Holding On - part 2/5
About an hour after they get back from the doctor’s office Jensen makes his way into Jared’s office.
“Okay, so here’s a bottle of water and a snack,” says Jensen, sitting down in his usual seat opposite Jared’s desk.
“Umm, okay… thank you?” Jared replies, taking the offered snacks.
“The Doc said that you should eat every couple of hours and you should drink a lot of liquid; it’s supposed to help with the nausea, remember? The leaflet also said that you should also avoid spicy food. And ginger tea and crackers are supposed to help.”
“Thanks, Jensen,” Jared interrupts when Jensen opens his mouth to continue. “I can read the leaflets for myself, you know.”
Jared turns back to his computer screen and carries on typing. After a few minutes, Jared looks up when Jensen still hasn’t left.
“Don’t you have work to do?” Jared asks Jensen.
Jensen makes a noise that kind of sounds like ‘nyah’, a nah/yeah hybrid of sorts.
“Well, I actually have work to do, so…” Jared says with an annoyed look on his face.
“Are we telling people?” Jensen suddenly asks, catching Jared off-guard. “I mean, we’re going to have to tell Jeff and Jim at some point. And we should tell our friends sooner rather than later. And I presume we’re telling our mothers. The sooner the better in their cases.”
“Umm. I guess I hadn’t really thought about it. I think I’d like to wait to tell Jeff and Jim. I mean, I haven’t even been here a year yet. And everyone always waits until the first trimester is over before they tell anyone… But I guess we have to tell our friends. Otherwise they’ll be wondering about my sudden aversion to alcohol and caffeine… And I was gonna call my Mama tonight.”
“Jeff and Jim’ll be cool about it. But if you want to wait that’s fine. Kane has a gig tomorrow night, you wanna tell everyone then?”
“Umm, yeah. I guess so,” Jared says feeling suddenly nervous.
“Right, well, I do actually have some work I should be doing. We’ll talk more later, ‘kay?”
“Yeah, right,” Jared says vaguely as Jensen walks out the door.
Jared sighs and hangs his head in his palm. The pitying glances will only increase now, considering how everyone knows that Jared’s in love with Jensen. So telling them that he’s now pregnant with Jensen’s baby? Awkward. He is not looking forward to this.
Jared decides that if he’s going to start telling people he’d better start with his mother. She’d be really pissed if she found out that she wasn’t the first to know; apart from Jensen that is.
“Hey, Mama,” Jared says when his mother picks up the phone, when he calls her that evening.
“Baby! How are ya honey?” Sherri asks.
“’M good, I guess. How’re you? Dad alright?”
Sherri laughs. “Yes, JT. Your father and I are both fine. I’m looking forward to the end of term though. Think I’m just as excited as the kids!”
Jared smiles as Sherri continues to tell Jared some stories of her students’ antics. He always enjoys hearing stories of his mother’s job as a high school English teacher.
“How are Jeff and Megan?” Jared asks his mother about his siblings.
“They’re both fine. Jeff’s all finished with his residency now and he got the job in the hospital he wanted. Megan’s just happy that she’s finished her finals! She’ll be coming home next week.”
“Cool. That’s good.”
“Anything you wanna talk about, JT? Sounds like you have something on your mind.”
Jared curses the fact that his mother knows him so well. “Um, yeah. There is, uh, something that I wanna tell you.”
“Yes…? Go on.” Sherry says when Jared fails to say anything.
“I guess I’ll just say it, huh? Um, here goes… I’m pregnant,” Jared tells his mother.
There’s a slight pause before his mother says, “What? I think I misheard you, sweetie. I thought I heard you say that you’re pregnant,” his mother laughs.
“I did. I mean, I am.”
“Oh,” comes the faint reply. “I don’t understand, honey. You would have told me if you were seeing someone. Wouldn’t you?”
“I’m not seeing anyone, Mama.”
“Then I don’t understand. I know you’re not the type to have a one night stand.”
Jared blushes at his mother’s remark. He really hates how well she knows him. “I’m not.”
“Well… Who’s the father then?” Sherri asks when Jared doesn’t divulge any information.
“Jensen. It’s Jensen.”
“Wha- Jensen? But you said you weren’t seeing anyone. Have you and Jensen…? Are you two finally together?” Jared hates how hopeful his mother sounds.
