Reverse Brainwashing.
[Note: This conversation starts at around the same time as this chatlog. Reading it will make some of the incomplete references make more sense.]
John: DO you want chocolate for tomorrow?
Allison: Yes, I want chocolate for tomorow.
John: Stop looking at me like I'm an idiot, please.
John: We could go to the grocery store, they'll still be open.
Allison: You don't know so much. Why don't you know battleship?
Allison: Okay.
Allison: And eggs.
John: What kind of eggs?
John: I've never played battleship. Can you imagine Sarah playing a /game/ with me?
Allison: Yes.
Allison: Easter eggs.
John: Well I can't imagine her doing it.
John: Do you want to dye them colors or something?
Allison: Yes.
Allison: We'll need a pot.
Allison: Do we have a pot?
John: Okay. We can totally do that, sure.
John: ...I think so. We should get stuff for the kitchen, anyway, I guess.
Allison: Yes. We should get stuff for the kitchen.
John: Make a list, maybe.
Allison: Now?
John makes an interesting face.
John: I don't think she's a cat. Not really. How would a cat type?
Allison: She could be a dancer.
John: Dancers are catlike?
Allison: Yes.
John: ...okay.
Allison: Ballet dancers.
John: Oh! I didn't know that.
Allison: Pas de chat.
Allison smirks.
John: ...what?
John looks confused. Because he is.
Allison: She's a cat.
Allison: sometimes.
John: Yeah, apparently. This town is really weird.
Allison: I like it.
John: ...really?
Allison: Yes.
John: Okay.
John: I'm glad you like it.
Allison: Do you?
John: I'm not sure. I'd rather stay than go, though.
Allison: Why?
John: Because there are things you like here and...I want us to be stable. For once.
Allison: I like Batman.
John: ...Yeah I figured. He's efficient.
Allison: He is. He's efficient.
Allison: That was good? Yes?
John: That was fine.
John: ...okay but you don't have to repeat it.
Allison: You need to tell me things.
John: I'm trying.
Allison: Ok.
John: Did what she said offend you?
Allison: I talk like that.
Allison: No.
John: Then you should tell her that you're not offended. But don't repeat anything that you've already said.
Allison: Ok.
John: ...That was good!
John: Try not to repeat yourself though, okay?
John: Like, for the future.
Allison: Because I'm not a machine.
John: You're not.
Allison: Okay.
John: ...Do you believe me?
Allison: That I'm not a machine?
John: Yeah
Allison: No.
John sighs.
John: ...instead of saying you're not supposed to drink say that you don't drink.
John: but don't say it right now
John: Why don't you believe that you're not a machine?
Allison: Ok.
Allison: Because I'm a machine.
Allison: Is she talking to me?
Allison gives him a Look.
John glances at this look.
John: I'm not sure, she could be asking both of us.
Allison: You shouldn't smoke.
John: ...it was either that or drinking.
Allison: ...that information doesn't make sense.
John: Stress reaction. Everyone has a vice of some kind.
Allison: Do I?
John: You're...special. So not yet, I guess.
Allison: I'm special?
John looks at her.
John: Yeah. You're special. In a good way.
Allison: Special in a good way?
John: Do you know what I mean? No, wait, you probably don't. You're special to me. That's what I mean.
Allison: Like Sarah
John: ...no.
Allison: Like Riley?
John: ...kind of.
Allison: Oh. Okay.
John: ...is it?
Allison: Yes?
John: Is it okay that you're special to me?
Allison: Yes.
Allison: You're special to me.
John smiles.
John: That's good to hear.
Allison: Good.
John: ...Does it bother you when I kiss you?
Allison: Should it?
John: That's for you to decide, not for me to tell you, Allison.
Allison: No?
John: ...Is that a question?
Allison: No.
Allison: We should get battleship.
John: ...okay.
Allison: And Operation.
John: Sure we can get those.
Allison: And Connect 4.
Allison: But not Monopoly or Guess Who.
