(no subject)
i realized i haven't been able to get the smell of boiled peanuts out of my head for so many years,
i tried to explain this to my mom, why i've been itching to go back to the south, the clovers and the boiled peanuts and the carnivals, of course everything will be different in the winter, and it will be different because i'm so much older than i was when all of these things were so familiar.
growing out of the feeling of growing out of things
nostalgic chocolate covered marshmallow bars, yellow houses with cockroaches in the sink.
"just get into it"
i believe in the mundane mysteries that pass my eyes and cross my mind, like this feeling of holding your hand while driving to brigantine, getting lost and leaning back against a torrent of laughter splashing weird shapes through everyones conversation, some people under tables and someone still owes me a postcard from somewhere. you talked about tall pines for at least an hour, and i hated the thought of waking up anywhere besides next to you, i still do. i remember sharing a jacket with adam, people cleaning the vomit off of one another it was bizarre and sort of beautiful, like characters in some strange ship tale. friends poured in and out of the room, there was a discussion of ravioli, stuffing my favorite page of my favorite book into the pocket of big soft courdoroy eyes, i was so embarassed, always so embarassed.
i'm transferring out of drew, it was a stupid school for me.