Sometimes It Hurts
Doojoon & Hyunseung; Rated: R; 1,289 words; Doojoon is not the man Hyunseung remembers and strawberries are yummy.
The papers scattered, the food wrappers and the clothes that seemed to be developing life of their own wasn’t what he was expecting to see. They had never been neat people but this was beyond slob. He sighed as he picked up a few things just to make a path into the apartment.
Now the words of people saying the other man wasn’t doing too well were coming to mind. Maybe there was truth to it all. Hyunseung sighed as he brushed the hair out of his eyes. Even this early in the morning he’d put a little black liner around them, an attempt to make his eyes look a little smaller. It was annoying having people stare at him so often and calling him foolish things like doll eyes or doe eyes, he despised both.
Most of all he loathed being called princess for his feminine looks but he was coming right to the person that had so often called him such things. Even though he’d promised years ago he’d never see him again. Hyunseung was always one for breaking promises though.
He’d never be as famous as he was now if he didn’t. He stepped over a pizza box hoping he was imagining the moldy pizza crust peeking out. From the bedroom he could hear the faint sound of someone snoring.
Pushing the door slowly open he stepped into the room. His mere presence alerted the other man, Doojoon slowly sitting up to look at Hyunseung. His eyes moving from leather mid-calf boots up thin legs squeezed by black jeans and a black t-shirt hanging off Hyunseung’s body.
“You look good.” Hyunseung nodded, it was something he already knew. Doojoon moved up from the bed approaching like a lion ready to pounce. His hands coming onto Hyunseung’s hips, they were still as he remembered. Everything about Hyunseung seemed frozen in time like he’d stopped aging while everyone else around him became ancient.
Doojoon looked down at the slight wrinkles on his hands as he snaked them up Hyunseung’s shirt. The other’s skin was so smooth beneath his ugly hands. He frowned and pulled his hands away. Hyunseung’s expression had not changed at all.
“Gina is...”
“Visiting family, not sure if she’s coming back this time.” It was what he said in the past too. Hyunseung knew Gina always came back and still he showed up like this without announcing himself. Doojoon didn’t seem to mind though as his hands continued to roam, unable to decide where they should go. Off Hyunseung’s body was the best course to take but one that would leave him disappointed so he ignored it.
“You don’t talk about her much, it’s not like you to keep quiet about who you’re with.” The unless it’s me stayed on the tip of his tongue but didn’t fall out. Hyunseung had to stop being bitter about it all, it’d been years since they were together. Smiling as stage lights shone down upon them, fans going crazy for little caresses having no idea what went on when they were alone.
It’d been such a rush, too much of one and Hyunseung was sure that’s why it had crashed and burned. Why Doojoon had wanted normalcy. Something he couldn’t give because Hyunseung was in love with the stage, more so than he was with Doojoon. Yet it hurt to taste strawberry gloss on Doojoon’s lips one day.
Now his mouth only tasted like drool, cigarettes and stale beer. Hyunseung didn’t fight it as Doojoon lifted him up against the wall. The older man’s body rolling against his, he wrapped his legs around the once leader of their group.
Time hadn’t been kind to Doojoon, he showed his weariness on the outside. Hyunseung hoped he was hurting, that he was in as much pain as he felt on the inside. He hadn’t been good enough for Yoon Doojoon who’d chosen to leave the perfection of their six man harmony for a woman who got tired of the spotlight.
He’d left him and yet Hyunseung still came to him like this. Clinging to him desperately as he writhed on a desk, a pen jabbing into his butt and a paper weight scraping his side. Everything was quick, no romance and Hyunseung just felt the emptiness inside him growing more.
This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted the Doojoon of the past who held him close during intimate moments, who’s heart he could feel beating rapidly against his own. The one who was able to satisfy him not just himself.
Hyunseung pulled up his briefs without a word to Doojoon as the other leaned against the open window and took a puff off of a cigarette. Blowing circles of smoke into the air as he flicked the ash onto the ash tray on his bare thigh. Only the thin white bed sheet lay between his legs to conceal him, he’d knotted it at his side.