John: Why not those?
Allison: I don't like those games.
John: Why don't you like them?
Allison: I don't like those games.
Allison: I don't know.
Allison: Is that okay?
John: You're allowed to like or dislike anything.
John: That's normal.
Allison: Yes. That's normal. It's okay.
Allison: Not Uno either. That game is stupid.
John: What else don't you like?
John: ...yeah Uno is kind of dumb.
Allison: I don't like cartoons.
Allison: Or pork chops.
John is actually writing this down.
John: Okay. Anything else?
Allison: Sprite
Allison: Ranch dressing. Plaid.
John: Sprite is nasty. Plaid? Like, school uniforms?
Allison: Yes.
Allison: And like flannel.
John: Okay.
John: What do you like? More than other things.
Allison: Pigeons.
Allison: Operation. Math.
Allison: Ballet.
John: Pidgeons are a kind of dove. You're good at math and ballet.
Allison: I like to dance.
John writes them down anyway.
Allison: Guns.
Allison: Cheeseburgers.
Allison: Pancakes.
Allison: You.
Allison: Waffles.
Allison: Rainbows.
John makes a funny little face but keeps writing.
Allison: chicken.
Allison: pie.
Allison: I can't think of anything else.
John: No, that's...that's fine. Excellent.
Allison: Is it?
Allison: Okay.
John smiles.
Allison smiles back.
Allison: Is it important?
John: To know what you like? Yeah. It's important to me because I want...to make you happy so it's good if I know what you like.
John looks a little weird saying that. Sorry. He's a guy.
Allison: Oh. Okay.
Allison: I like dogs. But they don't like me
John: That could change over time.
Allison: They bark and try to bite me.
Allison looks *just* a bit sad about that.
John reaches over and touches her arm.
John: Hey. It'll get better.
Allison smiles.
Allison: I know!
John: Really?
Allison: Yes.
John: I'm glad to hear that.
Allison: Did she leave because I'm strange and talk oddly?
John: I doubt it. You're not strange.
Allison: I am.
John sighs.
John: You're getting better. We both are.
Allison: I know. That doesn't make me not strange. I don't talk like a person.
Allison: I know I don't.
John: Hey, look at me.
John: You're not strange, okay? You don't talk like *most* people, that doesn't mean you don't talk like a person.
Allison looks at him.
Allison: No one talks like me.
John: No one else has been through what you've been through. Besides, you haven't met everyone on the planet.
Allison: No. I haven't met everyone on the planet.
Allison: You have to tell me things. So I know.
John: You *do* know. Sarah made you forget. It's not the same.
Allison looks *just* a bit frustrated.
Allison: So I remember.
John looks apologetic.
John: You'll get better at it.
Allison: I'll get better.
John: Do you believe it?
Allison: I'm broken. Yes I believe it.
John: ...We're both broken.
John frowns.
Allison: Okay.
John: If you could have one thing in the whole world happen what would it be?
Allison: What are the parameters?
John considers.
John: Nothing that bends the current laws of reality. Probability is fine, though, mess with that all you want.
Allison: A cake.
Allison: A lemon cake.
John: ...a lemon cake? Okay.
Allison: Is that not right?
John: There is no right or wrong answer.
John: If you could have one specific thing OCCUR, what would it be?
John: Same parameters.
Allison: Can you give me an example?
John thinks. Thinkyface!
Allison will wait.
John: Someone might say "I would get a million dollars." Or "I would meet...some celebrity." Something like that. It doesn't have to be superficial, those are just the ones that come to mind.
John: It should be something that would make you very happy, though.
Allison considers.
Allison: I would like to take a ballet class.
John: Okay.
Allison: Okay?
John writes down 'look into ballet classes' under that long list of likes and dislikes.
John: That's great. Can you think of another?
Allison: I would like...to bake a cake?
John nods.
John: Okay.
John underlines the lemon cake? comment.
Allison: I would like to meet more people.
John writes that down too.
John: New parameter.
