SPN - I'll see you in my dreams - Cas/Dean, Sam/Cas - PG13
Title: I'll see you in my dreams
Author: sephirothflame
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG-13
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Castiel/Dean Winchester, One-sided Sam Winchester/Castiel, Past Sam Winchester/Ruby, Jo Harvelle, Ruby,
Warning(s): Language, Crack (sorta)
Spoiler(s): The unrelated movie Love Actually
Prompt(s): Lisa wanted a Love Actually inspired story, but since she couldn't decide on which story in particular, I picked my three favourites. This is story one of three.
Word Count: 4,813
Rants: Love Actually is my favourite movie. Beyond that... I don't know what to say. I kind of forgot I had this, tbh.
Summary: Sam is in love with Castiel, but Castiel is married to Dean.
Disclaimer: I don't own Love Actually or Supernatural
Crossposted to: My ff.net, sn_slash and supernaturalfic
Dean and Castiel were married on the first day of December.
Dean had relented to Castiel's wishes and the ceremony was in a church and it was a surprisingly simple affair. Sam had recognized almost everyone in the crowd from the hall and he wasn't sure whether to be surprised or not.
Castiel and Dean were both surprisingly private people.
“This is happening,” Dean had said, wiping his sweaty palms against the slacks of his suit. “This is really happening.”
“You've been saying that for the past three hours, Dean,” Sam chided in response. He glanced back from where he was peering through the main doors into the church to look at his brother before smiling at him reassuringly. “Relax. You can't really screw up at this point.”
“Screw up?” Dean asked, face flushed. Sam wasn't sure if Dean was going to yell at him or freak out, but it didn't matter because the next minute Castiel was at Dean's side, face flushed.
“Dean,” Castiel greeted, shy smile on his face.
“Cas,” Dean said. He'd lifted his hands to touch Castiel, to hug him maybe, but he dropped them to his side again. “So. This.”
“This,” Castiel agreed with a tight laugh.
“It's not too late to elope,” Dean said, forcing himself to grin. “Grab Sam and another witness, hit up Vegas and get smashed.”
“My family would kill me,” Castiel replied, though there had been no malice to his tone. “Besides, everything is already paid for. We got you pie to eat at the reception.”
“Oh yeah,” Dean said. “Sam, if you're going to record this thing you should probably head in.”
“Right,” Sam said, nodding. He clutched his video camera in his hands tightly, before moving to pull Dean into a one armed hug. “Good luck, man. I don't think I'd ever let you live it down if you screwed it up at this point.” Sam grinned and Dean glared. “Cas.”
“Sam,” Castiel replied, nodding his head.
Sam smiled at Castiel, ignoring the tight knot in his stomach as he made his way through the doors and to the front of the church. He nodded at Pastor Jim, who signaled for whoever was in charge of music to start playing Pachelbel's Canon.
Turning on his video camera, Sam pushed record and aimed the shot just in time for the large, main doors to be pushed open and for Castiel and Dean to make the walk to the front, hand in hand.
-
“This is the last time I'm ever trusting Castiel to pick anything music related,” Dean said, much later as he was sitting beside Sam at the reception. “I don't care what he can do with his tongue - “
“Oh God, Dean, ew,” Sam choked, fighting back a blush as he glared at his older brother. “Whatever happened to 'Driver Picks the Music'. I thought you used that as an excuse to always pick the music.”
Dean scoffed and took a drink from a bottle of beer. Sam was still impressed that Castiel had allowed Dean to ask Ellen if they could have the reception at the Roadhouse of all places.
The DJ in question was pretty bad. Sam wasn't sure how Castiel had happened upon him, but if Sam had to guess, his family was probably the answer.
For as much as Castiel told Dean 'no' in reference to their wedding and ensuing celebrations, he seemed to let his family pretty much run it.
“I'm going to find Cas,” Dean said, clapping Sam on the shoulder. “You just going to sit there all night and record everything? Cas knows lots of lonely, single women. We can set you up. You could record something really interesting,” he laughed, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“I'm fine, Dean,” Sam sighed, waving his brother away. “Go, linger with your boy - husband.”
“Husband,” Dean repeated, grinning. “God, that's so weird.”
“You have no idea,” Sam scoffed. “Now, go. I'm surprised he hasn't sent a search party out looking for you.”
“Cas isn't that bad,” Dean laughed, but he left Sam alone all the same.
Sam turned his video camera over in his hand, debating whether he should turn it on or not. The battery was at half life and he had a good few hours of video already but he wasn't sure how much was expected of him. Dean wouldn't care, either way, but Castiel seemed pretty adamant about it.
“Do you love him?” Jo asked, startling Sam.
“What?” Sam asked, fumbling to grab his camera before he dropped and broke it. “Seriously, Jo?”
He didn't remember her ever being so quiet, but then again she knew the Roadhouse better than anyone, save maybe Ellen.
“I just thought I'd ask the blunt question, in case it was the right one and you need to talk to someone about it,” Jo explained, shrugging. She stole Sam's beer, and took a swig before continuing. “You know, in case no-one had ever asked you so you'd never been able to talk about it, even though you might have wanted to...”
Sam stared at Jo blankly, before realizing he didn't answer.
“No!” He said, shaking his head. “Oh God, no. Dean's my brother and Cas is - just, no. Absolutely not.”
“So that's a 'no', then?” Jo asked, grinning.
“Yeah,” Sam said, nodding. “Well, I mean no. Erm. I should be recording.”
Jo didn't leave his side when Sam turned his video camera back on, scanning it across the crowded bar.
“So, this DJ,” Sam said, glancing over his shoulder at Jo. “What do you think - worst in the world?”
“Yeah, I would have expected Dean to have much better taste,” Jo said, nodding her head in agreement.
“Cas chose,” Sam explained, shrugging his shoulder as best he could without jarring the camera.
“That explains so much,” Jo laughed, taking another swig from Sam's beer and setting it back onto the table with a loud bang. “I'm going to find Ash. I'll see you around, Sam.”
“Right,” Sam called after her.
