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i am SO sorry for taking so long to update this story.
it will be a short one tho...about 2 more chapters tops. all i need is Hitsugi's p.o.v and Yomi's/the finale...or soemthing...not sure yet how im gonna do it.
life's being a mean bitch to alot of ppl...so if you can, please review. i know its alot to ask, but this makes me feel like im not doing this in vain.
Title: Need
Author: Sango houshi
chapter: 3/?
genre: angst... and lots of it
pairing: ni-ya/sakito
Chapter 2
Ch3.
Ni-ya wanted to punch a wall. Hit something until it bled or until his own knuckles were numb and ran crimson. The look Sakito had given him tore at his heart and made his chest constrict painfully. Sakito wanted nothing to do with him. Sakito looked hurt and frightened.
Of him.
Surely the guitarist knew that he was the one who had asked for it. Didn’t he remember?
At first he had panicked with the way Sakito had reacted. Not recognizing memories from fantasies he’d had; it had been tearing at him not knowing if he had taken Sakito by force, recalling the finger shaped bruises on too-pale hips, dark bruises on his neck-hickies- sprinkled everywhere. But when he’d finally sorted himself out (after drowning his angst in a bottle of Jack) he finally remembered.
Kinda.
For his peace of mind, he remembered a few things from the night he took Sakito. He remembered details. Details that made his body grow hot and tight. And details that made him cringe.
Things he had said, things he was never supposed to say to the guitarist. Things he knew he should keep to himself. He cursed himself and he also partly blamed Sakito. The guitarist had been so needy that night. So passionate that Ni-ya had lost all control. He had been thinking more and more of the guitarist ever since that damned truth or dare game. That night, a week ago, Sakito had kissed him, had allowed him to touch him as no one else had. He remembered how the guitarist had felt against him, had writhed under his touch, how he’d moaned and screamed his name when he reached orgasm.
And two nights ago, Sakito had allowed him to touch him again. He had come to Ni-ya, why, he didn’t know, but Sakito had needed him, told him he needed him. Had screamed his name, had whispered how good he made him feel, how he loved what he was doing to him. Sakito had loved it. And like an idiot Ni-ya had said that he loved him.
He didn’t know why he hadn’t resisted as he had before. Whenever Sakito had said no he obliged the man, respecting his boundaries and space but now… Sakito himself had come unto him. Ni-ya had never been able to deny Sakito anything. He was pretty sure no one else in their right mind would resist Sakito when the brunette put his mind to it, but with him, a single word from the guitarist had him bending to his will. And Sakito…he’d begged him. With his words and his body. Touching him, kissing him, his hands and lips were everywhere, making Ni-ya go mad with desire until he couldn’t hold back anymore.
He could still feel the ghost of his kisses on his lips, his chest, could still feel the way his body clenched around his manhood, the moans and mewls he drew from those sinful lips.
‘Ni-ya!’
The guitarist’s scream as he climaxed, his name spewing forth from kiss swollen lips, the moans, the way his body trembled, everything was making itself known, glimpses of that night taunting him, mocking him, showing him something he could never have again.
But then another more troubling thought ran through his head.
Sakito wanted nothing to do with him. It was like the guitarist was not only regretting what had happened, but regretted that it was him, regretted to ever know who Ni-ya was.
Ni-ya had almost had a heart attack when Sakito started having a panic attack out of nowhere. He had no idea why he kissed Sakito, ultimately making the guitarist faint in his arms.
Hitsugi and Yomi had jumped up immediately when Sakito went limp in his arms. They helped lead the way as Ni-ya carried Sakito bridal style to his hotel room, gently laying the passed out brunette like was the most breakable thing in the world.
Sakito had been out for almost half an hour. It was only after the brunette woke up that Ni-ya realized they could’ve woken him up faster if they had rubbing alcohol at their disposal. Ruka had told him not to overreact or worry too much.
