Grace Vs. Childishness
Grace Vs. Childishness Monday, August 17, 2009
About two weeks ago I am going to my 11am American Women Writers class. I have my laptop with me. I get to my classroom, and most of the other students are already in the "discussion circle". I spot my friend/acquaintance Kim in the back, and there are two empty desks next to her. Perfect! I always put my backpack on a second desk because I do not like to put it on the floor. Especially if I have my laptop with me.
Another student named Ann follows me into the classroom and to the spot where I have sat down at. My bag is already in the extra desk. She starts to move the desk (with my bag on it!) away from me. So rather than fight her about the damn desk I pick my bag up and tell Kim that I will sit across the room. I tell Ann she can have the spot that I was sitting in. I can't however get past Ann because I was in the corner and she is (still standing) blocking my way.
"Will you please move?" I ask Ann.
She does nothing.
"Will you move please?" I ask her again.
She sputters and says "It is ok you can sit next to me."
I look at her and say (still in a calm if somewhat irritated voice) that I want to sit elsewhere and would she move.
She still does nothing.
At this point I have lost my temper. In the past I probably would have used swear words, called her a dumb bitch, screamed, yelled, kicked a desk....
I am very proud of myself... I was able to keep my temper mostly in.. I did get bitchy I raised my voice.. but I did not touch her, or swear at her, or even yell or scream... but I did say "Get out of my way!" in a very rude voice. She finally moved.
I moved across the room and sat my bag on a different desk then sat down myself.
Fortunately there were witnesses to the situation. Unfortunately one of them was not the prof.
Five min after the prof comes in and starts class an raises her hand. "Excuse me professor I need to discuss something urgent with you before class starts."
Professor "Class has started Ann.. but as it is urgent...." Prof and Ann go outside of the classroom, and I'm thinking to myself... she is going to tattle on me for not wanting to sit next to her. ... no no... she needs help with class or something I'm being paranoid...
They come back into the classroom and the Prof announces that she will be giving us a break about halfway through class and that she has to deal with some "things". The prof never gives breaks.
The break comes and she asks to speak with two other students, and then... me. I think holy crap... she (Ann) did tattle on me!
As it turns out Ann had. She told the professor that I had been "violent" towards her before class. It takes everything I have to not laugh and cry. I calmly explain my side of the situation to my prof and the prof asks me to convey my side to Ann. So I do.
I tell Ann that it was not my intent to offend her, hurt her feelings, or in any way ostracize her. While I explain the back pack thing, and my intent behind the move, and that I was not trying to hurt Ann's feelings and that I just wanted her to get out of my way and when she did not it mad me frustrated Ann avoids eye contact with me or the prof. She looks everywhere but at me until I finish.
Then Ann follows up my non apology- apology with "If you are ever violent towards me again I will report you." She looks me in the eyes when she says this. I have to hold my breath to keep from laughing my ass off and crying at the same time over the stupidity of this whole situation. Ann leaves and I do laugh and cry.
I apologized to the prof for this dumb situation taking up her time and class time. I tell the prof my intent is to avoid Ann if possible, and to not speak to her or sit next to her so as to avoid any possible future issues.
We go back to class... and life moves on... I finish the class with no further interactions with Ann.
Two weeks later (today) I get an email that says:
Hello Erin,
I am OSU's Director of Affirmative Action and Equal Opportunity. A student
in one of your classes, Ann XXXXXXX, has filed an informal complaint in our
office regarding an interaction with you that occurred in the American Women
Writers class. She alleges discriminatory treatment based on her age. In
order to get a complete and accurate understanding of what happened I need
to meet with you to hear your side of the story. Could you give me some
days and times that will work for you to meet? I will be out of the office
all of next week, so can we look to the week of Monday August 24? Since
I'll probably be out of the office when you respond, I've copied Jennifer
XXXXXXXX, our office's Program Associate. Please copy Jennifer on your
reply. Thank you very much.
XXXXXXX
Ann is an older than average student. I am also an older than average student. Ann is probably 50ish. I am 27. Ann's age never came up in our misunderstanding. I never stated anything about her age, nor do I give a rats ass how old someone is (unless it has to do with legal issues such as drinking age or something like that).
I am angry, flabbergasted, frustrated, pissed off, seeing red, bitchy, cranky, and over all .... GEERRRRRR ARG.
I really should not let this get to me.
But I am worried.
I fear the possibility that the person who I go to speak with will take Ann's side... and then what will happen?
So.. yeah.. that is whats up with me...
Dumb people are dumb... and.. I just don't want to deal with this.
I thought that once the class was over I probably would not run into Ann again.. hell I did not know she was still having issues with me. I really have no respect for anyone who has an issue with me and doesn't talk about it with ME. This fucking shit about taking to the prof was cute but stupid... taking it to the school's admin... is just outright.......... -i have no words for expressing how I feel on this.... -.....
I need to calm down, and treat this in a professional way so the person I speak with can see how insanely childish this whole thing really is.
I hope you all are well...
