, and then Harry potter was written which I don’t care what anyone says about it this series got my sister reading which got her reading decent interesting things as well, so I like to think of the Harry potter series as the gateway to intelligence. My sister now comes up with the most creative ideas and is learning to execute them just as creatively. I’m so off track now aren’t I? This blog was going to be all about how cool interacting with humans on all levels is and now I’m praising my sister, who of course deserves it, but Jesus keep on track. My parents are now with people they should have waited for, they split up a while a go and did the dating thing which as a teenager disgusted the shit out of me, I figure if your old and divorced cut your losses and just start knitting or something, because old people looking for sexy times made my spine shake uncontrollably, now that I’m nearing being old it doesn’t so much, not that I really actively look for sexy times, but I’m starting to try so that’s at least a boost in the right direction I guess. Anyway off track again, I’m starting to think that maybe this blog never had a track,…I think it was about love, to people who know me, they know that love is a huge part of my existence, it drives me forward, which is odd because I haven’t had any actual huge love filled relationships, most of my friendships are caught between friendship and lover, never actually getting to the lover stage due to never quite leaving the friendship stage, its just another deeper level to be with people, you get responsibilities you don’t get with just friendship but you don’t have to put up with all the shit of having a lover. It’s nice it’s comforting, it confuses the fuck out of everyone who meets me until they find them selves entwined in it, and the confusion doesn’t leave though acceptance just takes over.
So in conclusion I’m quite happy to wait, not for anyone specific just someone I can relate to and enjoy life with, and someone I can hate lots of people with also, sure I could get bored and grab the next loser who tries to grab my tit while drunk, we could have some babies and emotionally fuck with them till they are old enough to hate us with such ferocity that I hope to god they haven’t made guns legal or I know I’ll cope a bullet to my head while I sleep, sure they’ll be creative and have an awesome out look on life, but my life will be destroyed, and till the day I can’t afford an abortion and have to actually go through with giving birth I have to look out for making my life as enjoyable to be as it possibly can, and trying to make a family with a no brained fuck wit because I want to feel loved isn’t what I have in mind, and it makes me sick that others aren’t thinking like that, are you really happy with that guy you can’t talk to? Who has no idea about anything about you and doesn’t even want to either? Sure his cock is huge and I’m sure he knows how to use it, but how long does that really last? In short I hate you all. Ha ha, kidding I don’t hate you all I just don’t understand a lot of you, well not actually you, actually the people that will read this I know you, and I think you fucking rock and you know that, but you don’t think like the morons I’m addressing, the morons that will never read this drivel, not only because they can’t read but because I can’t be bothered making paragraphs. Once again I’ve sidestepped around turning my younger years into a comedic blog…damn it, it will happen I promise, maybe I’m just not ready to let you laugh at it, or maybe it’s just not funny. Wait, no its funny, everything is funny, but only if you’re a sick fuck so hurry um and become one.

*Disclaimer: I probably didn’t actually think the phrase “I’m the well adjusted one damn it look at me!!! The black is for my individuality!!! Damn you!” at that period of my life, it may have been more along the lines of “boo hoo, know one gets me, I wish I could kill myself, but know one would care anyway, and I’m allergic to pain”