(no subject)
Pecan pie from Costco seemed like a good idea, looked like a good idea. It came in a huge inflated raft of a container, reassuring in its bulk, spectacular in size. It looked authentic, impressive, even.
It was not.
What it was was a uniform crust of pecan halves cemented together in such a way that if you plunged your knife into them, they would break everywhere in every direction except the knife's. Beneath this surface lay a vast swampland of pale goo, grainy and yellow, thick as a marsh and distressingly buoyant. Little islands of bonded, broken, overcooked pecan floes rolled in the shiny mire. There was really nothing to do but put the knife down and walk away quickly.
There is something weird about the pecan pie, I told everyone. I recommend the apple tart. That is homemade and perfectly safe.
Oh, but we love pecan pie! they cried. Oh, but this is just the way pecan pie is supposed to be!
O rly?
Even the southerner at the table approved. So, Costco, I'll not malign you. Much. To your face, anyway. Go homemade or just go home, you hear what I'm saying? **Posted very late at night.**
It was not.
What it was was a uniform crust of pecan halves cemented together in such a way that if you plunged your knife into them, they would break everywhere in every direction except the knife's. Beneath this surface lay a vast swampland of pale goo, grainy and yellow, thick as a marsh and distressingly buoyant. Little islands of bonded, broken, overcooked pecan floes rolled in the shiny mire. There was really nothing to do but put the knife down and walk away quickly.
There is something weird about the pecan pie, I told everyone. I recommend the apple tart. That is homemade and perfectly safe.
Oh, but we love pecan pie! they cried. Oh, but this is just the way pecan pie is supposed to be!
O rly?
Even the southerner at the table approved. So, Costco, I'll not malign you. Much. To your face, anyway. Go homemade or just go home, you hear what I'm saying? **Posted very late at night.**