[FIC] Star Trek: What We Need to See [6/8] (Kirk/Bones, R)
Title: What We Need to See [6/8]
Authors: salvaged_pride and sullacat
Artist: gadgetorious
Fanmixer: dizilla
Beta: shinychimera
Series: Star Trek XI
Characters/Pairings: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: R
Chapter Word Count: 3124 out of 42601
Summary: Jim is everything he needs to be when he's sent on a diplomatic mission to meet a potential new addition to the Federation - charming, calm, convincing - especially with his CMO at his side to back him up. But when Jim, Bones, and their security team wake up in the depths of an alien jungle and are given a mission to succeed or die, they'll need not only to survive, but come to terms with their true feelings for each other. Will it destroy their friendship or save them both?
Is it enough to teach Jim and Bones what they have been blind to - that sometimes there's more than just meets the eye, and the loss of one's world can lead to another?
<< Chapter 5 | Main Chapter Listing | Chapter 7 >>
The Art | The Mix
The next day the hours passed too slow. Bones sat in his office editing reports, but his head was full of thoughts about the night before. Jim. He hadn't felt like this since he was a horny teenager, but fuck, all he wanted to do right now was march up to the bridge and kiss Jim some more.
His terminal beeped, pulling his attention away from the tenth daydream of the day.
If you are receiving this memorandum, you are required to attend the briefing regarding the treaty signing between the Tuataran race and the Federation. 2259.13 at 0930 in the Captain's briefing room.
Cmdr. Spock
Bones hadn't a clue what he needed to be at this meeting for, or what his role in this was supposed to be. This was Jim's baby, what he'd work so hard and bled for, nearly died for - he was the one who really needed to be there, taking his place among the signers. Of course Bones would go to the ceremony, to make sure Jim was taken care of, but what else could they want him for?
And why this meeting, in Jim's office?
Spock - any chance you've heard from them whether the kid who was with us, Ruud, is going to be there?
Just then an alarm went off, two crew members from the botany lab who'd inhaled some toxin. Three hours later, when he returned to his office, there was still no response from Spock. And nothing from Jim, but... he tried not to let that bother him. Jim was busy, too, getting back to work. Wasn't like he had much privacy either, people around to help him all the time.
But as he was getting ready to leave, three more came in from the galley and it was another hour and a half before he'd figured out what it was. With his typical grumble Bones configured an antidote to the nausea and vomiting, and sent messages round to the kitchens to immediately destroy all canisters of concentrated Trixian bubble juice.
Another late day in Sickbay, and when it was over Bones headed straight for Jim's room automatically, not even thinking about where he was going. They hadn't made specific plans to be together again, it was just - they'd had dinner together the last few nights, talking late into the evening, not to mention what happened last night. Might not be enough to call it a relationship, but it was enough of a pattern that he hoped Jim was waiting in his room for him so they could eat together.
After he pressed the buzzer and the doors opened though, he saw he was partly right.
Jim was bent forward, both elbows on the table in front of him, head bent down with an expression on his face that resembled pain. Spock was standing behind him, eyes closed in concentration, fingers buried deep in Jim's hair to the scalp. As Bones stood in the doorway, Jim let out a moan from somewhere deep in his chest, fingers squeezing together then releasing sharply. "What the hell are you doing!" Bones stormed into the room, reaching for Spock's arm. "Get off of him, right now!"
Jim jerked hard at the sudden shout, as did Spock. Jim looked in Bones' direction and Spock tilted his head. "Is there a problem, Doctor McCoy?"
Under Spock's hands, Jim flinched. "Could you both stop yelling...?"
Bones stared at them both. "What the hell do you think you are doing to my patient?" he asked, glaring at Spock's hands, still on Jim, his voice low and biting.
"I am attempting to use a Vulcan technique to alleviate the headache that the Captain has complained of during the last four point seven hours," Spock said calmly, a curious look on his face.
"He's giving me a head massage," Jim murmured, folding his arms and putting his forehead on them.
