I Feel Better Being Honest About Myself

[samuraisongbird]

So far, 2018 had basically been just that: Trying to be more honest with myself and LOTS of restarting on my life. What are those?

• Looking deep into all aspects of my health.
• Realizing what kinds of people I've been attracting to make me feel so negative about my social life in the real world. I'm not adding the friends and family I already have to this, since they are still helping me out with that.
• Having a much better understanding why my love life remains dead to this day.
• Finding out what ever deep-rooted matters from my past trigger me to be either angry, anxious, depressed, and/or even wanting me to stay away from people. This includes what people say to me about my flaws in a not-so-pleasing matter.
• Contemplating about giving employment another go just to get regular income. Unfortunately, I live in a city that is ranked as one of the worst when it comes to employment.

What I end up finding out even more:

• Health matters - besides my Expressive Language Disorder (a learning disability I've been diagnosed with since I was three years old), there is a possibility that I may have autism. I won't know for sure until I make an appointment/diagnosis with a neurologist.
• Speaking of such, it may be a very strong possibility to why I was unable to keep a job, besides being unfit. And making me feel unworthy to work anywhere all this time.
• Still having major trust issues after being betrayed, having my heart broken way too many times, and rejected is why I chose to remain single for good.
• I let people get away with saying crap about me. I should have spoken up about it while growing up.
• It all comes down to lack of self-love and self-respect.
• Weight gain due to stress and emotional eating.

My self-made remedies at this time:

• Emergency one-woman dance parties - They really do work when I'm stressed out. Energetic music with healing lyrics such as BTS and B.A.P (I have started listening to K-Music again back in April), uplifting yet raw Christian Hip-Hop music to work on my spiritual side like NF and Flame, video game music from the 80s and 90s for nostalgic purposes, and relaxing music I can easily find on YouTube to calm myself, have all helped when nothing else works.
• Exercise - I joined Weight Watchers with my mom not only to lose weight, but to control my eating habits as well. So far, I've lost 16 pounds at most, but only gained 2 of them back mainly due to a lot of fluid.
• Coloring books - Still better than meditating.
• Reading the Bible and praying - I say this because I'm being more devout in my faith in God. For those who don't believe, it's fine. But remember, He does love you and is willing to listen.
• Reading books in general - It does help to escape from reality when needed. However, I do need to read some non-fiction books to help improve my life.
• Go out more often - Even if it's solo.
• Standing up for myself - If someone calls me a really bad word and/or say something about my looks, let 'em have it.

Wow...considering that I haven't been on LJ in 6 months, this is so worth it. :)
I'll stop here before it gets even longer.
Later!