she was my catatonic sex-toy
he lacks intrigue. that's exactly what it is... i figured it out today. he lacks the "that"... something internal and independent and artistic i can't quite figure out but appreciate.
it felt good being taken care of though. it felt spoiling to have a guy who opens and closes the car door for me. who actually calls me. who knows what to do in bed and is good at it. who will catch me should i fall. and i don't care terribly if i never see him again.
at this point, i just sound... unsatisfiable. masochistic. deluded... all exceptionally realistic conclusions i have pondered endlessly. maybe. well, i don't like guys who treat me poorly. i just don't usually seem to be at the right place at the right time with the right person. i think i would be quite pleased if the boi i do like would take active steps in being with me. i don't view this as a matter of something wrong with my modus operandi... i view my failures in love (or not even that really) as a fusion between fortuna and fickleness. i haven't met anyone i really liked in the right set of circumstances that would lead to satisfaction.
and patience, so they say. well the rest is pointless anyway. i remembered why i stopped dating more or less... time and experience is apparently not of the essence for me in such matters. and i don't need to be like everyone else to force it. (on an entirely unrelated sidenote, today is the day. the fiftieth bajillion time or something i've decided to stop speaking to him. it ends... painfully. well. we'll see how long this lasts)
i'm like amélie. i'm like addison. i'm like margot. and it's okay. because it'll be a happy fucking ending.
it felt good being taken care of though. it felt spoiling to have a guy who opens and closes the car door for me. who actually calls me. who knows what to do in bed and is good at it. who will catch me should i fall. and i don't care terribly if i never see him again.
at this point, i just sound... unsatisfiable. masochistic. deluded... all exceptionally realistic conclusions i have pondered endlessly. maybe. well, i don't like guys who treat me poorly. i just don't usually seem to be at the right place at the right time with the right person. i think i would be quite pleased if the boi i do like would take active steps in being with me. i don't view this as a matter of something wrong with my modus operandi... i view my failures in love (or not even that really) as a fusion between fortuna and fickleness. i haven't met anyone i really liked in the right set of circumstances that would lead to satisfaction.
and patience, so they say. well the rest is pointless anyway. i remembered why i stopped dating more or less... time and experience is apparently not of the essence for me in such matters. and i don't need to be like everyone else to force it. (on an entirely unrelated sidenote, today is the day. the fiftieth bajillion time or something i've decided to stop speaking to him. it ends... painfully. well. we'll see how long this lasts)
i'm like amélie. i'm like addison. i'm like margot. and it's okay. because it'll be a happy fucking ending.