“No, Mama. We’re not together. We just got drunk.”
“So you’re really not together?” his Mama asks sounding disappointed. His mother has known how Jared feels about Jensen since probably before Jared knew himself. She’s always liked Jensen since the first time she met him all those years ago and she’s always said that they’d be good together; always hoping that they’d get their acts together and get together.
“No. We’re really not together,” Jared sighs. “He’s being really great about everything though. Said he’s going to be there for me and the baby.”
“Oh, well that’s something,” Sherri says. “I’m going to be a Grandmother!” She exclaims as though that’s only just occurred to her.
Jared laughs. “You’re already a Grandmother,” he says, referring to Jeff’s son.
“Oh, I know! But I’m going to be a Grandmother again!” She says sounding delighted. “When are you due?”
“Beginning of January,” Jared replies.
“How you feeling ‘bout all this, JT? You don’t sound very enthusiastic,” Sherri observes.
“I’m just tired, Mama. Was kinda worried about how you’d react,” Jared admits. In his heart he knew that his mother would take everything well but he was irrationally anxious that his Mama would be angry with him and not support him.
“Well, of course, baby. Did you really think I’d be mad at you or somethin’?”
“No, Mama. ‘Course not. I was still worried though.”
“I guess I can understand that. I was so nervous to tell my Mama when I was pregnant with Jeff and I was married!” She chuckles. “So how you feelin’ ‘bout it?”
“I was pretty freaked out at first. But now? I’m actually kind of excited. We went to the doctor today - me and Jensen - and the doctor did a scan. We could see the baby; it was tiny - kinda just like a little bean. And we could see the heartbeat.” Jared smiles thinking back on it.
“That’s great, JT. I’m really happy for you. And how’s Jensen taking everything?”
“Um, I guess we haven’t really talked about it. He said that he was going to be there for me and the baby so I guess that means he’s okay with everything. And, well, he was smiling at the doctor’s, so that means something, right?”
“Yeah, JT. I think that means something,” Sherri says fondly.
On Saturday night Jared and Jensen go to a local bar where Chris and Steve are performing. Jared hasn’t seen any of his friends since he found out he was pregnant and he’s definitely going to have to tell them all tonight otherwise they’ll wonder why he’s not drinking.
Everyone in their group is there when Jared and Jensen arrive; Tom, Mike, Chad, Sophia, Sandy, Danneel and Misha are all sat around a table off to the side of the bar area, and Chris and Steve are busy setting up the stage for their show.
After greeting everyone at the table and waving to Chris and Steve on the stage, Jared sits down at the table with the others.
“Hey, Jay? I’m gonna go get a drink. You want anything?” Jensen asks, gesturing behind himself at the bar.
“Uh, I’ll just have a lemonade. Thanks,” Jared replies, turning back to the others. He can see that they have curious expressions on their faces but nobody’s saying anything. He’s not a big drinker; he doesn’t get drunk often, but he always enjoys a few beers when they all go out together so the others will probably think it strange that he’s not drinking beer tonight.
They all make idle chit-chat for a while, just catching each other up on the last few weeks, until Jensen comes back with a beer for himself and a lemonade for Jared. Chris and Steve come over briefly to say ‘hi’ to everyone after they’ve finished setting up but they can’t hang out for long and they are soon heading back over to the stage to start their set.About half way through the first set everyone decides to get another round of drinks and Jared stands up to go help, but is stopped by Jensen’s hand on his shoulder, keeping him seated.
“No, Jared, sit. I’ll get it. You want some juice or something?” Jensen asks, keeping his hand on Jared’s shoulder.
“Seriously, Jen, I can get it; it’s fine,” Jared replies, trying to stand up despite Jensen’s best efforts.
“Jared, you should rest. I’ll get you something,” says Jensen dismissively, walking away and effectively ending the discussion.
Jared looks around the table at his friends who are all looking at him with a mixture of bemused and confused expressions. Nobody says anything though, which Jared is glad about.
Jensen ends up bringing him some apple and mango juice saying that it’s ‘good for him’, and Jared knows that he actually means, ‘it’s good for the baby’. Jared’s just glad that Jensen didn’t actually say that in front of their friends.
