PRS AU fic: Change your name and come seek me; Part 4
Masterpost
Jensen uses his own key to let himself in.
Jensen finds Jared sitting on the bed, propped against the headboard, hand rubbing over his forehead in attempt to get rid of the forming headache, watching Jensen hovering in the doorway of his bedroom.
“Not the best time, Jensen,” Jared comments warily and wills himself to still, pressing his palms flat against the bed, grounding himself.
Jensen sets his jaw and steps further into the room, coming to stand by Jared’s side of the bed.
Jared shakes his head lightly and looks away, resigned. “Who’s acting stupid now?”
“Remind me why we can’t have this,” there’s venom and despair; and Jared can’t not look, his head snapping to watch Jensen, holding on to his every breath.
“Because you don’t want this,” Jared says with a pained smile.
“No, not that, that’s bull shit,” Jensen dismisses flatly, his lips twitching before setting into a taut line. “Give me another reason.”
Jared is perplexed, his fingers clutching at the duvet on the bed, not understanding what is happening. He feels like he’s way out of his element, lost without directions.
“You want us to stay friends,” he suggests, confused.
“And it has nothing to do with me wanting to kiss life out of you and push you against any horizontal surface every time I see you?” Jensen asks, no hint of humor of his voice.
“What?”
Jensen makes a wry face, waving his hand in decline, “Another reason, Jared.”
Jared pauses and looks pointedly at Jensen when he speaks firmly, voice strained, “You don’t love me.”
Jensen huffs in bitter amazement, “You should come up with true statements, Jared, not false ones.”
The bed shifts under Jensen’s weight, and Jared’s gaze is leveled with Jensen’s.
“What?” Jared breathes out, pained. “What?”
“This,” Jensen says and kisses Jared.
Jared makes a hurt sound, clutching the material of Jensen’s shirt, fabric getting in the way when he pulls Jensen closer, grounding himself against Jensen’s body as he loses his grip on reality. Jared needs to ask or to think, but Jensen’s mouth is demanding, hot and wet, tongue slipping into Jared’s mouth, and Jared clutches tighter, reality not making sense and tumbling over, body searching for more contact with Jensen’s.
He gets to have this, no matter the reason; he can have it, for now. He can have this kiss that makes his heart beat frantically in his chest like it might stop the minute Jensen leaves him, body trying to dissolve into Jensen, clinging to him to never let go, and maybe there is a slight chance of having more.
Jensen pulls away, and Jared becomes desperate and greedy, one step away from sobbing because he never needed anything in his life that much, following the warmth of Jensen’s body, fingers digging into the flesh of Jensen’s shoulders. He isn’t ready to let go.
“Do you get it now, Jared?” Jensen asks, his eyes dark and mouth red, and Jared doesn’t, not really, but Jensen dives back in, pushing into Jared’s body; his lips, his hips, fingers slipping into Jared’s hair, and Jared makes a strangled sound, chocking on the emotions while they slip down the cushions.
“I deserve to have this,” is falling between their lips and though Jared recognized despair, still he finds his own voice odd until he realizes - heart stopping - it was Jensen’s words.
“No, no, no,” Jared stops and cradles Jensen’s face in his arms, body pushing up to be closer, “Jensen, look at me. Look at me.”
Jensen has dark shadows under his eyes and pain in his eyes, and Jared can’t believe he didn’t notice this before, stuck with thoughts inside his own head.
“Jensen, why did you?” All those weeks, he wants to add. Why did you torture us for all those weeks?
Jensen jerks his head, swallowing hard, and averts his eyes. And it doesn’t matter in the slightest.
Jared tilts Jensen’s face and presses his forehead against Jensen’s, whispering soothingly, “it’s okay. It’s okay”. He convinces Jensen by kissing the skin around his eyes and temples, “We are good. We are so good now, Jensen.”
This puts Jared right into the place where he steps over his fears and allows himself to believe in them, dragging Jensen along.