Sighing heavily, he looked around the room until he spotted Dean and Cas huddled over a table on the far side of the bar, whispering conspiratorially and grinning from ear to ear.
“Fuck my life,” Sam sighed.
-
“I'm thinking of having an affair with my boss,” Ruby said.
Sam startled and almost spilled the coffee he was pouring. He worked in a diner. It was a relatively nice, most of the time, but Ruby tended to bother him at work.
“Is he married?” Sam asked.
“Yeah,” Ruby replied, then shrugged. “It's no big deal, though. Married men cheat all the time.”
“That doesn't make it a good idea,” Sam countered, putting the coffee pot back before leaning on the counter across from Ruby. “The marriage vow is sacred, Ruby.”
“So?” Ruby asked, grinning. “I'm a big believer in acting on instinct.”
“Don't, Ruby,” Sam warned. “You can't just go around ruining people's lives.”
“Then we could always get back together,” Ruby said, swirling the coffee in her cup before taking a sip of it.
“Ha, no way in Hell,” Sam snorted, shaking his head.
“Why not?” Ruby asked, pouting. Sam rolled his eyes.
“No, Ruby,” He replied, shaking his head. “It's not going to happen. I don't need to explain myself to you.”
“Whatever,” Ruby sighed. She continued to drink her coffee in silence, scowling, and Sam sighed heavily.
“Do you look that good looking when you're at work?” Sam asked after Ruby put her cup down.
“Of course,” Ruby grinned, brushing her hair over her shoulder and looking as coy as possible. “Though in a totally irresistible way.”
“This guy is doomed,” Sam said, shaking his head.
“No kidding,” Ruby said, downing the last of her coffee. She pulled some cash from her wallet and plucked it onto the counter. “Keep the change, Sammy. Oh, and this girl, or whoever you're thinking about? Stop. You're moping.”
“I'm not moping,” Sam scoffed, patent bitchface falling into place.
“Sam, I've known you for years,” Ruby replied. “You're moping. Get over her or him or whatever or ask them out already. Either way, they can't be that great.”
Ruby slipped off her bar stool and left before Sam could reply.
“You're wrong,” Sam muttered as he picked up the money. “He is that great.”
-
Sam barely had time to close the door to his apartment before the phone in his kitchen started ringing. Sighing heavily, he tossed his jacket onto the back of his couch before moving to answer it.
“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said on the other end of the line. “How are you? Haven't seen you since the wedding.”
“It's Sam - and that's because you and Cas were out of town for an entire week and I'm always working,” Sam replied, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder to open the fridge. “Oh, and you know, going to law school.”
“You need to get out more, Sammy,,” Dean said, laughing. “Hey, in all seriousness. I called to see if you wanted to have dinner sometime. You know, beer, burgers and some crappy TV, just like the good ole days.”
“Sounds good to me,” Sam said. He grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge, letting the door close with a soft 'thump'. “I don't work Wednesday or Thursday this week and my next day off isn't until next Monday.”
“Thursday,” Dean said after a quiet moment. “I don't work Friday, so we can get shit-faced.”
“Nice, Dean,” Sam laughed, popping the top off his water and taking a sip. “You and me at mine, or will Cas be joining us?”
“I don't - one sec, there's Cas, let me ask,” Dean said, and Sam could hear the ruffle of Dean's shirt as the phone was pressed against his chest. Their words on the other side were muddled, but a few short moments later Sam heard Dean again. “Thursday's just going to be you and me, buddy. Cas wants to ask you a question though.”
“Okay, wait, what?” Sam asked. He could feel the knot in the bottom of his stomach tighten, and he tried to ignore the sensation.
“Be nice, Sammy,” Dean said, sounding exhausted. “I know you two don't really get along, but - just - don't be a douche.”
“It's not that I don't like Cas,” Sam sighed, putting his water down to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Put him on.”
“Hello, Sam,” Castiel said, and Sam had to ignore the way his voice sent shivers down his spine.
“Hey, Cas,” Sam said, leaning back against his counter. “How was the honeymoon? Just, no details.”
“It was great,” Castiel replied and Sam could practically hear the blush spreading across the other man's face. “Thank you for asking.”
“So,” Sam continued, taking another sip of his water. “What can I do for you?”
“It's just a tiny favor,” Castiel answered. “We got the wedding video back today - and it's a disaster. It's all blue and wobbly.”
“I'm sorry,” Sam said, surprising himself with how honest he really was. “That's terrible.”
“I just remembered I had asked you to maybe film a little, just in case this happened,” Castiel explained. “I was wondering if I could see what you had filmed.”
“Oh, I don't know,” Sam replied, fighting back the urge to blush. “To be honest, I only filmed a little. It's not really my thing, cameras.”
“Please,” Castiel practically begged. “All I want is just one shot of Dean and me that isn't turquoise. You have to have at least ten seconds of that.”
“Okay,” Sam said, sighing heavily. He could never resist Castiel if he was going to use that tone. “I'll have a look, but to be honest I probably wiped it. It was two weeks ago and I had to film something for school - I need to go, Cas. I'll look around, but I don't know.”
“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel said.
-
Castiel showed up at Sam's apartment the next day unannounced. Sam blinked tiredly at his brother's husband as he let him into his apartment, running his hand through his sleep-tousled hair.
“Hey, Cas, I wasn't expecting you to stop by until, I don't know, later,” Sam yawned.
He felt a little ridiculous standing in the same jeans he wore yesterday and a threadbare shirt with his old high school's logo on it - up until he realized he shouldn't care how Castiel saw him, because Castiel was off limits.
“I brought you a coffee,” Castiel said helpfully, handing over the Starbucks cup.
“Oh, thanks, Cas,” Sam said, taking it and staring at it blankly before taking a sip. It seemed a little ridiculous that Castiel could remember how Sam took his coffee when Dean couldn't. “So, what brings you around?”
“I was passing through the area,” Castiel replied, shifting awkwardly as he stood across from Sam. “I remembered you didn't have class until the afternoon so I assumed you would still be here. I was hoping to see if you had found the video.”