A head massage... "Where does your head hurt?" Bones leaned in closer to Jim, reaching for his scanner and immediately running it over Jim's head. "You should have contacted me," he growled in a low voice, as if Spock wasn't standing right there, getting in the way.
"It's just a headache," Jim tilted his head. "Been getting them off and on, and got one now. We were playing," he gestured vaguely in the direction of a 3D Chessboard already set up, coming dangerously close to knocking it over, "and Spock suggested it."
"I assure you, Doctor, it will have no detrimental effect on the Captain's health. It is merely-"
"And you don't think I need to know that your head is bothering you?" Bones could barely keep his voice under control. The readings weren't out of the ordinary, and it was likely the headaches were the result of Jim's being too active too soon. But that wasn't the point. "Can I talk to you privately?" he asked, cutting his eyes in Spock's direction.
"Sorry..." Jim started, then closed his eyes again.
Spock gave Bones an unreadable look, then stated to Jim, "Perhaps we will continue our game tomorrow night." Bones swore he could hear a question in Spock's voice.
Jim waved his hand. "Yeah, wanna kick your ass at this."
"Why would you desire to-"
"Figure of speech, Spock. Good night, see you in the morning."
"Evening," Spock said to them both before turning with another of those curious glances, leaving the room and the two men in it.
The door hadn't even slid closed all the way before Bones turned to Jim. "When did these headaches start?" he asked, his voice sharper than he intended.
Jim looked up, brows furrowing at the tone. "...Yesterday I had one."
Yesterday. "Was it hurting last night, when we-" Bones asked, taking a slow, deep breath. Too fucking soon, too soon to do that with Jim, he fucking knew better. "Shit."
"No," Jim sat up more fully, but there was something tight in his voice. "No." He leaned back in his chair, turning his head away.
Bones felt in his pockets, no hypo. "Want me to go get you something for the pain?" he sighed. "I can run to-"
"No," said with some force. "I'm fine, Bones, just a headache. The massage actually was helping until you decided to throw a hissy fit about it." Jim rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing.
Jim's words stung, more than Bones wanted to admit. "Well maybe I should go see if Spock's still out there, if you'd rather let him take care of your ass."
That made Jim's head come up and he stared with blank eyes at Bones. "What?" His voice went tight, sharp, and his fingers were clenching hard on the edge of the table.
"You tell him when you're hurtin' but you don't pick your comm unit and let me know?" Bones hadn't meant to get this angry, but the more he thought about it, the worse the feeling inside him got. "How the fuck am I supposed to fix you unless you talk to me!"
"I got hit in the back of the head and you didn't tell me to watch out for a headache! Don't you think I talk to you!?" Jim stood up, fingers holding onto the edge to keep himself stable. "Why the hell are you acting like this?!"
That pissed Bones off. "Acting like what, your physician? Like someone who-" He stopped, making a fist at his side. Two could play at that game. "So," he began calmly, "is it hurting now?" he asked, his voice sounding strangely high-pitched.
"I'm sorry, all right? Is anything wrong? I don't see you rushing me to Sickbay so I guess not," Jim snapped. "Hurting now that this has happened."
Bones stopped at that. "Now that what has happened?"
"You came in here yelling and angry for no reason, immediately jumping on Spock like he was doing something wrong!" Jim gave a rough throw of his hand in the direction of the door.
"I walked in here, and you were on the table and he was all over you, his hands on your head. What was I supposed to think?" Bones snapped back, though some of the anger had left his voice.
"That he's my First Officer and he isn't gonna hurt me!" Jim turned away, letting out a breath.
Bones just stared at him, unsure what to do or say. The entire scene spun out of control and he just wanted it to stop. "Look, just... tell me if you're hurting, okay? I need to know," Bones asked him, his voice dropping low.
""Fucking hurting right now," Jim mumbled to himself, his mood clearly darkened.