“He fainted, not died.” The drummer tried to pacify him in his own sarcastic yet caring way. It was the way he was and Ni-ya had gotten used to it a long time ago.
Yet he had stayed the whole time, thankful that the others were polite enough to leave him alone with the brunette, knowing how much he worried about Sakito, even though he hadn’t said anything, he was grateful they understood. But when Sakito had finally awoken and looked at him with … fear. Like he was afraid Ni-ya would do something, made his doubts of their sex being consensual rise again.
But he had hickies everywhere. Surely that meant Sakito had enjoyed it, right?
He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, the stress getting to him as he lay down on his own bed, which was ironically just across the hall from Sakito’s own room. This was actually the last place he wanted to be. Not in this room and definitely not so close to Sakito. The look of fear and rejection in the man’s face was enough to make him cringe even at the memory. He couldn’t stay here anymore.
He got up, grabbed his keys and cell phone and opened the door to his room, freezing immediately as he saw Sakito across the hall, his own door open.
He wanted to hide from those eyes. Those expressive eyes that spelled the death of him even if it wasn’t hatred that they showed. Ni-ya was at their mercy and the image of rejection was almost enough to make Ni-ya shut his door again. Instead he manned up and closed his door, stepping outside. He averted his gaze from Sakito’s as he walked away from the guitarist, not seeing the look of hurt and rejection on the brunette’s face.
He didn’t know where he was going, but not thinking about it seemed like the best thing to do.
Not thinking about anything right now proved to be the best course of action…until he bumped into Ruka. The drummer looked down the slight height difference (seriously, being 2 inches taller than him wasn’t that huge a difference) and asked the question he didn’t want to answer.
“How’s Sakito?”
“He woke up already.” Ni-ya informed him. He was about to walk away when Ruka grabbed his arm.
“So you’re just going to walk away?”
“You don’t know a damned thing, Satoru!” Ni-ya snapped, yanking his arm from Ruka’s grasp. His temper was getting away from him and all he could see were Sakito’s fearful eyes staring at him like he was going to hurt him or something.
“Maybe if you explained, I could help you.” Ruka said, a little taken aback by the use of his real name, but not letting it show. Ni-ya needed him to react as he normally would. Too much was changing too fast for the bassist; he needed some form of constant. Ruka might be lazy, but when it came to his friends, he would be there for them. Even if it was to protect them from themselves (or each other in this case).
“He hates me, ok?! He fucking hates me!”
“How do you know he hates you?” Ruka asked a little less monotonously, showing Ni-ya that he was paying close attention to everything he said.
“You should’ve seen him, Ruka. He was afraid of me.”
“What do you mean ‘afraid’?” The drummer asked perplexed. He couldn’t picture it. Sakito afraid of Ni-ya? Not even if the bassist were to hypothetically threaten to physically hurt him, for Ni-ya would never do such a thing, Sakito never showed fear to or for anything.
“He looked afraid. Like if I killed Aguro or something. Like he was going to bolt if I were to touch him or even say anything.”
“Maybe you’re just exaggerating.” Ruka said unfazed by Ni-ya’s telling of events that probably were exaggerated.
“…” Ni-ya didn’t know what to say, other than what he’d seen with his own eyes, he wasn’t sure what Sakito was really feeling. And it made him difficult to read. And what had happened to him that made him faint like that?
“It doesn’t matter anymore, anyway. If he wants it, I’ll leave the band.” He turned to walk away again, but again Ruka stopped him.
“Leave the band?! Don’t you think you’re taking this too far, Ni-ya? I mean come on. Surely the sex wasn’t that bad.” Ruka tried to joke, needing something, anything to make Ni-ya see the error of his ways.
“It wasn’t the sex you idiot.” Ni-ya whirled around to face Ruka, his eyes blazing with anger and…embarrassment…?
“I told him I loved him!”
Ruka looked at him with wide eyes, finally understanding why Ni-ya lashed out like this. The bassist wasn’t one to allow others near his heart, something he had in common with Sakito, and to have said that to the guitarist, be it true or not, even while intoxicated (the only way he’d actually say it), the fact that he had said it was a big deal.