Allison: OK.
John: Pick something that isn't likely to happen, in your opinion.
This takes her longer.
Allison: I would like to go to school.
John writes that down.
John: Keep going until you run out of them, okay?
Allison: Okay.
Allison: It's difficult.
John: Don't worry about how long it takes.
John smiles.
John: You're doing great.
Allison smiles back.
Allison: Okay.
Allison: I would like to work during the day.
John writes them down as she goes, nodding.
Allison: I would like to go on the train again. If it didn't break.
John writes more.
Allison: I would like to learn to drive stick.
Allison: I would like to get a better gun.
John raises an eyebrow and keeps writing.
Allison: I would like a dog.
Allison: I would like to meet the man who hides the left side of his face.
John keeps writing. Puts a star next to that last one.
Allison: I would like my own car.
Allison: I can't think of anything else
John writes down that last one.
John: Okay.
John: So...why do you think these are unlikely to happen?
Allison: Which one?
John: We can go down the list, I guess. Let's start with 'going to school'.
Allison: I shouldn't call attention to us. That calls attention to us.
Allison: I wouldn't be able to protect you.
John: Why would going to school call attention to us?
Allison: School records.
John looks a little disappointed at that. Guess who hadn't thought of that!
John: Okay. What about working during the day?
Allison: They put me on the graveyard shift.
John: They might change their minds, though.
Allison: Maybe.
John: You're not destined to work the graveyard shift forever. So it's still possible.
Allison: Okay.
Allison: No, that isn't my destiny.
John: What about driving stick, or getting a better gun.
John would rather just drop the gun thing but, yeah.
Allison: You don't want me to have a gun.
Allison: Right?
John: I don't want you to ever have to use one. I don't know if you'll ever be comfortable without a gun.
Allison: I won't.
John: So I'm not going to say that you /can't/ have it.
Allison: Okay.
Allison: Thank you.
John smiles a bit.
John: You're welcome. What about the driving? Or owning your own car?
Allison: I don't know.
John: You could have your own car. I don't know how to drive stick, though, so we'd have to find someone else to teach you.
Allison: Okay.
Allison: Cars with stick are less expensive.
John: Yeah, that's true.
Allison: Better value for your dollar.
John chuckles.
John: Yeah.
Allison smiles.
John: A dog could happen if we lived in a larger place. And didn't have to move.
Allison: And they didn't bark and try to bite me.
John: Well we'd get a puppy first, I think. Most puppies don't bite.
John: They do bark, though.
Allison: Yes. But not at me, maybe.
John is realizing how very domestic this list is.
John: No, not at you.
John: I don't know about Harvey Dent. That's who you meant, right?
Allison: Yes. Harvey Dent.
Allison: I don't know about that either.
John nods.
John: It could happen. I just worry that it would be dangerous.
Allison: For you?
John: For both of us.
Allison: Because he's crazy.
John: Well, also because he kills people.
Allison: I kill people
John tilts his head a bit.
John: I'm trying to make sure that becomes more like "Allison and John *used to* kill people".
Allison: That doesn't change facts.
John: It doesn't, that's true.
Allison: And I will.
Allison: To protect you.
Allison: If I have to
John looks sad.
John: I don't want you to have to do that anymore.
Allison: I know.
John: ...Does that bother you?
Allison: That you don't want me to protect you?
John: That I don't want you to have to kill people in order to protect me.
Allison: Oh.
Allison: No, that doesn't bother me.
John: What do you think about it? What's your opinion?
Allison: I'll do what I have to.
John: ...okay.
John: Why do you think I feel that way?
Allison: Because Sarah fixed me.
John blinks.
John: Can you explain that?
Allison: It upsets you.
John: Why...what about it, do you think, upsets me?
Allison: Because you were my friend.
John takes a breath.
John: Okay.
John: Am I your friend *now*?
Allison: You're my friend now.
John nods.
John: Do you think I'm managing to be a good friend?
Allison: What are the parameters?