“Oh,” Sam said, moving further inside the apartment to put his coffee on his kitchen counter. “I was being serious about that last night. I'm not sure what happened to it. I mean, I'll look around today but - “
“Sam, may I say something?” Castiel asked and Sam was surprised by how timid he sounded.
“Go ahead, Cas,” Sam replied, leaning back against his counter. He picked up his coffee and took a sip from it before putting it down again, watching Castiel nervously.
“Dean and you are very close,” Castiel said, looking down into his own coffee before hesitantly meeting Sam's gaze. “I know you don't particularly like that Dean and I - “
“Cas, that's not it,” Sam interrupted, but Castiel silenced him with one of those scary gazes he usually reserved for Dean.
“I was hoping, for Dean's sake, we could try and be friends,” Castiel finished, looking back into his coffee. “I don't want him to have to think he has to choose - “
“If that was the case, Dean's already made his choice,” Sam said, and it was more bitter than he had intended it to be. Sighing, Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. “We're cool, Cas. Really.”
“If you insist...” Castiel replied, though he didn't sound like he believed it.
“All awkward chick-flick moments aside,” Sam coughed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I'm serious about the video. I looked for it after we got off the phone last night, but - “ Sam shrugged.
“I understand,” Castiel said, moving back towards the living room, pausing by the coffee table. “It wouldn't happen to be the disk labeled 'Dean & Cas' Wedding', would it?”
Fuck, Sam thought.
“Uh, that could be it,” Sam said, moving into the living room to watch Castiel pick the disk up.
“Do you mind?” Castiel asked, sitting on the couch and gesturing to Sam's laptop with the CD.
“Go ahead,” Sam whispered.
He moved to stand behind the couch, watching as Castiel started up the laptop and put the disk in. It took a moment to load up but Castiel started the video and leaned forward to watch it.
“This is perfect,” Castiel said, glancing over at his shoulder and smiling at Sam. “Thank you.”
“It's nothing,” Sam groaned, running his fingers through his hair. “So, I'll just rip you a copy of that part - “
Castiel made a confused sound and Sam clenched his eyes shut.
Fuck, he thought.
The video continued to play and Sam didn't have to watch to know what was going on. A series of close up shots of Castiel - while Dean gave a speech, Castiel's dark blue eyes bright and laughing; Dean and Castiel's first dance; Castiel huddled over a beer as he talked to someone off screen; the final farewell before Dean and Castiel left to catch a plane.
“Sam,” Castiel said, hesitating for a moment before pushing pause and looking over his shoulder at Sam.
“I know,” Sam said hoarsely, staring just over Castiel's shoulder, avoiding eye contact.
“You don't like me,” Castiel replied, confused. “You never talk to me.”
Castiel stared at him silently and Sam forced himself to make eye contact. He couldn't read the expression on Castiel's face, and that made the knot in Sam's stomach clench tightly. Sighing, Sam pinched the bridge of his nose again.
“I hope that's helpful,” Sam said, quietly. “Just, don't go showing it around. Especially not to Dean. I don't - I've got to get to class. Thanks for the coffee.”
Sam moved into the kitchen to grab his coffee, grabbing his bag off of the table. Castiel still hadn't said anything, and Sam could feel his eyes boring into Sam's back when he toed on a ratty pair of Chucks.
“Lock up when you leave,” Sam said as he opened the door to his apartment. He hesitated before stepping out, looking over his shoulder at Castiel. “It's self-preservation, you see.”
He closed the door before Castiel could reply.
-
Sam avoided going back to his apartment until almost midnight. He knew Castiel would be long gone by then but Sam wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with the fact he'd just ruined his relationship with Castiel, and quite probably Dean.
Castiel was a terrible liar. There was no way Dean didn't know about that morning. He might not have messaged Sam yet, but it was only because he was probably busy getting drunk and thinking how much he hated Sam and that everything was Sam's fault.
Sighing heavily, Sam squared his shoulders and tried to ignore the winter chill. He really shouldn't have left his apartment without grabbing a coat. It was just one of many stupid mistakes he'd taken to making, apparently.
When he made it back to his apartment he barely had time to close the door before he slid down it's length to sit on the floor, drawing his knees up to his chest and resting his cheek on one.
“My life is over,” Sam groaned.
-
Two days later, Sam wasn't sure if he and Dean were still going to have booze and chill and he was far too nervous to just call and check. Instead he stocked up on beer and take out menus and collapsed on his couch to watch the news. If Dean showed up, great. If he didn't, well, Sam could take a hint.
He was well into nursing his second beer when Dean banged on his door - it had to be Dean, because no one else knocked that obnoxiously. Sam smiled nervously when he answered the door.
“Hey, Dean,” Sam greeted, opening the door wide and stepping aside to let his brother in.
“Hey, Sammy,” Dean replied, clapping Sam on the shoulder roughly before holding up a six pack. “I brought booze.”
“Awesome,” Sam said, following his brother back into the tiny apartment.
Dean moved through the space like he owned it, shoving his six pack in the fridge before pulling out an already chilled beer. He quirked an eyebrow when he looked at Sam.
“You start the party without me?” He asked, lazy grin on his face.
“Wasn't sure if you were going to show,” Sam replied honestly, shrugging his shoulders. “You want Chinese or pizza?”
“Pizza,” Dean answered almost immediately, then frowned at Sam. “Why wouldn't I show?”
Sam blinked, surprised. Either Dean really was freakishly okay with his younger brother pining after his husband or Castiel hadn't told him. Knowing Dean, it was probably the latter.
“I - you - what?” Sam blinked, then shook his head. “You know what, never mind. The usual?”
“Sammy, what's going on?” Dean asked, pursing his lips and furrowing his brow.
“It's nothing, man,” Sam said, moving to clap his brother on the shoulder before grabbing the phone off the dock on the wall.
“Whatever,” Dean said, shaking his head and moving to plop down onto the couch. “I'm changing the channel.”
“Go ahead,” Sam replied.
-
Dean stayed at Sam's until just past one, when he remembered he was married now and probably shouldn't just crash on his younger brother's couch without calling Castiel. He was buzzed, not quite drunk, and he glared at Sam when he took the keys to Dean's impala and called his older brother a cab.