What if Sakito remembered that? Was this why the guitarist overreacted the way he had this morning? Maybe denial was what Ni-ya mistook for fear… or maybe Sakito was afraid. Not of Ni-ya, but of what his heart was telling him…that he loved Ni-ya too. While Ruka was contemplating this, Ni-ya sighed and began pacing back and forth, not looking at the silent, musing drummer.
“I took him and he had bruises everywhere, Satoru. You should’ve seen…his body is marked…I marked him like some animal and now he’s afraid of me. I’m beginning to doubt if he actually came to me like I remember.”
This made Ruka pause again. This weekend was just full of surprises, wasn’t it?
“He came to you?” He asked surprised.
The question made Ni-ya pause his frantic back and forth.
“Yeah. I was in my room and I heard knocking and when I opened it, it was him. He was kinda drunk, the lightweight,” he said fondly, his eyes softening slightly before continuing, “but he told me he needed me. He kissed me and he said he needed me. How the hell was I supposed to refuse?! Its Sakito! I can’t say ‘no’ to him.”
“So then why are you freaking out that you told him you love him? It’s true isn’t it?” He was looking past Ni-ya’s shoulder, the lithe figure staring at him with wide eyes, having listened to a lot of the conversation now that Ni-ya’s back was turned to him.
“That’s not the point, Ruka.”
“But you love him. Don’t you?”
“Yes, Ruka, I love him. But he doesn’t love me. He was afraid of me. Can’t you understand? I couldn’t control myself and I bruised him. I feel like such an animal. You don’t know how much it hurt for him to look at me like that. I swear to god if he told me to I would leave right now. I feel like crap.”
“Well. It’s a good thing that you love him then.”
Ruka said with a smirk, apparently not having heard anything past that.
“What?” Ni-ya asked confused after having confessed his despair.
“Well that means that you really do regret what you did to him.”
“I don’t regret sleeping with him.” Ni-ya clarified, “I regret hurting him.”
“How do you know you hurt him?” Ruka asked, still eyeing Sakito, the guitarist pressed up against the wall looking like he wanted to flee yet his feet stayed rooted to the ground.
“Are you insane? Didn’t you see how bad he was limping this morning?”
“Well yeah, but from you’re saying, he asked for it. Maybe he likes it rough.” Ruka said, lifting his eyebrows suggestively at Sakito, who gasped softly, eyes widening at the drummers suggestion. “I mean, you do have scratch marks all over your back, and don’t even deny it cuz I saw them myself.” Ruka said with a tiny smirk.
He loved antagonizing both of them, and at the same time, while Ni-ya was sill unaware of Sakito’s presence? Priceless.
Ni-ya snorted.
“Yeah right. Sakito is too fragile for rough sex. I think I broke him.” His voice a mix of awe and disgust at himself.
This time Ruka snorted.
“Oh please, don’t think too highly of yourself. Who knows? Maybe Sakito will get over this soon and you’ll see that you leaving the band is the last thing he wants you to do.” The drummer said staring pointedly at Sakito, making the guitarist look away, unable to handle the weight of that stare.
Ni-ya sighed, his shoulders sagging. He felt a mixture of relief and foreboding at the drummer’s words. But he would listen to Ruka, the drummer had never once failed him when it came to something this important before, he doubted Ruka would play with him now.
Thankfully, Sakito had disappeared the second he made sure Ruka had convinced Ni-ya to stay and wasn’t there when Ni-ya turned to head back to his hotel room.
Ni-ya made his way slowly, his steps trudging with exhaustion. Today was just too much.
