My own poison
Well, repairs for my car are going to cost me at least $300 like I already said. My mom and I went to his house this morning to check out any progress and he wanted me to come by to give the “okay” before he started working on anything. He also mentioned that the car itself needed an Inspection and therefore said he’d be willing to check it out just to see if it would pass. There’s no point in spending so much to fix it if its going to cost a few grand just to surpass the bare minimum for being street legal. I’m dreading that to death; I want my car back like nothing else right now. I feel incomplete without it. And to top it off, I’m not sure how long I’ll be able to keep getting rides from people. It’s certainly not convenient to say the least. I’m praying in hopes that I won’t have to do this, but if it comes to it, I’ll have to sell my car to him and look into purchasing another vehicle. I don’t know what I’m looking for; I’m still having trouble retaining that thought in my mind.
Mom gave me a ride to the Midlothian campus this morning and Layne would be picking me up from here and carrying me to Chester. Before leaving the house I ate a bowl of fruity pebbles and popped a stacker to kill any un-needed calories. And that would possibly be the worst decision I’ve made in a couple weeks. During math, I couldn’t concentrate to save my life and I knew it was due to the Stacker which made me extremely hyper. I want to go out for a jog and burn some energy but I was an idiot and took it just to burn the cereal. I weighed 203 lb this morning when I stepped on the scale. Six months ago when I just started caring about my health I weighed 215-220, and last month I was down to 208-210. I don’t exercise nearly as much as I need to; the weight loss is simply due to the lack of an appetite.
I know this isn’t healthy, it can’t possibly be. It’s more of an addiction really. I’m addicted to seeing myself become thinner even if it’s making me feel like shit. The pill sped up my metabolism and eliminated the calories from breakfast; only problem was that breakfast was small so the dosage completely destroyed it and made my body want to feed on itself for nutrients. I’m not a doctor, but from my research from Health/PE and this one episode of Doug, I think this is indeed factual.
I don’t think I’m going to smoke pot anytime soon, and I’m only going to drink socially if at all. I don’t really need/want those drugs anymore. I’d like to say that I’m quitting all together but chances are that I’ll probably have some to drink come this Halloween. I’ve cut down on smoking as well, I only smoke maybe one cigarette a day and a hookah once or twice on one night of the weekend.
So all in all, this stacker/speed is my known poison for the time being. I know its killing me on the inside and I know I need to stop. People die from abusing this kind of stuff. Marilyn Monroe is a prime example of this disorder. A constant feeling of disgust for herself leading her to take medication and abuse herself until the moment her body couldn’t take it anymore resulting in her death.
I’m definitely going to stop taking this soon, maybe after I hit 190. I keep getting this feeling of nausea and I know its from hunger. I wonder if this nausea is what anorexic people feel when they starve themselves.
On a lighter note, it feels great outside but this annoys me at the same time. I’ve been looking forward to Fall weather all year and when I walk outside I get a taste of the same temperature we had in March. Maybe this a sign of global warming or apocalypse? Who knows…
This weather is making me want to write again. Fiction to be more specific. I feel this spirit inside of me, scratching at the inside of my skin to be released onto paper. I need to write. Not just to please Mooney and the rest of my readers, but because I know that it will soon be the only thing that I have left to keep me going.
Mom gave me a ride to the Midlothian campus this morning and Layne would be picking me up from here and carrying me to Chester. Before leaving the house I ate a bowl of fruity pebbles and popped a stacker to kill any un-needed calories. And that would possibly be the worst decision I’ve made in a couple weeks. During math, I couldn’t concentrate to save my life and I knew it was due to the Stacker which made me extremely hyper. I want to go out for a jog and burn some energy but I was an idiot and took it just to burn the cereal. I weighed 203 lb this morning when I stepped on the scale. Six months ago when I just started caring about my health I weighed 215-220, and last month I was down to 208-210. I don’t exercise nearly as much as I need to; the weight loss is simply due to the lack of an appetite.
I know this isn’t healthy, it can’t possibly be. It’s more of an addiction really. I’m addicted to seeing myself become thinner even if it’s making me feel like shit. The pill sped up my metabolism and eliminated the calories from breakfast; only problem was that breakfast was small so the dosage completely destroyed it and made my body want to feed on itself for nutrients. I’m not a doctor, but from my research from Health/PE and this one episode of Doug, I think this is indeed factual.
I don’t think I’m going to smoke pot anytime soon, and I’m only going to drink socially if at all. I don’t really need/want those drugs anymore. I’d like to say that I’m quitting all together but chances are that I’ll probably have some to drink come this Halloween. I’ve cut down on smoking as well, I only smoke maybe one cigarette a day and a hookah once or twice on one night of the weekend.
So all in all, this stacker/speed is my known poison for the time being. I know its killing me on the inside and I know I need to stop. People die from abusing this kind of stuff. Marilyn Monroe is a prime example of this disorder. A constant feeling of disgust for herself leading her to take medication and abuse herself until the moment her body couldn’t take it anymore resulting in her death.
I’m definitely going to stop taking this soon, maybe after I hit 190. I keep getting this feeling of nausea and I know its from hunger. I wonder if this nausea is what anorexic people feel when they starve themselves.
On a lighter note, it feels great outside but this annoys me at the same time. I’ve been looking forward to Fall weather all year and when I walk outside I get a taste of the same temperature we had in March. Maybe this a sign of global warming or apocalypse? Who knows…
This weather is making me want to write again. Fiction to be more specific. I feel this spirit inside of me, scratching at the inside of my skin to be released onto paper. I need to write. Not just to please Mooney and the rest of my readers, but because I know that it will soon be the only thing that I have left to keep me going.