Hope to be able to sleep

[sarah006]

Since 11 I m trying to sleep but I cant...again.I m so tired to feel stress all the time,I just want a break or something.I feel really drain.I m thinking about spending a weekend at my brother place at Gaspé.Maybe this will help me,I love the sea and I will have time to think about lots of things like where my life is going right now,what I want,what I m planning to do,because tonignht I m all fuck up and I m not sure about lots of things.I did a lot of progress in these last month,I dont drink anymore I slow down the race a lot,I work really hard to change. I feel like if some people doesnt see what I did,how hard it was for me,I feel like no matter how hard I tried I will just keep disapoiting them.I just cant change who I am,I want to change but I still want to be me at the end and I m feeling like if its not what will happen.I dont like what I see now,the fact that I did something I will always regret few month ago doesnt help either.The real me would never do what I did.I cant go back in time but what I lost left a big empty hole in myself that I m not sure I will be able to fill one day.This is scaring me a lot.
Time to go back to bed...I want to stop thinking and dreaming!!!!