Sam waited until after Dean left before shaking his head and tidying up his apartment. It was going to smell like pizza for a few days, but at the moment Sam was too tired to care. Collapsing on his couch, he stared at his phone before texting Castiel.
Got Dean a cab. I've got the keys to the impala. Don't let him forget.
It's the first time Sam's even attempted to contact the other male since Sam's life came crashing down around him, and he tried to ignore the nervous flutter in his stomach as he waited for a response. He didn't even know if Castiel still wanted anything to do with him.
Sam debated calling Jo to see if she could meet him later. She'd been right, at the wedding reception, when she asked if he was in love with Castiel. Sam had never wanted to give a name to the tense and fluttery feeling he got whenever he saw the other male, but it was kind of pointless to ignore it at this point.
Glancing at the clock, Sam sighed, and decided against calling Jo. She'd kill him if he woke her up. Pushing himself up onto his elbows to reach for the remote to turn the TV off, Sam was startled when his phone vibrated against his stomach.
Okay.
Straight and to the point, one word - that was so Castiel. Sam wasn't sure whether to be relieved they were still talking or upset he only got one word out of the male. Granted, Castiel wasn't known for being verbose, but still.
Night, Cas. Sam typed, but hesitated before sending it. Shaking his head, he hit send and turned off his phone.
Sleep now. Emotional turmoil could wait until the morning.
-
The next morning when Sam turned his phone back on he has a single message from Castiel, that said Good night, Sam.
Sam couldn't stop smiling all day.
-
“So,” Jo said, picking at the fries on her plate, “What was so important you couldn't talk to me on the phone?”
“Do you remember what you asked me at the wedding?” Sam asked, ignoring his own salad in favor of watching Jo.
Jo furrowed her brow as she tried to remember, then gave Sam a confused look. “Are you talking about when I asked you if you were in love with Cas? Because I was joking.”
“I know you were,” Sam said, shaking his head. “But you were right.” Telling Jo was a lot easier than Sam had thought it would be.
Jo looked positively scandalized as she stared at Sam, her mouth open, hand half way to it with a fry. She made a strange sound before dropping her fry and shaking her head.
“Dude, what the Hell?” Jo asked. “Are you serious? Does Cas know? Does Dean know?”
“Don't be so loud,” Sam flushed, glaring at Jo. “Dean doesn't know, and he never is going to. Cas... does.”
“Is he... mad at you?” Jo asked hesitantly and Sam was both grateful and annoyed at the worry on her face.
“I don't know,” Sam said honestly, shaking his head and sighing. “I just realized I can't....”
“Move on?” Jo offered after Sam's sentence trailed off into silence. “I get that. Sort of. So what are you going to do about it?”
“I don't know,” Sam replied, running a hand through his hair and leaning back in his seat to stare at the ceiling hopelessly. “It's like I have to keep reminding Ruby, you can't mess with marriage. It's just wrong.”
“Yeah,” Jo said, nodding her head in agreement. “You know what,” She said, suddenly sitting straight up in her seat. “This conversation is too series to be having sober. I'm going to get us some beer.”
-
Sam and Jo managed to come up with a plan of action. It was awfully chick-flick for Sam's liking, but both he and Jo were rather proud of it in their inebriated states, and as long as Dean didn't find out Sam was sure he could live just fine.
-
Sam waited until Christmas Eve to put his plan into action, slipping on the icy sidewalk on his way to the front door of Dean and Castiel's townhouse. He knocked on the door and prayed that Castiel answered - and that Dean and Castiel weren't having sex, because that seemed to be just about all they did nowadays.
“Hello, S - “ Castiel started, but Sam put a finger to his own mouth and mimed for Castiel to be quiet.
He cocked a head to the side in confusion, the gesture ridiculously endearing. Sam held up a tattered sketchbook, flipping the cover off to reveal a page with writing.
Tell him it's carol singers, Sam's messy scrawl read.
As if on cue, Sam could hear Dean calling out to Castiel from somewhere in the house. “Who is it?” He asked.
“It's carol singers,” Castiel called back, glancing over his shoulder briefly, before returning his confused expression to Sam.
Sam held up a finger, shifting to balance the sketchbook under his arm as he fumbled to turn on a small portable boombox. 'Silent Night' filled the quiet evening air, and Sam saw the corner of Castiel's lip twitch into a smile.
“Give them a dollar and them to piss off,” Dean replied and Sam grinned at his brother's response.
Readjusting his sketchbook, Sam made sure it was the facing the right direction before he turned the page, grinning.
With any luck, by next year
I will be going out with one of these girls.
Sam flipped he page of his notebook and there were pictures Jo had found him of a few ridiculously good looking women glued to it. The corner of Castiel's lip quirked up into a smile, even through his confusion. Sam turned the page again.
But for now, let me say
Without hope of agenda
Just because it's Christmas
And at Christmas you tell the truth
To me, you are perfect,
And my wasted heart will love you until you look like this...
Castiel's eyes scanned the pages as Sam turned them slowly, until he had to bite back a surprised laugh at the final picture of a mummy. Sam smiled thinly, before turning the page one final time.
Merry Christmas, Cas.
The sketchbook snapped shot and Sam tucked it under his arm before turning off the boombox. He mouthed “Goodnight” and started to walk away. He could feel Castiel staring at his back as he made his way to his Prius and he was surprised when he felt someone grab his arm and stop him.
“Sam, wait,” Castiel said, cheeks flushed.
Sam turned to look at him slowly, and Castiel looked pathetic, standing in the snow barefoot in just jeans and a tattered jumper. Hesitantly, he reached for Sam and pressed his lips against Sam's gently for a brief moment before pulling away.
“Merry Christmas, Sam,” Castiel said, cheeks flushed a brighter red than before.
Sam watched Castiel flee back to the comfort of his and Dean's home and Sam juggled the stuff in his hands to bring his fingers up to touch his lips. Castiel had kissed him.
“Enough,” Sam said to himself, shaking his head and smiling. “Enough now.”
