How to choose?
Something is happening... I don't know why, but it is. I'm feeling really down right now... but not like depressed just like I'm giving up. I am not in school, I didn't go to work this weekend so I think I'm fired. I just looked at my phone when it rang and said build a bear and just cried. I feel bad actually I should prolly call Peter or Stephanie or somebody cuz they called me and they sounded worried. I'm ok I'm just feeling really sad all of a sudden. I mean I'm happy when Chelsea comes over cuz she's my bestest friend ever... and I was happy everytime I seen Christopher cuz he's so nice to me and I know that I'll always be taken care of, but I just haven't really been myself really these past few days. But last night I felt the best I ever had in about 2 years....
Before I went to christophers house last night I had to drop off one of Eric's movies that I've had since like a billion years ago. I hadn't been at his house for the past 2 weeks cuz I was with Chris and didn't really have time, but it never clicked to me how much I really missed him. You see, with Eric, I can be myself.... like the way you act with your girlies when you are in the goofiest moods in the world are how him and I act together. We are always laughing no matter what. But it was something about last night that really got my attention. We were in the middle of a conversation when I looked at him and just kind of lost my breath (don't really know how to explain it) but I couldn't stop looking at him and smiling. Then I had to leave and he gave me a hug and I just never let go- well we never let go. We prolly stood there like idiots in the door way just holding eachother and staring at eachother and I was sooo nervous, soo many butterflies & were in my belly. I know this sounds bad... but I don't have feelings like that towards Chris... Christopher does really make me that nervous. But anyways back to Eric... so finaly I looked at him and was like I have to go, and he said "to chris?" and i said "no, just to his house... i already said i would but I miss you and I want to see you soon" and he said "tomorrow" and i gave him a hug and tried to leave. I just looked at him and kinda giggled, I couldn't get myself to go... i didn't want to go i wanted to stay with him. but finally i left. No questions about it... I love & Eric... I love &Eric more than I've ever loved &anyone... I seriously think I love & him more then I ever loved Mike in the beginning... and if that can ACTUALLY HAPPEN that's amazing because it NEVER has before... then this is going to be the greatest thing to ever happen to me. *So like Eric said last night, I went over to his house today after he got off work. it was awesome... we talked and joked and to be honest... I told him that I love & him, and that he's the one I want to be with, as in forever... I have no idea how all this came out but he basically agreed with me and has a surprise for me on christmas or something. but we got into big deep talking and he said that in the fall when he moves to Ohio for school he wants me to go with him. so I'm guessing next fall I'm moving to Ohio while he goes to a school and I might do my schooling down there too. but i got some stuff to look up about Ohio first like costs n stuff. ok im done