ten thousand pigs keep singing, J2 AU, 1/1, [PG-13]
Title: ten thousand pigs keep singing
Author: sandymg
Beta: borgmama1of5
Summary: Jared wants to meet Jensen's mom. (Part of the beach!verse)
Wordcount: 3,900 - one-shot
Genre: RPS, J2 AU, H/C, Angst
Characters/Pairings: Jared/Jensen
Rating/Warnings: PG-13 (past emotional child abuse)
Disclaimer: This is fiction. No harm intended. No profit made.
A/N: Story title from the poem The Sound of Passion by Suchoon Mo. Story follows nothing out of something chronologically.
AO3
ten thousand pigs keep singing
Don’t say that.
Why? It’s true. I do love you.
Just. Don’t. I … Stuff like that. I told you I don’t … do that.
~~
“You want to meet my mom?”
“Sure. Why not?”
Jensen looks up. This isn’t … he hasn’t … “I don’t know.”
Jared tilts his head. “You don’t know your mom?”
“What? No. I didn’t mean … “ What did Jensen mean? Why is everything slightly off-kilter with Jared?
A soft laughter washes over Jensen before arms surround him. “C’mere.”
He sinks in before thinking. Not that he needs this. He doesn’t cuddle for fuck’s sake. The scent of sand and salt and man fill his senses. It’s fucking overwhelming and unfair. Jensen lifts his chin and brings his lips to Jared’s. Soft. Wet. Lush. He’s thrusting into the other man’s mouth, tongue tingling, vibrating. Fucking shaking with need. “Now … now. Now.”
“What? What do you want, baby?”
“Wanna fuck you.” He inhales, licks, bites. His blood starts to burn. “No. Want you to fuck me.”
Jared laughs against his neck. “We can do that.”
Jensen gulps in just enough air to ask, “Which?”
Jared pulls him back to the bed and their eyes lock. Jensen forgets the question.
In the end, they do both.
Later, definitely not cuddling, Jared brings it up again. “So, Sunday?”
Jensen huffs a warm breath into hard chest muscle. His fingers are playing over Jared’s hilly abdominal muscles as if they were frets on his guitar. He presses his head harder against Jared’s chest, listening to the steady beat. It’s oddly mesmerizing.
“Jen?”
“Mmm?”
“Lunch with your mother?”
“She wouldn’t like this.”
Jared stiffens slightly beneath him. “You mean me?”
“Laying in bed. Idle. I used to do it with Danni at her house when we were kids.” A careless yawn escapes Jensen’s lips. Jared really wore him out by round two. Or was it three? “That was so good. Love fucking you.”
Jared’s grip tightens. “Yeah, me, too.” Jared shifts slightly and Jensen feels the tug of sleep slipping away. An unwelcome awareness brushes the edges of his mind. Pinches him like hungry ants.
“Should … should get up.” He’s already twisting, drawing away from the heat. Too warm. Too close. Too much.
He’s slipping on his boxers and socks and pants before Jared finishes sitting up. “I hate when you do that.”
“Do what?”
Jared looks at him wistfully. “Bolt.”
“Can’t lie around all day. ‘Sides, I told you I don’t … do that.”
Jared rises quietly and dresses. “It’s okay. I’m not trying to change you, Jen.”
Jensen is out of the bedroom and heading back into the kitchen and his discarded coffee. That’s when the earlier conversation comes back to him. Dammit. Jared wants to meet his mother. He’s never brought a … man … to meet his mother. She knows he’s gay. Never really gave him too much grief over it. At least, she’d said, he wouldn’t turn out like his useless father and get some girl pregnant.
The door bursts open and Danni walks in.
“Hey, Jense.”
“Hey.” He looks his best friend over. “You got laid.”
“Yep.” Her smile is canary bright. She stares at him, eyes on his bare torso. He imagines the myriad of markings Jared left behind. They are both biters. “Jay’s here?”
“I think he’s in the shower.” She nods and her face turns knowing. He’s instantly on guard. “What?”
“Nothing. Just. He spent the night. Again.”
“We were tired. Fell asleep. It happens.”
“Stop. You don’t have to defend it. It’s good. It’s nice.”
Jensen microwaves the now cold coffee. He takes a sip and makes a face before turning to Danni. “He wants to meet Mom.”
“Oh.”
“I know, weird, right? I mean … we’re just … it’s not like.”
