(no subject)
unfinished everythings taped over mouths or eyes, this is how you see me in and out of control and so much to want and so much to love and so much to do all hurtling past and disguised by wind shapes and sleep and i forget how exciting it is to be cold sometimes and replace dread with passion and not everything can be right and just feeling is better than thinking sometimes and if i could i would get you everything you ever wanted build a log cabin out of the papers i don't turn in and god damn sometimes everything turns around and gets bad-angry and i miss summer or sleep or caring and i wish i didnt feel so guilty all the time wasting and trying to figure out my own brain and if i could just shock some positive sense into myself i don't know if i'd have all this fear about nothing or be a little more comfortable in my body stop treating everything as tiny circuits with skin made mystery things that aren't there and the high heels behind me are not walking up my back or vacuumed sealed cream cheese tubes holding the answers to all of it and hidden messages in your snoring but i like those and the busier i feel the smaller i shrink and when there's too much pressure i start laughing and dreams that feel like the internet or faces that feel like dreams in between everything and all of it i want to be little again but also make up my mind and when an airplane takes off is always the scariest part so maybe this will be easier once we're in the air or some stupid metaphor like that speaking for nothing but feeling like its something and i can't wait for winter break when we can bulldoze through these mindmesses maybe do the things we always do but it means more now i think, to me, my love for my friends suddenly more tangible. reluctant to sleep and reluctant to wake up, something thundering in between.