i am an ass-- wait im not-- wait--- ack- i am not normal and i dont care
( i will never have a normal relationship and you know, you might, but i dont have to...and i am becoming ok with that---wow)
(sobering up after a pickled and smoked weekend) HAD A FUCKING BLAST
on another note:
could i be manipulating a situation for myself that can just be unhealthy/way to easy
being able to fuck others and still be in this amazin relationship? um...not fair to him much?/
i am so confused
and should have been sober like four years ago.
i am bastard for so many reasons.
and dont remember half of what i said and dont care
i totally faught back against a players...
And yet again....dont know what to say- gonna resort to the usual:
song lyrics.
but i am distracted by my roommate hollie and boyfriend aaron being silly and talking about vagina
and all kinds of silly stuff-hahah
so things are good
in a really confusing way
but here is how i 'should' feel: all kinds of melodramatic
and using the same lyrics i used for yet another relationship from my past-- but i am in love with guster again-- so here it is-- its for all kinds of aarons- the ones who actually matter-- and the ones who like to think they do. ( and who left me bruised and such from our scene- and fearing for my life in todays run- shit man-- wait i digress)(he's a good guy, dont get me wrong, but sometimes we all get carried away-sigh)
Guster - Demon
My words confuse you
My eyes don't move a blink
Cause it's easier sometimes
Not to be sincere
Somehow I make you believe
Believe
When I speak I cross my fingers
Will you know you've been deceived?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt
Honest is easy
Fiction is where genius lies
Cause it's easier sometimes
Not to be involved
Somehow I make you believe
Believe
...
When I speak I cross my fingers
Will you know you've been deceived?
I find a need to be the demon
A demon cannot be hurt
(i was playing you right back)
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ok so i am an ass hole
but i am still with aaron and learning how to combat him critiqueing my body and my life- and learning to not do it to him
and learning to let people love me
we will see if tomorrow brings a different out come
and just so we all know
i loved this past weekend. no question about it.
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and now i am having a blast with aaron and hollie in my living room.