Jensen pulls away for a moment, lips shining from the kisses, and Jared starts trembling.
There’s hope and even hint of fear still lingering, and there’s this blinding love and enormous realization of them being on the same page.
“This-,” Jensen starts, fumbling for words and looking for the right ones somewhere down in the duvet, “I- I need. I want you here. You’re what I want.”
“I do, too.” Jensen raises his eyes, and Jared repeats, “I do.”
Maybe they need more time to convince each other, to believe they are going to be fine from now on. But for now, they need to lose all boundaries and fix each other. No need to be worried or careful or scared. They are in this together. Just the two of them. No one will get that close to feel it but them.
“You are amazing. You know that, Jensen?” Jared says sincerely, eyes bright as he reaches to lick the corner of Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen’s mouth twitches, and he smiles, flicking out his tongue to taste Jared’s.
“I am?” Jensen gasps, pressing his hips down into Jared’s thighs. The friction is amazing, and it needs to be inspected more.
Jared’s arms move to fumble with zipper of Jensen’s pants, while his mouth can’t manage to detach itself from Jensen’s. Jared feels as if he would break if they stop, if they don’t get to touch each other right now, because they waited for so long and he just can’t wait. No more waiting.
“I need this,” he pants into the kiss trying to tell Jensen everything he feels with those words, and then, Jensen palms him through the fabric of the pants and Jared is so hard, his brain switches off.
Jared finds Jensen’s dick in his briefs, hand fumbling to get a better grip, and Jensen starts making these little breathy noises into Jared’s mouth.
“We need to have sex now,” Jensen emphasizes, pulling away and nodding to himself while determinately shoving down Jared’s pants.
“Oh,” Jared comments cleverly and rushes to confirm, “yes.” Jared uses all that is left in his brain to pull down Jensen’s jeans as well, trying to drag his mouth down every patch of Jensen’s skin he can reach.
They both reach to yank off each other’s shirts after, attempting to navigate their hands to not get in a way of each other. They silently agree of taking off each other’s clothes as fast as possible.
Jensen’s head gets tangled in his shirt because Jared is impatient and his hands keep trembling slightly, and he still can’t believe he has Jensen all to himself, his heart beat is a loud noise in his ears.
Jensen mumbles something insulting toward the shirt while Jared helps him, setting him free, and smiling all the time, and after, he has to kiss away Jensen’s frown and taste it and replace it with a smile.
Jensen smiles that blinding smile of his, and Jared recalls that he was always the only one on the receiving end of it.
“Did I tell you that I really like you?” He grins hugely.
Jensen grabs him in answer, pulling up until they’re sitting back on their heels, pressed against each other, chest heaving, legs tangled in the sheets, and Jensen just watches, eyes boring into Jared’s.
Jared’s heart is beating like crazy, and he doesn’t give a damn about anything but Jensen.
Jensen’s thumb smears an invisible line from Jared’s cheekbone to his lips, and when Jared’s eyes involuntary close, Jensen dives in hard, mouth pushing against Jared’s, along with his thumb pressing inside Jared’s mouth.
Jared sucks on Jensen’s thumb - calloused and salty - and uses his hand to grip Jensen’s bicep for leverage.
Jensen groans and lightly pushes Jared down on the bed, following him after, throwing the duvet off and out of the way and straddling Jared. And it’s only their briefs handicapping them and they need to be off.
Jared needs to get closer, and he whimpers, pushing his hips up to get more friction. He knows he’s becoming frantic and desperate and clumsy, and can they be naked already?!
Jensen’s breath is hot on Jared’s nipple, teasing it with his tongue. Jared shoves his hand into Jensen’s hair roughly, and Jensen pushes Jared’s thighs apart, sliding down.
Jensen kisses Jared’s stomach, and Jared’s breath hitches, stomach muscles trembling. Jared quivers and begs, because he doesn’t think he can manage to wait another second, “I need it. Please, I need it. I need it, Jensen.” Jensen nuzzles Jared’s thigh, kisses lightly along the inner thigh, and Jared’s body jerks, while he mumbles, “Jensen, Jensen, Jensen.”
