I’m a slacker trying to unslack myself
I had a most disturbing dream a couple weeks ago. I dreamed that I had some kind of problem with my lungs. I’m not sure what it was, but it was so life threatening that either I had to have the surgery, and possibly not make it out alive, or not have the surgery and die. I remember assessing the risks, and decided that I’d rather take my chances in the hopes that I would survive the operation. I remember riding in a cab to the hospital, and telling the cabbie, “I may not make it through the surgery, so you’re probably gong to be the last person on earth I’ll see.” It was almost like I’d resigned myself to the fact that there was a good chance I was going to die. Then, I remember them doing the whole anesthetic thing, and them having me count backwards. Next thing I knew, I heard them telling me to wake up, and that I had survived the operation. I don’t remember anything else after that. Heather thinks it means that I’m looking at my future and afraid I won’t survive whatever happens. Lord knows I’m scared to death about a lot of things from James not working to immigration, and I’m wondering just how in the bloody hell we’re going to live when I move up there. It almost seems like it would make more sense for him to come here as I’m already working, and can go anywhere in the US and get licensed in whatever state I go to merely by taking an exam. I make more than he does at this point, and could probably support us both on whatever I make while we talk about massage options for me, and while we wait for him to get his green card. But he doesn’t want to do that. He’s dead set against it. So I’m very very afraid. He’s been putting in applications and nothing has come through job wise. So I know it’s not from lack of trying. But his family seems to think everything will work out. So naturally I am afraid of whether or not I’ll survive it. Heather also said that the end of the dream meant that I will indeed survive. That is comforting. I guess I just need to take a positive attitude about this, but also be prepared for whatever happens. I just remember thinking, “I want to live so I’m going to take the risk instead of just sitting back and never doing anything at all and dying.” I took the risk and made it, so hopefully she is right and that this could only mean good things, and that I’m just being my usual parry-skitz.
Things have been crazy, but in a good way. I do admit that I still am in a weird space, and will be glad for the vacation coming up, but I am keeping busy and this is a good thing. There are times when I feel like I’m running too much, and that I’d give anything just to be home.
I did do something which I hope will be healing for me. I adopted a cat. Lollypop was having a free adoption day, so we went down there and found the most adorable, loving, and talkative little kitty. His name is Romeo. They named him, and it still feels weird calling him that, but it seems to fit him, so why change it. I thought about it, but really? Why? He’s a little black kitty with a white patch on his chest and a little happy trail of white going down his body from there. I think even the tips of his tows-of which each paw has 6-are white too. He loves to snuggle and rub against people, and he loves to talk. I don’t think I’ve ever known a cat more vocal. We were going to take him home last Saturday, but I noticed he was a bit congested, and on closer inspection by Heather and the lady at the lollypop Farm, his eyes were a bit runny. So they sent him home with us on Thursday with some medicine. Friday I learned just what an experience giving a cat medicine can be. I tried putting it in his food yesterday, but he didn’t finish all of his food. I think he ate most of where the medicine was, but I’m not sure. So looks like I may have to make him mad again by holding him and applying it again. We’re keeping him quarantined in my room until he gets better, and can be acclimated to the house and the other animals. He’s an in door out door cat so he’ll be able to go out side, and I hope Sparrow and Choolock will show him the ropes.
Also, last night, Tasha, Candi, and I hung out together for the first time in months. We all had a good time, and I think we all needed it. So much has happened in the past couple of years that we’ve all grown a lot, and we need each other. We all went to Kyle and Candi’s house, Kyle made dinner, and I brought stuff for drinks, and we all just hung out. We didn’t’ get sloshed or anything, but we were all tipsy enough. Apryl was tired most of the night, so they were working on trying to get her to sleep. After that, Tasha came back to my place and we hung for a bit before she went home.
She and I have been hanging out more regularly which is good. Last Friday, she came over, and met most of the animals for the first time, and we just listened to music and talked. I’ve been to her apartment a few times, and it’s been good.
I’m still swimming on Tuesday nights. Their Fridays have been full, so we haven’t’ been doing the Friday swim nights, but one night is good. It’s been therapeutic for me, and I’m enjoying getting close to Kelleigh. I’m finding that we’re a lot alike in so many ways that it’s almost scary. But it’s good, because we understand each other. I’m looking for more friends like that.
Yesterday when I was at Wal-Mart, I met a girl that I’d like to hang with. She helped me shop, so I was afraid to ask her if we could be friends, because I didn’t’ want to get her into trouble. We’re close in age, and we seemed to have a lot in common. She seems like she’d be a lot of fun, but I was afraid to ask her. Plus, I didn’t want her thinking I was some kind of psycho desperate for friends.
I also got a new lap top last week. James is going to help me put Jaws on it, and get it set up with all the other stuff I’m going to need, so I can’t use it until next week, but I definitely have it. I ordered it from Dell, and it’s a smaller lap top with a 500 gig hard drive, and…Obviously…windows 7.
I’ve also been learning more cooking tips from Heather. I’m learning how to cook with spices, how to use different appliances I’ve never seen before, and how to work with someone as a team. We’ve been cooking a lot at night when I get home from work, or on days I’m off; when it’s not too hot, that is. We’ve had some scorching hot days. But I’ve been having fun learning.
I’m currently reading the Women’s murder club series by James Patterson. I’m only in the second book, but they seem good so far. I finished the millennium series a couple weeks ago. I liked the way it ended even though I was sad to see it end. I thought it was a very good story. It was very involved, and not as frustrating as some mysteries can be.
Yesterday, I splurged and got a new bathing suit for my trip, and a set of USB head phones. I hope we’re going swimming next week. I’ll be really disappointed if we don’t. Since I wont’ be here, I’m going to miss my swim nights, and I’ve gotten real used to those.
Also speaking of James, We are a little closer to doing our radio show. We finally got with Wes and talked about a time that works for both of us. Rhonda offered to give up a monday night slot that’s only two hours, and early enough that I won’t be dragging at work the next day. So I think we’re going to go that route and see how it goes. I just need to get SPL and learn how to work the stream in case James can’t be there, or wants me to take the rains. I’m just glad to finally get started on this, because even though I wasn’t on board at first, I have to admit that I am excited about doing it. I’m hoping I can get Desiree to listen once in a while, and maybe join in. Note to self-I need to get off my slacker butt and call her.
I’m looking very much foreword to going to see James. I haven’t’ seen him in four months. We don’t usually go that long, so since I only get one week, I want to make the best of it. I felt bad enough that I didn’t get to be there for his birthday so I’m gong to make the most of it. I already have his birthday present, so that’s the best I can do this year.
Well, I’m out of here. I will post pics of the kitty later when I can get them transferred over.
Originally published at Life in the Nuthouse. Please leave any comments there.