He lay in bed with a small smile on his lips, more memories of what Sakito had practically demanded he do playing in his mind’s eye, Sakito’s face in the throes of passion the last thing he remembered before sleep consumed him.
please review. kindly. i feel so neglectful and negelcted.... T_T
it will be a short one tho...about 2 more chapters tops. all i need is Hitsugi's p.o.v and Yomi's/the finale...or soemthing...not sure yet how im gonna do it.
life's being a mean bitch to alot of ppl...so if you can, please review. i know its alot to ask, but this makes me feel like im not doing this in vain.
Title: Need
Author: Sango houshi
chapter: 3/?
genre: angst... and lots of it
pairing: ni-ya/sakito
Chapter 2
Ch3.
Ni-ya wanted to punch a wall. Hit something until it bled or until his own knuckles were numb and ran crimson. The look Sakito had given him tore at his heart and made his chest constrict painfully. Sakito wanted nothing to do with him. Sakito looked hurt and frightened.
Of him.
Surely the guitarist knew that he was the one who had asked for it. Didn’t he remember?
At first he had panicked with the way Sakito had reacted. Not recognizing memories from fantasies he’d had; it had been tearing at him not knowing if he had taken Sakito by force, recalling the finger shaped bruises on too-pale hips, dark bruises on his neck-hickies- sprinkled everywhere. But when he’d finally sorted himself out (after drowning his angst in a bottle of Jack) he finally remembered.
Kinda.
For his peace of mind, he remembered a few things from the night he took Sakito. He remembered details. Details that made his body grow hot and tight. And details that made him cringe.
Things he had said, things he was never supposed to say to the guitarist. Things he knew he should keep to himself. He cursed himself and he also partly blamed Sakito. The guitarist had been so needy that night. So passionate that Ni-ya had lost all control. He had been thinking more and more of the guitarist ever since that damned truth or dare game. That night, a week ago, Sakito had kissed him, had allowed him to touch him as no one else had. He remembered how the guitarist had felt against him, had writhed under his touch, how he’d moaned and screamed his name when he reached orgasm.
And two nights ago, Sakito had allowed him to touch him again. He had come to Ni-ya, why, he didn’t know, but Sakito had needed him, told him he needed him. Had screamed his name, had whispered how good he made him feel, how he loved what he was doing to him. Sakito had loved it. And like an idiot Ni-ya had said that he loved him.
He didn’t know why he hadn’t resisted as he had before. Whenever Sakito had said no he obliged the man, respecting his boundaries and space but now… Sakito himself had come unto him. Ni-ya had never been able to deny Sakito anything. He was pretty sure no one else in their right mind would resist Sakito when the brunette put his mind to it, but with him, a single word from the guitarist had him bending to his will. And Sakito…he’d begged him. With his words and his body. Touching him, kissing him, his hands and lips were everywhere, making Ni-ya go mad with desire until he couldn’t hold back anymore.
He could still feel the ghost of his kisses on his lips, his chest, could still feel the way his body clenched around his manhood, the moans and mewls he drew from those sinful lips.
‘Ni-ya!’
The guitarist’s scream as he climaxed, his name spewing forth from kiss swollen lips, the moans, the way his body trembled, everything was making itself known, glimpses of that night taunting him, mocking him, showing him something he could never have again.
But then another more troubling thought ran through his head.
Sakito wanted nothing to do with him. It was like the guitarist was not only regretting what had happened, but regretted that it was him, regretted to ever know who Ni-ya was.
Ni-ya had almost had a heart attack when Sakito started having a panic attack out of nowhere. He had no idea why he kissed Sakito, ultimately making the guitarist faint in his arms.
Hitsugi and Yomi had jumped up immediately when Sakito went limp in his arms. They helped lead the way as Ni-ya carried Sakito bridal style to his hotel room, gently laying the passed out brunette like was the most breakable thing in the world.
Sakito had been out for almost half an hour. It was only after the brunette woke up that Ni-ya realized they could’ve woken him up faster if they had rubbing alcohol at their disposal. Ruka had told him not to overreact or worry too much.
“He fainted, not died.” The drummer tried to pacify him in his own sarcastic yet caring way. It was the way he was and Ni-ya had gotten used to it a long time ago.
