Arda sucks these days.

Where are the wars? The duels? The apocolypsi?

THIS PLACE BLOWS!!

Why do my parents keep vanishing?

ELLY ELLY ELLY!!!!

*glomps, hugs, gives "Valinor snowglobe - with a little plasic Al-Pharazon in a rusty iron cage"*

Can we go to the Zoo?!? Pleeeeeaaaaaase?

I have no words.

Wait, yes I do!

HAHAHAHA!!!

It's so funny, watching him play house, try on make-up and play with dollies - the look on his face...oh it's just too precious.

He tried to smite me the other day. It only made my eyebrows smoke a bit.

Is it time for Naked Day, yet?

Froey, get back here! We got a letter from Valinor! It's Mom and Dad!

*crawling out of Brandywine, choking out water.*

Froey...what the fuck did you do?

THERE ARE ZOMBIES IN BAG END.

Go faster, Froey!

If my brother wasn't so damn fat, the Vala would have fixed my leg by now.

What? It's true!

Ow! Froey! That hurt! Don't throw any more pillows at me!

OWWWW!!!

*cries*

...what...?

Shit, I have to go to the Lonely Mountain.

*looks at orange tree leg*

This could take a while. But I'm going naked!

The Vala don't love me...

On the bright side, it's naked day!!

*pause as Froey pesters me*

Well, Rohan never officially recognized our independence so technically we are still bound to her law.

...

...or something.

I can't believe this! First I get my leg shot off and now I have a tree there...

*cries*

...*sniffle*...

Froey? Mommy? Are we alive...? This doesn't look like Mandos...