(no subject)
I'm going to go ahead and write about what I'm feeling. I've been doing better today and I now I don't see why I shouldn't get it out in my journal.
It's Amy again - she's depressed. Read her last journal entry to see what I mean.
She's cutting herself off from everyone that cares about her, trying to fix herself by hiding in the dark. Now I know I can't judge her on that, because I have never gone through anything remotely like what she's going through. But what really killed me was yesterday when she told me, "I don't want you to love me."
there. something so simple, yet so devastating.
I don't know whether she realizes that no matter what she does, I'm going to continue to care about her. I can give her space, not talk to her, tell her friends that what she needs right now is some time by herself. but I cannot stop loving her. So when she tells me that she doesn't want anyone to care about her, how do you think I feel?
As I've said before, I don't blame her for it - I know I'd be going insane after weeks of being confined to my house without contact with my friends. It's no one's fault; it's just terrible luck, which is yet another reason it hurts me to read "they're angry and it's your fault. all of it. all of it is your fault. always."
You see, I need someone to love. I have that someone, and I have never once regretted it, including now. You're sick and confused right now, but that won't be permanent. You're an independent person, and there's no one who can fix you up but yourself. But you're also a very intelligent person, and I believe that you are going to fix yourself, at least emotionally, and get on with life.
I've been rereading her journal entries of a few months ago ... look at this:
i'll be okay. i have sam, and i swear that no matter how bad i'm feeling, he can make me feel good just by caring. he is exactly what i need.
i am a lucky person. bad things happen, but i have many wonderful things in my life. i am not alone.
i know i'll sleep well tonight, i've been sleeping so well recently. :-)
i love being close to people. people are great. i love them all.
And then there was this.
But that is going to end. It's got to. and my amy is going to be happy again:-)
It's Amy again - she's depressed. Read her last journal entry to see what I mean.
She's cutting herself off from everyone that cares about her, trying to fix herself by hiding in the dark. Now I know I can't judge her on that, because I have never gone through anything remotely like what she's going through. But what really killed me was yesterday when she told me, "I don't want you to love me."
there. something so simple, yet so devastating.
I don't know whether she realizes that no matter what she does, I'm going to continue to care about her. I can give her space, not talk to her, tell her friends that what she needs right now is some time by herself. but I cannot stop loving her. So when she tells me that she doesn't want anyone to care about her, how do you think I feel?
As I've said before, I don't blame her for it - I know I'd be going insane after weeks of being confined to my house without contact with my friends. It's no one's fault; it's just terrible luck, which is yet another reason it hurts me to read "they're angry and it's your fault. all of it. all of it is your fault. always."
You see, I need someone to love. I have that someone, and I have never once regretted it, including now. You're sick and confused right now, but that won't be permanent. You're an independent person, and there's no one who can fix you up but yourself. But you're also a very intelligent person, and I believe that you are going to fix yourself, at least emotionally, and get on with life.
I've been rereading her journal entries of a few months ago ... look at this:
i'll be okay. i have sam, and i swear that no matter how bad i'm feeling, he can make me feel good just by caring. he is exactly what i need.
i am a lucky person. bad things happen, but i have many wonderful things in my life. i am not alone.
i know i'll sleep well tonight, i've been sleeping so well recently. :-)
i love being close to people. people are great. i love them all.
And then there was this.
But that is going to end. It's got to. and my amy is going to be happy again:-)