Jensen uses this moment to drag Jared’s briefs off and processes to slide off his own as Jared looks down at him, blinking and amazed. Sun rays streaming through the window momentarily blind Jared, and he hovers his hand over his eyes to watch as Jensen pulls away, Jared’s eyes greedy on his naked skin as it almost glows under the sun.
“I love you,” Jared thinks, feeling desperate and trembling under the weight of his feelings.
The next moment, Jensen moves, and his warm and naked body is pressed against Jared’s, both of them panting, and the sun makes everything bright and blurred, and Jensen is the only thing Jared can be fixed on because he’s losing his mind slowly. It’s too hot; Jensen’s body and his own feelings are driving him insane.
Jensen says, “I want this.” He sounds so sure and determined; pressing down onto Jared until not even a sun ray is able to get in between them, cocks moving against each other, and Jared hisses.
“Fuck,” Jensen says into Jared’s skin. He bites hard into Jared’s neck, and Jared digs his fingers into Jensen’s shoulder blades.
Jensen groans and shoves Jared’s thighs apart, moving down. No more teasing. His fingers circle Jared’s hole while his mouth closes around Jared’s dick, and he sucks Jared down, messy and amazing, making these low moaning sounds. Jared throws his head against the pillow and pants, “Fuck me. Fuck me. Fuck me.”
Jared looks blindly at the ceiling while Jensen pushes his fingers in deeper, dry, a bit on the side rough but oh, so perfect. And Jared begs quietly, “please, don’t stop, don’t stop.”
When Jensen pulls away, Jared’s mouth gives a helpless sob, brain turning on to look down at Jensen.
There’s a popping up sound, and Jared breathes out in relief with Jensen leaning to kiss the side of his jaw while his lube-slicked fingers work Jared open.
Jared’s hips move along to get Jensen’s fingers deeper. When Jared gasps in surprise, blind pleasure kicking him in the gut and making him writhe on the sheets frantically, brain blurred with want, Jensen smiles and murmurs something against Jared’s lips.
“I think I’m dying,” Jared intends to tell him.
“Jared,” Jensen calls softly and pulls away his fingers, and Jared grins weakly, tongue darting out to lick his mouth and catching the beads of sweat. Finally.
It’s a bit uncomfortable at first, because it is still painful. Jared doesn’t want slow; he wants it fast, all at once. He doesn’t want to be careful; he wants Jensen to be deep inside him and fucking him as hard as possible. And he can’t be gentle and nice when the want is killing him.
Jared tangles his legs around Jensen’s hips, grinding up into Jensen, and Jensen leans to give him a deep kiss, eyes half-open and carefully watching Jared. Jensen grins at him and Jared grins back, happy, because they’re finally where they should be and doing what they wanted for so long, and it can’t get more perfect.
Jensen winks at him and snaps his hips, starting to move fast, determined, making Jared pant into his shoulder. It does get more perfect.
Jensen’s hand slides to lift Jared’s leg higher, his cock sliding deeper, and he knows he hits the right spot when Jared’s breath stutters and he hisses.
Jensen smiles and keeps the same angle, and Jared’s body threatens to shatter into pieces while he gasps for air, mouth open.
Jared wants to watch Jensen, to watch how they both fit into each other, Jensen moving inside him, and how perfect everything is. He fights to keep his eyes open, but there’s too much light and maybe it’s not light but just Jensen, and Jared wants it even more.
Jensen’s free hand caresses Jared’s cheek when he says, “You are it for me.” Jared thinks he can let go of the world right now and forget is ever existed without Jensen.
Jared brings Jensen close, hand gripping Jensen’s neck, hair wet with sweat under his fingers, and their lips brush against each other, needing to have a contact, while they move faster, panting into each other mouths, skin getting tighter as they drive each other insane, getting higher with each thrust.
