(no subject)
115. When I told my dad to guess how much, he guessed one pound under that. He says that my not eating is "ticking him off." At first that made me mad. But I think it was really just his way of saying "I'm worried that you're not eating" without sounding all sentimental. My dad and I have never been very sentimental with one another and it gets weird when we are. He also says, and this part I know he's trying to make me laugh because he can tell the "ticking him off" thing bugged me: "I want you to have to weigh yourself by pulling over onto the side of the road on one of those TRUCK SCALES!" We have a strange sense of humor/sentiment between us I believe.
For whatever reason, I take my temperature each morning or evening now with this ear thermometer. The highest my body temp has been in the last week is 97.5 and it's usually lower than that: 95.5, 96.1 or 96.6. I think this might be natural for me and not have too much to do with my not eating enough lately. My mom's body temp is always lower than normal as well. I don't know, though. It was starting to make me wonder when my temp was always that low. Another thing to bring up with the doc I guess. And who knows? Maybe that thermometer is broken or something. ;)
I haven't called the therapist I planned on calling yet. I could go on and on about how I've been so busy with holidays and work and it would only be partially true. Sure I've had a lot going on. But part of the reason I haven't called is how downright nervous I am. I don't know how to get myself pscyhed up to do this. That's how I am before I make any uncomfortable or anxiety-causing phone calls (which happens to be many of the calls I make - even to friends at times). I get amped up until I feel that I can make the call all right. I'll have to do this in order to call the doctor probably. I'm not going to set myself a deadline of this week because it's very late in the week and that will just stress me out unnecessarily. Next week sometime is my deadline. The only problem with making a deadline is that if I don't meet the deadline I'm going to want to punish myself for not making it. =\
My boss, out of the blue, told me I looked nice yesterday. ??? *shrug* I think he's said that to me twice in my year-plus of working there. Sometimes I wish he wouldn't notice. (Not that it makes me uncomfortable because of who it is. I guess compliments are hard for me to swallow.)
I felt generally okay yesterday evening. I did fall asleep before 8 (way way before 8 if I remember correctly). I think it's just because my sleeping isn't back to normal yet and since I was going to have to miss a few hours of work midday, I worked 2 hours very very early in the morning (around 5ish). It took a toll I guess. I feel like I could go back to sleep right now, but only for a short while. And what's the point? I woke up over an hour ago and couldn't go back to sleep. I had to think of something to do.
I want to go to Target today or sometime. I want to buy a half inch curling iron and see how much the clothes over there cost. I need pants that fit me. I hate the way all my pants fit me! Half of them are falling off of me and belts don't help unless I had a new hole. $%@#$%@#$ Losing weight is a double edged fucking sword.