(no subject)
I just woke up, but before I forget, I had a dream last night that I liked.
I dreamt I was at a bar with a bunch of people and we ran into Alex. He came up and said hi to everyone but me, as usual, which really makes me angry because it just shows a lack of respect. So I grabbed his arm and said “HEY, say hi to me this time.” So he stopped for a second and then he said loudly “hah, I guess I do know who this is” and he shook my hand, and then I pretty much just said I had to go but he waved at me and smiled, and I nodded back.
I have no idea if this would ever happen but it really made me happy when I woke up. I felt a weird sense of closure. Recently I’ve gotten to the point where I can look back on our relationship and appreciate it for what it was, and even allow myself to laugh occasionally or have a good memory about it without feeling guilty or having to tell myself it’s not okay.
Sometimes I wonder if he’s at that point too, or if he’ll just hate me for the rest of his life. I’m inclined to believe the latter, although something tells me he probably has a good memory of us once in a while, even if it’s only for a second. It’s probably something he won’t allow himself to have, and even if he ever does I don’t think he’d ever let anybody know. Not after all the mean things he’s said about me to all of our old friends. I wish he didn’t feel the need to demonize me, but I guess that’s just how some people deal with things they can’t accept?
I dreamt I was at a bar with a bunch of people and we ran into Alex. He came up and said hi to everyone but me, as usual, which really makes me angry because it just shows a lack of respect. So I grabbed his arm and said “HEY, say hi to me this time.” So he stopped for a second and then he said loudly “hah, I guess I do know who this is” and he shook my hand, and then I pretty much just said I had to go but he waved at me and smiled, and I nodded back.
I have no idea if this would ever happen but it really made me happy when I woke up. I felt a weird sense of closure. Recently I’ve gotten to the point where I can look back on our relationship and appreciate it for what it was, and even allow myself to laugh occasionally or have a good memory about it without feeling guilty or having to tell myself it’s not okay.
Sometimes I wonder if he’s at that point too, or if he’ll just hate me for the rest of his life. I’m inclined to believe the latter, although something tells me he probably has a good memory of us once in a while, even if it’s only for a second. It’s probably something he won’t allow himself to have, and even if he ever does I don’t think he’d ever let anybody know. Not after all the mean things he’s said about me to all of our old friends. I wish he didn’t feel the need to demonize me, but I guess that’s just how some people deal with things they can’t accept?