Jared whimpers when Jensen shifts his hand to close around Jared’s cock, and Jensen bites Jared’s jaw, mumbling “Jared, Jared,” and Jared goes blind as everything whitens out.
Jensen’s pace stutters, and he kisses Jared’s cheek, mouth locked on his skin, when he shakes hard and comes.
Jensen collapses on top of him, and Jared opens his eyes to bring Jensen close and tries to recall how to breathe properly.
The alarm clock goes off at 8AM, and Jared’s hand fumbles for the snooze button.
Jared opens his eyes to find Jensen lightly snoring next to him, and Jared lies still, smile breaking to the surface. He watches Jensen.
It is still overwhelming that it was all in his head, just the thoughts he kept to himself, and now, the borders are erased and it is out in the open. He can reach out and touch it.
Jared leans to drop light kisses across Jensen’s freckled spine, the proof of reality confirmed by the warm and salty skin under his lips making him a bit dizzy.
The next moment, Jensen’s body is tensing; Jared can feel the tension in Jensen’s body muscles under his mouth.
“Hey,” Jared swiftly moves to breathe out into the Jensen’s neck, and Jensen immediately relaxes, burying his body into the mattress and mumbling something incoherent into the pillow.
“What?” Jared smiles, manhandling Jensen onto his back, placing both hands on Jensen’s chest.
Jensen cracks his eyes open and fails at hiding a smile, “Chad must be missing you terribly. Go and join the army of honest workers, you impossible morning person.”
“Well, some of us have work to do.” Jared points out, grinning, and bends to kiss Jensen’s skin between his shoulder and neck, right above his collarbone.
“Yeah, yeah,” Jensen waves his hand uncaringly, “Go earn some money and bring me some pancakes. Topped with strawberries.”
“What else?” Jared hides his huge smile in Jensen’s neck.
“Coffee. Lots of coffee.” Jensen sighs dreamily, and Jared lets out a short laugh, thinking he will burst with all the emotions that keep bubbling up inside him.
“Or-,” Jared pulls away to smirks suggestively at Jensen.
“Or?” Jensen frowns, suspecting a cheat.
Jared leans down to give a sloppy kiss to Jensen’s flat stomach and then, he moves lower, eyes fixed intently on Jensen’s.
Jared’s lips close around the head of Jensen’s dick, and Jensen gasps before commenting weakly, “or you can do that”.
Jared is late to work.
He steps inside the morgue, murmuring some song under his breath, and Chad looks up at him with. “Is that Katie Perry’s Hot’n’cold?”
“Umm,” Jared pauses to roll back the words in his head, “I guess.”
Chad looks at him with suspicion, “You’re glowing. Are you pregnant?”
“Yes, congrats on becoming an uncle! And don’t plan anything for the next nine months, I’m gonna need your help with carrying a baby and all.”
Chad gives him an inquisitive look, savored with notes of hope in his voice, “Jensen? You two are good now?”
Jared smiles brightly in answer and steps up to crush Chad in a hug.
Chad pats him on the shoulder a bit awkwardly before attempting to push him away, grumbling, “Okay, okay, as your Fairy Godmother, I’m proud of you, Cinderella. Now please, keep your disgustedly happy face out of the office. Our clients won’t manage to share the joy with you.”
Jared lets Chad go and pouts at him, “No dancing then? I was planning to honor you with my happy dance.”
Chad gives him a very expressive middle finger, and Jared shakes in head is disappointment, “We need to work on your ‘I’m not worthy’ gestures.”
Chad sullenly points his hand towards the crypt, and Jared jokingly salutes him and follows after.
“Okay, what kind of presents have you prepared for me?” Jared asks, stepping inside the crypt, putting his arm around Chad’s shoulders and squeezing.
“The best ones.” Chad grumbles, trying to shake Jared’s hand off and sighing, giving up, when it has no effect.