John takes a deep breath.
John: I'm not sure.
Allison: I don't know, then.
John: What do you think the parameters of a good friend *might* be?
Allison: Stability
Allison: Effectiveness.
Allison: Love
Allison thinks
Allison: Protection.
Allison: I don't know what else.
John: Then let's use those parameters.
Allison: OK.
John: Based on those parameters am I a good friend to you?
Allison considers this for a long, long, loooong moment.
Allison: I think the parameters are wrong.
John reminds himself to see that thinking as a good sign.
John: Wrong how?
Allison: You're not supposed to protect me.
John: But I would like to. If you'll let me.
Allison twitches, *just* a bit.
Allison: No. You're not supposed to protect me.
John: So you won't let me protect you?
John notices this twitching and he does not like it.
Allison: You're not supposed to protect me.
John knows and that's why he's still pushing.
John: Will you let me protect you?
Allison: Why?
John: Because I really would like to.
Allison: Why?
John: Because you're important to me.
Allison: Okay.
John is starting to hate the vagueness of the word 'okay'.
John: Will you let me protect you?
Allison: No.
John: Why not?
Allison: Because you're not supposed to protect me. Even if you want to.
John: Why not?
Allison: You didn't want to before.
John: I was wrong before.
Allison: Your information is different?
John: Yes.
Allison: Oh.
Allison: All right.
John: Will you let me protect you?
John looks a mixture of relieved and happy.
John: Am I a good friend to you?
Allison: Yes. And I don't know.
John: You don't know what?
Allison: I don't know if you're a good friend to me.
John: How is it both yes and you don't know? Why is it both?
Allison: You are now.
Allison: I don't know if you were.
John: Oh. I don't think I was, at all.
Allison: Oh. Why?
John: I have a list. It's pretty long.
Allison: Okay.
John: Do you want to see it?
Allison: Yes, I want to see your list.
John gives her this list, then.
Allison reads this list, twitching once or twice. Thanks, Sarah.
Allison: You are better than me.
John: How am I better than you?
Allison: You're not a machine. You don't think you're a machine. You're not strange and off putting. People don't stare at you.
John: People have stared at me, believe me.
John: There are small things about me that are strange, and off-putting.
John: The machine parts are Sarah's fault. And mine for not stopping it.
Allison: Okay.
Allison apparently does not want to dwell on those.
John: Do you believe me?
Allison: No.
John thinks that she probably needs to.
John: Can I ask you a favor, then?
Allison: You can ask me a favor.
John: Please don't say 'okay' if you don't believe me.
Allison: What should I say?
John: You can say that you don't believe me.
John: There's nothing wrong with telling me that.
Allison: All right. I'll tell you that.
John: Thank you. Why don't you believe me and what don't you believe me about?
Allison: That the machine parts are your fault
John: Why?
Allison: They aren't your fault.
John: Not saying or doing anything to stop it makes it my fault.
John: Agreeing with it makes it my fault.
Allison thinks about this for a while.
John will be patient and wait.
Allison: It doesn't.
John: How?
Allison: You're broken too.
John thinks about that for a moment.
John: There were times when I was okay enough to see that there was something wrong with it, and I still didn't do anything. I think that means it's still my fault too.
Allison frowns at that.
Allison: Why didn't you?
John: ...I was afraid to.
Allison: Why?
John: I was afraid that I was wrong. I was afraid of Sarah.
Allison: I don't think that makes it your fault.
John: I feel like it is.
Allison: All right.
Allison: I don't think it is.
John nods.
John: I'm not...trying to change your mind. It's okay if we don't agree about that.
Allison: Is it?
John nods again.
John: You are your own person. You can have as many opinions as you like. They will probably not always be the same as mine.
John is being very careful on how he words these things. And is twitching a bit himself.
Allison: Are you afraid of me?
John: I'm afraid that you'll hate me later.
Allison: I won't hate you later.
John: You can't be certain.
Allison: Neither can you.
