would you go along with someone like me?
i have had very little sleep in the past few days and i would like to get some tonight so i'm going to jot down somethings and pass out.
i am convinced that something clicks off in me when i am in close vicinity to my parents' house. i have found that i have started to lose things or forget them... completely atypical to who i am in california. it's like my body/brain physically changes and... gets very dumb. i hate it. in a way i lose confidence in myself and what i am doing. i have become a scattered, googly mess.
i have also accepted dating a friend. it's odd. i never really thought it would happen, or that i would be in a potential relationship again for a long, long while. there were boyfriends, and well, i was tired. i am also fickle and i don't trust myself at all.
what's odd is that i feel this is too easy. he likes me. and is very sweet to me. and does a lot of rather pleasant things for me. like boyfriend shtuff. and yet... it's too easy. i feel as though i've won a conquest i hadn't even started out to conquer. i feel as though i am always out to tackle meaningful challenges in life and work for good things. i'm not in the market for assholes... but i also like things to be intriguing and develop over time and trial.
complacent. that's what i've become. complacent and soft and forgetful and inefficient. i fucking hate inefficiency. i really need to use my brain more in recent times... and focus.
i am convinced that something clicks off in me when i am in close vicinity to my parents' house. i have found that i have started to lose things or forget them... completely atypical to who i am in california. it's like my body/brain physically changes and... gets very dumb. i hate it. in a way i lose confidence in myself and what i am doing. i have become a scattered, googly mess.
i have also accepted dating a friend. it's odd. i never really thought it would happen, or that i would be in a potential relationship again for a long, long while. there were boyfriends, and well, i was tired. i am also fickle and i don't trust myself at all.
what's odd is that i feel this is too easy. he likes me. and is very sweet to me. and does a lot of rather pleasant things for me. like boyfriend shtuff. and yet... it's too easy. i feel as though i've won a conquest i hadn't even started out to conquer. i feel as though i am always out to tackle meaningful challenges in life and work for good things. i'm not in the market for assholes... but i also like things to be intriguing and develop over time and trial.
complacent. that's what i've become. complacent and soft and forgetful and inefficient. i fucking hate inefficiency. i really need to use my brain more in recent times... and focus.