Jared catches sight of the paper on the forensic table in the middle of the crypt, and jumps to grab it, eyes scrolling through the lines. “What is this? Those people are not naked, and they don’t belong to Marvel. What’s in them for you?”
Chad glares at Jared and snags the paper out of Jared’s grip, holding it against his chest and smoothing non-wrinkled paper surfaces gently, “Don’t look at it with your judge-y eyes.”
“There is an article about deaths in Boston highlighted in pink. Why are you even reading this? Don’t we have enough of it at work?” Jared looks doubtfully at Chad, hand absentmindedly rubbing his ear.
“Some strange virus is killing people. I need to learn more about our future clients.”
Jared scrunches his nose, “Doesn’t that sound morbid to you?”
“Whatever, bastard.” Chad sounds insulted and turns to pull out the drawers one by one, stating the facts.
“George Kendrix, 38, asphyxiation. Time of death is approximately 6PM. Lena Maercer, 43, heart attack, 2PM. Kenneth Branstok, 31, car accident, 11AM.”
The last guy shifts, and Jared’s breath hitches. Everything was going so well that it tricked Jared into believing re-writing days won’t happen in the near future.
The guy opens his mouth, breath coming out in a fog.
Chad gasps in shock, but Jared’s mind is too occupied to pay attention to him. Chad will forget it, he always does.
“Please don’t,” Jared begs the guy silently. “Not yesterday.”
“Help me!” The whispered words leave the guy’s mouth, and Jared takes a step back in desperation.
Jared wakes up in his bed, jerking his eyes open, hand blindly catching empty space beside him.
“Jensen,” is the first name in his head while he is supposed to think about the victim’s.
Jared slowly sits up, trying to recollect his thoughts and puts his head into direction of saving that Kenneth guy, resting his chin on his knees.
But thoughts of Jensen come first and Jared’s head is messy and disoriented, not willing to postpone fixing things with Jensen.
Jared throws his head back against the pillow. He is determined to re-write the day the way it was, go back to the initial script with Jensen.
There’s a tug in Jared’s heart, suspicion that things might not go the way he experienced before, but Jared doesn’t let that maddening thought linger.
Across the hall, Jensen wakes up with a gasp, jerking up upright, he fixes his gaze on a pillow next to him, eyes sad for a moment before his gaze turns cold and detached.
Jared knocks on Jensen’s door out of sheer politeness before using his key to open it.
Jared checks all the rooms, but the apartment is empty and there’s no post-it note on the fridge informing Jared of where Jensen is. It’s like stepping into an alarming and unfamiliar territory, a changed world where their mutual agreement of informing the other where they are is not relevant. Worry starts to get hold of Jared.
He pulls out his cell phone and dials Jensen’s number, biting his lips nervously. Jensen doesn’t answer, and after a few rings, it goes to his voice mail.
Jared gives up after six calls and writes a message, “Jensen, where are you? We need to talk. It’s important.”
Jared’s heart is heavy, and his head is some sort of maelstrom when he leaves Jensen’s apartment.
Kenneth Branstok is a nice guy who lives in the suburbs with his lovely wife and convincing him to stay at home is pretty easy as he informs them - flashing fake police badge in their faces and smiling kindly like he’s their best friend - that some crazy guy ran away from the mental hospital and he could be lurking around, and please, guys, can you stay at home for a few hours?
Still, Jared parks his car in front of the house and waits, just keeping an eye. Time is dragging by and it’s almost 11AM. When it’s all over, Jared will allow himself to concentrate fully on Jensen, as he’s not answering his phone, and only Jared’s new case keeps him from working himself into a panic.
Suddenly, there’s some grinding noise and woman screams, and Jared has a feeling that something just went terribly wrong.
He throws himself out of the car, running around the house, and Kenneth is lying on the pavement, bloody, in front of the truck, while the driver explains to Kenneth’s wife, who tries to bring her husband back by CPR, that the guy practically jumped in front of his car, running like crazy.
