In which I out myself
It's time for me to confess to you all, dear f-list. Apparently I have a kink for gay Angels.
No, really.
I mean, after Lyra and Will, Balthamos and Baruch were always my favourite characters in His Dark Materials. Aside from the amusing PISS OFF THE GAYBASHERS! element, they have this love which is powerfully destructive and beautifully uncorrupted. It's the 'out of this world' thing, isn't it? In reality, we have divorce and cheating and hell, just plain falling out of love. Doesn't seem to apply to creatures who don't live by human rules, least of all Angels.
But until recently, that's where my interest in Angels of any sexual orientation ended. And then there was bloody Supernatural.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not much of a shipper. There is my deep, unshakeable, abiding love in Mulder/Scully, and that's pretty much it. I mean, yeah, I have a soft spot for Apollo/Starbuck, I quite enjoy watching Buffy and Spike tear each other apart, and who doesn't like themselves a bit of Wash/Zoe? But ultimately, for me these are just well crafted stories perfectly enhancing the 'verse they belong in. Other than that, I'm not really bothered. I don't get heavily involved, and I don't read fanfic for them, have icons for them, or any of the other obvious fandomy stuff.
Which is why I was as shocked as anyone when I found myself falling for this little rowing boat called Dean/Cas. Dean who is a very hetro, straight-up anti-hero of a character. And Castiel who is his Guardian Angel/idjit best friend, who embodies the term “fish out of water” in a way that has not been seen since Anya met Arthur Dent*. And guys, I LOVE THEM. Not even taking into account the individual sheer beauty of both Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins (though please pay due worship on the way past), they portray this gorgeous mistrust come camaraderie come friendship so perfectly, and I can't seem to get it out of my mind.
The thing is, I do actually believe that there is a canon basis for this. Eye fucking aside**, Dean pretty much fails at anything resembling normal life. He will never love anything or anyone as much as he loves Sam, and hunting is the only thing he knows, the only thing that lets him forget his guilt for a brief moment in time. And Cas, leaving out the last few minutes of season 6 for now, is so beaten and broken, abandoned by a father who saw fit for him to live, and provided no other guidance. He's so unsure of himself, so betrayed by everything, and in that he and Dean match perfectly. They have a relationship built entirely on our-familes-fucked-up, and-okay-maybe-we-helped-some. But despite that, it works. Outside his Dad (who let him down) and Sam (who let him down) and Bobby (there's time yet), Dean has never trusted anyone completely. At all. In fact, if we look at the flashbacks, Dean has pretty much never had a friend. His life has revolved around duty and sacrifice, and who better to understand that than an Angel?
But the thing is, the “I gave everything for you”, the dragged-me-from-hell and know all my darkest desires, the things they have in common, the amount of time they spend staring at each other...these are all the obvious things, the things that you can make a thousand dirty fanfics out of, and the things that have been done over and over in a hundred different shows. It's fun, but it's never really ripped my heart out. What I really love about Dean and Cas? I love how wrong they are. I love how neither them has the remotest shred of independence, how they literally cannot exist for and because of themselves, how everything they both do is tied to a soul-deep, guilty darkness that they can't escape. Dean and Cas will always mistrust and misunderstand, betray and be betrayed, because they can't do anything else. They cannot be anyone else. If Season 7 develops the way I suspect*** it to, I truly don't see how they can't end up together. And when I say together, I don't mean lots of declarations of love, boy-kissing and sex-scenes.**** I mean an acknowledgement of this is how it is, this is all there is, because for these two? There are no other options, not like there are for Sam, who still maintains (at this point) his humanity, his ability to exist independently. Cas and Dean? They wouldn't know where to start with that.
In a few hours time, Supernatural season 7 will premiere, and I have no idea what they are going to do to Cas, how irrevocably he's going to change. My suspicions are that no TV exec is stupid enough to fully get rid of a character that has done the unheard of: come into a show half way through and steal half the fans away from the established main characters. Nobody does that. I can't think of a single show that has managed that. Who was the most beloved at the beginning was the most beloved at the end, always. You don't just cannon fodder a character that breaks that trend. And so I live in hope that one day, somehow, Supernatural will actually grow itself a pair of balls and engage in a bit of the homoerotic subtext its so fond of teasing about. That they will actually realise they have a great story here, with a wonderful couple of actors who can carry it out not just effectively, but beautifully. And that they might just have a few points to make along the way.
In conclusion: I slash now. Blasphemous, dirty, corrupted, not-even canon slash. Who knew I had it in me? Though I have to admit, there is a little bit of relief here, akin to being diagnosed with a mental illness and realising that I now embraced the unofficial LJ rules that everyone must be gay, depressed or both. I have a kink! A proper one! I BELONG NOW, Y/Y?
*Anya never did meet Arthur Dent. Which is a shame, because Cas would have been their perfect lovechild.
**OH GOD, HAVE I MENTIONED THE EYE FUCKING?! It's like they were forced into lessons with David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, and not allowed to eat/drink/sleep till they got it right.
***for suspect, see: want, desire, desperately NEED.
****apart from the fact that I really, really do mean that.
No, really.
