(no subject)

[sammysamo]

I'm back in Phoenix and across the country from Ian. He's completely stopped talking to me and part of me still hopes that he will realize how much I'm worth, but he clearly won't. He's been drunk almost every day since he's been back in new york. He's not looking for a job or trying to model or even working on getting in the school he wanted. He's taking money from his parents and living like the people I came to hate in New York. I was comforted that Lindsey was with him because she's smart and kind and interesting, but I don't think it's enough. No one holds him accountable. We haven't talked for a couple weeks and all I know is that they had this underwear party where ian looked really sick, but it was mostly because he was wearing eye-liner. I just don't get how he can just not care about me anymore. I'm trying to give up, but I really do love him and care about him. I've been seeing someone, but it's sort of a secret. It's all too complicated.

I need to be on medication or something.

sorry.......................................