Book #21
Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns)
by Mindy Kaling
222 pages
I've never watched The Office, even though it takes place in what is basically my hometown, Scranton, PA. In fact, they even did an episode in my actual hometown, Lake Wallenpaupack. That one I watched, but only because I was on a plane at the time. Anyway, I don't watch The Office, and I feel bad about it because it's the only show that will ever feature Northeast PA prominently, and I feel like I should support it. And now I feel even worse about not watching it because Mindy Kaling is one of the writers. And Mindy Kaling is awesome.
The four people who read this LiveJournal will remember how much I loved Tina Fey's Bossypants. I love a good book of short autobiographical funny essays by a sassy lady. Mindy Kaling's book is like that, but even better because Mindy is my age (well, she is 32) so instead of "should I have another baby" and "this is where I took my honeymoon", you get chapters like "Karaoke Etiquette", "Best Friend Rights & Responsibilities" and "Hooking Up is Confusing." It's also nice to know that a chubby, dorky girl who fails at multiple endeavors can eventually become a successful career woman at the age of 32 by using her own quirky talents. I'm not saying that's going to happen to me, but it happened to Mindy, and that's nice to know.
Because we are in the same generation, this book was also chock-full of references that I enjoyed. For instance, from the chapter "I Am Not An Athlete":
My Frisbee enthusiast friends insist that I would love Frisbee if I were taught how to throw. Unlike other athletes, Frisbee people won't let it go. My theory is that this is because there's a huge overlap between people who are good at Frisbee and people who do Teach for America. That same instinct to make at-risk kids learn, which I admire so much, becomes deadly when turned on friends trying to relax on a Sunday afternoon in the park. If I had thought learning Frisbee was a valuable thing to do, I would've done it. I don't want to learn! I don't want to learn! Let me read Shopaholic Runs for Congress in peace!
I didn't know that anyone else recognized the correlation between Teach for America and Frisbee, but I'm sure glad someone does. And clearly the Shopaholic reference is also amazing. Mindy is just badass. And to prove she's badass, here's my favorite story from the book:
In 2011, People magazine named me one of the Most Beautiful English-Speaking Persons in North America, in a countrywide vote where I just fucking destroyed. In all seriousness, it was an amazing surprise, and I was very flattered and excited. The photo shoot took place on a Saturday at a public elementary school. A charismatic and almost incomprehensible French stylist took me to a trailer filled with gowns. Each gown was more elaborate and gorgeous than the one before. And they were all a size zero. The stylist had not brought any non-samples. The only thing that came close to my size was a shapeless navy shift, which I didn't want to wear because it looked like what Judi Dench might wear to the funeral of someone she didn't care that much about. I looked around for other options. There were none.
I excused myself by saying I had to go to the bathroom. I went into a stall, sat down on a kid-size toilet, and cried. "This photo shoot is bullshit", I thought, and went back to the room of gowns. They were steaming the navy gown in anticipation of my arrival. I walked past the stylist and over to the other gowns. I picked my favorite one, an ornate dusty rose pink gown with a lace train.
Me: This is the one I'm going to wear.
Stylist Guy (gentle, as if to a fragile idiot): Zees will not fit you.
Me: Well, I don't know what to say, because I just don't think I'd feel comfortable in anything but that.
When I played the "I don't feel comfortable card", he knew it was over. "I don't feel comfortable" is the classic manipulative girl get-my-way line. Was it fair? Nope. Was it cool? Absolutely not. But it also wasn't fair or cool for him to have brought three dozen size-zero gowns to my photo shoot.
