(no subject)
today was a blurr. i have to take a deep breath. i think im losing myself. im becoming someone im not. i dont know who i am anymore. ive lost my identity.
i hated this morning. i really DO NOT like my sisters boyrfriend and his breath smell like shit. and we have to give him a damn ride to school every morning all the way from palmdale. i hope she breaks up with him. its not like hes a bad guy or anything hes just a pussy.
i need to take a deep breath and calm down. i hesitate to breathe and i shouldnt. im such a complicated person. i ruin my own life and now ive gottes so off track that its so hard to just be me now. i mean i will. but not soon.
i thought i wasnt gonna be all low self confident anymore. i thought i was gonna be ok. but acting classes start wednesday adn im terrified. ive NEVER been new in a class. i always know at least one person. i need to talk to someone cuz i feel like a loaner here. :[[[.
i hope theres girls my age in my classes cuz the ages are from 7 to 16. so theres gonna be younger girls im sure of it but i hope theres older girls too. i guess ill just wait and see. ive never actually admited this but i wish i was like my sister.
i asked her yesterday:
if u went to acting class and u were the oldest one and everyone else was smaller than u would you be embarrased? and she said no. and i wondered for a moment. how come she wouldnt be embarrased? how come i would? i dont know!!! i want to ask her.
i havent prayed in a while. i havent prayed in forever. i think thats why my life isnt goign to well. but when i did pray my life still wasnt going to well. *sigh* here goes nothing:
dear god,
thanks you for giving me life. i know i havent been appreciating it. but at least i still have it. unlike many dying soldiers in iraq. u know ive been a good girl lately? yeah. i have. ive been trying. i know ill never be perfext. but im trying. if ur really there. welli know ur there. please help me. please. i feel liek i have no other option but to ask u. idk what im doing. well im praying. but still. im so confused. please god. ive heard so much about ur greatness at church. please help me. im just asking you for this ONE thing. ive asked u for so much before and it never happened and i hnk part of it is because i never did anything in return. but now i am. i promised i was gonna be a good girl and i am. im trying here! please make my acting classes worht the money i paid. i didnt pay to be embarrased. i didnt pay to waste my time. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. *sigh*
amen.
well... i hope it works. i wonde
i hated this morning. i really DO NOT like my sisters boyrfriend and his breath smell like shit. and we have to give him a damn ride to school every morning all the way from palmdale. i hope she breaks up with him. its not like hes a bad guy or anything hes just a pussy.
i need to take a deep breath and calm down. i hesitate to breathe and i shouldnt. im such a complicated person. i ruin my own life and now ive gottes so off track that its so hard to just be me now. i mean i will. but not soon.
i thought i wasnt gonna be all low self confident anymore. i thought i was gonna be ok. but acting classes start wednesday adn im terrified. ive NEVER been new in a class. i always know at least one person. i need to talk to someone cuz i feel like a loaner here. :[[[.
i hope theres girls my age in my classes cuz the ages are from 7 to 16. so theres gonna be younger girls im sure of it but i hope theres older girls too. i guess ill just wait and see. ive never actually admited this but i wish i was like my sister.
i asked her yesterday:
if u went to acting class and u were the oldest one and everyone else was smaller than u would you be embarrased? and she said no. and i wondered for a moment. how come she wouldnt be embarrased? how come i would? i dont know!!! i want to ask her.
i havent prayed in a while. i havent prayed in forever. i think thats why my life isnt goign to well. but when i did pray my life still wasnt going to well. *sigh* here goes nothing:
dear god,
thanks you for giving me life. i know i havent been appreciating it. but at least i still have it. unlike many dying soldiers in iraq. u know ive been a good girl lately? yeah. i have. ive been trying. i know ill never be perfext. but im trying. if ur really there. welli know ur there. please help me. please. i feel liek i have no other option but to ask u. idk what im doing. well im praying. but still. im so confused. please god. ive heard so much about ur greatness at church. please help me. im just asking you for this ONE thing. ive asked u for so much before and it never happened and i hnk part of it is because i never did anything in return. but now i am. i promised i was gonna be a good girl and i am. im trying here! please make my acting classes worht the money i paid. i didnt pay to be embarrased. i didnt pay to waste my time. PLEASE. PLEASE. PLEASE. *sigh*
amen.
well... i hope it works. i wonde