“He wasn’t supposed to leave home,” Jared says dumbly falling down on the black road next to Kenneth’s wife.
She sobs and touches her husband’s lips with her own, “He’s got a call from someone and run off through the backdoor.”
Jared checks Kenneth’s pulse when she hopefully asks, “Will he be alright?”
Jared feels sick to his stomach.
Jared doesn’t remember how he gets home.
There’s too much mess in his head, thoughts drifting and not one of them makes sense, and Jared is not strong enough to erase it all. He needs one thing that is consistent and right and will keep him from losing his mind.
He knows he has it but still, it feels tenuous until he gets proof from Jensen.
Jared pushes open Jensen’s door and is faced with Jensen sitting on the couch who turns off TV the minute he sees Jared, face full of sorry, “Hey, I got your calls. Sorry, I couldn’t answer. My friend found me a new project I’ll be working on.”
Jared silently shakes his head in answer, dismissing Jensen’s apologies.
It all seems irrelevant now. Jared looks at Jensen, feeling worn out and fragile while leaning on the wall for support for one numb moment before he pushes himself off and moves toward the couch.
“That’s not even close to what’s bothering me.” Jared starts tiredly, rubbing his temples as he comes to stand beside the couch and uses it for support as he rests his hand on the back. “Someone died in front of me today. Someone I should have saved.”
Jensen’s face turns sympathetic, not pitiful, and Jared is grateful, he is, but it’s not enough.
“I don’t have time for screwing around, Jensen.” His voice starts wavering. “I need you to tell me we’re good. I need you to assure me we are together, because we are. I love you.” Jared’s voice breaks.
He takes a sharp inhale before continuing.
“Jensen,” Jared’s voice somehow turns to whisper, in heavy silence his words sounding louder than he intends, “Please, tell me that you feel it. This. Us. You told me before.” He takes a pause, images of yesterday playing in his head. Jared’s eyes start watering, and he closes them for a moment, voice getting stronger. ”Don’t ask me, you just did. And I really need to hear it now. Please! I need it so badly.”
Jensen climbs off of the couch and comes to stand close, putting his hand on Jared’s cheek. Jared leans into the touch and closes his eyes. He hopes it is enough, his strength is slipping away.
Jensen takes Jared’s wrist in another hand and says quietly, voice deep and full of remorse, “I’m sorry for what happened. I’m sorry it hurts you. I’m sorry.” His knuckles brush Jared’s cheek. “You look tired, Jared. Let me put you to bed, okay?”
“No,” Jared jerks his hand out of Jensen’s grasp, leaning to look right into Jensen’s eyes, putting his pain and shock up for display, “You don’t get to give it to me and then steal it away. Who does that, Jensen?”
Jared watches for every shift in Jensen’s cold green eyes before Jensen looks away, “You don’t make sense, Jared.”
Jared sees Jensen’s lips moving, but Jared has no clue what is he talking about. Jared jerks away as if he was slapped and backs away until his back hits a wall.
His chest tightens, and how come Jensen is always a reason of it? It seems unfair.
He presses the heels of his hands against his eyes, not willing to watch Jensen, voice wrecked when he asks, “Why?”
There’s just silence, and Jared pulls away his shaky hands to watch Jensen. Jensen looks pale, hand clutching onto the couch. Jared wonders how they got so damaged that he can’t see a starting point.
Jensen sounds grave as he repeats, “Let me put you to bed, okay?”
“No”, Jared whispers, straightening his shoulders and putting as much space as he possibly can between Jensen and himself.
He quietly shuts the door behind himself.
Jared stands in front of his wide open window and looks into the distance.
It’s getting dark, air enveloping him in coldness. Jared quivers a bit, embracing himself, but standing out there in the open makes it easy to pretend he’s free of every emotion.