“How are the others doing?” Hyunseung zipped up his pants as the question was posed. Pulling on his t-shirt and letting out a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair. At least he was speaking to him but it was never about him. Hyunseung wondered where the Doojoon who could pretend to love him had gone.
“Junhyung is putting together his own group, his company is doing well. Kikwang is going to be in his first full length movie... Dongwoon... he’s still trying to figure things out. Yoseob and I meet up every other weekend, he’s a vocal coach now. Broke up with his last girlfriend.”
“Isn’t that the third this year?” Hyunseung nodded his head and sat down on the damp desk to pull on his boots. Yoseob was really the only person he was still close to after the fall out. It’d taken a year before he could get Junhyung to speak to him again.
He didn’t understand why everyone blamed him for Doojoon’s poor decisions and the band breaking up. The others may have not said it but he could see it in the way they looked at him and how their phone calls were few and far between. Only Yoseob stuck with him.
Yet no one seemed to mind that Doojoon made no attempt to contact anyone. He was in his own world and they only knew bits and pieces of it from Hyuna and Gayoon.
“I heard you and Gina got married.” Doojoon barely glanced at him when he spoke. The smell of sweat and sex in the room was fading to be replaced with the strong odor of Doojoon’s cigarettes. It never seemed to last.
“She’s pregnant.” Hyunseung bit on his lip and looked around the room. There were no hints of Gina’s things here. He rubbed at his arm and moved towards the exit. Pausing as Doojoon pressed his body against his back.
Hyunseung took a deep breath, leaning back to feel Doojoon’s chest against his back. For a moment it felt as if he had his Doojoon back. It was just a short break and they were still together, it was how he liked to delude himself sometimes. Then Doojoon’s phone rang, Hyunseung could see his eyes light up in the reflection of his face in the mirror.
“Gina?” Doojoon didn’t answer, just raced off to get his cell phone from a pile of clothes. It was all the affirmation Hyunseung needed. There was no good bye or acknowledgement when he’d left. Doojoon was truly done with him and Hyunseung needed to learn to feel the same way. It was truly over. He just had to hope for the best for both of them even though things hadn’t turned out how he wanted them to.
The papers scattered, the food wrappers and the clothes that seemed to be developing life of their own wasn’t what he was expecting to see. They had never been neat people but this was beyond slob. He sighed as he picked up a few things just to make a path into the apartment.
Now the words of people saying the other man wasn’t doing too well were coming to mind. Maybe there was truth to it all. Hyunseung sighed as he brushed the hair out of his eyes. Even this early in the morning he’d put a little black liner around them, an attempt to make his eyes look a little smaller. It was annoying having people stare at him so often and calling him foolish things like doll eyes or doe eyes, he despised both.
Most of all he loathed being called princess for his feminine looks but he was coming right to the person that had so often called him such things. Even though he’d promised years ago he’d never see him again. Hyunseung was always one for breaking promises though.
He’d never be as famous as he was now if he didn’t. He stepped over a pizza box hoping he was imagining the moldy pizza crust peeking out. From the bedroom he could hear the faint sound of someone snoring.
Pushing the door slowly open he stepped into the room. His mere presence alerted the other man, Doojoon slowly sitting up to look at Hyunseung. His eyes moving from leather mid-calf boots up thin legs squeezed by black jeans and a black t-shirt hanging off Hyunseung’s body.
“You look good.” Hyunseung nodded, it was something he already knew. Doojoon moved up from the bed approaching like a lion ready to pounce. His hands coming onto Hyunseung’s hips, they were still as he remembered. Everything about Hyunseung seemed frozen in time like he’d stopped aging while everyone else around him became ancient.
Doojoon looked down at the slight wrinkles on his hands as he snaked them up Hyunseung’s shirt. The other’s skin was so smooth beneath his ugly hands. He frowned and pulled his hands away. Hyunseung’s expression had not changed at all.
“Gina is...”
“Visiting family, not sure if she’s coming back this time.” It was what he said in the past too. Hyunseung knew Gina always came back and still he showed up like this without announcing himself. Doojoon didn’t seem to mind though as his hands continued to roam, unable to decide where they should go. Off Hyunseung’s body was the best course to take but one that would leave him disappointed so he ignored it.