I mean, after Lyra and Will, Balthamos and Baruch were always my favourite characters in His Dark Materials. Aside from the amusing PISS OFF THE GAYBASHERS! element, they have this love which is powerfully destructive and beautifully uncorrupted. It's the 'out of this world' thing, isn't it? In reality, we have divorce and cheating and hell, just plain falling out of love. Doesn't seem to apply to creatures who don't live by human rules, least of all Angels.
But until recently, that's where my interest in Angels of any sexual orientation ended. And then there was bloody Supernatural.
Anyone who knows me knows I'm not much of a shipper. There is my deep, unshakeable, abiding love in Mulder/Scully, and that's pretty much it. I mean, yeah, I have a soft spot for Apollo/Starbuck, I quite enjoy watching Buffy and Spike tear each other apart, and who doesn't like themselves a bit of Wash/Zoe? But ultimately, for me these are just well crafted stories perfectly enhancing the 'verse they belong in. Other than that, I'm not really bothered. I don't get heavily involved, and I don't read fanfic for them, have icons for them, or any of the other obvious fandomy stuff.
Which is why I was as shocked as anyone when I found myself falling for this little rowing boat called Dean/Cas. Dean who is a very hetro, straight-up anti-hero of a character. And Castiel who is his Guardian Angel/idjit best friend, who embodies the term “fish out of water” in a way that has not been seen since Anya met Arthur Dent*. And guys, I LOVE THEM. Not even taking into account the individual sheer beauty of both Jensen Ackles and Misha Collins (though please pay due worship on the way past), they portray this gorgeous mistrust come camaraderie come friendship so perfectly, and I can't seem to get it out of my mind.
The thing is, I do actually believe that there is a canon basis for this. Eye fucking aside**, Dean pretty much fails at anything resembling normal life. He will never love anything or anyone as much as he loves Sam, and hunting is the only thing he knows, the only thing that lets him forget his guilt for a brief moment in time. And Cas, leaving out the last few minutes of season 6 for now, is so beaten and broken, abandoned by a father who saw fit for him to live, and provided no other guidance. He's so unsure of himself, so betrayed by everything, and in that he and Dean match perfectly. They have a relationship built entirely on our-familes-fucked-up, and-okay-maybe-we-helped-some. But despite that, it works. Outside his Dad (who let him down) and Sam (who let him down) and Bobby (there's time yet), Dean has never trusted anyone completely. At all. In fact, if we look at the flashbacks, Dean has pretty much never had a friend. His life has revolved around duty and sacrifice, and who better to understand that than an Angel?
But the thing is, the “I gave everything for you”, the dragged-me-from-hell and know all my darkest desires, the things they have in common, the amount of time they spend staring at each other...these are all the obvious things, the things that you can make a thousand dirty fanfics out of, and the things that have been done over and over in a hundred different shows. It's fun, but it's never really ripped my heart out. What I really love about Dean and Cas? I love how wrong they are. I love how neither them has the remotest shred of independence, how they literally cannot exist for and because of themselves, how everything they both do is tied to a soul-deep, guilty darkness that they can't escape. Dean and Cas will always mistrust and misunderstand, betray and be betrayed, because they can't do anything else. They cannot be anyone else. If Season 7 develops the way I suspect*** it to, I truly don't see how they can't end up together. And when I say together, I don't mean lots of declarations of love, boy-kissing and sex-scenes.**** I mean an acknowledgement of this is how it is, this is all there is, because for these two? There are no other options, not like there are for Sam, who still maintains (at this point) his humanity, his ability to exist independently. Cas and Dean? They wouldn't know where to start with that.
In a few hours time, Supernatural season 7 will premiere, and I have no idea what they are going to do to Cas, how irrevocably he's going to change. My suspicions are that no TV exec is stupid enough to fully get rid of a character that has done the unheard of: come into a show half way through and steal half the fans away from the established main characters. Nobody does that. I can't think of a single show that has managed that. Who was the most beloved at the beginning was the most beloved at the end, always. You don't just cannon fodder a character that breaks that trend. And so I live in hope that one day, somehow, Supernatural will actually grow itself a pair of balls and engage in a bit of the homoerotic subtext its so fond of teasing about. That they will actually realise they have a great story here, with a wonderful couple of actors who can carry it out not just effectively, but beautifully. And that they might just have a few points to make along the way.
In conclusion: I slash now. Blasphemous, dirty, corrupted, not-even canon slash. Who knew I had it in me? Though I have to admit, there is a little bit of relief here, akin to being diagnosed with a mental illness and realising that I now embraced the unofficial LJ rules that everyone must be gay, depressed or both. I have a kink! A proper one! I BELONG NOW, Y/Y?
*Anya never did meet Arthur Dent. Which is a shame, because Cas would have been their perfect lovechild.
**OH GOD, HAVE I MENTIONED THE EYE FUCKING?! It's like they were forced into lessons with David Duchovny and Gillian Anderson, and not allowed to eat/drink/sleep till they got it right.
***for suspect, see: want, desire, desperately NEED.
****apart from the fact that I really, really do mean that.