Jared’s making his way back through the bar from the bathroom when Jensen suddenly takes him to the side. Jensen’s a little bit tipsy; Jared can tell. Everyone except Jared has been drinking steadily throughout the evening, so none of them are exactly sober.
“Jared, when are you going to tell them?”
Jared had kind of been hoping that Jensen would forget about telling their friends because Jared doesn’t really want to tell them just yet. He guesses that there’ll never really be a right time to tell everyone, but he hasn’t had enough time to psych himself up.
“Soon. When Kane have finished, so everyone’s there,” Jared replies, trying to postpone the inevitable for as soon as possible.
Luckily for Jared, Jensen seems to accept his answer and continues moving towards the bar, coming back ten minutes later with another beer and another juice for Jared.
“Okay, seriously. What the hell is going on with you two?” Chad asks. Kane finished playing about fifteen minutes earlier and Jensen had just got back to the table with a bowl of fries telling Jared that he ‘needs to eat’.
“Umm, whaddaya mean?” Jared responds, knowing that he’s not going to be able to avoid this discussion for much longer.
“You and Jensen. You’re acting weird! And he keeps buying you food and juice and shit? What’s goin’ on?” The others all look deploringly at Chad’s usual lack of tact, but at the same time eager to know the answer; like they all wanted to ask the question but just aren’t as gauche.
Jared sighs. He knows he’s not going to get out of this one. They aren’t going to leave him alone until he tells them what’s going on.
“I mean, I know you two can’t be screwin’. Jay would have told us.”
Jared buries his head in his hand, wondering, not for the first time, why he’s friends with Chad. When Jared looks up again he sees that everyone else is looking at Chad in exasperation and Chad is rubbing the back of head where, by the looks of it, Sophia hit him. Jensen, thankfully, is looking as oblivious as ever.
Jared lets out another sigh and tells everyone, “I’m pregnant.”
“Oh my gosh!” Sandy exclaims, seeming to be the first person to get over the shock and running around the table to engulf Jared in her embrace. “Why didn’t you tell me?!” Sandy demands, swatting lightly at Jared’s arm.
The others all start asking questions, making comments and jokes and congratulating Jared.
“Wait, wait, wait,” Chris says over everybody, shutting them up. “Who’s the father?”
This is the bit that Jared’s been dreading. He takes a deep breath to prepare himself when Jensen clears his throat and says, “That’d be me.”
The reactions that that causes would almost be comical if not for the fact that Jared’s insides were squirming. The girls’ mouths all drop open, almost in synchronicity, and just stare disbelieving between Jared and Jensen.
Everyone is stunned into silence until Chad asks bluntly, “So you two actually are fucking?”
“No,” Jared says, trying to keep the disappointment from his voice. He doesn’t think he’s managed it given the looks on the other’s faces.
“We got really drunk at that company party like two months ago and… I don’t know. We ended up in bed. It didn’t mean anything,” Jared says, his voice flat.
“Oh, Jared,” Sandy murmurs, voice full of sympathy. And that’s exactly why Jared didn’t want to tell everyone.
Jared looks around at all his friends gathered around the table and sees a mixture of sympathy and pity in their eyes. Jared shakes his head a fraction to each side, silently asking his friends not to say anything in front of Jensen, who doesn’t seem to have noticed the looks that everyone is giving Jared, and the glances between them.
“Congratulations, man!” Steve says, clasping Jensen by the shoulder, with everyone adding in their own congratulations and Jared’s glad that no one’s saying anything.
Shortly after, Jensen disappears to the bar again and Sandy and Sophia descend on Jared, firing quick questions at him.
Jared sighs as he says, “If you’re going to interrogate me, could you at least slow down; ask one questions at a time.”
“How did this happen?” Sandy asks, her eyes wide and a little doleful.
“I told you; we got drunk. Like, really drunk. I barely even remember it. And we both agreed to pretend it never happened. It didn’t mean anything,” Jared says, more for himself than the girls.
“That’s bull Jared, and we all know it,” Sophia adds in.
“Well it didn’t mean anything to Jensen.”
That comment just got Jared more sympathetic looks from the girls.
“Us having a baby together isn’t going to change anything,” Jared continues. “I mean, having a baby will change a lot of things, but my relationship with Jensen isn’t one of them. And I know that. Me and Jensen are never going to be together,” Jared finishes dejectedly.