Fuck, Bones thought, taking a step toward Jim. "You hungry?" he asked, trying to get things back to normal.
But Jim shook his head. "I'm not hungry. Spock fed me during our chess match," Jim said, glaring uselessly at the floor.
"Oh." Didn't mean anything, shouldn't have bothered him but that sentence poked a hole in him, and all the air deflated out of his body. "You need anything or should I-" Should I just leave? he wondered.
"Is there something wrong with just staying here?" A quiet but sharp whisper. But Bones still didn't know what to say, so he just sat down at the table, hands folded in front of him.
He watched Jim make his way slowly to the replicator and bit his lip, trying to keep from offering to get him a glass of water. "You have a good day?" he asked, trying to get them back to where they could just talk to each other.
"Oh, yeah. Great day," Jim said with a defeated feeling of sarcasm biting through it. "Coffee, hot, two teaspoons of sugar and one of cream." When the replicator finished, the hum of its working going silent, Jim felt along the edge of it until he could find the cup. Every moment was slower, hesitating as Jim's mind second guessed what it was feeling. He had to pause to make sure his grip was secure on the cup in a way most people did instinctively, and eventually got back to the table with his prize in hand.
Bones made his way to the console and called the galley, asking for a dinner tray sent to the captain's room, then returned back to the table, sitting across from Jim. Maybe... maybe he had overreacted to seeing Spock there next to Jim. Jim stared blindly in front of him, eyes unfocused, yet still managing to tear Bones apart with their sadness. He reached a hand out, and slowly covered Jim's hand with his own. "I'm sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to come in here and piss you off."
The hand flinched, then settled. "I know, Bones, I know. It just hasn't been easy."
"Then you should let me help, when I can." Bones slid over closer, until he could nose the hair behind Jim's ear. "Can we start this all over again?" he asked, one arm dropping on Jim's shoulders.
Now Jim was tense again, and he let out a sharp breath through his teeth. "Why... why are you doing this?" There was a tightness in his voice that was hard to read.
Bones pulled his arm back, and stared. "Why? Because I thought- why are you acting like this?" He couldn't remember the last time he felt this alienated from Jim, especially after last night. "I'm just trying to make things right here. Help you out."
"You never, before, and...." Jim snorted, standing up again. "I'm not the one that's acting different!"
"I- what?" Bones stood as well, pushing the chair back away from him. "But things are different." A million times different. A million times better. One more step, and he was next to Jim again. "C'mon, let's just go sit down together, okay? We can just sit down and relax, like last night, right?" He slid his arm around Jim's waist, pulling him close.
It was the wrong move, Bones knew it instantly as Jim's body tensed up against his. Jim jerked out of his arms and stumbled back, hitting the back of his chair and spilling ungracefully to the ground. "Fuck," Bones yelled, reaching for Jim's hands to help him up. "What is going on, I'm not supposed to touch you now?"
"You've never acted like this before!" Jim snapped at him, already working on standing up on his own. "Why are-" Then he stilled there on the floor, lips parted, face a mask of an epiphany. "Out."
Bones pulled his hands back slowly, confusion all over his face. "What?"
"I don't need... I don't need that from you, of all people!" Jim got himself up, face turned away. "You should know that more than anybody!"
...from you of all people. Bones understood. From the one who got Jim in this situation to begin with. Jim wouldn't be blind if he hadn't been saving Bones' worthless ass, so why would he want anything from him now.
Suddenly, it made sense. Don't need you. No, particularly if he had everyone else helping him. Didn't need Bones around. Didn't want him around; tonight made that crystal clear.
"Fine," he said, his own voice small and tight as he turned around and stormed out of the room, not stopping as he saw the galley worker heading toward Jim's room, not stopping until he stood inside his own quarters, almost unfamiliar after spending so much time with Jim in his room.
Here, finally, Bones grabbed a bottle and sat heavily on his sofa, drinking himself into a deep, lonely sleep and wondering where it all went wrong.
