Excuses for insecurity or how I learned to love that bitch Mario

Nov 11, 2007 15:24

While every stage of childhood development is important, the most stressful mentally and physically is adolescence. By age 12/13 we have become self aware and socially aware individuals that recognize ourselves and our surroundings but that can cause mental distress upon the physical transformations. Some psychological professionals have argued that the teenaged mind is about as close to mental instability as we can come before turning into the psychotic. With constantly changing levels of melatonin, seratonin, epinephrine, dopamine mixed with surging estrogen and testosterone it's hardly surprising that any of us during those years feel like psychotics. In the end though, we grow into ourselves but not before going through life forming events.

Most mental instability can be cured by simple life changes. It could be your current diet, not enough exercise or having certain stress factors in your life. Most professionals will look at lifestyle before trying to really analyze what chemical reason could be causing depression or frustration. That is why during the early years of development most doctors will suggest eating more fruits and vegetables, less sugar and getting involved with team activities. Oddly enough, physical exhaustion can actually lead to happiness and that exhaustion can be achieved in a sundry of ways. If you've ever seen that episode of the Simpsons where Bart's doctor suggests he takes up playing drums to work out his anger and build his concentration, that is a legitimate form of therapy.

My mother was a smart woman and maybe it was just that she was old fashioned but she never kept crap in the house. There were no pizza rolls in the freezer to make after school. There were no Twinkies hiding out in the cupboard to nosh on day and night but I could get in the fridge for an apple or find something decent to have as a snack. I was about as normal and well adjusted child as I could be. I played ball, rode my bike everywhere and had a good core group of friends, even if a few of them later turned a bit left of center. My mother made sure that every night after I came home from playing with friends that I did my homework and that I learned how to play an instrument. I was normal that is until Christmas of '87 when my friend's parents got him a Nintendo Entertainment System and he came over to my house with it to play a game he got called Super Mario Bros.

The day after Christmas was always the day that you got together with your friends to see who made bank that year and the concenous of the group was that my friend was the winner. I didn't have much experience with video games outside of the arcade and I assure you that when he plugged it in and started it up, it was nothing like Asteroids and Pac Man which I was used to. Since I had no experience I was content to sit back for awhile and watch him play and he seemed to play it so effortlessly that I was positive that it would be a breeze for me. I was better at everything then he was so it was natural for me to think that I would rule his ass at this too.

You know what is coming, I failed miserably, nay, I failed with epic proportions. Just like any other 13 year old, what I couldn't be good at, I tried to ignore. I began to really resent that gaming console and every time my friends and I were trying to decide what we wanted to do for fun, my suggestion was never to play that game. I said, let's go ride our bikes around the junkyard, let's play ball in the park, I even tried compromise by suggesting we play games at the arcade but the sentiment behind it was, fuck that game, let's do something that I am good at. I never really won because Nintendo was the new black and I was faded grey so my only means of dealing was to sit in the corner of the couch sullenly while talking about how stupid this game was because if you can't beat em, put em down.

My embittered personality started to make me an outcast so for my 14th birthday I asked for a system of my own, much to my parents confusion since it wasn't something I would normally be interested in. My parents weren't used to me being so adamant about something so they resigned themselves to the fact I was asserting my independence and personality and humored me by getting me one. It was after that point I never left my room. My parents refer to my 8th grade school year as the black year. It was a long and frustrating year that bordered on depression as I began to wonder if this was when my life was going to change and I would suddenly be pathetic at everything I tried to do in the future. It was the start of my reclusiveness and my personality which was once very open began to shut itself off. Don't believe that failure at the wrong time doesn't leave lasting impressions. Lack of sleep from playing video games in the dark in my bedroom when I was supposed to be sleeping caused me to be irritable at school and it wasn't long before I got a reputation for being a jerk. Progressively I became more of a loner and I was ok with it because I was alone with my faults and they were my secrets. It started to feel like my luck had run dry and my only consolation was getting other games that I was decent at like Zelda, Castlevania, and Mega Man but it was Mario that haunted my dreams, with that annoying theme song I can still hum at the drop of the dime, well through my high school years.

I didn't understand it. I could play football, quote Voltaire and fix a car. Wasn't that proof of my masculinity? Even just 20 years before my time I would have been seen as a prime example of what a young man should be and yet I couldn't get over the fact that I couldn't beat a certain level of Super Mario Brother's without my best friends help. There was a deep sense of shame in myself that rose up every time one of my friends ruined one of my accomplishments by punctuating it with, "Yeah but Sam still can't beat Super Mario by himself." Here I was, senior year of high school, about to go to Vassar and I felt like a virgin. A Super Mario virgin because I'd never done the deed.

So here is my confession, I still haven't done it. I'd like to say in the 17 years that have passed since the last time I picked up that rectangular shaped controller that I eventually beat it and restored my manhood but that is a lie and it would be obvious to you as I couldn't even try to do it if you asked me to. It would be more humiliating then just telling the truth that I, Sam Endicott, have never beat Mario by myself. I am not going to hide it like a deep dark secret in my closet anymore because I accept my faults. So what if I can't beat it, I understand football on Sunday, Voltaire and how to fix a car and I am even really damn good at Guitar Hero. I mean what is more cool anyway? Guitar Hero or Mario? Yeah I thought so Mario you bitch.

You know what else I am not good at? Making icons. Anyone want to give me a hand?
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