058. Lies, SiWon/SiWon
SiWon looked at himself in the mirror of the bathroom in their current living space in China. His reflection stared back at him as if to burn a hole. SiWon saw his own features and saw all the imperfectness.
He didn’t have the same charisma that HanKyung had. He didn’t have the same great looks that DongHae had. He didn’t have the same wonderful singing voice that RyeoWook had. He didn’t have the same great luck that KyuHyun had. He didn’t have the same talent as Henry had while playing the violin. He didn’t have the same strength that ZhouMi had.
What was SiWon even doing in a group like this? What was the reason why he was added in the group?
SiWon heard many people say these kinds of things. He saw them online and he saw people speak them out loud. A lot of people said it in Korea and now in China people are saying it.
They often asked what the reason was as to why SiWon was placed in a large boy band group when he couldn’t really do anything…
People called his acting crap and that it didn’t look right when he acted.
“Lies…” SiWon said as he stared down into the sink as if he wanted to plunge himself in sink and drown.
“What’s the use of him? Nothing.”
“What does he do for the group? Nothing.”
“All lies.” SiWon mumbled to himself, “Even if they aren’t…”
“If he isn’t important then he should just quit while he’s ahead since he isn’t going to make it.”
“If I quit then what else am I doing to do?” SiWon asked.
“So something else that won’t be a burden to your friends, and parents.”
“Like what?” SiWon asked. Someone was speaking to him and he didn’t know what or who. The voice kept on answering him questions and telling him things.
“Why don’t you kill yourself?”
“…” SiWon didn’t say anything. He just stared at the sink.
“Your parents would be so happy that they don’t have to bother with a son like you anymore.”
“Do…. Do they really think of me as a bother…?” SiWon asked shaking. He gripped the sides of the sink for support since he felt that his legs couldn’t hole up his weight.
“Of course they do. Your friends think the same way as well. You’ve studied a lot of Chinese before most of them and yet they’re better at it than you?”
SiWon’s eyes became wide, “… You’re… right…” SiWon said barely in a whisper.
“Also you would be doing me a favor as well since I won’t have to look at that hideous face anymore.”
SiWon looked up and saw that it was his reflection talking to him.
In the next few hours the other members busted the bathroom door open to try and find SiWon who was missing for the last few hours. When the door broke open they found exactly what they had been looking for.
SiWon was laying flat on the ground motionless with his eyes wide open.
He was dead.
------------------
SiWon woke up with a start. “Where am I??” He asked sitting up.
SiWon sat on the couch trying to get used to his surroundings. It looked like he was at their hotel in China. Some of the members were inside his room on the floor doing various things. They all jumped up with fright when they heard SiWon’s voice all of a sudden. All around the members were bags of chips and snacks with other dishes around them as well.
“We’re at home.” HanKyung said.
“You fell asleep after our party.” KyuHyun said.
“Remember? We were having a party because we were excited about having good sales for our first album here in China.” DongHae explained.
“I think you ate something weird though.” RyeoWook said, “Because you were tossing and turning in your sleep.”
“Are you okay?” ZhouMi asked, “We wouldn’t want you getting sick since we still have to do promotions together in order to get more people to like us.”
“And plus it would be scary if something happened to you since we all like you as friends and we wouldn’t want you to get sick.” Henry said.
SiWon listened to each member and shook his head to get the thoughts of his dream out of his mind.
“I see.” SiWon said out loud with a smile on his face, “So all those are just lies.”
All the members didn’t know what to say since what SiWon said didn’t make any sense to them at all.
“Maybe we shouldn’t order from this place anymore since that’s probably the thing made SiWon all weird.” RyeoWook whispered to HanKyung. HanKyung nodded and looked back at SiWon.
“All lies.” SiWon said smiling.
He realized that the things in his nightmare weren’t real and no one wanted him to leave. He remembered that every member loved him like a brother and took care of him like a brother.
His parents as well, they never thought of him as a bother. There may have been times where SiWon was bothersome to them but never all the time. After all he was human and made mistakes. His parents were proud of him for going this far in his career.
He also had many fans. SiWon realized that his fans gave him a lot of strength. They said positive things about him which makes him dismiss the things that the antis say about him.
So nothing like that could ever happen.
“They were all just lies.” SiWon smiled with a laugh in his voice, “Thank you, God.”
(T-T This fiction is most defiantly not true. I mean SiWon isn’t the type of person to do this right? Plus there is reason to put him in SJM, so none of this fan fiction is true [except the part where his members treat him as a brother is true because they do. Also the part about his family being proud of him is also true. Fans who give him strength… I hope this is true]. I love SiWon very much and I would never say anything like this to him. I really hate angsty fictions the most. T-T
We’re all fans so we must give our support to all of them. Every one of them deserves the right to feel happy and loved. No one deserves to feel like they have to die in order to make people happy.)