“Not like what?” she asks all fake innocence.
“Fuck. You know what I-hell, it’s only been-“
“Four weeks.”
That surprises him. Really? He doesn’t think he ever fucked the same person for that long. He thinks back. Three times might have been his past record. “Fuck,” he lets out again.
“Jensen, it’s okay to like him.”
“Hell right it is.” They both turn at once. Jared’s standing there with his hair wet. He’s wearing his wife beater and low slung jeans and Jensen really would have thought that after that morning’s workout his dick just couldn’t have any more spark left. But. Hello.
He practically scolds himself out loud. He can feel Danni’s eyes on him. Laughing. Bitch.
“Want some reheated coffee?”
“Sure. Thanks. I’m gonna head out after though. Make sure Chad didn’t starve my dogs.”
That is not disappointment he’s feeling. Because that would be ridiculous. Danni is still staring and Jensen glares at her before nuking a second mug of sludge.
At the door Jared asks, “What time tomorrow?”
Jensen says, “Twelve-thirty. I’ll pick you up.” He doesn’t have an answer for why he said that. He doesn’t know what Jared will think of his mother. What the hell his mother will make of Jared.
The only thing he knows for certain is … “You’re fucking coming, too.”
Danni blinks sweetly. “Wouldn’t miss it, sweet pea.”
Jared has been gone for twenty minutes before Jensen realizes that they made no plans for that evening. That he’d be sleeping alone. Which is as it should be. It’s not natural to sleep with someone else all the time. And he hates it. Likes to spread out. Doesn’t like the extra heat.
Big boys sleep in their own beds, Jensen.
You sometimes let me sleep here.
When you were a baby. You’re not a baby, anymore Jensen. You’re my little man now.
Men sleep alone.
Men don’t fucking cuddle.
And it is absolutely no big deal that Jared hadn’t said he was coming back.
* * *
“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Ackles.”
Jensen didn’t correct Jared. His mother had never married his father. He didn’t even know his father’s last name. He’d left his sperm and then vanished. But she hadn’t let anyone know Ackles wasn’t her married name.
One mistake. Stupid words. Promised me everything. Everything. They talk of love … oh, they talk a pretty game. Get what they want … and then … Doesn’t mean anything. Never means anything.
“And you.” She turns to Jensen. “You didn’t say anything. Keeping me in the dark like that. What were you thinking?”
“Nothing Mom. Just … Jared’s a friend.”
His mother’s smile broadens. Jensen knows she’s an attractive woman. Still young. Always put together. He’s heard that phrase for as long as he can remember.
Just let me put myself together, Jensen. Jesus, give me some space.
When he was little he’d wondered if she scattered herself at night. If the pieces would shift and rearrange and move all over the bed he was no longer allowed in. And then in the morning, magically came back together like a perfect puzzle. Every piece in place with no gaps left. No place for him to possibly fit.
“Jensen, I’m not blind. Look at the way he looks at you. You know I don’t care about that. The heart wants what the heart wants.”
Jensen stiffens. Waits. Wonders if this will turn ugly. But his mother is all charm, all smiles, all poise. It’s a good day. She allows Jared to take her arm and walk her into the restaurant. He shares a look with Danni.
They sit at a round table. No edges. It matches his mother’s mood it seems. She’s laughing hard now, that deep hearty laugh that would get under his skin as a kid. Would make the darkness seem brighter and the cold warmer. He horded that laughter. Would take it out and let himself hear it when the silence got too loud.
The waiter leaves with their lunch order and a lull comes over their table. “Danni … “ Jensen’s mother begins. “Are you seeing anyone?”
“No one special, Mrs. A.”
“Ever the same, Danni. Breaking those hearts.” She smiles with too much teeth and Jensen squeezes Danni’s hand under the table because he knows what’s coming next. “Always were very popular, weren’t you dear?”
Jensen groans inwardly. Danni’s nails dig into his hand and Jensen bites back a grimace.
Jared interrupts. “Bet you have lots of funny stories of what these two got into as kids.”
She looks at Jared, eyes twinkling. They are blue. His father’s eyes were brown. His mother said that’s how Jensen ended up with a muddy mess of an eye color. A mix that didn’t like itself. Never knew what it wanted to be.
“Yes. They were inseparable as children. I had to drag him away from Danni’s house before her parents started asking for child support.”