The next three days were long and grueling and Bones couldn't remember the last time he'd been this unhappy. As long as he could remember knowing Jim, since their friendship began they'd talked at least once a day, maybe more. Being pushed away like this - he couldn't understand it, especially after what happened between them.
But more than anything, Bones missed his friend.
He sat through the daily senior staff briefings, looking down and doodling on his padd when the topic did not affect him. When Spock (or Jim, increasingly more often) asked about the medical concerns on board, he answered, fully and succinctly, but without his usual casual warmth or humor. Bones just felt dead inside, as lost and unseeing as Jim.
Today's meeting was no different. It lasted too long, the indifference in Jim's attitude like a dagger to his heart. This, he realized, is why he had said no so many times. Being friends had been enough, and now that was ruined.
"Leonard." Bones looked up from his thoughts to see Nyota standing next to him.
"Yes?" he asked, watching as the room emptied out. Bones' eyes followed Spock assisting Jim back to the bridge. Jim was moving on without him, Bones saw. Maybe it was time he did as well. "What can I do for you?" he asked, giving her the special smile he saved for her.
She sat down, rested her hand on his arm. "I was going to ask you the same."
But Bones just shook his head. "I'm fine."
"Liar," she said, pulling a piece of candy out of her pocket and handing it to him with her own quiet smile. "I'm supposed to remind you that we've got that big briefing tomorrow afternoon on the treaty signing and ceremony welcoming them into the Federation. Make sure you know what you're supposed to do."
Bones took the sweet, unwrapped it and put it in his mouth, but frowned. "I know what they want, but I still don't understand..."
"You were down there, you survived. That makes you special to them." Her voice softened, knowing how hard the experience had been for them all. "The Tuatarans asked for you to be there, as part of the celebration."
Bones knew this, but fuck, he hated it. Felt more like they should be having a funeral than a party. "This is Jim's doing, he's the one that they need to see there."
"He wants you there, too." Bones scoffed loudly at this, and she sighed. "He misses you. Why do men have to be so stubborn? Why can't you all just say what you feel? He was no better, after he and I got to talk again the other day. Lucky for him," her lips turned up into a small smile, something almost sentimental, "I could tell."
That sounded like Jim. How was he supposed to answer her, though? Tilting his head to look at her, Bones gave her a sad smile. "It's not always that easy." It answered all her questions, spoken and unspoken.
"It's not always that hard, ether." She stood, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "I know a lot of languages, Leonard, and saying 'I'm sorry' in Standard isn't any harder than any of the others."
"...Maybe."
Nyota laughed, and he smiled; she had a great laugh. "I'll see you later, Leonard." Bones watched her leave, but didn't get up, not yet. Maybe she was right, and they just needed to talk. Fuck knows they weren't going to make it another four years avoiding each other like this.
The following morning Bones headed to his office, nodding at the gamma shift heading out the door. Getting his usual morning coffee, he listened to the report from the doctor on duty during gamma shift.
"...broken ribs, black eyes. Said they hadn't been fighting, but it looked that way, so we reported to their supervisor. Oh, and the captain was in about an hour ago. Headache."
Bones looked up at that. "I wasn't called?" Everyone knew that Bones was Jim's personal physician, and didn't trust anyone else to look after him.
"He didn't want you disturbed, was very clear on that," Doctor Pipero told him, pulling up the medical report so Bones could look at it. JT Kirk reported to Sickbay at 0548, complaining of pain to the back of the head; prescribed 30 ccs of triptacederine and told to report back if he had any nausea, dizziness, fatigue, ...etc. Dropping the PADD on the counter, Bones turned and headed to his office, half-ready to contact Jim and find out what was wrong when he stopped.
Jim didn't want him treating him. Or just didn't want to be near him. Going and making a scene would be satisfying but counterproductive, and Jim wouldn't ever trust him again, as friend or physician.
Fuck. At least Jim came in and let someone look at his head, even if it wasn't him. It's something, he thought, as he left his office and went to go work on his patients.