He didn’t have the same charisma that HanKyung had. He didn’t have the same great looks that DongHae had. He didn’t have the same wonderful singing voice that RyeoWook had. He didn’t have the same great luck that KyuHyun had. He didn’t have the same talent as Henry had while playing the violin. He didn’t have the same strength that ZhouMi had.
What was SiWon even doing in a group like this? What was the reason why he was added in the group?
SiWon heard many people say these kinds of things. He saw them online and he saw people speak them out loud. A lot of people said it in Korea and now in China people are saying it.
They often asked what the reason was as to why SiWon was placed in a large boy band group when he couldn’t really do anything…
People called his acting crap and that it didn’t look right when he acted.
“Lies…” SiWon said as he stared down into the sink as if he wanted to plunge himself in sink and drown.
“What’s the use of him? Nothing.”
“What does he do for the group? Nothing.”
“All lies.” SiWon mumbled to himself, “Even if they aren’t…”
“If he isn’t important then he should just quit while he’s ahead since he isn’t going to make it.”
“If I quit then what else am I doing to do?” SiWon asked.
“So something else that won’t be a burden to your friends, and parents.”
“Like what?” SiWon asked. Someone was speaking to him and he didn’t know what or who. The voice kept on answering him questions and telling him things.
“Why don’t you kill yourself?”
“…” SiWon didn’t say anything. He just stared at the sink.
“Your parents would be so happy that they don’t have to bother with a son like you anymore.”
“Do…. Do they really think of me as a bother…?” SiWon asked shaking. He gripped the sides of the sink for support since he felt that his legs couldn’t hole up his weight.
“Of course they do. Your friends think the same way as well. You’ve studied a lot of Chinese before most of them and yet they’re better at it than you?”
SiWon’s eyes became wide, “… You’re… right…” SiWon said barely in a whisper.
“Also you would be doing me a favor as well since I won’t have to look at that hideous face anymore.”
SiWon looked up and saw that it was his reflection talking to him.
In the next few hours the other members busted the bathroom door open to try and find SiWon who was missing for the last few hours. When the door broke open they found exactly what they had been looking for.
SiWon was laying flat on the ground motionless with his eyes wide open.
He was dead.
------------------
SiWon woke up with a start. “Where am I??” He asked sitting up.
SiWon sat on the couch trying to get used to his surroundings. It looked like he was at their hotel in China. Some of the members were inside his room on the floor doing various things. They all jumped up with fright when they heard SiWon’s voice all of a sudden. All around the members were bags of chips and snacks with other dishes around them as well.
“We’re at home.” HanKyung said.
“You fell asleep after our party.” KyuHyun said.
“Remember? We were having a party because we were excited about having good sales for our first album here in China.” DongHae explained.
“I think you ate something weird though.” RyeoWook said, “Because you were tossing and turning in your sleep.”
“Are you okay?” ZhouMi asked, “We wouldn’t want you getting sick since we still have to do promotions together in order to get more people to like us.”
“And plus it would be scary if something happened to you since we all like you as friends and we wouldn’t want you to get sick.” Henry said.
SiWon listened to each member and shook his head to get the thoughts of his dream out of his mind.
“I see.” SiWon said out loud with a smile on his face, “So all those are just lies.”
All the members didn’t know what to say since what SiWon said didn’t make any sense to them at all.
“Maybe we shouldn’t order from this place anymore since that’s probably the thing made SiWon all weird.” RyeoWook whispered to HanKyung. HanKyung nodded and looked back at SiWon.
“All lies.” SiWon said smiling.
He realized that the things in his nightmare weren’t real and no one wanted him to leave. He remembered that every member loved him like a brother and took care of him like a brother.
His parents as well, they never thought of him as a bother. There may have been times where SiWon was bothersome to them but never all the time. After all he was human and made mistakes. His parents were proud of him for going this far in his career.
He also had many fans. SiWon realized that his fans gave him a lot of strength. They said positive things about him which makes him dismiss the things that the antis say about him.
So nothing like that could ever happen.
“They were all just lies.” SiWon smiled with a laugh in his voice, “Thank you, God.”
(T-T This fiction is most defiantly not true. I mean SiWon isn’t the type of person to do this right? Plus there is reason to put him in SJM, so none of this fan fiction is true [except the part where his members treat him as a brother is true because they do. Also the part about his family being proud of him is also true. Fans who give him strength… I hope this is true]. I love SiWon very much and I would never say anything like this to him. I really hate angsty fictions the most. T-T
We’re all fans so we must give our support to all of them. Every one of them deserves the right to feel happy and loved. No one deserves to feel like they have to die in order to make people happy.)