“We loved having him. Momma loves Jensen. Poppa, too.”
“Well, yes, of course. And you were always at our house, too. Oh, the parties we had. Remember the birthday parties? Nobody gave a birthday party like I did.”
The bang made him leap. Too close to thunder and for a second his heart just. Stopped.
What did you do?
I … nothing, Mommy. It just burst, I guess.
I told you not to play in here. It’s for later. For the party. Why can’t you ever do anything right. I’m doing this all for you. So no one says I can’t give my boy a birthday party even if we are the poorest house on the block. And it’ll be the best. You’ll see. They’ll talk about this for months. But not if you burst all the balloons before anyone gets here!
I didn’t …
The heat in her eyes turned black and Jensen knew further arguing was futile.
You did. Balloons don’t just pop themselves. Selfish. After I do all this. Spend hours decorating. Well, no presents. Oh, you can open them. And be sure to thank everyone. But whatever can go back to the store will do so. The money can help pay me back for all I spent for this. Not like you appreciate it anyway.
“They were something, Mrs. A.,” Danni says.
“Best parties on the block.” His mom nods softly as she adds that. Her eyes soften, as if reliving good memories.
“Yeah, Mom. The best.”
Jared looks around, brow slightly puzzled but doesn’t say anything and quiet settles again. Jensen has this sudden urge to sweep Jared out of here. Get him out from under her analytical, measuring stare. Like it’ll diminish him. Make him less Jared.
“We had a clown one year. Pepe. Oh the children loved him. Did magic tricks and told jokes.”
“I’m scared of clowns myself,” Jared says with a chuckle.
Danni looks over at Jared, right across Jensen’s body. “So is Jensen.” Jensen is sitting between Jared and Danni. Or maybe his mother is sitting between them. The table is round. What’s the difference?
“What? Nonsense. Jensen got over that. Pepe paid special attention to the birthday boy. Made you his little assistant. Remember that?”
“I remember, Mom.”
He looks at his placemat. Won’t look at Jared even though he feels his eyes on him. A hand touches his leg, near his knee. Large and warm. It just stays there. Jensen doesn’t know what to make of this. He keeps both his hands on the table and finally lifts his head to meet his mother’s slightly pursing expression. “I had great birthdays, Mom. They were super.”
A look of satisfaction comes over her. “We didn’t have much, you know,” she leans toward Jared as if letting him in on something private. “Jensen’s father … well, he left us without much. But I always worked to make us fit into the neighborhood. It’s important.”
“My folks usually took us to McDonald’s on our birthdays.”
His mother looks at Jared as if he just announced his parents robbed banks on his birthday. After a minute she changes the subject. “So you and Jensen met on the beach?”
She already knows the answer because it was mentioned earlier. Jensen doesn’t know why she asks this again and thinks there’s a criticism in there somewhere. Jared answers and begins a lively tale relating to the beach. Jared loves the beach. But Mom’s not listening any longer. Her nose twitches and she rubs at it absently. Her nails are pink. Jensen remembers watching her lean over her bed, carefully painting her toenails. Muttering.
Don’t need fancy pedicures like those stuck-up bitches at the salon. Can do it myself. Looks the same. It’s not them the men are all staring at on the beach, is it? Nope. Even with a twelve-year-old I still look younger than them and they know it.
What do you want?
Nothing, Mom. I … are we going to the beach?
Yes. And be sure to put on lotion or those stupid freckles will run wild. Aren’t you old enough to have outgrown those yet? Make you look like a baby.
I will. Or… I can stay home.
And hide in your room all day long again? No. We’re going to the beach and getting some sun.
But you just said-
Stop arguing with me. Dammit, must every little thing be an argument? For once can’t you just say yes about something?
“Jensen never liked the beach much,” his mother says. “Too pale. Me? I always tan, never burn. Like you, I see.” She flashes another too bright smile at Jared and Jensen colors slightly because now she’s looking at Jared. Her eyes skim over him and for a gut splitting second Jensen thinks she might snatch him away. Return him like the toys he wasn’t allowed to keep.
“We can’t all be blessed with Jared’s perfect golden skin,” Danni teases.
Danni is fair and also has freckles. Although nowhere near as many as Jensen. He squirms slightly and that’s when he notices that Jared’s hand is still on his leg, moving slightly back and forth.
