Feats of Strength
Mind you, I've never personally lived in Medieval times but I did
once eat at Medieval Times and tried to convince my prom date to dress
up as a dragon so I could wear one of those cool cone-y hats. So, all
things being equal, I think the experience is pretty interchangable so
I'm speaking from personal experience when I say that I wish I did live
in Medieval times.
'But Sarah, why?' I know you're asking yourself 'Because you're just such a banging person in the 21st century that I couldn't imagine you being half as cool anywhere else.' To that I say, much like the medival times and the medieval times restaurant, my coolness transcends era.
Now, if I did live when dragons and unicorns roamed the earth, I'd have to do something about the lack of bathing and bad oral hygiene but overall, I would love to live there for the following reason: Feats of Strength.
Guys have definately been slacking off in the 21st century. I don't know if it's because of the destruction of the feudal system and freedom of millions of serfs but quite frankly, I'd be willing to practically enslave all of you if I could get a guy who'd willingly slay a dragon for my attention. If a guy buys you a drink at a bar you're practically expected to spend most the night and the next year of your life attached to the hip with him until you decide he's a loser and your mother was right. Not so cool.
So, I've devised my own feats of strength for any potential suitors and hopefully, girls will start following suit so that this 21st century lazy-ass-internet-dating-I-want-some-on-the-first-date-or-you're-not-worth-it-crap ends. To inspire you all, I will post my personal feats of strength to get the creative juices flowing:
1. Slay Herman!
Herman is the huge spider enslaving me in apartment 35. He resides right outside my dwelling and the first feat for my knight is to slay him. I don't mean just destroy his web because that'll just piss him off and he'll probably attack me. He needs to be slayed, maybe with RAID, I'm not really sure if they have spider killer. Alright, this might require some research on my knights part.
2. Acquire a title
Like a job. Seriously, I'm not dating any bums who need to ask their mom for date money. And preferably not McDonalds employee as a title. Doctor is always good. Even lawyer or two-time NFL MVP would work.
3. Bring me the horn of a unicorn
Damn straight, you need to work for this. When tempted, I'm a fabulous girlfriend (Alright, maybe not fabulous, but definately adequate). Now let's say you've been questing for this unicorn for quite a while and can't find it, I SUPPOSE I could break my own rules and maybe you just need to find me Patriot tickets, on the 50th yard line, for the Superbowl, and some personal time with Tom Brady. I'd even further bend for just box seats. I feel I'm being a little too generous with this one.
4. Joust to the death!
Let's say that the brave knight as acquired a title, slayed Herman, and found the unicorn horn (or Patriot tickets, whatever the case may be). That simply isn't enough. He must prove his manliness to the Clemson campus. For that, he must joust. To the death. I'm not sure with who. Anyone would do. Or maybe some alligator wrestling in the reflecting pool. That would be pretty sweet. I guess this one is debatable too. I don't want to be too stringent with these since I am the first to enforce them.
Well, there you go, four simple steps to date me. Not hard at all, huh? Damn lazy guys making me reduce myself to this.
'But Sarah, why?' I know you're asking yourself 'Because you're just such a banging person in the 21st century that I couldn't imagine you being half as cool anywhere else.' To that I say, much like the medival times and the medieval times restaurant, my coolness transcends era.
Now, if I did live when dragons and unicorns roamed the earth, I'd have to do something about the lack of bathing and bad oral hygiene but overall, I would love to live there for the following reason: Feats of Strength.
Guys have definately been slacking off in the 21st century. I don't know if it's because of the destruction of the feudal system and freedom of millions of serfs but quite frankly, I'd be willing to practically enslave all of you if I could get a guy who'd willingly slay a dragon for my attention. If a guy buys you a drink at a bar you're practically expected to spend most the night and the next year of your life attached to the hip with him until you decide he's a loser and your mother was right. Not so cool.
So, I've devised my own feats of strength for any potential suitors and hopefully, girls will start following suit so that this 21st century lazy-ass-internet-dating-I-want-some-on-the-first-date-or-you're-not-worth-it-crap ends. To inspire you all, I will post my personal feats of strength to get the creative juices flowing:
1. Slay Herman!
Herman is the huge spider enslaving me in apartment 35. He resides right outside my dwelling and the first feat for my knight is to slay him. I don't mean just destroy his web because that'll just piss him off and he'll probably attack me. He needs to be slayed, maybe with RAID, I'm not really sure if they have spider killer. Alright, this might require some research on my knights part.
2. Acquire a title
Like a job. Seriously, I'm not dating any bums who need to ask their mom for date money. And preferably not McDonalds employee as a title. Doctor is always good. Even lawyer or two-time NFL MVP would work.
3. Bring me the horn of a unicorn
Damn straight, you need to work for this. When tempted, I'm a fabulous girlfriend (Alright, maybe not fabulous, but definately adequate). Now let's say you've been questing for this unicorn for quite a while and can't find it, I SUPPOSE I could break my own rules and maybe you just need to find me Patriot tickets, on the 50th yard line, for the Superbowl, and some personal time with Tom Brady. I'd even further bend for just box seats. I feel I'm being a little too generous with this one.
4. Joust to the death!
Let's say that the brave knight as acquired a title, slayed Herman, and found the unicorn horn (or Patriot tickets, whatever the case may be). That simply isn't enough. He must prove his manliness to the Clemson campus. For that, he must joust. To the death. I'm not sure with who. Anyone would do. Or maybe some alligator wrestling in the reflecting pool. That would be pretty sweet. I guess this one is debatable too. I don't want to be too stringent with these since I am the first to enforce them.
Well, there you go, four simple steps to date me. Not hard at all, huh? Damn lazy guys making me reduce myself to this.