Jared doesn’t bother to look up. He knows that all he’ll see are the pitying stares from his friends and he doesn’t really want to deal with that right now. Instead he turns to his glass of juice and joins in the conversation that Tom and Mike are having about last night’s game.
Ten minutes later, half an hour after Jensen left to go to the bar, Jensen returns to the table to announce that he and some slutty chick that he picked up are heading out and could Chris please make sure that Jared gets home alright.
Jared knows without looking that everyone is staring at him after Jensen’s gone with looks of mingled pity and sympathy.
It’s been a few weeks since Jared and Jensen told their friends about the pregnancy and Jared is coming to the end of his first trimester. In reality Jared knows that he hasn’t put on all that much weight but he’s feeling a bit like a whale. All his clothes are getting tighter and tighter as the days pass and he now has to use the loosest hole on his belts. Jared knows that it won’t be much longer until he’s visibly pregnant and at the end of the first trimester it’s probably about time that he talks to Jim and Jeff.
“Jensen, I think we should tell them,” Jared says over lunch one day. They’re at a little deli close to their office building; one they go to quite a lot.
“Tell who, what?” Jensen asks around his mouthful of turkey sandwich.
“Jeff and Jim. I think we should tell them about the pregnancy,” says Jared, laying down his own sandwich.
“Oh. Are you sure?”
“Yeah. I’m starting to show and I’m starting my second trimester next week. It’s probably about time that we tell them.”
“Okay, then. We can schedule a meeting with them for next week then,” Jensen answers, going back to his sandwich.
Jared knows that he was the one to suggest they tell Jeff and Jim but now that it’s actually time to tell them he’s really nervous. For some reason, telling his bosses makes everything seem more real.
“Jared, Jensen, they’re ready to see you now,” says Alona, Jeff’s secretary, coming out of Jeff’s office into the outer office where Jared and Jensen are waiting.
“Umm, okay.” Jared stands up and walks through the office door first with Jensen following closely behind him.
“Boys,” says Jeff with a smile on his face. “What can we do for you?” he asks, indicating the chairs opposite the desk.
Jared and Jensen take the offered seats and exchange a look before Jared opens his mouth to speak.
“Well, umm. We wanted to talk to you because, er, the thing is… I’m, umm, I’m pregnant.”
Jared can see the shock spread across the faces of Jeff and Jim, Jeff’s mouth opening slightly in surprise. It’s clearly not what they were expecting from this meeting.
“And, um, Jensen’s the father?” Jared adds on uncertainly.
That doesn’t seem to help with the surprise and confusion but their bosses snap out of it quickly enough.
“Oh. Well, er, congratulations! The both of you,” says Jeff, seemingly the first to recover.
“I wasn’t aware that you two were seeing each other,” Jim adds.
“We’re not,” answers Jensen. “It just… happened. But we’re not together.”
Jared gives Jeff and Jim a pained smile; he hates it when he’s reminded so categorically that he’ll never be with Jensen.
“Oh, alright. So Jared, when are you due?” Jeff asks, and Jared is grateful that he’s not pursuing the same line of questioning that Jim was starting; maybe he sensed his discomfort with the topic.
“I’m just going into my second trimester. Doctor says I’m due early January, around the sixth.”
“And have you thought any about your leave?”
“I was thinking that maybe, since the baby’s due in early January, that I could start my leave after New Year’s?”
“As I’m sure you know, in California, you’re allowed up to four weeks paid maternity leave prior to the baby being born, and about 12 weeks paid leave after the baby is born. After the paid leave, you can then have about 6 weeks of unpaid, but job-protected leave. After that, you can take a leave of absence, but it’s not paid or job-protected. And Jensen, you can have six weeks paid leave once the baby is born as paternity leave, with an additional 6 weeks un-paid leave.
“If you want, Jared, you can start your leave after Christmas,” Jeff says consulting his calendar. “You can think about everything we’ve discussed and agree between you how much time you want to take and then between the four of us we can come up with a return date for you.”
Jared nods along with everything that Jeff says, taking it all in.
They discuss a few more things after that, Jared and Jensen asking questions about the different types of leave, before they finish the meeting; Jared feeling a lot lighter after having told his bosses everything and starting to get everything in place for his leave.
“Jared, come on, let’s go!” Jensen calls from the living room of Jared’s apartment into the only bedroom in the place.
