Before things change: In the corner of my mind
Disclaimer: The characters and other things from The Chronicles of Narnia don’t belong to me (sadly). Credit goes to those who do.
The Pevensies always talked about her but he has never met her. He moved in a month ago and he always just caught a glimpse of her by the window or walking a few steps away from the rest of her family.
In truth, she intrigued him. While others in the neighborhood had lost interest in asking about her and her seemingly constant state of despair, he saw differently. There was an undercurrent that flowed continuously even when she was trying so hard to hide behind darkness.
He walked behind her, watching her battle with the wind and rain for control over her umbrella as she tried hard to keep a good grasp on her books. Any regret of turning down Edmund’s invitation to play a game of chess back at school was forgotten as he laughed silently at the sight in front of him. She was stubborn, to put it lightly, but channeled into a good dose of determination. But nature decided to have its way with her and her umbrella flew away and all her things fell with a splat on the puddle.
Without thinking, he ran towards her and started picking up her books, his own umbrella covering them both as he did so. He was so busy gathering her things that he failed to notice she stopped moving, her head tilted slightly to the side as she stared at him.
“Here you go,” he said, “Just put them out by the fire so they’ll dry a bit faster. Not too much damage, I think.”
Susan took them wordlessly as she eyed him with surprise and a bit of curiosity.
“Oh yeah I’m John, your new neighbor?” he said in a rush, offering his hand to her.
“I’m Susan,” she replied timidly, extending her own hand.
He wasn’t sure what it was exactly, if it were the feel of her skin or the intensity he felt when his gaze locked with hers but there was something in him that stirred, as if there was word on the tip of his tongue that he just could not get out.
The world stilled around them but his mind did otherwise. It was as if she unlocked his memories, of questions that he held in for so long. He had always been suspicious of why his past, the days before his move to England, were hazy. The childhood stories he had locked away seemed like fiction. Stories he was supposed to have lived but his body did not respond like it had seen any of it. All of this intensified when he moved next door to the lively family but it was never like this. He never felt that he recognized someone he’s never supposed to have met before until now, until Susan.
“Can I have my hand back now?” Susan asked, eyeing him quizzically.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” John said, drawing back his hand.
Susan nodded and began to walk away from him, getting soaked in the process for the rain still beat down hard on them.
He ran after her and shared his umbrella with her. “Allow me to walk you home, your ma--, I mean Susan.”
Susan blinked twice at him. His own slip echoed in his mind, confused with what he almost said. He shook his head slightly, concerned he was losing his mind and that he was allowing himself to even think that they’ve met before in a different time and place.
“Thank you,” Susan said ignoring the mistake, choosing to walk beside him in silence.
“If you don’t mind me asking, why are you walking home alone?” he asked.
“My brothers and sister still had things to do and I didn’t. I just want to get home,” she replied with a slight shrug of her shoulders.
“So you can watch the world from your window?” he said
“Don’t pretend you know me.” Susan said sharply.
“Forgive me, it was just an observation. I did not mean to offend.” John said apologetically.
Susan sighed, “Don’t worry about it. I’m just being sensitive. Forget it.”
“What’s his name?” John said lightly, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips when he realized he guessed correctly at the source of her melancholy.
“I’d rather not say,” she answered swiftly, her own lips curving upwards beyond her comprehension
“That’s fair,” he replied, “but it doesn’t make me less curious.”
Susan rolled her eyes and looked away but she could not erase the faint traces of a smile on her face. His bluntness was refreshing after days of being locked in her thoughts.
“Your siblings miss you,” John said turning serious, “I doubt it has escaped you but like you said, I don’t know you. They’ve told me stories about this girl whose laughter was as bright as summer and a wit sharper than a sword. I can see glimpses of her but I think the rest of her is a world away.”
Susan bit her lip, afraid to open her mouth, concentrating instead on keeping the tears at bay. She knew all that he was saying was true. She could see it in their eyes, the looks the exchange when they think she’s not watching. She felt them tread so carefully when topics came close to anything that she could possibly relate to Caspian or Narnia. She knew she was drifting away but she had no motivation to stop it. There was nothing holding her to this world.
Suddenly, she slipped on a slippery patch and lost her balance. John’s hand shot out and held her steady. His grip on her arm was firm and even when he let go, she could swear she still felt his hands on it, anchoring her, keeping her standing. She rubbed the part he touched, as if wiping away the feeling of guilt that she was betraying Caspian by even being around another man.
And then she remembered, he was moving on and here she was wondering if it was alright to let a new person in her life, if he would think it was okay.
They walked the rest of the way in silence, each of them wondering what the nagging feeling at the back of their minds meant.
When they reached the gate of the Pevensie home, the rain had stopped and John closed his umbrella.
“Again, thank you.” Susan said formally.
“No worries, my pleasure to help out a friend.” John said casually, smiling at her as if it was the most ordinary thing in the world, never mind the chaos going on in his head.
Susan smiled at the world and wondered if he really could be just that in her life. She turned around and John stayed to watch until she closed the door behind her. He was rooted to the spot, the gears in his mind working, until things clicked into place as he placed the image of her walking away from him, her back turned as she went through a different kind of door, in a different dress, in a different world. And the words that almost slipped came rushing out in a whisper.
“Your majesty.”
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