Authors: salvaged_pride and sullacat
Artist: gadgetorious
Fanmixer: dizilla
Beta: shinychimera
Series: Star Trek XI
Characters/Pairings: Kirk/McCoy
Rating: R
Chapter Word Count: 3124 out of 42601
Summary: Jim is everything he needs to be when he's sent on a diplomatic mission to meet a potential new addition to the Federation - charming, calm, convincing - especially with his CMO at his side to back him up. But when Jim, Bones, and their security team wake up in the depths of an alien jungle and are given a mission to succeed or die, they'll need not only to survive, but come to terms with their true feelings for each other. Will it destroy their friendship or save them both?
Is it enough to teach Jim and Bones what they have been blind to - that sometimes there's more than just meets the eye, and the loss of one's world can lead to another?
<< Chapter 5 | Main Chapter Listing | Chapter 7 >>
The Art | The Mix
The next day the hours passed too slow. Bones sat in his office editing reports, but his head was full of thoughts about the night before. Jim. He hadn't felt like this since he was a horny teenager, but fuck, all he wanted to do right now was march up to the bridge and kiss Jim some more.
His terminal beeped, pulling his attention away from the tenth daydream of the day.
If you are receiving this memorandum, you are required to attend the briefing regarding the treaty signing between the Tuataran race and the Federation. 2259.13 at 0930 in the Captain's briefing room.
Cmdr. Spock
Bones hadn't a clue what he needed to be at this meeting for, or what his role in this was supposed to be. This was Jim's baby, what he'd work so hard and bled for, nearly died for - he was the one who really needed to be there, taking his place among the signers. Of course Bones would go to the ceremony, to make sure Jim was taken care of, but what else could they want him for?
And why this meeting, in Jim's office?
Spock - any chance you've heard from them whether the kid who was with us, Ruud, is going to be there?
Just then an alarm went off, two crew members from the botany lab who'd inhaled some toxin. Three hours later, when he returned to his office, there was still no response from Spock. And nothing from Jim, but... he tried not to let that bother him. Jim was busy, too, getting back to work. Wasn't like he had much privacy either, people around to help him all the time.
But as he was getting ready to leave, three more came in from the galley and it was another hour and a half before he'd figured out what it was. With his typical grumble Bones configured an antidote to the nausea and vomiting, and sent messages round to the kitchens to immediately destroy all canisters of concentrated Trixian bubble juice.
Another late day in Sickbay, and when it was over Bones headed straight for Jim's room automatically, not even thinking about where he was going. They hadn't made specific plans to be together again, it was just - they'd had dinner together the last few nights, talking late into the evening, not to mention what happened last night. Might not be enough to call it a relationship, but it was enough of a pattern that he hoped Jim was waiting in his room for him so they could eat together.
After he pressed the buzzer and the doors opened though, he saw he was partly right.
Jim was bent forward, both elbows on the table in front of him, head bent down with an expression on his face that resembled pain. Spock was standing behind him, eyes closed in concentration, fingers buried deep in Jim's hair to the scalp. As Bones stood in the doorway, Jim let out a moan from somewhere deep in his chest, fingers squeezing together then releasing sharply. "What the hell are you doing!" Bones stormed into the room, reaching for Spock's arm. "Get off of him, right now!"
Jim jerked hard at the sudden shout, as did Spock. Jim looked in Bones' direction and Spock tilted his head. "Is there a problem, Doctor McCoy?"
Under Spock's hands, Jim flinched. "Could you both stop yelling...?"
Bones stared at them both. "What the hell do you think you are doing to my patient?" he asked, glaring at Spock's hands, still on Jim, his voice low and biting.
"I am attempting to use a Vulcan technique to alleviate the headache that the Captain has complained of during the last four point seven hours," Spock said calmly, a curious look on his face.
"He's giving me a head massage," Jim murmured, folding his arms and putting his forehead on them.