“You don’t talk about her much, it’s not like you to keep quiet about who you’re with.” The unless it’s me stayed on the tip of his tongue but didn’t fall out. Hyunseung had to stop being bitter about it all, it’d been years since they were together. Smiling as stage lights shone down upon them, fans going crazy for little caresses having no idea what went on when they were alone.
It’d been such a rush, too much of one and Hyunseung was sure that’s why it had crashed and burned. Why Doojoon had wanted normalcy. Something he couldn’t give because Hyunseung was in love with the stage, more so than he was with Doojoon. Yet it hurt to taste strawberry gloss on Doojoon’s lips one day.
Now his mouth only tasted like drool, cigarettes and stale beer. Hyunseung didn’t fight it as Doojoon lifted him up against the wall. The older man’s body rolling against his, he wrapped his legs around the once leader of their group.
Time hadn’t been kind to Doojoon, he showed his weariness on the outside. Hyunseung hoped he was hurting, that he was in as much pain as he felt on the inside. He hadn’t been good enough for Yoon Doojoon who’d chosen to leave the perfection of their six man harmony for a woman who got tired of the spotlight.
He’d left him and yet Hyunseung still came to him like this. Clinging to him desperately as he writhed on a desk, a pen jabbing into his butt and a paper weight scraping his side. Everything was quick, no romance and Hyunseung just felt the emptiness inside him growing more.
This wasn’t what he wanted. He wanted the Doojoon of the past who held him close during intimate moments, who’s heart he could feel beating rapidly against his own. The one who was able to satisfy him not just himself.
Hyunseung pulled up his briefs without a word to Doojoon as the other leaned against the open window and took a puff off of a cigarette. Blowing circles of smoke into the air as he flicked the ash onto the ash tray on his bare thigh. Only the thin white bed sheet lay between his legs to conceal him, he’d knotted it at his side.
“How are the others doing?” Hyunseung zipped up his pants as the question was posed. Pulling on his t-shirt and letting out a sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair. At least he was speaking to him but it was never about him. Hyunseung wondered where the Doojoon who could pretend to love him had gone.
“Junhyung is putting together his own group, his company is doing well. Kikwang is going to be in his first full length movie... Dongwoon... he’s still trying to figure things out. Yoseob and I meet up every other weekend, he’s a vocal coach now. Broke up with his last girlfriend.”
“Isn’t that the third this year?” Hyunseung nodded his head and sat down on the damp desk to pull on his boots. Yoseob was really the only person he was still close to after the fall out. It’d taken a year before he could get Junhyung to speak to him again.
He didn’t understand why everyone blamed him for Doojoon’s poor decisions and the band breaking up. The others may have not said it but he could see it in the way they looked at him and how their phone calls were few and far between. Only Yoseob stuck with him.
Yet no one seemed to mind that Doojoon made no attempt to contact anyone. He was in his own world and they only knew bits and pieces of it from Hyuna and Gayoon.
“I heard you and Gina got married.” Doojoon barely glanced at him when he spoke. The smell of sweat and sex in the room was fading to be replaced with the strong odor of Doojoon’s cigarettes. It never seemed to last.
“She’s pregnant.” Hyunseung bit on his lip and looked around the room. There were no hints of Gina’s things here. He rubbed at his arm and moved towards the exit. Pausing as Doojoon pressed his body against his back.
Hyunseung took a deep breath, leaning back to feel Doojoon’s chest against his back. For a moment it felt as if he had his Doojoon back. It was just a short break and they were still together, it was how he liked to delude himself sometimes. Then Doojoon’s phone rang, Hyunseung could see his eyes light up in the reflection of his face in the mirror.
“Gina?” Doojoon didn’t answer, just raced off to get his cell phone from a pile of clothes. It was all the affirmation Hyunseung needed. There was no good bye or acknowledgement when he’d left. Doojoon was truly done with him and Hyunseung needed to learn to feel the same way. It was truly over. He just had to hope for the best for both of them even though things hadn’t turned out how he wanted them to.