John: That's true. Until then, it's still a fear.
Allison: Yes, it's still a fear.
John: DO you want chocolate for tomorrow?
Allison: Yes, I want chocolate for tomorow.
John: Stop looking at me like I'm an idiot, please.
John: We could go to the grocery store, they'll still be open.
Allison: You don't know so much. Why don't you know battleship?
Allison: Okay.
Allison: And eggs.
John: What kind of eggs?
John: I've never played battleship. Can you imagine Sarah playing a /game/ with me?
Allison: Yes.
Allison: Easter eggs.
John: Well I can't imagine her doing it.
John: Do you want to dye them colors or something?
Allison: Yes.
Allison: We'll need a pot.
Allison: Do we have a pot?
John: Okay. We can totally do that, sure.
John: ...I think so. We should get stuff for the kitchen, anyway, I guess.
Allison: Yes. We should get stuff for the kitchen.
John: Make a list, maybe.
Allison: Now?
John makes an interesting face.
John: I don't think she's a cat. Not really. How would a cat type?
Allison: She could be a dancer.
John: Dancers are catlike?
Allison: Yes.
John: ...okay.
Allison: Ballet dancers.
John: Oh! I didn't know that.
Allison: Pas de chat.
Allison smirks.
John: ...what?
John looks confused. Because he is.
Allison: She's a cat.
Allison: sometimes.
John: Yeah, apparently. This town is really weird.
Allison: I like it.
John: ...really?
Allison: Yes.
John: Okay.
John: I'm glad you like it.
Allison: Do you?
John: I'm not sure. I'd rather stay than go, though.
Allison: Why?
John: Because there are things you like here and...I want us to be stable. For once.
Allison: I like Batman.
John: ...Yeah I figured. He's efficient.
Allison: He is. He's efficient.
Allison: That was good? Yes?
John: That was fine.
John: ...okay but you don't have to repeat it.
Allison: You need to tell me things.
John: I'm trying.
Allison: Ok.
John: Did what she said offend you?
Allison: I talk like that.
Allison: No.
John: Then you should tell her that you're not offended. But don't repeat anything that you've already said.
Allison: Ok.
John: ...That was good!
John: Try not to repeat yourself though, okay?
John: Like, for the future.
Allison: Because I'm not a machine.
John: You're not.
Allison: Okay.
John: ...Do you believe me?
Allison: That I'm not a machine?
John: Yeah
Allison: No.
John sighs.
John: ...instead of saying you're not supposed to drink say that you don't drink.
John: but don't say it right now
John: Why don't you believe that you're not a machine?
Allison: Ok.
Allison: Because I'm a machine.
Allison: Is she talking to me?
Allison gives him a Look.
John glances at this look.
John: I'm not sure, she could be asking both of us.
Allison: You shouldn't smoke.
John: ...it was either that or drinking.
Allison: ...that information doesn't make sense.
John: Stress reaction. Everyone has a vice of some kind.
Allison: Do I?
John: You're...special. So not yet, I guess.
Allison: I'm special?
John looks at her.
John: Yeah. You're special. In a good way.
Allison: Special in a good way?
John: Do you know what I mean? No, wait, you probably don't. You're special to me. That's what I mean.
Allison: Like Sarah
John: ...no.
Allison: Like Riley?
John: ...kind of.
Allison: Oh. Okay.
John: ...is it?
Allison: Yes?
John: Is it okay that you're special to me?
Allison: Yes.
Allison: You're special to me.
John smiles.
John: That's good to hear.
Allison: Good.
John: ...Does it bother you when I kiss you?
Allison: Should it?
John: That's for you to decide, not for me to tell you, Allison.
Allison: No?
John: ...Is that a question?
Allison: No.
Allison: We should get battleship.
John: ...okay.
Allison: And Operation.
John: Sure we can get those.
Allison: And Connect 4.
Allison: But not Monopoly or Guess Who.
John: Why not those?
Allison: I don't like those games.
John: Why don't you like them?