A head massage... "Where does your head hurt?" Bones leaned in closer to Jim, reaching for his scanner and immediately running it over Jim's head. "You should have contacted me," he growled in a low voice, as if Spock wasn't standing right there, getting in the way.
"It's just a headache," Jim tilted his head. "Been getting them off and on, and got one now. We were playing," he gestured vaguely in the direction of a 3D Chessboard already set up, coming dangerously close to knocking it over, "and Spock suggested it."
"I assure you, Doctor, it will have no detrimental effect on the Captain's health. It is merely-"
"And you don't think I need to know that your head is bothering you?" Bones could barely keep his voice under control. The readings weren't out of the ordinary, and it was likely the headaches were the result of Jim's being too active too soon. But that wasn't the point. "Can I talk to you privately?" he asked, cutting his eyes in Spock's direction.
"Sorry..." Jim started, then closed his eyes again.
Spock gave Bones an unreadable look, then stated to Jim, "Perhaps we will continue our game tomorrow night." Bones swore he could hear a question in Spock's voice.
Jim waved his hand. "Yeah, wanna kick your ass at this."
"Why would you desire to-"
"Figure of speech, Spock. Good night, see you in the morning."
"Evening," Spock said to them both before turning with another of those curious glances, leaving the room and the two men in it.
The door hadn't even slid closed all the way before Bones turned to Jim. "When did these headaches start?" he asked, his voice sharper than he intended.
Jim looked up, brows furrowing at the tone. "...Yesterday I had one."
Yesterday. "Was it hurting last night, when we-" Bones asked, taking a slow, deep breath. Too fucking soon, too soon to do that with Jim, he fucking knew better. "Shit."
"No," Jim sat up more fully, but there was something tight in his voice. "No." He leaned back in his chair, turning his head away.
Bones felt in his pockets, no hypo. "Want me to go get you something for the pain?" he sighed. "I can run to-"
"No," said with some force. "I'm fine, Bones, just a headache. The massage actually was helping until you decided to throw a hissy fit about it." Jim rubbed the bridge of his nose, sighing.
Jim's words stung, more than Bones wanted to admit. "Well maybe I should go see if Spock's still out there, if you'd rather let him take care of your ass."
That made Jim's head come up and he stared with blank eyes at Bones. "What?" His voice went tight, sharp, and his fingers were clenching hard on the edge of the table.
"You tell him when you're hurtin' but you don't pick your comm unit and let me know?" Bones hadn't meant to get this angry, but the more he thought about it, the worse the feeling inside him got. "How the fuck am I supposed to fix you unless you talk to me!"
"I got hit in the back of the head and you didn't tell me to watch out for a headache! Don't you think I talk to you!?" Jim stood up, fingers holding onto the edge to keep himself stable. "Why the hell are you acting like this?!"
That pissed Bones off. "Acting like what, your physician? Like someone who-" He stopped, making a fist at his side. Two could play at that game. "So," he began calmly, "is it hurting now?" he asked, his voice sounding strangely high-pitched.
"I'm sorry, all right? Is anything wrong? I don't see you rushing me to Sickbay so I guess not," Jim snapped. "Hurting now that this has happened."
Bones stopped at that. "Now that what has happened?"
"You came in here yelling and angry for no reason, immediately jumping on Spock like he was doing something wrong!" Jim gave a rough throw of his hand in the direction of the door.
"I walked in here, and you were on the table and he was all over you, his hands on your head. What was I supposed to think?" Bones snapped back, though some of the anger had left his voice.
"That he's my First Officer and he isn't gonna hurt me!" Jim turned away, letting out a breath.
Bones just stared at him, unsure what to do or say. The entire scene spun out of control and he just wanted it to stop. "Look, just... tell me if you're hurting, okay? I need to know," Bones asked him, his voice dropping low.
""Fucking hurting right now," Jim mumbled to himself, his mood clearly darkened.
Fuck, Bones thought, taking a step toward Jim. "You hungry?" he asked, trying to get things back to normal.