They’re supposed to be meeting everybody at a nice restaurant downtown in about twenty minutes for Sophia and Mike’s joint birthday dinner and they should have left by now but Jared is still in his bedroom with the door firmly shut.
“Come on, Jared! What the hell is taking so damn long? We’re gonna be late!” Jensen says, knocking on the bedroom door and then pushing it open without waiting for an answer.
When Jensen enters the bedroom, Jared is standing in front of his wardrobe still in his sweats with what looks to be about half of the contents of the wardrobe scattered around on the floor and bed. He looks around when he hears the door opening and sees Jensen taking in the mess that is currently his bedroom.
“Wha-?” Jensen manages to ask eloquently.
“I can’t find anything that fits,” Jared says forlornly.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean… this!” Jared says, patting his belly. It’s been getting bigger and bigger as the weeks go by but it’s still only barely noticeable; only really evident to people who know it’s there. But still, it is slightly rounded and it’s big enough that Jared can’t do the zipper up on any of his nice trousers. He can only really wear sweats nowadays and even those are becoming perceptibly tighter.
Jensen smiles at the proof that his baby is live and growing. “Okay, how ‘bout this. Just find anything that you can do up for tonight; nobody will care what you’re wearing; and then tomorrow we can go shopping and get you some pregnancy clothes. Okay?”
Jared nods his head and looks down at his clothes strewn across the floor. He picks up some trousers that actually fit, although somewhat uncomfortably tight, that he had dismissed earlier as ‘too casual’ and a button down shirt that would go well and walked into the en-suite to change.
At dinner with their friends, Sandy insists that she accompany the boys shopping so that she can act as Jared’s fashion guru to make sure that he gets, in her opinion, the most fashionable pregnancy clothing. So the next day finds them in the mall in a shop that specializes in male pregnancy clothing with Sandy.
Jared feels really awkward trying on all the clothes that are designed to stretch and grow as he does especially as Sandy keeps making him show her every single outfit he tries on like some sort of fashion show. There’s a reason Jared didn’t become a model - he doesn’t like being the center of some one’s attention like that. It makes him uncomfortable. However, Sandy insists that he has to try on everything to make sure that they fit him right and look good on him. She keeps coming up with things like ‘it really brings out the color in your eyes’ and ‘that doesn’t really go with your complexion’. Jared’s finding it really rather annoying.
“Okay, I’ve got an outfit for every situation now. I have enough clothes to last the entire rest of my pregnancy. Are we done yet?” Jared asks, exasperated after trying on yet another shirt for work.
“Yeah, I guess we’re done. You sure you have enough casual clothes and stuff for work?” Sandy checks.
“Yes, Sand. I’m sure. Can we go?” Jared asks from behind the curtain where he’s changing.
Jensen and Sandy start to gather all the clothes that Jared had tried on so they could take them over to the cash register.
“Okay, well I got head off soon,” Sandy says around an armful of shirts and tops. “I figure you’ve got enough to keep you going so I’m gonna just leave you two to it.”
With that Sandy dumps everything in her arms into Jensen’s before giving him a kiss on the cheek and turning to do the same to Jared, who’s just come out of the changing room, giving him a hug as she does.
“Well, behave boys. I’ll see you soon,” Sandy says with a smile and a wave as she leaves the store.
“Hey, you wanna grab some lunch before we leave?” Jensen asks, making his way over to the cash register.
“I guess so. I am pretty hungry. Can we get pickles and ice cream for dessert?” Jared asks as if it was a completely normal request.
Jensen, who was quickly becoming used to some of Jared’s more unusual cravings, just nods his head with a quick ‘sure’. He isn’t about to argue with a pregnant man; he isn’t insane.
Jensen pays for Jared’s new clothes, with Jared complaining the whole time next to him that he can ‘buy his own damn clothes’, and they head over to the food court.
“Do you know what you wanna do for your birthday?” Jensen asks when they’re sat down with their food. Jared’s birthday is less than a week away and they haven’t really talked about it at all.
Jared skips right over his burger and dips his pickle into the bowl of ice cream. “Mmm…” Jared moans appreciatively. “Huh? Oh, right. Um, I dunno. I’m not really up for a party or anything. Maybe just dinner or something?”
“Okay, sure. I’ll figure something out.”
Part 3