Allison: I don't like those games.
Allison: I don't know.
Allison: Is that okay?
John: You're allowed to like or dislike anything.
John: That's normal.
Allison: Yes. That's normal. It's okay.
Allison: Not Uno either. That game is stupid.
John: What else don't you like?
John: ...yeah Uno is kind of dumb.
Allison: I don't like cartoons.
Allison: Or pork chops.
John is actually writing this down.
John: Okay. Anything else?
Allison: Sprite
Allison: Ranch dressing. Plaid.
John: Sprite is nasty. Plaid? Like, school uniforms?
Allison: Yes.
Allison: And like flannel.
John: Okay.
John: What do you like? More than other things.
Allison: Pigeons.
Allison: Operation. Math.
Allison: Ballet.
John: Pidgeons are a kind of dove. You're good at math and ballet.
Allison: I like to dance.
John writes them down anyway.
Allison: Guns.
Allison: Cheeseburgers.
Allison: Pancakes.
Allison: You.
Allison: Waffles.
Allison: Rainbows.
John makes a funny little face but keeps writing.
Allison: chicken.
Allison: pie.
Allison: I can't think of anything else.
John: No, that's...that's fine. Excellent.
Allison: Is it?
Allison: Okay.
John smiles.
Allison smiles back.
Allison: Is it important?
John: To know what you like? Yeah. It's important to me because I want...to make you happy so it's good if I know what you like.
John looks a little weird saying that. Sorry. He's a guy.
Allison: Oh. Okay.
Allison: I like dogs. But they don't like me
John: That could change over time.
Allison: They bark and try to bite me.
Allison looks *just* a bit sad about that.
John reaches over and touches her arm.
John: Hey. It'll get better.
Allison smiles.
Allison: I know!
John: Really?
Allison: Yes.
John: I'm glad to hear that.
Allison: Did she leave because I'm strange and talk oddly?
John: I doubt it. You're not strange.
Allison: I am.
John sighs.
John: You're getting better. We both are.
Allison: I know. That doesn't make me not strange. I don't talk like a person.
Allison: I know I don't.
John: Hey, look at me.
John: You're not strange, okay? You don't talk like *most* people, that doesn't mean you don't talk like a person.
Allison looks at him.
Allison: No one talks like me.
John: No one else has been through what you've been through. Besides, you haven't met everyone on the planet.
Allison: No. I haven't met everyone on the planet.
Allison: You have to tell me things. So I know.
John: You *do* know. Sarah made you forget. It's not the same.
Allison looks *just* a bit frustrated.
Allison: So I remember.
John looks apologetic.
John: You'll get better at it.
Allison: I'll get better.
John: Do you believe it?
Allison: I'm broken. Yes I believe it.
John: ...We're both broken.
John frowns.
Allison: Okay.
John: If you could have one thing in the whole world happen what would it be?
Allison: What are the parameters?
John considers.
John: Nothing that bends the current laws of reality. Probability is fine, though, mess with that all you want.
Allison: A cake.
Allison: A lemon cake.
John: ...a lemon cake? Okay.
Allison: Is that not right?
John: There is no right or wrong answer.
John: If you could have one specific thing OCCUR, what would it be?
John: Same parameters.
Allison: Can you give me an example?
John thinks. Thinkyface!
Allison will wait.
John: Someone might say "I would get a million dollars." Or "I would meet...some celebrity." Something like that. It doesn't have to be superficial, those are just the ones that come to mind.
John: It should be something that would make you very happy, though.
Allison considers.
Allison: I would like to take a ballet class.
John: Okay.
Allison: Okay?
John writes down 'look into ballet classes' under that long list of likes and dislikes.
John: That's great. Can you think of another?
Allison: I would like...to bake a cake?
John nods.
John: Okay.
John underlines the lemon cake? comment.
Allison: I would like to meet more people.
John writes that down too.
John: New parameter.
Allison: OK.
John: Pick something that isn't likely to happen, in your opinion.