Author: sephirothflame
Fandom: Supernatural
Rating: PG-13
Character(s)/Pairing(s): Castiel/Dean Winchester, One-sided Sam Winchester/Castiel, Past Sam Winchester/Ruby, Jo Harvelle, Ruby,
Warning(s): Language, Crack (sorta)
Spoiler(s): The unrelated movie Love Actually
Prompt(s): Lisa wanted a Love Actually inspired story, but since she couldn't decide on which story in particular, I picked my three favourites. This is story one of three.
Word Count: 4,813
Rants: Love Actually is my favourite movie. Beyond that... I don't know what to say. I kind of forgot I had this, tbh.
Summary: Sam is in love with Castiel, but Castiel is married to Dean.
Disclaimer: I don't own Love Actually or Supernatural
Crossposted to: My ff.net, sn_slash and supernaturalfic
Dean and Castiel were married on the first day of December.
Dean had relented to Castiel's wishes and the ceremony was in a church and it was a surprisingly simple affair. Sam had recognized almost everyone in the crowd from the hall and he wasn't sure whether to be surprised or not.
Castiel and Dean were both surprisingly private people.
“This is happening,” Dean had said, wiping his sweaty palms against the slacks of his suit. “This is really happening.”
“You've been saying that for the past three hours, Dean,” Sam chided in response. He glanced back from where he was peering through the main doors into the church to look at his brother before smiling at him reassuringly. “Relax. You can't really screw up at this point.”
“Screw up?” Dean asked, face flushed. Sam wasn't sure if Dean was going to yell at him or freak out, but it didn't matter because the next minute Castiel was at Dean's side, face flushed.
“Dean,” Castiel greeted, shy smile on his face.
“Cas,” Dean said. He'd lifted his hands to touch Castiel, to hug him maybe, but he dropped them to his side again. “So. This.”
“This,” Castiel agreed with a tight laugh.
“It's not too late to elope,” Dean said, forcing himself to grin. “Grab Sam and another witness, hit up Vegas and get smashed.”
“My family would kill me,” Castiel replied, though there had been no malice to his tone. “Besides, everything is already paid for. We got you pie to eat at the reception.”
“Oh yeah,” Dean said. “Sam, if you're going to record this thing you should probably head in.”
“Right,” Sam said, nodding. He clutched his video camera in his hands tightly, before moving to pull Dean into a one armed hug. “Good luck, man. I don't think I'd ever let you live it down if you screwed it up at this point.” Sam grinned and Dean glared. “Cas.”
“Sam,” Castiel replied, nodding his head.
Sam smiled at Castiel, ignoring the tight knot in his stomach as he made his way through the doors and to the front of the church. He nodded at Pastor Jim, who signaled for whoever was in charge of music to start playing Pachelbel's Canon.
Turning on his video camera, Sam pushed record and aimed the shot just in time for the large, main doors to be pushed open and for Castiel and Dean to make the walk to the front, hand in hand.
-
“This is the last time I'm ever trusting Castiel to pick anything music related,” Dean said, much later as he was sitting beside Sam at the reception. “I don't care what he can do with his tongue - “
“Oh God, Dean, ew,” Sam choked, fighting back a blush as he glared at his older brother. “Whatever happened to 'Driver Picks the Music'. I thought you used that as an excuse to always pick the music.”
Dean scoffed and took a drink from a bottle of beer. Sam was still impressed that Castiel had allowed Dean to ask Ellen if they could have the reception at the Roadhouse of all places.
The DJ in question was pretty bad. Sam wasn't sure how Castiel had happened upon him, but if Sam had to guess, his family was probably the answer.
For as much as Castiel told Dean 'no' in reference to their wedding and ensuing celebrations, he seemed to let his family pretty much run it.
“I'm going to find Cas,” Dean said, clapping Sam on the shoulder. “You just going to sit there all night and record everything? Cas knows lots of lonely, single women. We can set you up. You could record something really interesting,” he laughed, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.
“I'm fine, Dean,” Sam sighed, waving his brother away. “Go, linger with your boy - husband.”
“Husband,” Dean repeated, grinning. “God, that's so weird.”
“You have no idea,” Sam scoffed. “Now, go. I'm surprised he hasn't sent a search party out looking for you.”
“Cas isn't that bad,” Dean laughed, but he left Sam alone all the same.
Sam turned his video camera over in his hand, debating whether he should turn it on or not. The battery was at half life and he had a good few hours of video already but he wasn't sure how much was expected of him. Dean wouldn't care, either way, but Castiel seemed pretty adamant about it.
“Do you love him?” Jo asked, startling Sam.
“What?” Sam asked, fumbling to grab his camera before he dropped and broke it. “Seriously, Jo?”
He didn't remember her ever being so quiet, but then again she knew the Roadhouse better than anyone, save maybe Ellen.
“I just thought I'd ask the blunt question, in case it was the right one and you need to talk to someone about it,” Jo explained, shrugging. She stole Sam's beer, and took a swig before continuing. “You know, in case no-one had ever asked you so you'd never been able to talk about it, even though you might have wanted to...”
Sam stared at Jo blankly, before realizing he didn't answer.
“No!” He said, shaking his head. “Oh God, no. Dean's my brother and Cas is - just, no. Absolutely not.”
“So that's a 'no', then?” Jo asked, grinning.
“Yeah,” Sam said, nodding. “Well, I mean no. Erm. I should be recording.”
Jo didn't leave his side when Sam turned his video camera back on, scanning it across the crowded bar.
“So, this DJ,” Sam said, glancing over his shoulder at Jo. “What do you think - worst in the world?”
“Yeah, I would have expected Dean to have much better taste,” Jo said, nodding her head in agreement.
“Cas chose,” Sam explained, shrugging his shoulder as best he could without jarring the camera.
“That explains so much,” Jo laughed, taking another swig from Sam's beer and setting it back onto the table with a loud bang. “I'm going to find Ash. I'll see you around, Sam.”
“Right,” Sam called after her.
Sighing heavily, he looked around the room until he spotted Dean and Cas huddled over a table on the far side of the bar, whispering conspiratorially and grinning from ear to ear.