The next day, Chad drags a gloomy Jared to the nearest bar where Jared sits sullenly for a half of an hour, looking into space and not talking (which is not how Chad expected this night to turn out), before he unexpectedly throws down three shots of whiskey, obviously setting his mind on drinking until he drops dead.
Jared’s hand is reaching for a forth shot when he comes to conclusion that Chad is the best listener and adviser he had in his life.
“Did you ever forget that you loved someone?” Jared starts out of nowhere. Chad considers his answer, frowning into his beer, when Jared continues, “Does it sound conceivable to you?” Jared swallows down the shot and winces. “Not that he didn’t have a chance to forget. He did.”
Chad keeps silence while Jared looks down at now empty glass, looking unhappy and defeated. “If the day disappears, do you forget your feelings?”
Chad is straining his ears to hear Jared over the noise of the bar, but he has a feeling Jared is not aiming to be heard.
“I don’t know, Jared,” he gives an honest answer, and Jared jerks his head to stare at Chad with an intensity that makes him want to bolt out of the booth.
“Not his fault then?” Jared’s voice rises to deliver his anger, and Chad has a suspicion Jared himself is a target. “When you tell someone that you love him, make sure you can repeat it after. There’s no do-over.” Jared gives him a cold stare before leaning back against his seat, lips curled in disdain.
When the waitress passes by them, Jared signals her for another shot and Chad shoots him a worried look.
One hour later, Chad excuses himself to go to the bathroom and dials Jensen’s phone number.
Jensen’s hello suspiciously sounds like he’s not in the good mood either.
Chad scowls, it seems like his lips are in a permanent shape of a tight line because of those two, "Jensen, I don't know what happened between you two, but your better half is drinking himself into an early grave, and I'm not that strong to make him stop. Besides, he's your responsibility, even though you are the reason he is acting like there won’t be tomorrow. So,” Chad presses defiantly, “Come now, I’ll message you the address."
He ends the call; there’s nothing else to say.
Not surprisingly so, it takes Jensen half of an hour to get to the place, even though it's, at least, a 40 minute drive.
Chad greets Jensen on the doorsteps of the bar leaving Jared to have a conversation with another whisky shot, "I hope you didn't drive over some poor bastard. I told you he was drunk, not dying. Overreacted much?"
Jensen gives him a blank stare in answer, looking disinterested, and Chad can bet that Jared will receive a more expressive reaction.
Jensen follows Chad until they're in front of their booth, Jared is practically sprawled out over the table, resting his cheek against the wooden surface, face turned to the empty glass he is having a sharing and caring moment with, "I wasn’t planning on it. Nobody plans to fall in love.”
Chad feels uncomfortable and out of place.
He coughs loudly and intends to put his hand on Jared's shoulder, but he is suddenly acutely aware of Jensen's intense gaze on his hand, which leads to him awkwardly jerking it back even before he realizes it. "C'mon, Jared, you even make our booze miserable. Your boyfriend is here to get you home."
Which is accompanied by Jensen's unreadable stare and Jared's hissing, "What?"
Jared glares at Chad, deliberately ignoring Jensen. “The hell?”
"Whichever, you pick," Chad shrugs non-caringly, “And keep your domestic quarrels out of the bar, you embarrass me.”
Jensen doesn’t say a word as he bends down to heave Jared up, arms hooked under his armpits, while Jared ineffectively tries to shrug him off, putting a worried expression on Jensen's face.
Jensen starts murmuring something in Jared’s ear, and Jared is fighting less.
Chad is pretty sure this is not bro's behavior, but he is not willing to give them a memo on that.
"I'll drive him home now," Jensen informs Chad, both hands around Jared, who is very loudly revealing to Jensen's neck what a bad person Jensen is.
Man, Jared has a very wide range of synonyms for a word "asshole".
Chad is impressed, but Jensen doesn't even seem slightly concerned that everyone who passes them gets a pretty expressive picture of Jensen being the worst scum walking the earth.
"Do you need a lift?" Jensen asks Chad, and receives short “no” in answer.