“Well, I’m glad he made an exception a month ago and went to the beach with Danni,” Jared says beaming at Jensen. Jared’s hand squeezes his knee now gently.
“You certainly are paying for it now Jensen. Look at you. Freckles out of control again.”
Leave it to his mother to point out Jensen’s most hideous feature. Jared frowns slightly and leans into Jensen. “I love your freckles.”
Jensen hears the words. But they don’t really land. Instead he looks at his mother’s creamy, golden skin. She looks at least ten years younger than her age. Tells people that, too, most of the time. Well, when he’s not around. Otherwise it would be rather hard to believe. If he’s not there then people can believe a lot of things. Maybe some of them would even be true.
“I’ll use more lotion,” Jensen says poking at his salad. He always eats healthy in front of his mother. She’s a big believer in that. They didn’t do junk food even if it was cheaper. She cooked. She’s a good cook. Doesn’t like to eat out much. The first time he ate McDonald’s was when he was in college. Jared, on the other hand, can live on junk food. Amazing metabolism. Jensen figures if he ate like that he’d grow huge. Then he’d be a freckled fat guy who’d never get laid again.
“So you’ll be looking at graduate schools, Jared?”
“Yes, Mrs. Ackles.”
“Call me Donna, sweetheart. Please. I’m not that old.”
“Sorry ... Donna. I … I’m taking a break right now. Working at the gym. Figuring things out.”
“Graduate school. My. I tried to get Jensen to continue his education. He never finished college, you know.”
Jensen tenses. It’s not that Jared doesn’t know this. He hasn’t lied. But he’s felt insecure about his lack of education in a comparative sense. Not that he wants more school. He didn’t mind it but when opportunity came knocking …
“Wasting his time in that gallery. Here. Why would anyone want to stay here?”
“It’s a nice town. I’m glad I came here,” Jared volunteers. Danni smiles at him again across Jensen.
“I suppose. But there isn’t much … now, Danni has done as well as someone can expect living here. Even with the downturn, real estate stays in demand by the beach. For those with money. It’s always that way. And things are so different today for a young woman alone. She’s had options I never even … “
Danni goes red and Jensen feels the breath she releases, hot and spicy. “Mom … please.”
Jensen knows that Jared doesn’t know what his mother’s talking about. Wouldn’t even imagine it. He takes Danni’s hand and holds it tight. Toughest decision of his best friend’s life. And he should know because he was there every second. The fact that his mother’s bringing it up. Reminding him yet again that abortion wasn’t an option for her despite the fact that it was legal. His grandparents had been very religious. His mother really had no choice.
“I’d imagine beach property will always be in demand,” Jared says innocently although his eyes are bright and curious. “And Jensen’s paintings are beautiful. It’s no wonder they sell so well.”
“Yes. I suppose. If one has the money for that sort of thing.”
The waiter comes over asking if they need anything further. Jensen doesn’t answer him. Instead he’s leaning over and whispering in Jared’s ear. “Come over later?”
Jared gives him that indecipherable look. The one that makes Jensen feel hot and cold at the same time. “Of course.”
* * *
They are back at Jensen and Danni’s apartment. Jared looks at him. “Your mom always like that?”
Jensen can think of a million things that might mean. “Like what?” he asks, forcing his voice steady.
Jared gives him that damn look again before turning to Danni. They are having some sort of silent conversation and Jensen doesn’t like it. His mom’s not perfect. She’s just the way she is. She can’t help it any more than Jensen can help who he is.
“Yeah. Mrs. A. keeps it all to herself. That’s why Jensen spent so much time in my house when we were growing up.”
“I’m really glad Jensen has you.”
“Ditto.” Danni turns and smiles softly at Jensen before returning her attention to Jared. “You know Jensen isn’t really like her, right? I mean, it seems that way sometimes, but-“
“Danni, I get it.”
Jensen explodes. “I’m right fucking here, you know. I’m not some child you both can talk over and analyze and figure out what the hell’s wrong with! Fuck you both very much.”
Jared chuckles.
Fucking chuckles.
He approaches and Jensen thinks that taking a swing would be justified.
Except Jared kisses him. Hard, demanding, sure. Like Danni isn’t right there. Like Jensen didn’t just curse him the hell out. The knots in Jensen’s stomach start to slowly uncoil. They stretch slowly, unwinding around his intestines, his lungs, freeing his breath as it drifts into Jared and slowly comes back to him. Calmer. Warmer. Stronger.