“Fuck my life,” Sam sighed.
-
“I'm thinking of having an affair with my boss,” Ruby said.
Sam startled and almost spilled the coffee he was pouring. He worked in a diner. It was a relatively nice, most of the time, but Ruby tended to bother him at work.
“Is he married?” Sam asked.
“Yeah,” Ruby replied, then shrugged. “It's no big deal, though. Married men cheat all the time.”
“That doesn't make it a good idea,” Sam countered, putting the coffee pot back before leaning on the counter across from Ruby. “The marriage vow is sacred, Ruby.”
“So?” Ruby asked, grinning. “I'm a big believer in acting on instinct.”
“Don't, Ruby,” Sam warned. “You can't just go around ruining people's lives.”
“Then we could always get back together,” Ruby said, swirling the coffee in her cup before taking a sip of it.
“Ha, no way in Hell,” Sam snorted, shaking his head.
“Why not?” Ruby asked, pouting. Sam rolled his eyes.
“No, Ruby,” He replied, shaking his head. “It's not going to happen. I don't need to explain myself to you.”
“Whatever,” Ruby sighed. She continued to drink her coffee in silence, scowling, and Sam sighed heavily.
“Do you look that good looking when you're at work?” Sam asked after Ruby put her cup down.
“Of course,” Ruby grinned, brushing her hair over her shoulder and looking as coy as possible. “Though in a totally irresistible way.”
“This guy is doomed,” Sam said, shaking his head.
“No kidding,” Ruby said, downing the last of her coffee. She pulled some cash from her wallet and plucked it onto the counter. “Keep the change, Sammy. Oh, and this girl, or whoever you're thinking about? Stop. You're moping.”
“I'm not moping,” Sam scoffed, patent bitchface falling into place.
“Sam, I've known you for years,” Ruby replied. “You're moping. Get over her or him or whatever or ask them out already. Either way, they can't be that great.”
Ruby slipped off her bar stool and left before Sam could reply.
“You're wrong,” Sam muttered as he picked up the money. “He is that great.”
-
Sam barely had time to close the door to his apartment before the phone in his kitchen started ringing. Sighing heavily, he tossed his jacket onto the back of his couch before moving to answer it.
“Hey, Sammy,” Dean said on the other end of the line. “How are you? Haven't seen you since the wedding.”
“It's Sam - and that's because you and Cas were out of town for an entire week and I'm always working,” Sam replied, cradling the phone between his ear and shoulder to open the fridge. “Oh, and you know, going to law school.”
“You need to get out more, Sammy,,” Dean said, laughing. “Hey, in all seriousness. I called to see if you wanted to have dinner sometime. You know, beer, burgers and some crappy TV, just like the good ole days.”
“Sounds good to me,” Sam said. He grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge, letting the door close with a soft 'thump'. “I don't work Wednesday or Thursday this week and my next day off isn't until next Monday.”
“Thursday,” Dean said after a quiet moment. “I don't work Friday, so we can get shit-faced.”
“Nice, Dean,” Sam laughed, popping the top off his water and taking a sip. “You and me at mine, or will Cas be joining us?”
“I don't - one sec, there's Cas, let me ask,” Dean said, and Sam could hear the ruffle of Dean's shirt as the phone was pressed against his chest. Their words on the other side were muddled, but a few short moments later Sam heard Dean again. “Thursday's just going to be you and me, buddy. Cas wants to ask you a question though.”
“Okay, wait, what?” Sam asked. He could feel the knot in the bottom of his stomach tighten, and he tried to ignore the sensation.
“Be nice, Sammy,” Dean said, sounding exhausted. “I know you two don't really get along, but - just - don't be a douche.”
“It's not that I don't like Cas,” Sam sighed, putting his water down to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Put him on.”
“Hello, Sam,” Castiel said, and Sam had to ignore the way his voice sent shivers down his spine.
“Hey, Cas,” Sam said, leaning back against his counter. “How was the honeymoon? Just, no details.”
“It was great,” Castiel replied and Sam could practically hear the blush spreading across the other man's face. “Thank you for asking.”
“So,” Sam continued, taking another sip of his water. “What can I do for you?”
“It's just a tiny favor,” Castiel answered. “We got the wedding video back today - and it's a disaster. It's all blue and wobbly.”
“I'm sorry,” Sam said, surprising himself with how honest he really was. “That's terrible.”
“I just remembered I had asked you to maybe film a little, just in case this happened,” Castiel explained. “I was wondering if I could see what you had filmed.”
“Oh, I don't know,” Sam replied, fighting back the urge to blush. “To be honest, I only filmed a little. It's not really my thing, cameras.”
“Please,” Castiel practically begged. “All I want is just one shot of Dean and me that isn't turquoise. You have to have at least ten seconds of that.”
“Okay,” Sam said, sighing heavily. He could never resist Castiel if he was going to use that tone. “I'll have a look, but to be honest I probably wiped it. It was two weeks ago and I had to film something for school - I need to go, Cas. I'll look around, but I don't know.”
“Thank you, Sam,” Castiel said.
-
Castiel showed up at Sam's apartment the next day unannounced. Sam blinked tiredly at his brother's husband as he let him into his apartment, running his hand through his sleep-tousled hair.
“Hey, Cas, I wasn't expecting you to stop by until, I don't know, later,” Sam yawned.
He felt a little ridiculous standing in the same jeans he wore yesterday and a threadbare shirt with his old high school's logo on it - up until he realized he shouldn't care how Castiel saw him, because Castiel was off limits.
“I brought you a coffee,” Castiel said helpfully, handing over the Starbucks cup.
“Oh, thanks, Cas,” Sam said, taking it and staring at it blankly before taking a sip. It seemed a little ridiculous that Castiel could remember how Sam took his coffee when Dean couldn't. “So, what brings you around?”
“I was passing through the area,” Castiel replied, shifting awkwardly as he stood across from Sam. “I remembered you didn't have class until the afternoon so I assumed you would still be here. I was hoping to see if you had found the video.”
