(no subject)
So, I had one of these things a while ago. It made a world of difference to be able to just let everything out. So here goes nothing...
~Today I went to my friend Ashley's graduation party and it kinda made me feel old. I don't know why but it just did.
~My birthday week starts on Friday and it just so happens that my parents are going out of town for a week that morning!!!! It's going to be so much fun. Finally pure time with my friends.
~Today I also had to write an essay to get back into college. Yea, for those of you who don't know I got suspended for bad grades and now I have to write stupid ass essays and take this class this summer and pass it with a C or better to go back in the fall. Sometimes I doubt myself. And I think that's why I fail at whatever I try to do.
~I don't know what it is but there is something about someone reading to me that puts me into an amazing deep sleep. The past few weeks, when he can, before I go to bed, Steven will read to me over the phone and it helps me sleep. I have noticed on the nights that he doesn't read I have a harder time going to sleep. As odd and juvenile as it is its true.
~And on the subject of Steven. I think this break up is the best thing for us at the moment. I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't think that. I love him with all of my heart and that will never go away. He is my best friend right along with Rachel. He was before we started dating and he will always be. I don't think anyone understands what is going on between us. We broke up because we can't do for eachother what we want to. With the situation of the long distance it makes it hard. I've never loved someone the way I love him. If we don't get back together anytime soon. I hope we can try when we get out of college. I don't think I will be ever ready to give up officially on him. He is the most amazing person I have ever met and he makes me feel amazing! No one has ever made me feel so good about my self and confident the way he does. I'm not ready to let go forever. I hope he knows that. If there is not a chance for us now... then I want to try when we can give to eachother what e truly want to give. I love you.
~Today I went to my friend Ashley's graduation party and it kinda made me feel old. I don't know why but it just did.
~My birthday week starts on Friday and it just so happens that my parents are going out of town for a week that morning!!!! It's going to be so much fun. Finally pure time with my friends.
~Today I also had to write an essay to get back into college. Yea, for those of you who don't know I got suspended for bad grades and now I have to write stupid ass essays and take this class this summer and pass it with a C or better to go back in the fall. Sometimes I doubt myself. And I think that's why I fail at whatever I try to do.
~I don't know what it is but there is something about someone reading to me that puts me into an amazing deep sleep. The past few weeks, when he can, before I go to bed, Steven will read to me over the phone and it helps me sleep. I have noticed on the nights that he doesn't read I have a harder time going to sleep. As odd and juvenile as it is its true.
~And on the subject of Steven. I think this break up is the best thing for us at the moment. I wouldn't have suggested it if I didn't think that. I love him with all of my heart and that will never go away. He is my best friend right along with Rachel. He was before we started dating and he will always be. I don't think anyone understands what is going on between us. We broke up because we can't do for eachother what we want to. With the situation of the long distance it makes it hard. I've never loved someone the way I love him. If we don't get back together anytime soon. I hope we can try when we get out of college. I don't think I will be ever ready to give up officially on him. He is the most amazing person I have ever met and he makes me feel amazing! No one has ever made me feel so good about my self and confident the way he does. I'm not ready to let go forever. I hope he knows that. If there is not a chance for us now... then I want to try when we can give to eachother what e truly want to give. I love you.