But Jim shook his head. "I'm not hungry. Spock fed me during our chess match," Jim said, glaring uselessly at the floor.
"Oh." Didn't mean anything, shouldn't have bothered him but that sentence poked a hole in him, and all the air deflated out of his body. "You need anything or should I-" Should I just leave? he wondered.
"Is there something wrong with just staying here?" A quiet but sharp whisper. But Bones still didn't know what to say, so he just sat down at the table, hands folded in front of him.
He watched Jim make his way slowly to the replicator and bit his lip, trying to keep from offering to get him a glass of water. "You have a good day?" he asked, trying to get them back to where they could just talk to each other.
"Oh, yeah. Great day," Jim said with a defeated feeling of sarcasm biting through it. "Coffee, hot, two teaspoons of sugar and one of cream." When the replicator finished, the hum of its working going silent, Jim felt along the edge of it until he could find the cup. Every moment was slower, hesitating as Jim's mind second guessed what it was feeling. He had to pause to make sure his grip was secure on the cup in a way most people did instinctively, and eventually got back to the table with his prize in hand.
Bones made his way to the console and called the galley, asking for a dinner tray sent to the captain's room, then returned back to the table, sitting across from Jim. Maybe... maybe he had overreacted to seeing Spock there next to Jim. Jim stared blindly in front of him, eyes unfocused, yet still managing to tear Bones apart with their sadness. He reached a hand out, and slowly covered Jim's hand with his own. "I'm sorry 'bout that. Didn't mean to come in here and piss you off."
The hand flinched, then settled. "I know, Bones, I know. It just hasn't been easy."
"Then you should let me help, when I can." Bones slid over closer, until he could nose the hair behind Jim's ear. "Can we start this all over again?" he asked, one arm dropping on Jim's shoulders.
Now Jim was tense again, and he let out a sharp breath through his teeth. "Why... why are you doing this?" There was a tightness in his voice that was hard to read.
Bones pulled his arm back, and stared. "Why? Because I thought- why are you acting like this?" He couldn't remember the last time he felt this alienated from Jim, especially after last night. "I'm just trying to make things right here. Help you out."
"You never, before, and...." Jim snorted, standing up again. "I'm not the one that's acting different!"
"I- what?" Bones stood as well, pushing the chair back away from him. "But things are different." A million times different. A million times better. One more step, and he was next to Jim again. "C'mon, let's just go sit down together, okay? We can just sit down and relax, like last night, right?" He slid his arm around Jim's waist, pulling him close.
It was the wrong move, Bones knew it instantly as Jim's body tensed up against his. Jim jerked out of his arms and stumbled back, hitting the back of his chair and spilling ungracefully to the ground. "Fuck," Bones yelled, reaching for Jim's hands to help him up. "What is going on, I'm not supposed to touch you now?"
"You've never acted like this before!" Jim snapped at him, already working on standing up on his own. "Why are-" Then he stilled there on the floor, lips parted, face a mask of an epiphany. "Out."
Bones pulled his hands back slowly, confusion all over his face. "What?"
"I don't need... I don't need that from you, of all people!" Jim got himself up, face turned away. "You should know that more than anybody!"
...from you of all people. Bones understood. From the one who got Jim in this situation to begin with. Jim wouldn't be blind if he hadn't been saving Bones' worthless ass, so why would he want anything from him now.
Suddenly, it made sense. Don't need you. No, particularly if he had everyone else helping him. Didn't need Bones around. Didn't want him around; tonight made that crystal clear.
"Fine," he said, his own voice small and tight as he turned around and stormed out of the room, not stopping as he saw the galley worker heading toward Jim's room, not stopping until he stood inside his own quarters, almost unfamiliar after spending so much time with Jim in his room.
Here, finally, Bones grabbed a bottle and sat heavily on his sofa, drinking himself into a deep, lonely sleep and wondering where it all went wrong.