“Oh,” Sam said, moving further inside the apartment to put his coffee on his kitchen counter. “I was being serious about that last night. I'm not sure what happened to it. I mean, I'll look around today but - “
“Sam, may I say something?” Castiel asked and Sam was surprised by how timid he sounded.
“Go ahead, Cas,” Sam replied, leaning back against his counter. He picked up his coffee and took a sip from it before putting it down again, watching Castiel nervously.
“Dean and you are very close,” Castiel said, looking down into his own coffee before hesitantly meeting Sam's gaze. “I know you don't particularly like that Dean and I - “
“Cas, that's not it,” Sam interrupted, but Castiel silenced him with one of those scary gazes he usually reserved for Dean.
“I was hoping, for Dean's sake, we could try and be friends,” Castiel finished, looking back into his coffee. “I don't want him to have to think he has to choose - “
“If that was the case, Dean's already made his choice,” Sam said, and it was more bitter than he had intended it to be. Sighing, Sam pinched the bridge of his nose. “We're cool, Cas. Really.”
“If you insist...” Castiel replied, though he didn't sound like he believed it.
“All awkward chick-flick moments aside,” Sam coughed, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. “I'm serious about the video. I looked for it after we got off the phone last night, but - “ Sam shrugged.
“I understand,” Castiel said, moving back towards the living room, pausing by the coffee table. “It wouldn't happen to be the disk labeled 'Dean & Cas' Wedding', would it?”
Fuck, Sam thought.
“Uh, that could be it,” Sam said, moving into the living room to watch Castiel pick the disk up.
“Do you mind?” Castiel asked, sitting on the couch and gesturing to Sam's laptop with the CD.
“Go ahead,” Sam whispered.
He moved to stand behind the couch, watching as Castiel started up the laptop and put the disk in. It took a moment to load up but Castiel started the video and leaned forward to watch it.
“This is perfect,” Castiel said, glancing over at his shoulder and smiling at Sam. “Thank you.”
“It's nothing,” Sam groaned, running his fingers through his hair. “So, I'll just rip you a copy of that part - “
Castiel made a confused sound and Sam clenched his eyes shut.
Fuck, he thought.
The video continued to play and Sam didn't have to watch to know what was going on. A series of close up shots of Castiel - while Dean gave a speech, Castiel's dark blue eyes bright and laughing; Dean and Castiel's first dance; Castiel huddled over a beer as he talked to someone off screen; the final farewell before Dean and Castiel left to catch a plane.
“Sam,” Castiel said, hesitating for a moment before pushing pause and looking over his shoulder at Sam.
“I know,” Sam said hoarsely, staring just over Castiel's shoulder, avoiding eye contact.
“You don't like me,” Castiel replied, confused. “You never talk to me.”
Castiel stared at him silently and Sam forced himself to make eye contact. He couldn't read the expression on Castiel's face, and that made the knot in Sam's stomach clench tightly. Sighing, Sam pinched the bridge of his nose again.
“I hope that's helpful,” Sam said, quietly. “Just, don't go showing it around. Especially not to Dean. I don't - I've got to get to class. Thanks for the coffee.”
Sam moved into the kitchen to grab his coffee, grabbing his bag off of the table. Castiel still hadn't said anything, and Sam could feel his eyes boring into Sam's back when he toed on a ratty pair of Chucks.
“Lock up when you leave,” Sam said as he opened the door to his apartment. He hesitated before stepping out, looking over his shoulder at Castiel. “It's self-preservation, you see.”
He closed the door before Castiel could reply.
-
Sam avoided going back to his apartment until almost midnight. He knew Castiel would be long gone by then but Sam wasn't sure if he was ready to deal with the fact he'd just ruined his relationship with Castiel, and quite probably Dean.
Castiel was a terrible liar. There was no way Dean didn't know about that morning. He might not have messaged Sam yet, but it was only because he was probably busy getting drunk and thinking how much he hated Sam and that everything was Sam's fault.
Sighing heavily, Sam squared his shoulders and tried to ignore the winter chill. He really shouldn't have left his apartment without grabbing a coat. It was just one of many stupid mistakes he'd taken to making, apparently.
When he made it back to his apartment he barely had time to close the door before he slid down it's length to sit on the floor, drawing his knees up to his chest and resting his cheek on one.
“My life is over,” Sam groaned.
-
Two days later, Sam wasn't sure if he and Dean were still going to have booze and chill and he was far too nervous to just call and check. Instead he stocked up on beer and take out menus and collapsed on his couch to watch the news. If Dean showed up, great. If he didn't, well, Sam could take a hint.
He was well into nursing his second beer when Dean banged on his door - it had to be Dean, because no one else knocked that obnoxiously. Sam smiled nervously when he answered the door.
“Hey, Dean,” Sam greeted, opening the door wide and stepping aside to let his brother in.
“Hey, Sammy,” Dean replied, clapping Sam on the shoulder roughly before holding up a six pack. “I brought booze.”
“Awesome,” Sam said, following his brother back into the tiny apartment.
Dean moved through the space like he owned it, shoving his six pack in the fridge before pulling out an already chilled beer. He quirked an eyebrow when he looked at Sam.
“You start the party without me?” He asked, lazy grin on his face.
“Wasn't sure if you were going to show,” Sam replied honestly, shrugging his shoulders. “You want Chinese or pizza?”
“Pizza,” Dean answered almost immediately, then frowned at Sam. “Why wouldn't I show?”
Sam blinked, surprised. Either Dean really was freakishly okay with his younger brother pining after his husband or Castiel hadn't told him. Knowing Dean, it was probably the latter.
“I - you - what?” Sam blinked, then shook his head. “You know what, never mind. The usual?”
“Sammy, what's going on?” Dean asked, pursing his lips and furrowing his brow.
“It's nothing, man,” Sam said, moving to clap his brother on the shoulder before grabbing the phone off the dock on the wall.
“Whatever,” Dean said, shaking his head and moving to plop down onto the couch. “I'm changing the channel.”
“Go ahead,” Sam replied.
-
Dean stayed at Sam's until just past one, when he remembered he was married now and probably shouldn't just crash on his younger brother's couch without calling Castiel. He was buzzed, not quite drunk, and he glared at Sam when he took the keys to Dean's impala and called his older brother a cab.