This takes her longer.
Allison: I would like to go to school.
John writes that down.
John: Keep going until you run out of them, okay?
Allison: Okay.
Allison: It's difficult.
John: Don't worry about how long it takes.
John smiles.
John: You're doing great.
Allison smiles back.
Allison: Okay.
Allison: I would like to work during the day.
John writes them down as she goes, nodding.
Allison: I would like to go on the train again. If it didn't break.
John writes more.
Allison: I would like to learn to drive stick.
Allison: I would like to get a better gun.
John raises an eyebrow and keeps writing.
Allison: I would like a dog.
Allison: I would like to meet the man who hides the left side of his face.
John keeps writing. Puts a star next to that last one.
Allison: I would like my own car.
Allison: I can't think of anything else
John writes down that last one.
John: Okay.
John: So...why do you think these are unlikely to happen?
Allison: Which one?
John: We can go down the list, I guess. Let's start with 'going to school'.
Allison: I shouldn't call attention to us. That calls attention to us.
Allison: I wouldn't be able to protect you.
John: Why would going to school call attention to us?
Allison: School records.
John looks a little disappointed at that. Guess who hadn't thought of that!
John: Okay. What about working during the day?
Allison: They put me on the graveyard shift.
John: They might change their minds, though.
Allison: Maybe.
John: You're not destined to work the graveyard shift forever. So it's still possible.
Allison: Okay.
Allison: No, that isn't my destiny.
John: What about driving stick, or getting a better gun.
John would rather just drop the gun thing but, yeah.
Allison: You don't want me to have a gun.
Allison: Right?
John: I don't want you to ever have to use one. I don't know if you'll ever be comfortable without a gun.
Allison: I won't.
John: So I'm not going to say that you /can't/ have it.
Allison: Okay.
Allison: Thank you.
John smiles a bit.
John: You're welcome. What about the driving? Or owning your own car?
Allison: I don't know.
John: You could have your own car. I don't know how to drive stick, though, so we'd have to find someone else to teach you.
Allison: Okay.
Allison: Cars with stick are less expensive.
John: Yeah, that's true.
Allison: Better value for your dollar.
John chuckles.
John: Yeah.
Allison smiles.
John: A dog could happen if we lived in a larger place. And didn't have to move.
Allison: And they didn't bark and try to bite me.
John: Well we'd get a puppy first, I think. Most puppies don't bite.
John: They do bark, though.
Allison: Yes. But not at me, maybe.
John is realizing how very domestic this list is.
John: No, not at you.
John: I don't know about Harvey Dent. That's who you meant, right?
Allison: Yes. Harvey Dent.
Allison: I don't know about that either.
John nods.
John: It could happen. I just worry that it would be dangerous.
Allison: For you?
John: For both of us.
Allison: Because he's crazy.
John: Well, also because he kills people.
Allison: I kill people
John tilts his head a bit.
John: I'm trying to make sure that becomes more like "Allison and John *used to* kill people".
Allison: That doesn't change facts.
John: It doesn't, that's true.
Allison: And I will.
Allison: To protect you.
Allison: If I have to
John looks sad.
John: I don't want you to have to do that anymore.
Allison: I know.
John: ...Does that bother you?
Allison: That you don't want me to protect you?
John: That I don't want you to have to kill people in order to protect me.
Allison: Oh.
Allison: No, that doesn't bother me.
John: What do you think about it? What's your opinion?
Allison: I'll do what I have to.
John: ...okay.
John: Why do you think I feel that way?
Allison: Because Sarah fixed me.
John blinks.
John: Can you explain that?
Allison: It upsets you.
John: Why...what about it, do you think, upsets me?
Allison: Because you were my friend.
John takes a breath.
John: Okay.
John: Am I your friend *now*?
Allison: You're my friend now.
John nods.
John: Do you think I'm managing to be a good friend?
Allison: What are the parameters?
John takes a deep breath.
John: I'm not sure.
Allison: I don't know, then.