Yet he had stayed the whole time, thankful that the others were polite enough to leave him alone with the brunette, knowing how much he worried about Sakito, even though he hadn’t said anything, he was grateful they understood. But when Sakito had finally awoken and looked at him with … fear. Like he was afraid Ni-ya would do something, made his doubts of their sex being consensual rise again.
But he had hickies everywhere. Surely that meant Sakito had enjoyed it, right?
He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, the stress getting to him as he lay down on his own bed, which was ironically just across the hall from Sakito’s own room. This was actually the last place he wanted to be. Not in this room and definitely not so close to Sakito. The look of fear and rejection in the man’s face was enough to make him cringe even at the memory. He couldn’t stay here anymore.
He got up, grabbed his keys and cell phone and opened the door to his room, freezing immediately as he saw Sakito across the hall, his own door open.
He wanted to hide from those eyes. Those expressive eyes that spelled the death of him even if it wasn’t hatred that they showed. Ni-ya was at their mercy and the image of rejection was almost enough to make Ni-ya shut his door again. Instead he manned up and closed his door, stepping outside. He averted his gaze from Sakito’s as he walked away from the guitarist, not seeing the look of hurt and rejection on the brunette’s face.
He didn’t know where he was going, but not thinking about it seemed like the best thing to do.
Not thinking about anything right now proved to be the best course of action…until he bumped into Ruka. The drummer looked down the slight height difference (seriously, being 2 inches taller than him wasn’t that huge a difference) and asked the question he didn’t want to answer.
“How’s Sakito?”
“He woke up already.” Ni-ya informed him. He was about to walk away when Ruka grabbed his arm.
“So you’re just going to walk away?”
“You don’t know a damned thing, Satoru!” Ni-ya snapped, yanking his arm from Ruka’s grasp. His temper was getting away from him and all he could see were Sakito’s fearful eyes staring at him like he was going to hurt him or something.
“Maybe if you explained, I could help you.” Ruka said, a little taken aback by the use of his real name, but not letting it show. Ni-ya needed him to react as he normally would. Too much was changing too fast for the bassist; he needed some form of constant. Ruka might be lazy, but when it came to his friends, he would be there for them. Even if it was to protect them from themselves (or each other in this case).
“He hates me, ok?! He fucking hates me!”
“How do you know he hates you?” Ruka asked a little less monotonously, showing Ni-ya that he was paying close attention to everything he said.
“You should’ve seen him, Ruka. He was afraid of me.”
“What do you mean ‘afraid’?” The drummer asked perplexed. He couldn’t picture it. Sakito afraid of Ni-ya? Not even if the bassist were to hypothetically threaten to physically hurt him, for Ni-ya would never do such a thing, Sakito never showed fear to or for anything.
“He looked afraid. Like if I killed Aguro or something. Like he was going to bolt if I were to touch him or even say anything.”
“Maybe you’re just exaggerating.” Ruka said unfazed by Ni-ya’s telling of events that probably were exaggerated.
“…” Ni-ya didn’t know what to say, other than what he’d seen with his own eyes, he wasn’t sure what Sakito was really feeling. And it made him difficult to read. And what had happened to him that made him faint like that?
“It doesn’t matter anymore, anyway. If he wants it, I’ll leave the band.” He turned to walk away again, but again Ruka stopped him.
“Leave the band?! Don’t you think you’re taking this too far, Ni-ya? I mean come on. Surely the sex wasn’t that bad.” Ruka tried to joke, needing something, anything to make Ni-ya see the error of his ways.
“It wasn’t the sex you idiot.” Ni-ya whirled around to face Ruka, his eyes blazing with anger and…embarrassment…?
“I told him I loved him!”
Ruka looked at him with wide eyes, finally understanding why Ni-ya lashed out like this. The bassist wasn’t one to allow others near his heart, something he had in common with Sakito, and to have said that to the guitarist, be it true or not, even while intoxicated (the only way he’d actually say it), the fact that he had said it was a big deal.
