april showers = may flowers
Don't you just hate the winter blues? They seem to get worse each year. Combine them with the emotiomal rollar coaster of death and you have one very wrecked person. But we have had a string of nice warm sun filled days to help dispell the blahs. Not that things are all rosy again. Are they ever? But starting to feel a smidge better. One step forward, two steps back. The recovery dance. We all know it, we aqll have danced the dance. Sometimes the cost is to much. Time is the only thing i have to give. The frustration of things beyound your control. There is no way you will ever stop time and death. The anger at yourself for doing really dumbass things to try and cope. The endless beating of youself for those dumbass things. The old ghosts from the past that raise their ugly heads when you are low. How to fix when you are stuck in a house with no where to go. No energy to get there. dying to be the one coddled and taken care of. Knowing that instead you will always be the one taking care of everyone else. Tired of being the "strong one". The one that gets things done. I want to be the weak one. I AM the weak one. The "strength" is all an act. Why does no one see this...