John: What do you think the parameters of a good friend *might* be?
Allison: Stability
Allison: Effectiveness.
Allison: Love
Allison thinks
Allison: Protection.
Allison: I don't know what else.
John: Then let's use those parameters.
Allison: OK.
John: Based on those parameters am I a good friend to you?
Allison considers this for a long, long, loooong moment.
Allison: I think the parameters are wrong.
John reminds himself to see that thinking as a good sign.
John: Wrong how?
Allison: You're not supposed to protect me.
John: But I would like to. If you'll let me.
Allison twitches, *just* a bit.
Allison: No. You're not supposed to protect me.
John: So you won't let me protect you?
John notices this twitching and he does not like it.
Allison: You're not supposed to protect me.
John knows and that's why he's still pushing.
John: Will you let me protect you?
Allison: Why?
John: Because I really would like to.
Allison: Why?
John: Because you're important to me.
Allison: Okay.
John is starting to hate the vagueness of the word 'okay'.
John: Will you let me protect you?
Allison: No.
John: Why not?
Allison: Because you're not supposed to protect me. Even if you want to.
John: Why not?
Allison: You didn't want to before.
John: I was wrong before.
Allison: Your information is different?
John: Yes.
Allison: Oh.
Allison: All right.
John: Will you let me protect you?
John looks a mixture of relieved and happy.
John: Am I a good friend to you?
Allison: Yes. And I don't know.
John: You don't know what?
Allison: I don't know if you're a good friend to me.
John: How is it both yes and you don't know? Why is it both?
Allison: You are now.
Allison: I don't know if you were.
John: Oh. I don't think I was, at all.
Allison: Oh. Why?
John: I have a list. It's pretty long.
Allison: Okay.
John: Do you want to see it?
Allison: Yes, I want to see your list.
John gives her this list, then.
Allison reads this list, twitching once or twice. Thanks, Sarah.
Allison: You are better than me.
John: How am I better than you?
Allison: You're not a machine. You don't think you're a machine. You're not strange and off putting. People don't stare at you.
John: People have stared at me, believe me.
John: There are small things about me that are strange, and off-putting.
John: The machine parts are Sarah's fault. And mine for not stopping it.
Allison: Okay.
Allison apparently does not want to dwell on those.
John: Do you believe me?
Allison: No.
John thinks that she probably needs to.
John: Can I ask you a favor, then?
Allison: You can ask me a favor.
John: Please don't say 'okay' if you don't believe me.
Allison: What should I say?
John: You can say that you don't believe me.
John: There's nothing wrong with telling me that.
Allison: All right. I'll tell you that.
John: Thank you. Why don't you believe me and what don't you believe me about?
Allison: That the machine parts are your fault
John: Why?
Allison: They aren't your fault.
John: Not saying or doing anything to stop it makes it my fault.
John: Agreeing with it makes it my fault.
Allison thinks about this for a while.
John will be patient and wait.
Allison: It doesn't.
John: How?
Allison: You're broken too.
John thinks about that for a moment.
John: There were times when I was okay enough to see that there was something wrong with it, and I still didn't do anything. I think that means it's still my fault too.
Allison frowns at that.
Allison: Why didn't you?
John: ...I was afraid to.
Allison: Why?
John: I was afraid that I was wrong. I was afraid of Sarah.
Allison: I don't think that makes it your fault.
John: I feel like it is.
Allison: All right.
Allison: I don't think it is.
John nods.
John: I'm not...trying to change your mind. It's okay if we don't agree about that.
Allison: Is it?
John nods again.
John: You are your own person. You can have as many opinions as you like. They will probably not always be the same as mine.
John is being very careful on how he words these things. And is twitching a bit himself.
Allison: Are you afraid of me?
John: I'm afraid that you'll hate me later.
Allison: I won't hate you later.
John: You can't be certain.
Allison: Neither can you.
John: That's true. Until then, it's still a fear.
Allison: Yes, it's still a fear.