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Mar 23, 2017 10:11

so i went back and scoured my archives and discovered that i was already throwing up like crazy by 5 weeks, when i had JohnJohn. am i glad i keep records! hubbs told me to check because i am 9 weeks along now and i haven't thrown up. yet. i feel nauseous much of the time, gag a lot, have almost zero appetite and am averse to seeing most types of food, especially the types of food i used to like :| and i feel tired and need to rest very often, but i haven't actually thrown up yet. God is so merciful to me. He knows i need to take care of JohnJohn, He knows we don't live with my parents anymore, He knows i don't have a helper i can throw the chores to, He knows i need to be mobile and semi-functional, at least. He is SO good to me.

with Jireh, even if i didn't check my archives, i remember perfectly well being unable to get up of bed many days, because once i tried sitting up i'd throw up, i remember throwing up so much i was afraid to even brush my teeth, i remember, especially, driving and puking into a plastic bag at the same time. i was SUCH an expert at managing to not dirty myself, by the end of the 3 months, LoL. i could do anything and hold a plastic bag and throw up by the time i was in my second trimester; i threw up soooooo much!

and so i am really, really, really counting my blessings this time round. people keep telling me, oh you don't throw up as much this time? it must be a girl! well, perhaps so... but... can't it simply just be God's grace and mercy towards me? i choose to think, indeed, i am very certain, that not throwing up this time round is purely God's immense grace and mercy towards me.

which makes me try not to give myself excuses, and to try my best to live my life as i would have been, had i not been preggers. i still try and do all the chores, albeit at a slower pace, for instance. hubbs keeps telling me not to, and to leave it all to him to do over the weekends, but i can't. i must say, its such. a. luxury. whenever hubbs is home. whenever he sees me doing stuff he'd rush over to do it. he's been doing the dishes, doing the laundry, and even when i wasn't preggers, he was already doing almost everything for Jireh. he'd shower Jireh and settle him and entertain him and just about do everything for him. its really a luxury to have hubbs home.

but i just can't leave everything to him. i can't bring msyelf to do it. because i am already not working, and hubbs works hard at his job, plus God allowed me to be reasonably well this time round, i don't want to squander it and become lazy, and most importantly, hubbs serves actively in church so he's not really free weekends. we spend Sat afternoons and Sunday mornings and afternoons in church already; how can i bear to still let hubbs have to do the chores in the remainder of the time on weekends?

so i have still been dilligently doing the chores in the mornings when i am home alone, and by God's grace and mercy, everything has been fine thus far. actually, last week being the school hols, i was at my parents' with jireh just about every single day :) we'd drop hubbs at work, then drive back down to their place, and we'd be there till the evening when i had to pick hubbs. it helped a lot because we'd have our meals covered, and my parents helped to babysit JohnJohn sometimes so i could have intermittent lie-down rests. they offered to still help out this week but i refused. i just felt that it was making me really lazy, so this week we went back to our usual routine, and honestly, though i am exhausted, because jireh doesn't let me nap :| he'd keep waking me and prodding me and talking to me and demanding my attention, i feel a lot better. i like that the house is being kept spick and span again and that i am on top of things. last week's being nuah and letting go actually made me a little frustrated on the inside. it made me feel like dust was collecting at home, and i wasn't on top of things :(

the only thing i have stopped doing is cook. i really can't. even marinating stuff makes me want to throw up. i just can't bear the sight of raw food atm. i really hope i get over this phase soon, though. because its almost as bad eating food not cooked by myself too. i can't bear the sight of a lot of food right now and nothing makes me feel interested in eating it. i don't have any cravings yet and everytime its meal time, even though i feel hungry i feel sian too, because i don't feel like eating at all.

still. there has been and still is SO SO SO much to give thanks for. may i never be one who dwells on my small problems and be grouchy and ungrateful; may i always look at the wonderful things He has blessed us with and be always thankful.
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