That satisfies Jensen as he turns around and leaves, holding Jared like he is made of glass.
Jensen is covering a sleepy Jared with a comforter when he mumbles, “I wish I’d get tired of loving you.”
Jensen freezes for a moment, his hands seeming intrusive on Jared’s body, and he answers bitterly, “I’m not a good guy, Jared.”
But Jared is already asleep.
Jensen sits on Jared’s bed, and when Jared’s persistent nightmare hits him twenty minutes after, Jensen is there to take care of it.
Jensen has gotten used to Jared’s nightmares. He asked about them once, and Jared reluctantly told him that there’s an unknown, dark figure chasing him in his dreams. Jared got sullen, and this condition on Jared was bothering, so Jensen didn’t press further and never mentioned that Jensen knows a cure for nightmares - explaining algorithms to a sleeping Jared until his breathing evens out.
This time, Jensen speaks about approximation algorithms.
For the next two weeks, they play a game of how to effectively avoid a person, stumbling across each other in the stairwell and granting each other with fake smiles and small talk before rushing in opposite directions.
Jared finds out that there are some places he’d better avoid.
When his car passes the street with the book store and pet store they visited together, he has to park his car to breathe heavily in the silence and remind himself that he’s okay, he’ll get over it.
Jared doesn’t like listening to the radio anymore, every stupid singer deciding that love should be the main object of the lyrics. It seems pathetic.
Jared starts taking evening walks in the park. It calms him down, and he doesn’t have to pretend he likes to smile when there’s no one around to fake it for.
Jensen finds it hard to talk to anyone. He never fancied idea of socializing, but now, he prefers to stay indoors and order in.
He has his job, and he knows what to do when it comes to his job.
He holds onto this knowledge.
One day, things change.
One day, Jared is supposed to save Katie Brent.
Katie is six years old, and she died because she chocked on a fish bone.
Jared notices her golden curls and blue eyes when she asks for help in a tiny voice, and Jared’s heart aches and there’s no way he won’t save her.
On the rewritten day, the clock strikes 5PM and Katie’s supposed to stop breathing, but instead, she smiles at Jared sweetly, saved.
Katie is fine, and there’s no danger at all, and Jared gets invited into the house. He sits behind the round dinner table with a family, a small smile on his lips because he is still worth something.
Katie’s father gets a call, and excuses himself to answer. When he’s back, he’s different; he fumes and throws Jared out of the house, not listening to him.
Jared blinks at the closed door and starts ringing the bell stubbornly. He hears cries and screams behind the door, and he rams the door with his shoulder.
Few attempts after, Jared breaks the door lock, rushing to see the kid, but Katie is not breathing anymore, and her father screams at him, pushing, hitting him on the chest before he collapses on the floor, crying helplessly.
Jared stands there frozen for a few minutes, the family’s pain squeezing air out of him. He is supposed to save her. It’s the only thing he’s a good at - saving people. What has he done?
He leaves their house and walks without any direction.
Later, Jared finds himself standing in the middle of Jensen’s apartment.
Jensen perks his head out of the kitchen, and immediately steps out of it, face turning worried the minute he sees Jared, Jared looks back helplessly, tears in his eyes.
When Jensen cradles his face, tilting Jared’s head to touch his forehead with dry lips, Jared’s lips tremble.
Jensen hugs him tightly, arms firm on Jared’s body, and Jared mumbles, looking at Jensen with a sad smile, “Do you think I’m worth something?”
Jensen inhales a sharp breath through clenched teeth, tone not accepting any objection, “You’re worth everything, Jared.”
They spend the night on Jensen’s bed with Jared being held tightly in Jensen’s arms, Jared’s head in the crook of Jensen’s neck.
Jensen tells Jared a fairy tale of a young prince with a big heart who was too good for this world, trying to save people’s bodies and souls, and even if the body could not be saved, their souls were.
Jared cries quietly and tries to believe him.
Part Five