With love and grace, and seething anger,
LadyGrace
About two weeks ago I am going to my 11am American Women Writers class. I have my laptop with me. I get to my classroom, and most of the other students are already in the "discussion circle". I spot my friend/acquaintance Kim in the back, and there are two empty desks next to her. Perfect! I always put my backpack on a second desk because I do not like to put it on the floor. Especially if I have my laptop with me.
Another student named Ann follows me into the classroom and to the spot where I have sat down at. My bag is already in the extra desk. She starts to move the desk (with my bag on it!) away from me. So rather than fight her about the damn desk I pick my bag up and tell Kim that I will sit across the room. I tell Ann she can have the spot that I was sitting in. I can't however get past Ann because I was in the corner and she is (still standing) blocking my way.
"Will you please move?" I ask Ann.
She does nothing.
"Will you move please?" I ask her again.
She sputters and says "It is ok you can sit next to me."
I look at her and say (still in a calm if somewhat irritated voice) that I want to sit elsewhere and would she move.
She still does nothing.
At this point I have lost my temper. In the past I probably would have used swear words, called her a dumb bitch, screamed, yelled, kicked a desk....
I am very proud of myself... I was able to keep my temper mostly in.. I did get bitchy I raised my voice.. but I did not touch her, or swear at her, or even yell or scream... but I did say "Get out of my way!" in a very rude voice. She finally moved.
I moved across the room and sat my bag on a different desk then sat down myself.
Fortunately there were witnesses to the situation. Unfortunately one of them was not the prof.
Five min after the prof comes in and starts class an raises her hand. "Excuse me professor I need to discuss something urgent with you before class starts."
Professor "Class has started Ann.. but as it is urgent...." Prof and Ann go outside of the classroom, and I'm thinking to myself... she is going to tattle on me for not wanting to sit next to her. ... no no... she needs help with class or something I'm being paranoid...
They come back into the classroom and the Prof announces that she will be giving us a break about halfway through class and that she has to deal with some "things". The prof never gives breaks.
The break comes and she asks to speak with two other students, and then... me. I think holy crap... she (Ann) did tattle on me!
As it turns out Ann had. She told the professor that I had been "violent" towards her before class. It takes everything I have to not laugh and cry. I calmly explain my side of the situation to my prof and the prof asks me to convey my side to Ann. So I do.
I tell Ann that it was not my intent to offend her, hurt her feelings, or in any way ostracize her. While I explain the back pack thing, and my intent behind the move, and that I was not trying to hurt Ann's feelings and that I just wanted her to get out of my way and when she did not it mad me frustrated Ann avoids eye contact with me or the prof. She looks everywhere but at me until I finish.
Then Ann follows up my non apology- apology with "If you are ever violent towards me again I will report you." She looks me in the eyes when she says this. I have to hold my breath to keep from laughing my ass off and crying at the same time over the stupidity of this whole situation. Ann leaves and I do laugh and cry.
I apologized to the prof for this dumb situation taking up her time and class time. I tell the prof my intent is to avoid Ann if possible, and to not speak to her or sit next to her so as to avoid any possible future issues.
We go back to class... and life moves on... I finish the class with no further interactions with Ann.
Two weeks later (today) I get an email that says:
Hello Erin,
I am OSU's Director of Affirmative Action and Equal Opportunity. A student
in one of your classes, Ann XXXXXXX, has filed an informal complaint in our
office regarding an interaction with you that occurred in the American Women
Writers class. She alleges discriminatory treatment based on her age. In
order to get a complete and accurate understanding of what happened I need
to meet with you to hear your side of the story. Could you give me some
days and times that will work for you to meet? I will be out of the office
all of next week, so can we look to the week of Monday August 24? Since
I'll probably be out of the office when you respond, I've copied Jennifer
XXXXXXXX, our office's Program Associate. Please copy Jennifer on your
reply. Thank you very much.
XXXXXXX
Ann is an older than average student. I am also an older than average student. Ann is probably 50ish. I am 27. Ann's age never came up in our misunderstanding. I never stated anything about her age, nor do I give a rats ass how old someone is (unless it has to do with legal issues such as drinking age or something like that).
I am angry, flabbergasted, frustrated, pissed off, seeing red, bitchy, cranky, and over all .... GEERRRRRR ARG.
I really should not let this get to me.
But I am worried.
I fear the possibility that the person who I go to speak with will take Ann's side... and then what will happen?
So.. yeah.. that is whats up with me...
Dumb people are dumb... and.. I just don't want to deal with this.
I thought that once the class was over I probably would not run into Ann again.. hell I did not know she was still having issues with me. I really have no respect for anyone who has an issue with me and doesn't talk about it with ME. This fucking shit about taking to the prof was cute but stupid... taking it to the school's admin... is just outright.......... -i have no words for expressing how I feel on this.... -.....
I need to calm down, and treat this in a professional way so the person I speak with can see how insanely childish this whole thing really is.
I hope you all are well...
With love and grace, and seething anger,
LadyGrace