Sam waited until after Dean left before shaking his head and tidying up his apartment. It was going to smell like pizza for a few days, but at the moment Sam was too tired to care. Collapsing on his couch, he stared at his phone before texting Castiel.
Got Dean a cab. I've got the keys to the impala. Don't let him forget.
It's the first time Sam's even attempted to contact the other male since Sam's life came crashing down around him, and he tried to ignore the nervous flutter in his stomach as he waited for a response. He didn't even know if Castiel still wanted anything to do with him.
Sam debated calling Jo to see if she could meet him later. She'd been right, at the wedding reception, when she asked if he was in love with Castiel. Sam had never wanted to give a name to the tense and fluttery feeling he got whenever he saw the other male, but it was kind of pointless to ignore it at this point.
Glancing at the clock, Sam sighed, and decided against calling Jo. She'd kill him if he woke her up. Pushing himself up onto his elbows to reach for the remote to turn the TV off, Sam was startled when his phone vibrated against his stomach.
Okay.
Straight and to the point, one word - that was so Castiel. Sam wasn't sure whether to be relieved they were still talking or upset he only got one word out of the male. Granted, Castiel wasn't known for being verbose, but still.
Night, Cas. Sam typed, but hesitated before sending it. Shaking his head, he hit send and turned off his phone.
Sleep now. Emotional turmoil could wait until the morning.
-
The next morning when Sam turned his phone back on he has a single message from Castiel, that said Good night, Sam.
Sam couldn't stop smiling all day.
-
“So,” Jo said, picking at the fries on her plate, “What was so important you couldn't talk to me on the phone?”
“Do you remember what you asked me at the wedding?” Sam asked, ignoring his own salad in favor of watching Jo.
Jo furrowed her brow as she tried to remember, then gave Sam a confused look. “Are you talking about when I asked you if you were in love with Cas? Because I was joking.”
“I know you were,” Sam said, shaking his head. “But you were right.” Telling Jo was a lot easier than Sam had thought it would be.
Jo looked positively scandalized as she stared at Sam, her mouth open, hand half way to it with a fry. She made a strange sound before dropping her fry and shaking her head.
“Dude, what the Hell?” Jo asked. “Are you serious? Does Cas know? Does Dean know?”
“Don't be so loud,” Sam flushed, glaring at Jo. “Dean doesn't know, and he never is going to. Cas... does.”
“Is he... mad at you?” Jo asked hesitantly and Sam was both grateful and annoyed at the worry on her face.
“I don't know,” Sam said honestly, shaking his head and sighing. “I just realized I can't....”
“Move on?” Jo offered after Sam's sentence trailed off into silence. “I get that. Sort of. So what are you going to do about it?”
“I don't know,” Sam replied, running a hand through his hair and leaning back in his seat to stare at the ceiling hopelessly. “It's like I have to keep reminding Ruby, you can't mess with marriage. It's just wrong.”
“Yeah,” Jo said, nodding her head in agreement. “You know what,” She said, suddenly sitting straight up in her seat. “This conversation is too series to be having sober. I'm going to get us some beer.”
-
Sam and Jo managed to come up with a plan of action. It was awfully chick-flick for Sam's liking, but both he and Jo were rather proud of it in their inebriated states, and as long as Dean didn't find out Sam was sure he could live just fine.
-
Sam waited until Christmas Eve to put his plan into action, slipping on the icy sidewalk on his way to the front door of Dean and Castiel's townhouse. He knocked on the door and prayed that Castiel answered - and that Dean and Castiel weren't having sex, because that seemed to be just about all they did nowadays.
“Hello, S - “ Castiel started, but Sam put a finger to his own mouth and mimed for Castiel to be quiet.
He cocked a head to the side in confusion, the gesture ridiculously endearing. Sam held up a tattered sketchbook, flipping the cover off to reveal a page with writing.
Tell him it's carol singers, Sam's messy scrawl read.
As if on cue, Sam could hear Dean calling out to Castiel from somewhere in the house. “Who is it?” He asked.
“It's carol singers,” Castiel called back, glancing over his shoulder briefly, before returning his confused expression to Sam.
Sam held up a finger, shifting to balance the sketchbook under his arm as he fumbled to turn on a small portable boombox. 'Silent Night' filled the quiet evening air, and Sam saw the corner of Castiel's lip twitch into a smile.
“Give them a dollar and them to piss off,” Dean replied and Sam grinned at his brother's response.
Readjusting his sketchbook, Sam made sure it was the facing the right direction before he turned the page, grinning.
With any luck, by next year
I will be going out with one of these girls.
Sam flipped he page of his notebook and there were pictures Jo had found him of a few ridiculously good looking women glued to it. The corner of Castiel's lip quirked up into a smile, even through his confusion. Sam turned the page again.
But for now, let me say
Without hope of agenda
Just because it's Christmas
And at Christmas you tell the truth
To me, you are perfect,
And my wasted heart will love you until you look like this...
Castiel's eyes scanned the pages as Sam turned them slowly, until he had to bite back a surprised laugh at the final picture of a mummy. Sam smiled thinly, before turning the page one final time.
Merry Christmas, Cas.
The sketchbook snapped shot and Sam tucked it under his arm before turning off the boombox. He mouthed “Goodnight” and started to walk away. He could feel Castiel staring at his back as he made his way to his Prius and he was surprised when he felt someone grab his arm and stop him.
“Sam, wait,” Castiel said, cheeks flushed.
Sam turned to look at him slowly, and Castiel looked pathetic, standing in the snow barefoot in just jeans and a tattered jumper. Hesitantly, he reached for Sam and pressed his lips against Sam's gently for a brief moment before pulling away.
“Merry Christmas, Sam,” Castiel said, cheeks flushed a brighter red than before.
Sam watched Castiel flee back to the comfort of his and Dean's home and Sam juggled the stuff in his hands to bring his fingers up to touch his lips. Castiel had kissed him.
“Enough,” Sam said to himself, shaking his head and smiling. “Enough now.”