It takes a while before he realizes Danni disappeared into her room. “I’m sorry about yesterday,” Jared says right into his ear.
Jensen steps back, catching his breath. “Yesterday?”
“Well, we never made it to the beach. They called me from work. Someone was out sick. I did a double shift. And then Chad … girlfriend troubles again. Dragged me out … Anyway, I’m sorry.”
Jensen nods. “Right … four weeks. Our anniversary.”
Jared’s taken him to the beach every Saturday since they met. Always says it’s their anniversary. Well, except yesterday. But it hasn’t been bothering Jensen. He didn’t even realize it. Not really.
A large palm cups each side of Jensen’s face. “Your paintings are beautiful. Your freckles are beautiful. You. Are beautiful.”
Jensen squirms immediately because that is ridiculous and he’s not a fucking girl. Jared holds on tight though, and their eyes lock and Jensen can’t seem to look away. “You meet her every Sunday for lunch?”
He nods. Almost always. It’s been their thing. Danni comes along once in a while. He knows how Danni feels about his mom. He gets on some level that Danni thinks she damaged him or whatever. But he doesn’t believe in psychobabble drama. She never beat him, for Christ’s sake. Not everyone is into hugs and touching and whatever it is that Jared is now doing.
Lips are covering his cheeks in slow motion. Tiny flutters of sensation, like a hundred little taps. Butterfly wings dusting his face, his nose, his temple, over each eyelid. “Wh-what are you … ?”
“Wanna kiss each one.”
“Wh-?”
“Your freckles. The ones you got because you go to the beach with me every Saturday. Because I love it there. Because … “
Jared pulls back suddenly, dropping his hands to Jensen’s shoulders. His eyes are hazel like Jensen’s own. Only not muddy. Not confused. Clear and shiny. “Because I love you.”
Jensen jerks as if someone yanked him backward. His voice lowers, rasping like the sound the emery board made brushing over his mother’s nails. “Don’t say that.”
“Why? It’s true. I do love you.”
“Just. Don’t. I … Stuff like that. I told you I don’t … do that.”
Okay. This has gone on far enough. It’s just tilted into bizzaro world and Jensen wants off. Ride fucking over.
“You should go.”
“Jen … “
“No. It’s … I told you there was no point in your meeting my mom. This isn’t. It’s just fucking. And if it’s not that. Then I don’t-“
Jared looks preternaturally calm. Why is that? “You don’t what Jensen?”
“I don’t do relationships. Longest fuck buddy I ever had went three days.”
“Twenty-nine days,” Jared corrects softly.
“That’s what you want? It’s okay with you? Long-term fuck buddy? Because I don’t … “
Jared’s jaw ticks. First sign of stress he’s shown. Jensen feels like his body is vibrating. But it’s not. He’s not even sweating. He could toss Jared out on his ass and his body wouldn’t give away a fucking thing. Good genes.
“You don’t what, Jensen?” Jared asks again.
There it is again. Same fucking question. “I don’t know!” Jensen finally shouts.
Jared’s shoulders relax and Jensen stares at him incredulously. Why does it feel like he’s in the first chapter and Jared’s skipped ahead magically to the end of the book? Jared smiles at him. “That’s okay,” he says, voice gentle. Not quite a whisper.
And Jared has him wrapped up in that impossible grip before he can think to protest. “You don’t have to know. I do. That’s enough for now.”
“What if it’s too much?” Jensen asks into Jared’s neck.
“I’ll help put on the sun block to protect you.”
Jensen nods. Even though part of him has no idea what the fuck they’re even talking about.
Danni suddenly appears. Jared looks at her. “Sundays, eh?”
“Yeah. Fun times.”
They talk over him, Jared never letting go. “You heading out?”
“Yeah. Stay with Jensen.”
Jared just squeezes tighter.
And Jensen’s gonna start protesting any second now. Except butterflies are flittering against his forehead again.
Cool soft breeze. If it had sound it would be a song. And it lets him breathe.
fin
Continues chronologically in no memorials for flowers
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Sound Of Passion
by Suchoon Mo
one pig keeps singing
ten pigs keep singing
one hundred pigs keep singing
one thousand pigs keep singing
ten thousand pigs keep singing
the deafening sound of passion
enough love song
just too long
too loud
too much