The next three days were long and grueling and Bones couldn't remember the last time he'd been this unhappy. As long as he could remember knowing Jim, since their friendship began they'd talked at least once a day, maybe more. Being pushed away like this - he couldn't understand it, especially after what happened between them.
But more than anything, Bones missed his friend.
He sat through the daily senior staff briefings, looking down and doodling on his padd when the topic did not affect him. When Spock (or Jim, increasingly more often) asked about the medical concerns on board, he answered, fully and succinctly, but without his usual casual warmth or humor. Bones just felt dead inside, as lost and unseeing as Jim.
Today's meeting was no different. It lasted too long, the indifference in Jim's attitude like a dagger to his heart. This, he realized, is why he had said no so many times. Being friends had been enough, and now that was ruined.
"Leonard." Bones looked up from his thoughts to see Nyota standing next to him.
"Yes?" he asked, watching as the room emptied out. Bones' eyes followed Spock assisting Jim back to the bridge. Jim was moving on without him, Bones saw. Maybe it was time he did as well. "What can I do for you?" he asked, giving her the special smile he saved for her.
She sat down, rested her hand on his arm. "I was going to ask you the same."
But Bones just shook his head. "I'm fine."
"Liar," she said, pulling a piece of candy out of her pocket and handing it to him with her own quiet smile. "I'm supposed to remind you that we've got that big briefing tomorrow afternoon on the treaty signing and ceremony welcoming them into the Federation. Make sure you know what you're supposed to do."
Bones took the sweet, unwrapped it and put it in his mouth, but frowned. "I know what they want, but I still don't understand..."
"You were down there, you survived. That makes you special to them." Her voice softened, knowing how hard the experience had been for them all. "The Tuatarans asked for you to be there, as part of the celebration."
Bones knew this, but fuck, he hated it. Felt more like they should be having a funeral than a party. "This is Jim's doing, he's the one that they need to see there."
"He wants you there, too." Bones scoffed loudly at this, and she sighed. "He misses you. Why do men have to be so stubborn? Why can't you all just say what you feel? He was no better, after he and I got to talk again the other day. Lucky for him," her lips turned up into a small smile, something almost sentimental, "I could tell."
That sounded like Jim. How was he supposed to answer her, though? Tilting his head to look at her, Bones gave her a sad smile. "It's not always that easy." It answered all her questions, spoken and unspoken.
"It's not always that hard, ether." She stood, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "I know a lot of languages, Leonard, and saying 'I'm sorry' in Standard isn't any harder than any of the others."
"...Maybe."
Nyota laughed, and he smiled; she had a great laugh. "I'll see you later, Leonard." Bones watched her leave, but didn't get up, not yet. Maybe she was right, and they just needed to talk. Fuck knows they weren't going to make it another four years avoiding each other like this.
The following morning Bones headed to his office, nodding at the gamma shift heading out the door. Getting his usual morning coffee, he listened to the report from the doctor on duty during gamma shift.
"...broken ribs, black eyes. Said they hadn't been fighting, but it looked that way, so we reported to their supervisor. Oh, and the captain was in about an hour ago. Headache."
Bones looked up at that. "I wasn't called?" Everyone knew that Bones was Jim's personal physician, and didn't trust anyone else to look after him.
"He didn't want you disturbed, was very clear on that," Doctor Pipero told him, pulling up the medical report so Bones could look at it. JT Kirk reported to Sickbay at 0548, complaining of pain to the back of the head; prescribed 30 ccs of triptacederine and told to report back if he had any nausea, dizziness, fatigue, ...etc. Dropping the PADD on the counter, Bones turned and headed to his office, half-ready to contact Jim and find out what was wrong when he stopped.
Jim didn't want him treating him. Or just didn't want to be near him. Going and making a scene would be satisfying but counterproductive, and Jim wouldn't ever trust him again, as friend or physician.
Fuck. At least Jim came in and let someone look at his head, even if it wasn't him. It's something, he thought, as he left his office and went to go work on his patients.