What if Sakito remembered that? Was this why the guitarist overreacted the way he had this morning? Maybe denial was what Ni-ya mistook for fear… or maybe Sakito was afraid. Not of Ni-ya, but of what his heart was telling him…that he loved Ni-ya too. While Ruka was contemplating this, Ni-ya sighed and began pacing back and forth, not looking at the silent, musing drummer.
“I took him and he had bruises everywhere, Satoru. You should’ve seen…his body is marked…I marked him like some animal and now he’s afraid of me. I’m beginning to doubt if he actually came to me like I remember.”
This made Ruka pause again. This weekend was just full of surprises, wasn’t it?
“He came to you?” He asked surprised.
The question made Ni-ya pause his frantic back and forth.
“Yeah. I was in my room and I heard knocking and when I opened it, it was him. He was kinda drunk, the lightweight,” he said fondly, his eyes softening slightly before continuing, “but he told me he needed me. He kissed me and he said he needed me. How the hell was I supposed to refuse?! Its Sakito! I can’t say ‘no’ to him.”
“So then why are you freaking out that you told him you love him? It’s true isn’t it?” He was looking past Ni-ya’s shoulder, the lithe figure staring at him with wide eyes, having listened to a lot of the conversation now that Ni-ya’s back was turned to him.
“That’s not the point, Ruka.”
“But you love him. Don’t you?”
“Yes, Ruka, I love him. But he doesn’t love me. He was afraid of me. Can’t you understand? I couldn’t control myself and I bruised him. I feel like such an animal. You don’t know how much it hurt for him to look at me like that. I swear to god if he told me to I would leave right now. I feel like crap.”
“Well. It’s a good thing that you love him then.”
Ruka said with a smirk, apparently not having heard anything past that.
“What?” Ni-ya asked confused after having confessed his despair.
“Well that means that you really do regret what you did to him.”
“I don’t regret sleeping with him.” Ni-ya clarified, “I regret hurting him.”
“How do you know you hurt him?” Ruka asked, still eyeing Sakito, the guitarist pressed up against the wall looking like he wanted to flee yet his feet stayed rooted to the ground.
“Are you insane? Didn’t you see how bad he was limping this morning?”
“Well yeah, but from you’re saying, he asked for it. Maybe he likes it rough.” Ruka said, lifting his eyebrows suggestively at Sakito, who gasped softly, eyes widening at the drummers suggestion. “I mean, you do have scratch marks all over your back, and don’t even deny it cuz I saw them myself.” Ruka said with a tiny smirk.
He loved antagonizing both of them, and at the same time, while Ni-ya was sill unaware of Sakito’s presence? Priceless.
Ni-ya snorted.
“Yeah right. Sakito is too fragile for rough sex. I think I broke him.” His voice a mix of awe and disgust at himself.
This time Ruka snorted.
“Oh please, don’t think too highly of yourself. Who knows? Maybe Sakito will get over this soon and you’ll see that you leaving the band is the last thing he wants you to do.” The drummer said staring pointedly at Sakito, making the guitarist look away, unable to handle the weight of that stare.
Ni-ya sighed, his shoulders sagging. He felt a mixture of relief and foreboding at the drummer’s words. But he would listen to Ruka, the drummer had never once failed him when it came to something this important before, he doubted Ruka would play with him now.
Thankfully, Sakito had disappeared the second he made sure Ruka had convinced Ni-ya to stay and wasn’t there when Ni-ya turned to head back to his hotel room.
Ni-ya made his way slowly, his steps trudging with exhaustion. Today was just too much.
He lay in bed with a small smile on his lips, more memories of what Sakito had practically demanded he do playing in his mind’s eye, Sakito’s face in the throes of passion the last thing he remembered before sleep consumed him.
please review. kindly. i feel so neglectful and negelcted.... T_T