In the end, the seamstress literally cut open the back of one of the gowns and quickly added about a foot of canvas material to the back, pinned it together, and put it on me. The stylist was near tears at the destruction of the gown, but it fit like a glove--er, a glove that is kind of ugly and makeshift on the back. I spent the rest of the shoot having a blast and posing goofily for photos, like the awesome, Most Beautiful, and Least Dressable, Girl that I was.
by Mindy Kaling
222 pages
I've never watched The Office, even though it takes place in what is basically my hometown, Scranton, PA. In fact, they even did an episode in my actual hometown, Lake Wallenpaupack. That one I watched, but only because I was on a plane at the time. Anyway, I don't watch The Office, and I feel bad about it because it's the only show that will ever feature Northeast PA prominently, and I feel like I should support it. And now I feel even worse about not watching it because Mindy Kaling is one of the writers. And Mindy Kaling is awesome.
The four people who read this LiveJournal will remember how much I loved Tina Fey's Bossypants. I love a good book of short autobiographical funny essays by a sassy lady. Mindy Kaling's book is like that, but even better because Mindy is my age (well, she is 32) so instead of "should I have another baby" and "this is where I took my honeymoon", you get chapters like "Karaoke Etiquette", "Best Friend Rights & Responsibilities" and "Hooking Up is Confusing." It's also nice to know that a chubby, dorky girl who fails at multiple endeavors can eventually become a successful career woman at the age of 32 by using her own quirky talents. I'm not saying that's going to happen to me, but it happened to Mindy, and that's nice to know.
Because we are in the same generation, this book was also chock-full of references that I enjoyed. For instance, from the chapter "I Am Not An Athlete":
My Frisbee enthusiast friends insist that I would love Frisbee if I were taught how to throw. Unlike other athletes, Frisbee people won't let it go. My theory is that this is because there's a huge overlap between people who are good at Frisbee and people who do Teach for America. That same instinct to make at-risk kids learn, which I admire so much, becomes deadly when turned on friends trying to relax on a Sunday afternoon in the park. If I had thought learning Frisbee was a valuable thing to do, I would've done it. I don't want to learn! I don't want to learn! Let me read Shopaholic Runs for Congress in peace!
I didn't know that anyone else recognized the correlation between Teach for America and Frisbee, but I'm sure glad someone does. And clearly the Shopaholic reference is also amazing. Mindy is just badass. And to prove she's badass, here's my favorite story from the book:
In 2011, People magazine named me one of the Most Beautiful English-Speaking Persons in North America, in a countrywide vote where I just fucking destroyed. In all seriousness, it was an amazing surprise, and I was very flattered and excited. The photo shoot took place on a Saturday at a public elementary school. A charismatic and almost incomprehensible French stylist took me to a trailer filled with gowns. Each gown was more elaborate and gorgeous than the one before. And they were all a size zero. The stylist had not brought any non-samples. The only thing that came close to my size was a shapeless navy shift, which I didn't want to wear because it looked like what Judi Dench might wear to the funeral of someone she didn't care that much about. I looked around for other options. There were none.
I excused myself by saying I had to go to the bathroom. I went into a stall, sat down on a kid-size toilet, and cried. "This photo shoot is bullshit", I thought, and went back to the room of gowns. They were steaming the navy gown in anticipation of my arrival. I walked past the stylist and over to the other gowns. I picked my favorite one, an ornate dusty rose pink gown with a lace train.
Me: This is the one I'm going to wear.
Stylist Guy (gentle, as if to a fragile idiot): Zees will not fit you.
Me: Well, I don't know what to say, because I just don't think I'd feel comfortable in anything but that.
When I played the "I don't feel comfortable card", he knew it was over. "I don't feel comfortable" is the classic manipulative girl get-my-way line. Was it fair? Nope. Was it cool? Absolutely not. But it also wasn't fair or cool for him to have brought three dozen size-zero gowns to my photo shoot.
In the end, the seamstress literally cut open the back of one of the gowns and quickly added about a foot of canvas material to the back, pinned it together, and put it on me. The stylist was near tears at the destruction of the gown, but it fit like a glove--er, a glove that is kind of ugly and makeshift on the back. I spent the rest of the shoot having a blast and posing goofily for photos, like the awesome, Most Beautiful, and Least Dressable, Girl that I was.